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Rey never got sick. She couldn’t afford to—she never could’ve, really. Luckily for her, she was as hardy as a bantha. Raising yourself on a desert planet will do that.
Unfortunately, stamina wasn’t the only thing that lingered from her barren childhood.
So Rey pushed herself. Never a dull moment, never a rest. She was going to finish college with unquestionable achievements, and then…well, then maybe she’d be worth something.
Her one respite in all this, was Finn. They’d been seeing each other ever since the night of the Hogwarts party. He almost made her forget the constant weight on her shoulders…almost.
But Rey hadn’t seen him in almost a week. She’d been too busy to see anyone, really, except for her roommate. And that was just by default.
“You’re pushing yourself too hard,” Rose commented, looking up from her own pile of homework. “Not to point out the painfully obvious.”
Rey knew she was right, but she pushed the thought aside. “That was my last double shift for the week, Rose. I’ve just got this study group tonight, and then—“
“Then what? Then you’ll just keep doing too much, again and again till you work yourself to death?”
Of course, that was an absurd statement. She hadn’t even had a cold since she was, like, seven. Everything was fine.
***
Everything was not fine.
Rey woke with a pounding headache, her throat like sandpaper and her nose running. It felt like getting hit by a truck in the middle of the worst hangover imaginable. She lay in bed, staring blearily up at the ceiling. She couldn’t believe her appallingly rotten luck.
A knock on the door startled her—as much as one could be startled in such a state. Rose poked her head in, her eyes widening as they lit on Rey. “I told you! If you don’t rest, eventually your body will force you to.”
Rey opened her mouth to respond, but her voice was barely a whisper, rattling like Dean Snoke’s. Rose gave her a look.
“I’m not letting you go to anything today. No work, no class, no nothing! If nothing else, you can’t risk getting everyone else sick.”
Rose was, unfortunately and undoubtedly, right. Rey couldn’t think of many times when Rose had been wrong, which didn’t exactly help her mindset at the moment.
“What am I supposed to do all day? I can’t just—“
“Rey Palpatine, you sound like a dying Wookie. What you’re supposed to do is r-e-s-t. Be nice to yourself for once, huh? I’ll see you later.”
Rey listened to the dorm door open and close. She was alone, her breath rattling like a busted engine…and her mind began to prickle with ugly, creeping thoughts.
You’re worthless.
Losing a day is like losing a year. And if you lose more than a day? You might as well have stayed on Jakku.
Who wants someone with nothing to give?
Why would Finn stay with you when—
Her phone dinged, startling Rey off her own carousel of misery. It was a text from Finn.
Finn: Hey, sunshine 🌞 We still doing dinner later?
Rey’s heart nearly broke. Why did she let him get this close? It hurt…and she was going to have to hurt him more now.
Rey: Raincheck?
Several minutes went by. Rey felt a heartstring break each time.
Finn: You’ve said ‘raincheck’ for a week now. If I did something, can we just talk about it?
Rey: I’m sick 🤧
He never responded. Rey rolled over, dragging a few sips of water down her sandpaper throat.
Finn must not have believed her. Why would he? It’s not as if Rey didn’t know that she wasn’t great at opening up to people. Even people she—
A knock on the door. Rey groaned, pulling herself out of bed with some help from the Force. She stumbled to the door, and opened it to see Finn.
“Damn…you weren’t kidding, were you?”
Rey just gave him a look, leaving her bedroom door open so he could join her. Finn plopped down on her desk chair, keeping the lights off. And Rey finally gave him what he deserved.
“…I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“Finn…I know I’m shit at this whole…dating thing.” Rey sniffed, and he handed her a tissue.
“I should’ve seen you, I should’ve called, I should’ve…”
Finn exhaled softly, studying his hands as he rubbed them together. Finally, his brown eyes flicked to her face. “So why didn’t you? You’re working yourself—“
“To death? Yeah, I know, everyone says that. But what am I supposed to do? I come from nowhere; I’m nothing. My grandfather is not exactly a role model to anyone.”
“So? I was brainwashed to be a stormtrooper my entire life. If I kill myself to try and make up for it, what does that prove?”
Rey stared up at the ceiling, her eyes pricking with tears. It was hard to tell where her cold ended, and her shame began. “But…what do I do, then?”
“Just be you! Just be Rey. Isn’t that enough?” Finn gaped at her. He didn’t understand—no one could really understand except Rey herself, he supposed—but he wanted to. This pretty, hardened, tenacious mystery girl…he’d give up every star in the galaxy for her. “It’s enough for me. Just Rey.”
A sob broke through this time. Her face crumpled, her voice cracked and hoarse. She reached out, and Finn offered her another tissue—but she took his hand instead.
“That’s all you want? Really?”
Finn pressed his lips to her pale skin, his eyes shining. “You’re not nothing. And you’re certainly not nothing to me.”
Oh, there was nothing Rey longed for more than to feel those plush lips on hers. This handsome, resilient, heart-wide-open boy…she’d even fight her own intrusive thoughts for him. “I’m enough for you.”
“You’re enough for anyone.”
“God…I’m so angry that I can’t kiss you right now.”
His face lit up in that familiar smile, and her last wall came down.
“I love you, Finn. And as soon as I shake this damned cold, I want to see you every other day. Would that…be okay?”
Finn’s breath was shaky. He leaned in and kissed her forehead—sickness be damned. “Only if you save a little love for yourself, sunshine…please.”
Rey laughed, and her achy throat warped the sound so much that he laughed too.
“I’ll do my best.”
“Oh—it probably goes without saying. But I love you too, Palpatine.”