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The night was dark. There were a few stars, but no moon shining, a darkness Mystic Flour would have never guessed could even fall upon the Gardens of Sloth. Still, it was somehow calming. The cold and quiet reminded her of the Ivory Pagoda just a little - just enough. Thinking of it, once again, a question appeared in her mind. She wondered why she even left the mountains and travelled down to Eternal Sugar, visited her, even though the only things the visits have always brought to her were discomfort and this unsettling feeling of meaningness of this effort, a certainty of it being a simple waste of time. She knew it was. Or, at least, a part of her. The other part was the one that made her come here despite that opinion, the one more distant, buried at the back of her head but still oddly loud just when it shouldn't be. Still, although she did listen to it just a few days ago, leaving the Pagoda, she didn't quite understand what her motives were, or what she could possibly achieve like that, sitting at the edge of a smooth pond, exhaustion weighing on her mind like a heavy cover and dizzying her wonders.
Truth was, the journey nearly ended up rather satisfyingly just the same morning. Around the borders on the garden Mystic Flour got attacked by a group of monsters which, despite her genuine attempts to annihilate them, turned out to be stronger than she could have expected from such a forest. The scene was still fresh on her, flashes of the dirt-covered claws pinning her down to the ground going through her eyesight whenever she let her eyelids shut for a split second - which was probably what kept her awake - and the smell of fur stuck to her in a way that annoyed Eternal Sugar. It wasn't traumatic, though. Mystic Flour could have sworn it would be for everyone else, from what she remembered about a cookie's mind, but for her, it was just a very bittersweet memory of something lost. An opportunity, and, on that, such a great one. For even when the animals pushed her down and their teeth shined above her in a threat of devouring her body, the only thing lingering inside her heart was this disgustingly familiar apathy.
And so, she thought, held like that, helpless and not even meaning to try and fight any further, it wouldn't be so bad if they actually bit down on her. At least she would have been their feast, and maybe they would enjoy it, too. She remembered vividly as well the way her body relaxed as she closed her eyes. She could recall all of the noises that surrounded her at the time, intense as ever, while hours passed throughout the seconds she's been waiting for the last bites to never come. Instead, what she felt eventually, was the weight on her chest and arms disappear and a sweet smell surrounding her and she knew already.
What she shouldn't have done was silent treating Eternal Sugar afterwards. What she shouldn't have done was letting out her own grief in a quiet, harmful way, that only showed the other Beast that she didn't actually want to see her. Which she didn't, in fact, she barely wanted anything, but that wasn't what she meant to show her. And it surprised her how Sugar, instead of asking, begging or yelling, just went away right after making sure Mystic Flour was safe in her "paradise." Which, again, she didn't mind, but even she was aware that was not her intention and not a good thing at all.
With a sigh she leaned back onto a tree.
Or maybe she was a bit disappointed at Eternal Sugar's little tantrum? Maybe the twitch of her fingers was her body missing the still somewhat familiar heat of her feathers, asking where it was, in this garden of affection, of slumber, of feelings, of all the things Mystic Flour simply couldn't have?
She pulled her legs up to her chest and embraced them with both of her hands, curling up against the tree in the not really comfortable, but definitely comforting position. Not having an actual choice she let her mind drift and spiral so long 'til she heard a soft shuffle beside her. Even then, she didn't look up, didn't even move, her breath calm as she waited for the intruder of her thoughts to get closer.
"You seem sad."
Oh. She would have never admitted it, but the words hurt her fragile shield of peace.
"I am not. I never am." Her voice was a mere whisper, yet she knew it was loud enough for Eternal Sugar to hear. "It would be meaningless" she added, though, at the back of her mind, she thought that what truly held no meaning to itself anymore were the words so carefully chosen and spoken by her for ages on end, ever since they had invaded her home.
"That's not right!" Eternal Sugar's wings fluttered rapidly behind her when the woman stepped forward towards Mystic Flour. "Hollyberry told me..."
She stopped, and Mystic Flour would have gotten worried at the sudden break in the sentence, if not the annoyed huff that accompanied it. It probably meant she wasn't worthy of listening about Sugar's bewildering lover, and Mystic Flour knew best of all she was never worthy of such things, anyway.
The next few minutes passed in silence, tension rising between the two, but Mystic Flour didn't pay it any concern. If her host didn't like it, she could just leave. Everyone could just leave. She dipped her face in between her knees, holding at them even tighter. Her muscles tensed up when something soft touched her back, Eternal Sugar's wing then carefully wrapping around her, her fingers gently pulling them closer together by Flour's dirty robes.
"You know..." The sweet words were mixing and melting inside her overstimulated ears into the most delicious tunes. "I really don't like it when cookies in my garden are sad. But today it's you. And I know I can't force anything on you, because you won't let me, and my magic doesn't work. So tell me. I want you to be happy, too." She spoke it so softly and smoothly Mystic Flour barely realised the sounds formed an actual sentence, and had taken her even more time before she could analyse what it meant. Finally, she opened her mouth, though suddenly heavier than before. This upset her.
"There is no point in being sad, hence I am not." She reassured. "Same with happiness."
Eternal Sugar's hand squeezed her dress with more force at the answer, but the woman herself remained collected, somehow. Mystic Flour managed to wonder if it was thanks to that Holy Berry, the one she cherished so dearly.
"I don't like it when cookies lie to me." Eternal Sugar muttered out finally, and Mystic Flour stayed silent again. Arguing with anyone was futile, especially when they are so blind to the truth they are being told.
Truth...
The wind played on the leaves around them, hanging from the highest branches. It broke the clear surface of the pond with small riffles and, somehow, something in Mystic Flour broke too at the moment, at the soft fingers of Eternal Sugar wandering up towards her neck, brushing over her skin, her wing shielding her from the outside.
Sad...
Mystic Flour was never sad. She could not be sad. She wasn't even able to count the nights she spent awake just thinking about that, begging the witches for a hint of something, anything inside her heart except for the nauseating void she had recklessly created to save herself from the cruelty of the world. From abandonment, from the truth, from the sadness. And yet now she craved it. And, perhaps, it was the only feeling ever present in her life, just the anxiety-filled prayer for pain other than physical, for actual, emotional wreckage, for anything to break her, so that she could finally screw all of this and die in peace. The prayers have never been listened to and yet her eyes felt heavy underneath the weight of tears pushing onto them just at the moment, bathed in the darkness of the night.
Eternal Sugar didn't say a thing. Her grasp only got tighter, her body moved closer in a nearly calming manner, still and soundless while Mystic Flour cried. Not tears of sorrow, no, not even denial nor any kind of joy. Maybe, she thought later, maybe she was simply overwhelmed. Maybe the day was too much in comparison to her simple, boring life, and that was what made her break down like this. Still, no matter the actual reason, as she sobbed into Sugar's embrace a part of the weight that crushed her long ago was lifted slightly from her chest.
Eternal Sugar wasn't right. But, Mystic Flour thought, she didn't have to be wrong, either. So maybe, for now, she was allowed to call that overwhelming feeling sadness.