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On the walk home from the Carmine Industries, Vaggie was silent. She stared at the sidewalk underneath her as she and Charlie walked. The sounds of sinners yelling at each other and occasionally, at them, filled the air. But Vaggie wasn’t paying any attention to them. She barely even knew they were there.
She had hoped that the small meeting with Carmilla would have gone better. Having her mentor figure be against them was not ideal at all. But Vaggie was in no way expecting that meeting to bring back old memories of her exorcist days.
A huge wave of guilt washed over her as she thought about her memories. She remembered one of her sisters, one that actually felt like family. She had joined the exorcist army about a year after Vaggie. She was just some scared kid (even though she was around the same age as her) and Vaggie couldn’t help but feel bad. She decided to befriend her.
But the more close they grew, the harder Adam and Lute were on her friend. They kept saying that Vaggie didn’t need a friend and how she was dragging her behind. That wasn’t even true but Adam hated how “distracted” Vaggie had been.
Then her first extermination came. Vaggie had stuck close to her the whole time, trying to help her out. But the poor kid was terrified. It reminded Vaggie of her first extermination. She remembered flying around, panicking and scared. When Lute found out that she only killed 5 sinners, she was pushed hard the next day. Most of the others would get a week break, but not her. Not wanting the same fate or worse for her friend, Vaggie had tried her best to hide her so no one would notice how she wasn’t killing anyone. But of course, Adam found out.
After they all came back to heaven, Vaggie tried to comfort her friend, who was still quite shaken up. Then Adam and Lute barged into the room. They found out what Vaggie did and took away her friend. No matter how much she begged, they didn’t let her know what would happen to her. Adam threw his tantrum and she was the punching bag while Lute took off with her friend.
The bright lights of the hotel snapped Vaggie back into reality. Charlie had walked ahead and was now entering the building. Trying to shake the memory, she walked into the hotel, hoping things weren’t completely destroyed.
When she came back, she realized that Nifty had not done anything she asked her to do. The dishes were all in the sink, there was a huge mess in the lobby, and the residents were not happy with the service. She felt her heart rate start to pick up but she refused to have a panic attack. Not now.
While she got to work fixing everything, she started thinking about everything again. Would it be better if she wasn’t here? Afterall, she ended up hurting all the ones closest to her. She hurt Charlie, she hurt her friend, she hurt all of fucking hell by starting a damn war! The only thing they really needed her for was to do the chores.
She put down the plate she had unknowingly been cleaning for 5 straight minutes and leaned against the counter top. Rolling down her gloves, she took a look at the scars scattered all over her wrist. Some self inflicted, others from Adam, and others from exterminations. She thought about the self-inflicted ones. About how good it felt, feeling the pain when she knew she deserved it.
She glanced over at her spear, leaning up against the doorway. The only thing in the room that could draw blood. The urge to ruin her arms grew as she stared at the weapon. Her feet started moving towards it before she could even register what she was doing. As she reached her hand out, ready to grab the spear, she heard the bell.
Sighing, she left the spear and walked to the board to see who was ringing. Surprisingly, it was the penthouse. Now Vaggie would be lying if she said she wasn’t a bit scared. With the fight they were having, it probably wasn’t good. But she sucked it up and started walking.
When she got to the penthouse, she hesitantly opened the door. However, she was not expecting to see an entire fortress made of all the missing blankets. That calmed her down a little. She walked over to it and crawled inside.
“Charlie? You okay?” She asked. Her girlfriend was sitting there, a tray of tea next to her as she got out a couple cups for them. The fort was very cozy and spacious, allowing for a nice comforting environment.
“I should be asking you that,” Charlie told her, “Something happened at Carmine’s. You froze up, like when you have triggers…”
Vaggie sighed, moving a little closer to Charlie. A part of her was still angry at her. It wasn’t okay for her to treat her like that and completely ignore her. But she knew she was trying to make it up to her so she figured to give her a chance. Afterall, the hotel was all about second chances.
“Yeah… I um… What Carmilla said brought back some memories,” Vaggie explained. Charlie scooted forward and pulled her into her lap. It had been a long time since Vaggie had been the one being spooned and she figured it would be comforting and show her a bit of how much she really cares.
“Look, I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you today. You were right. Plus I know you were just trying to help and didn’t mean to start anything,” she started, “Can you talk to me? Please?”
Vaggie hesitated. What if Charlie didn’t listen? Like how she hasn’t been for the past couple weeks now. But Vaggie had to remind herself that she was trying to be better now.
“The…The flashbacks. I can’t stop thinking about them. They make me feel like…like I deserved what happened to me. Like everything would be better without me,” She croaked, voice cracking as tears threatened to fall, “It’s all my fault. Your people, my friends, you… I hurt people, that’s all I ever do,”
She turned and hid her face in Charlie’s shoulder as a couple tears trickled down. She hated crying so much. It made her feel weak and pathetic. Adam and Lute used to always berate her for crying, which is one of the main reasons why it’s hard for her to do it anymore. But the aftermath of crying always felt amazing.
“That’s not true, baby. I got you, let it out,” Charlie encouraged. She knew how much Vaggie held her emotions in. It wasn’t healthy.
Vaggie let out a small, muffled sob as Charlie started spooning her. A guilty expression washed over Charlie’s face. She had been so self-absorbed that she didn’t realize Vaggie was suffering. And on top of that, she got mad at her for just trying to help. This was not okay. They should’ve talked more, not argued. Charlie knew she needed to make it up to her.
It didn’t take long for the tears to eventually come to an end. Charlie wished Vaggie would’ve cried a little more, and let all her negative emotions out but she knew how much the fallen angel hated crying.
“Sorry about that…” Vaggie sniffled.
“Hey, don’t be sorry. If anything, I should be the one who’s sorry. I didn’t listen to you at all this week and I just ignored how you were feeling. That wasn’t okay and I’m going to try to make it up to you,” Charlie promised.
“I appreciate it, babe. Thank you,” She leaned over and kissed her nose. Getting that apology meant a lot to her.
Vaggie snuggled up closer with Charlie, feeling her warmth and comfort that emitted from her. She hadn’t even realized her face and hand had literally been right next to, if not on, Charlie’s breasts. She had missed getting to feel and just be close to Charlie’s body. Her brain must’ve subconsciously moved her towards it.
“Are you trying to tell me something, Vaggie?” Charlie teased a little. Vaggie realized what she was doing and went a bit red in the face. The princess let out a small giggle and played with Vaggie’s hair.
“It’s alright, my fallen angel. If you want to, I’d be fine with ‘releasing some tension’. But are you sure you’re up for it?” She asked. Vaggie smiled and planted a long kiss on Charlie’s lips.
“I’m sure, babe,” She said, smirking a little before rolling on top of her. After this stressful day, they needed to find love in each other.