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Simon was never the most confident guy around. He wasn’t like Jace, who was confident before transitioning and even more confident after he started taking hormones and underwent surgery. He wasn’t confident like Meliorn, who wore their genderfluidity with pride every step they took, looking everyone straight in the eye as they explained that their gender identity wasn’t for random people to define. He definitely wasn’t as confident as Magnus, who wore nail polish and eyeliner for as long as Simon could remember.
But, as he walks the school hallways the next day, confidence is radiating off of him like something you can touch.
Raphael’s lacrosse hoodie is slightly too big but still a nice fit. His back number is sprawled across the back for everyone to see, accompanied by his last name in curly letters. Santiago. Except Raphael Santiago, back number 14, isn’t wearing his hoodie today. He isn’t wearing it because he gave it to Simon yesterday, after having asked him out to prom.
He hasn’t told any of his friends yet, so as he sits down at their picnic table outside, he makes sure to make a whole scene out of pulling the hoodie over his head and putting it down beside him. Clary looks up from her Chemistry book and points the pen she was chewing on into his direction.
“Hey, what do you have there?” She asks. The question draws the attention of the others, who all look at Simon now.
“Oh, this old thing?” Simon muses.
“Nothing. Just the lacrosse hoodie of a really attractive jock who asked me out to prom yesterday.”
“What!” Clary exclaims, reaching over the table to snatch the hoodie away from him to take a good look at it. She holds the thing in front of her to read the name on the back of it.
“Raphael Santiago?” Isabelle asks. She’s looking at the hoodie over Clary’s shoulders.
“I didn’t know he was into boys!”
“Oh please,” Magnus says, not even looking up from painting Meliorn’s nails, “Raphael is as straight as a circle. I must say I’m surprised he’s into Sheldon, though.”
“Haha, very funny,” Simon huffs. He takes the hoodie from Clary and has to fight the urge to pull it back on, because he would surely suffocate to death in the hot weather.
“Hey, don’t listen to him,” Jace chimes in, extending his arm to bump his fist to Simon’s, “great job, buddy. I’m proud of you.”
“At least someone is supporting me,” Simon says dramatically. Clary’s jaw drops almost just as dramatically.
“I support you! I’m very happy for you, Raphael is totally hot.”
“Too late. Jace is my best friend now. You’ve been degraded to second in line.”
“Hah,” Jace says with a smug grin. Clary elbows him in the ribs and Jace says something about little girls and pointy elbows, but Simon is already zoning out of the conversation.
There had been a short moment of fear the night before, when Simon had thought that Raphael was just doing this to take the piss out of him. Maybe he asked him out as a joke and they were planning to dump a bucket on pig blood on his head like in Carrie.
Simon, being Simon, had tossed and turned in bed, only spiraling down more. He had somehow convinced himself that Raphael was laughing with his jock friends about this whole thing now, maybe even scrolling through Simon’s Facebook page to make fun of his pictures and call him homophobic slurs.
But before he could talk himself into the worst scenario imaginable, Raphael had sent him a text telling him he was looking forward to going to prom together. He’d even put an x at the end of it.
Simon’s hands had shaken as he typed a reply, ending it with a kiss too.
“Uh, why is Alec walking towards our table?” Jace suddenly asks, bringing Simon back to the moment.
He turns around to see Alec approach them, accompanied by two other lacrosse players – one of them being Raphael.
Alec strips out of his lacrosse hoodie mid-walk, his gaze focused on their picnic table and his step confident. Simon sees Magnus straighten up from the corner of his eyes and then put on the biggest smile he’s ever seen once Alec has reached their table.
“Hi, big bro,” Izzy greets. Alec nods at her as a way to confirm that he’s seen her and then focuses his gaze back on Magnus, who almost looks… nervous. Simon is surprised – he has never seen Magnus as anything but wildly confident.
“Hey, Magnus,” Alec says softly. His voice is shaking slightly.
“Alexander,” Magnus greets.
Despite Magnus pretending to not like Simon most of the time, purposely never addressing him by his real name, the two of them actually have a pretty good bond. Simon felt safe enough around him to tell him he was pansexual some years ago, and Magnus had done everything in his power to make him feel confident in his sexuality. In return, Magnus confided in Simon when he secretly started seeing Alec. The tall boy isn’t out to his team mates – or anyone, for that matter – but he likes Magnus. They often make out behind the bleachers or in the boys restroom and Alec has even been to Magnus’ house already for an actual – but secret – movie date.
So Simon is about the least surprised out of anyone when Alec hands Magnus his lacrosse hoodie and asks him out to prom.
It’s quite comical, really. The way Jace’s jaw almost hits the floor, or how Clary takes in a sharp breath, or how Izzy makes a high pitched sound. Only Meliorn remains stoic as always.
Of course Magnus accepts his hoodie. Alec’s grin is wide and adorable, and then he pulls Magnus to his feet by the collar of his shirt and kisses him straight on the lips, in front of the entire school.
It’s almost like everyone holds their breath at once. Simon scans the crowd that has formed around them and finds Raphael, who grins at him and then winks. Simon feels his cheeks flush as he smiles back.
Once Magnus has come to his senses and has pulled back from the kiss, still somewhat swaying on his feet, he turns to the crowd and makes a dismissive hand gesture.
“Nothing to see here!” He says loudly for everyone to hear.
“Now shoo, never seen two guys kiss before? I know you have, Cindy. Dirty girl.”
Some giggles emerge and then the crowd dissolves, leaving Alec bright red as Magnus pulls him down next to him and Raphael takes a seat next to Simon.
“Alexander Gideon Lightwood!” Isabelle exclaims at the same time as Jace says: “I can’t believe two of my bros are getting some action.”
Alec opens his mouth to give Jace a good come back, but seems to be changing his mind as he turns to Izzy and holds up a hand, trying to hold off the monologue she’s bound to start.
“I know,” he says before she can say anything.
“Why didn’t you tell me!” Izzy asks, sounding more offended than surprised at Alec’s coming out.
Alec shrugs sheepishly and looks away. Simon notices Magnus slips his hand into Alec’s and squeezes it reassuringly.
“Izzy, is this really the time and place – ”
“You just outed yourself for the whole school. This is definitely the right time and place. I can’t believe I, a lesbian – ”
Simon’s attention for the conversation fades again when Raphael shifts next to him and their arms touch. He focuses his gaze on the other boy, who is following the conversation between Alec and Isabelle with a frown.
“I can’t believe she didn’t know Alec was gay,” he says when he notices Simon is looking at him.
“She’s gay too, right? Didn’t they like – discuss it?”
Simon shrugs.
“Maybe he wasn’t ready to come out when she did. Speaking of coming out – do you know why he changed his mind about that? I mean, you’re team mates. Did he say anything?”
A pretty blush spreads from Raphael’s neck to his cheeks as he smiles shyly.
“Yeah, uh. He saw us kissing yesterday and told me that gave him the courage to come out too when he noticed that the world was still spinning and nobody was being swallowed by flames.”
“So we’re the reason he decided to finally leave that closet of his?” Simon grins.
“Hah, wait till I tell Magnus. I’m sure he would love to hear that.”
Raphael grins too, glancing to Magnus and Alec on the other side of the table.
“Hey, now that they’re here, I’m sure there’s a spot free behind the bleachers,” he says suggestively, quirking an eyebrow at Simon as he looks back at him.
It takes about a second for Simon to realize what Raphael’s trying to say, and then he lets out a breathy ‘oh’. Raphael flashes his teeth at him before standing and Simon stands too, so fast he hits his knee and curses under his breath.
Jace glares at him for a second but then probably sees the flustered expression on his face. He lets his eyes drift between Simon and Raphael and offers them both a smirk.
“Don’t forget your hoodie, bro. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Simon flips him off and then lets his hand slide into Raphael’s, who leads him away.
***
“Clary, I may have officially promoted you back to my best friend after Jace sent me a porn link and then told me that was, and I quote, ‘you and Raphael’, but that does not mean I’m willing to go dress shopping with you.”
Clary pouts at him.
“Come on, please? Obviously I can’t go with Izzy because she can’t see my dress, and Lydia and Maureen had a thing today.”
“You’re going to prom with her, Fray, not marrying her. I don’t know why she can’t see your dress.”
“Wow factor,” Clary explains with a shrug, and then she hooks her arm into Simon’s as she guides him to her car parked on the school parking lot.
“It’ll be fun, I swear. We can try on silly hats and get some coffee and talk about our hot significant others.”
“I don’t know if you’re aware, but we’re not living in a chick flick. And if you think we’re gonna make a shopping montage where I sit on a couch surrounded by bags and make faces every time you come out in a new dress, I have news for you.”
Clary sighs.
“You’re really exhausting to talk to sometimes, you know that?” She wonders. Simon offers her a toothy grin.
“That’s the point,” he says.
They’re almost at Clary’s car when the lacrosse team jogs by. It’s a rainy day today and Simon has found shelter underneath Clary’s bright pink umbrella, but the jocks are soaked. Raphael is jogging next to Alec and the height difference is kind of hilarious, so Simon can’t help but chuckle.
Raphael seems to hear, as he turns his head to the sound. His face immediately lights up when he sees Simon, which is extremely flattering and also a bit breathtaking.
Raphael falls out of line and jogs towards the two tucked underneath the umbrella, briefly greeting Clary before pressing a quick kiss to Simon’s lips.
“Hola,” he greets cheerfully, despite raindrops running down his back into his sweater and his hair sticking to his forehead.
“What are you two up to?”
Simon opens his mouth to say something, but Clary beats him to it.
“Simon and I are going dress shopping,” she says cheerfully. Raphael cocks a bow at Simon.
“Didn’t know you were into dresses. I kinda prefer tuxes, but at least tell me which color you settle on so I can match my tie.”
“You must be the funny one at home,” Simon grumbles. Raphael hums in agreement and gives him another swift kiss before backing up to join his team again. He waves at the two of them before sprinting to catch up.
“Raphael is really nice,” Clary says when they’ve reached her car and Simon quickly ducks inside.
“He is,” Simon agrees once Clary has settled in the driver’s seat.
“Have you two like – gone any further yet?” She asks as she drives off the parking lot. Simon clacks his tongue at her.
“Are you really asking me about my sex life? Are we becoming those kind of friends?”
“Oh, please. I tell you about my sex life too.”
“Yeah, without me asking to. But, no. We haven’t.”
Clary briefly glances at him.
“Really? You’ve been dating for, what – two weeks and a half? It took you three days before you were mounting Jace.”
“Okay, a) please don’t say ‘mounting’ ever again. And b) dating Jace was a mistake, okay? It wasn’t even dating, it was more like – I don’t know. Friends with benefits? Anyway, I’m glad we broke up and went back to being friends with no benefits. I want to take it slow this time.”
“Why? You scared Raphael is more experienced than you?” Clary asks as she takes a turn.
“I mean, yeah, look at him. He’s definitely more experienced than I am. But I’m not scared. I just don’t want to mess it up.”
Clary hums as if she agrees when she pulls into the parking lot of the first dress store of the evening. They walk in in comfortable silence and Simon immediately feels overwhelmed by all the colors and different fabrics. His fight or flight reaction kicks in, but Clary grabs him by the arm before he can make a run for it and drags him along.
Clary ends up trying on at least forty dresses throughout the night, spread out over four big shops. Simon mostly just acts like a personal coat hanger for her and wanders after her and makes the right sounds at the right time when she emerges from the dressing room wearing dresses he’s sure he’s seen at least ten times this night.
She finally settles on a green dress – that’s honestly all Simon can say about it. He doesn’t know all the correct terms, but it sure looks beautiful on her.
They go out for dinner and coffee afterwards and Clary even buys him a muffin to make up for the shopping. When they finally settle in Simon’s car again, he asks: “So, are you and Izzy renting a room after prom?”
“Maybe, we haven’t decided yet. Why?”
Simon shrugs, hoping it looks casual.
“I don’t know. I guess what you said earlier made me think. Maybe I should rent a room for me and Raphael to, you know – ” He makes a vague hand gesture that makes Clary laugh.
“I get it. But you don’t have to feel pressured into having sex, Si. Just do what feels right. Prom is in three weeks; you still have time to decide.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Simon breathes. Clary pats him on his leg and drives off.
***
Simon and Raphael played rock, paper, scissors to decide who was gonna pick up who for prom. Both their moms really wanted to be the one to take pictures of them together and do all the stereotypical mom-during-prom stuff they do, but in the end it’s Simon who won and thus Raphael is ringing the doorbell at 7pm sharp on Friday.
Simon jumps down the stairs two steps at a time and takes a second to recompose himself before opening the door.
Raphael smirks as he lets his eyes travel over Simon’s body.
“What? No dress? I’m disappointed now.”
“One more dress joke and I’m not going to prom with you,” Simon threatens emptily. Raphael rolls his eyes at him and gets on his toes to kiss him, and Simon takes the opportunity to pull him inside by the lapels of his suit jacket.
“Come meet my mom,” he instructs as Raphael stumbles inside. He pulls him towards the living room, where Simon’s mother is already waiting with a camera and a smile on her face.
“Good evening, Mrs. Lewis,” Raphael greets politely. He reaches out his arm to shake her hand and Elaine makes an impressed face at Simon when Raphael isn’t looking.
“You must be Raphael,” she says after he let go off her hand.
“I am. It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“Oh, please. Call me Elaine. And now go stand next to Simon so I can get some pictures of the two of you.”
Raphael nods and walks back to Simon. Posing is a bit awkward and they both giggle a bit nervously, but Elaine ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ and tells them they look very handsome together.
They’re in Raphael’s car by 7:15, and Simon exhales relieved once they hit the road.
“Sorry about my mom,” he apologizes, “she can be a bit… overwhelming.”
“I liked her,” Raphael shrugs.
“You’re just saying that to be nice.”
“No, I did. She’s really sweet. And my mom would’ve been way more overwhelming if you’d come to pick me up. She would’ve probably cried and pinched your cheeks and all that embarrassing stuff.”
Simon laughs at the thought of that and reaches out to take Raphael’s hand resting on the steering wheel. Raphael lets go off the wheel to let their intertwined fingers rest on his thigh instead.
***
Prom goes by in a blur. There are snacks and nice music and he and Raphael share some semi-dirty kisses before one of the teachers tells them to ‘leave room for the holy spirit’ and Jace and Meliorn are elected prom king and (after having asked Meliorn which title they preferred for the night) prom knight. Jace dips them on the dancefloor, earning cheers from the crowd around them, and they share one of the most ridiculous dances Simon has ever witnessed, with a lot of obscene hip movements and weird dance moves. Meliorn laughs so hard at Jace’ attempt to twerk they tear up.
Before he even notices, prom is coming to its end. Raphael is heading for the exit of the hotel, but Simon pulls at his hand and guides him into the opposite direction.
“Wait, where are we going?” Raphael asks confused.
“I have a surprise for you,” Simon says teasingly, guiding Raphael to the elevator. He had already retrieved the key to their room earlier so he wouldn’t have to worry about it now and can take Raphael straight to the hotel room.
Simon leads them the right way once they get out and eventually finds their room and opens the door for them. Raphael has fallen silent in the time it took them to get here, but Simon figures he must be impressed by his thinking and doesn’t know what to say.
That assumption is quickly shot down once he sees Raphael’s pale face and terrified eyes.
“Oh my god, what’s wrong?” Simon asks, walking over to Raphael to take his hands. Raphael avoids his grasp and plops down on the king-size bed instead.
“Simon, why are we here?” Raphael’s voice is so soft it barely reaches him.
“I – we – well, I thought – ” Simon stutters, unsure of what exactly he was thinking.
“I thought you wanted to have… well – ”
“Sex?” Raphael wonders.
“Yeah,” Simon breathes.
Raphael hides his face in his hands and makes a desperate sound at the back of his throat, slowly shaking his head.
“I don’t – I don’t do sex,” he eventually says.
“What do you mean?” Simon sinks down next to him, patiently waiting for him to explain. Raphael takes a deep breath and glances at him.
“I’m asexual, Simon.”
“Oh.” And then, when his words actually sink in, a more understanding, soft “oh.”
Simon is quick to take one of Raphael’s hands and kiss his knuckles, hoping it works reassuringly.
“Hey, I get it, Raphael. I’m pansexual, so I’m fully aware of other ‘invisible’ sexualities. I understand. I won’t pressure you into doing anything you don’t like.”
Raphael smiles gratefully up at him.
“Thank you. You’re the first person I’ve told who doesn’t tell me I just haven’t found the right person yet.”
“Really? I’m sorry. People can be really shitty.”
Raphael shrugs.
“I’m just relieved you understand.”
“I do, and I’m sorry I didn’t think about asking you if you were okay with any of this before renting the room.”
“That’s okay. We can do other stuff, right? Watch a movie? Order pizza?”
“Of course we can,” Simon smiles, “but first: can I kiss you?”
Raphael nods and allows Simon to capture his lips with his own. Simon tries to put all the tenderness he possesses in the kiss, wanting to make Raphael feel loved and okay with all of this. He gently strokes Raphael’s cheekbone as they kiss, only deepening it for a second before pulling back.
Raphael’s eyes are dazed when they sit back, lips slightly parted. A slow smile spreads across his face.
“Thank you,” he says softly, and Simon doesn’t know what he’s thanking him for, but he says ‘you’re welcome’ either way.
***
They end up watching a nice comedy and eating pizza until they’re full, followed by some lazy making out. They discuss boundaries in between kisses as Raphael explains how far he can go. Making out and some above-waist action are as far as he’s comfortable with, and that’s enough for Simon.
Because, yeah, he likes sex.
But he likes Raphael more.