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It has been three weeks since the hospital.
Three weeks since everything went white with pain, shouting, agonizing pain, and the sound of something giving way under Baekjin’s heel.
Now it was quiet. Too quiet.
His crutches leaned against the wall, forgotten basketball laid lazily on the corner of the food, almost like he forgot his simple hobbies.
The cast on his leg felt heavy, like a heavy weight pulling him down with every breath he took. It reminded him of his weakness, that he wasn’t the bright man who walked with confidence. That he lost everything.
His pride. His joy. Everything, thanks to him. That fucking son of a bitch, who thinks he is so high and mighty because he’s the boss of that stupid gang.
After a while, he started to get used to the silence. He would occasionally watch his favorite anime here and there, watch the NBA playoffs until he grew tired and fell asleep.
Still. It just felt so.. boring to be strapped to a bed and doing nothing. What was the point of it all, living? Just to stare at the damn TV all day? Or rewatching the same show over and over until he got tired of it?
Hyuntak groaned as he shut the TV off with his remote, pulling the blankets over his body as he was ready to head to bed. After all, he had nothing better else to do. He was hopeless.
Until, the doorbell rang.
Soft footsteps echoed across the stairway as Hyuntak’s mothers gentle voice called out, “Hyuntak! Your friend Humin here!”
Of course he came.
Humin would.
But, for a moment, he felt like he'd forgotten him entirely.
He wanted to say no and tell his mom to say he was going to sleep, but the door opened before he could gather the words.
“Yo,” Humin said quietly, peeking in like he owned the place.
For once, there was no big, goofy grin with a stupid joke.
Just… him, standing by the doorway, looking into his eyes with a glimpse of concern.
Hyuntak turned away a little, pretending to fix the pillow behind his back with a low sigh. “You didn’t have to come, y’know?”
“I know,” Humin said with a small smile, rubbing the back of his head. “That’s kinda why I did.”
Finally, he stepped inside, closing the door behind him.
He looked different. Not in a drastic way, just… softer around the eyes. Other than physically, obviously. He still had that signature hair that was slightly frizzy, Jordan hoodie, and busted up sneakers.
But for once, he looked like he didn’t carry the same restless energy as always.
He looked calm. Actually calm for once.
“I brought you something,” Humin said after a brief pause, holding up a heavy convenience store bag with a slight wave. “I got some snacks, soda, and uh.. some pain patches.”
Hyuntak looked at him with no response, cocking a brow.
“Come on, don’t give me that face,” Hyuntak frowned. “I know you’re against junk food and all that. But lighten up for once, man. You can’t just lay in bed all day and sulk.”
“You don’t have to babysit me man,” Hyuntak huffed, looking at any other direction that got him out of the way to maintain eye contact with his friend.
Humin’s gaze then flicked to his leg, the cast, the crutches, then back up with a small pout. “Who said I was babysitting?”
“You showing up here says it,” he replied.
Humin shrugged. “Then I guess I’m guilty, hm?”
He then sat down on the floor beside the bed like it was the most natural thing in the world, stretching out his arms with a yawn.
“If you don’t want it, I’ll have 'em,” he said, opening up the plastic bag to grab a bag of gummy bears, popping a few in his mouth. “You've been eating alright?”
Hyuntak nodded. “Yeah.”
“Liar.”
“Shut up.”
Humin smiled a little, moving up an inch to playfully nudge him in the shoulder.
“Does it still hurt?” he asked, referring to the cast on his leg.
Hyuntak hesitated. His throat felt tight for no reason. Humin, out of all people, seeing him in a state like this.. it’s embarrassing.
“It’s fine,” he lied, trying to not meet his gaze.
Humin didn’t push it. There was no need to, considering how Hyuntak wasn’t one to disclose his emotions.
Still, the silence that followed made it clear he didn’t believe him. He’s known him for ages. He can tell when he’s ticked.
Hyuntak leaned back on his hands, head tilted like a dog hearing a doorbell.
“You know…” he began with a quiet hum, “you don’t have to act like it’s fine all the time.”
Hyuntak frowned in response.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you almost got your leg crushed and you’re sitting here pretending it’s just another Tuesday,” he replied. “It’s unhealthy for you to act like this is nothing. It's okay to not be okay, Gogo.”
“Would you rather I cry about it?” the injured man scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“..I’d rather you didn’t shut me out,” Humin answered slowly, looking down on the floor in shame. “Just saying.”
That made Hyuntak look at him, really look at him, looking past all the bullshit Humin has told him in their past eighteen years of life.
The worry in Humin’s eyes wasn’t loud or dramatic. Nothing like bursting into tears. just.. upset, like he’d been carrying it for weeks.
Something in Hyuntak’s chest twisted.
Maybe he was the one being the asshole this whole time.
Humin finally stood after a moment, reaching for the window. The curtain pulled back, spilling light into the room.
“You shouldn’t sit in the dark all day,” he gently spoke. “Feels like a cave in here. How are you not pale?”
“It’s fine,” Hyuntak muttered again as he rolled on his side. The words came out weaker than intended, but he wasn’t in the mood to correct himself.
Humin’s hand brushed the edge of his blanket as he sat back down, letting out a quiet, low sigh. “You keep saying that, dude.”
“Because it’s true..” Hyuntak grumbled.
“No, it’s just easier.”
That shut Hyuntak up.
He didn’t want to admit it, but Humin wasn’t wrong. Far from it.
Hyuntak wasn’t going to allow Humin out of all people to coach him like that.
But, fuck, it was was much easier to keep quiet , to hide the part of him that hated feeling useless, that hated being seen like this.
“I know you hate it,” Humin said, leaning towards his bed as he interrupted his train of thought. “Sitting still all day, not being able to move. But you don’t have to do this alone, Gotak.”
Hyun-tak’s jaw tensed, shaking his head. “Bro, I’m not—”
“You are.”
Fuck.
Humin reached out before he could overthink it, his hand landing gently on a friend's uninjured leg, thumb rubbing small circles against the fabric of his sweatpants.
Hyuntak stared at that hand for a long moment, but didn’t push it away. It was like his head was steadying him, making him feel a sense of warmth that he hadn’t felt in a while.
“You’re too soft, you know that?” Hyuntak spoke after a minute of silence, softly chuckling. “Kindness could get you killed.”
“Someone’s gotta balance you out, though,” Humin answered with a quiet, humorless laugh.
Hyuntak glanced at him after that, looking at him, looking at his brown orbs, the tired but gentle face, the one that’s always been on his side since day one.
There was something in his chest, something warm and fragile that he couldn’t name yet.
What.. was this?
“Thanks for coming,” he said finally, clearing his throat. “Means a lot to me.”
Humin looked up, smiling like the sun finally decided to show. “Anytime, man.”
Their chatter later on turned into Humin completely taking the conversation. He stayed sitting on the floor for a while, talking about multiple things all at once.
He then rambled about the corner store owner’s new haircut, about how the school’s vending machine still ate his coins, about Juntae seeing some new girl, about things that didn’t matter, but somehow, it helped Hyuntak relax.
Hyuntak listened to whatever gibberish Humin had to say. He didn’t say much, but the sound of Humin’s voice filled the empty spaces where the pain took over.
It was nice, hearing him again.
Eventually, Humin shifted and glanced at the bed, looking at him with a tiny pit. “You look tired, Gogo. You going to sleep on me?”
“I’m not,” he scowled.
“You’re totally tired.”
“I said I’m not, idiot.”
Humin grinned like an idiot, suddenly standing up from the floor.
Before Hyuntak could protest, Humin kicked off his shoes, climbing onto the cozy bed.
“Hu—what the hell are you doing?”
“Getting comfortable.”
Hyuntak glared half heartedly, mumbling an incoherent curse under his breath. “You could’ve asked.”
“Would you have said yes?” Humin asked, almost like a child asking their parent for a toy.
“…No.”
“Exactly.”
Humin settled beside him anyway, one arm folded behind his head with a bigger smile. He wasn’t touching him, not quite, but his warmth radiated close enough to feel.
It should’ve been annoying. That this dude was all over on his bed, chilling there like he pays all the rent in his house.
But, it wasn’t.
It was oddly comforting.
For the first time in weeks, Hyuntak didn’t feel like he was trapped in his own room. He felt that hole in his heart finally healed from Humin’s kindness.
The weight in his chest loosened, just a little.
Maybe this isn’t too bad.
They stayed like that for a while, just breathing softly and relaxing into the bed.
Then, it began to rain. It wasn’t loud, just steady & slow, soft enough to make both of them want to take a nap.
Then, out of nowhere, Hyuntak’s voice cracked quietly like a small child having a nightmare.
“Humin…”
“Yeah?”
He didn’t look at him. His throat felt thick, his hands restless against the blanket. biting down on his lip hard enough to bleed.
“.. I’m not gonna be able to do it anymore,” Hyuntak whispered with a soft sniff.
“Do what?” asked Hyuntak, cocking a brow out of curiosity
“Taekwondo. Basketball. Any of it..” Hyuntak lamented. He could feel his eyes get glassy, but his hand quickly darted to cover his tears.
He was a man, he told himself. Not a wuss. He can’t cry in front of his friend.
“They said I’ll heal, but not like before.” he continued, wiping his face again. “Not fast, not strong. It's over, man. It’s so over. I’m so fucked.”
For a second, Humin didn’t say anything. His lips thinned, then he shifted closer carefully until their shoulders brushed.
“Hey.”
Hyuntak tried to blink the tears away, but one slipped out anyway, tracing hot down his cheek. He turned his face toward the wall, quickly trying to cover his face with the pillow. “Don’t—”
Humin’s hand found his wrist, giving it a small squeeze. “It’s okay..” he consoled.
“It’s not okay,” Hyuntak wailed. He tried to hold back tears, but he couldn’t. Not when the emotions were so high.
Finally, he broke, his hand unintentionally grabbing the sleeve of Humin’s hoodie tightly as he began to sob. “I worked for it my whole life. My whole life, Humin. And now it’s just.. gone. And for what? For—”
He didn’t finish. The sound that came next wasn’t a word, a sharp, ugly edge of grief that had been locked behind his teeth since that day.
Humin didn’t let go. He didn’t try to tell him it would be fine. He just slid closer, pulling him in until Hyuntak’s forehead pressed against his chest.
“Breathe,” Humin murmured with a quiet, comforting ‘shhh’ sound. “Just breathe, okay? You don’t have to talk. Inhale, then exhale, just like that.”
Hyuntak trembled, then slowly nodded, following the gentle coaching of his friends. It wasn't much, but it did help just a bit.
Perhaps it was the way he spoke, the way he spoke ever so gently. The deep rumble of his voice, the way he treated him with care, it made him feel..
Seen.
Humin’s palm moved in slow circles on his back, his other hand running his fingers through Hyuntak’s black hair. “You’re still you, Hyuntak,” he whispered. “Even without all that. You’re still strong. Still Gotak. I’m so proud of you.”
Fuck..
The words, “I’m so proud of you”.
It hit much harder than it needed to.
“You don’t even know that..” Hyuntak sniffled, voice muffled from his teary face being pressed against the taller man’s chest.
“I do.” Humin said, thumb brushing the back of his neck. “You’re not just what you can do. You’re who you are. That doesn’t go away just because your leg’s hurt.”
Something about the way he said it, so sure, so full of quiet warmth, cracked something deeper open inside him.
Maybe he’s needed this.
Maybe he needed to hear those words.
All the weeks of holding it in, pretending it didn’t hurt, it all came out now, right there against Humin’s chest.
He couldn’t continue to act brave. To play a facade of a condiment man without a care. He can’t be that all the time.
He needed to know that it’s okay to not be okay.
To Hyuntak’s surprise, Humin stayed. He didn’t move, didn’t tease, didn’t make it weird. Just held him like it was the easiest thing in the world.
After a long while, Hyuntak’s breathing steadied again. He was exhausted, heavy with everything he’d finally let go.
Humin shifted just enough to look at him, brushing a hair through his eyes. “You good?” he asked.
Hyuntak gave a small nod, softly gulping. “Yeah. I think so..”
Humin smiled faintly, brushing a tear away with his thumb. “Good,” he beamed. “I was starting to think you didn’t like my hoodie enough to ruin it.”
That pulled a weak laugh out of Hyuntak, the type of laugh kind that hurt a little, but felt good after finally releasing.
Yeah, he really needed this.
After Hyuntak’s breathing finally softened and started to even out again, Humin’s fingers were still tracing light circles on Hyuntak’s back, hesitating for a moment before finally talking.
“You know what’s stupid?” he asked, almost sheepishly.
“What.”
“I’ve been sitting here for weeks thinking about what to say to you,” Humin responded with a small laugh.
For once, he looked shy. That was a sight Hyuntak has never seen in his life.
Humin? Park Humin? Shy? What is he? Did he steal his dads beer?
Hyuntak immediately looked at him in the eye, searching to see if he was playing around, but there was nothing there to prove he was being a fool. He looked vulnerable, like he’s been waiting for the moment.
So, he didn’t say anything. He sat there quietly, allowing Humin to have the mic for once.
“Like, I’ve been practicing what I want to tell you in my head like an idiot,” he admitted. “And now I’m just blurting it out. Crazy, right?”
“Say what?” Hyuntak asked with a small frown. He didn’t like it when Humin would always be so brief when describing things. But, he didn’t bother to press him any further. It looked like it was serious for once.
Humin hesitated, chewing at the inside of his cheek. He paused for a moment, looking down at his hands, then looking back at Hyuntak.
“It’s about how I like you,” he said, almost embarrassed. “Like, really like you. And that feeling, it just.. doesn’t go away, no matter how much I try to treat it like a joke.”
…
What?
Was this..
Was he serious?
He quietly laughed under his breath, his hands clenching on his lap as he now completely avoided Hyuntak’s confused gaze, almost ashamed of himself for speaking.
“At first I thought it was just me worrying too much, you know?” he continued, clearing his throat. “But then I saw you in the hospital, and the only thing I could think was, ‘Please, let him be okay.’ And it’s been that way every day since. I care about you a lot more than I should, and I don’t really know what to do with it except tell you before I explode and die.”
The confession came out a little rushed, but he has been holding this in for much too long. He had to say it, whether it came out messy or not. He couldn’t keep biting down on his tongue. To act like he practically wasn’t falling for his childhood best friend.
Hyuntak’s eyes widened at the sudden confession. He hasn’t expected this. He thought that Humin only saw their dynamic as platonic, only labeling themselves as ‘bro’s.
But fuck, he really liked him?
He always assumed he was straight, considering how he was hitting on the next girl. Perhaps bisexual. Maybe? Still, the concept of Humin being attracted to a man felt ever so foreign to him.
He wanted to pinch himself. Or slap himself in the face, telling himself it’s a dream. By the raw, vulnerable look in Humin’s eyes, he knew this wasn’t a little fantasy. This was happening real time.
So, Hyuntak let out a breathy sigh, placing a gentle hand over Humin’s hand, covering it with his own. “..you aren't the only one.”
Humin blinked, forcing out a nervous laugh. “What?”
“I like you too,” Hyuntak admitted, his thumb brushing against Humin’s knuckles with delicate care. “I didn’t want to make it weird or ruin anything, I thought it’d ruin our friendship if I talked about it, but… you being here — it helps more than I can explain.”
Humin’s expression melted in relief, letting out a loud, dramatic exhale. “You always gotta one-up me, huh?”
“Guess so,” Hyuntak shrugged. “Not to ruin the moment or anything, but when’d you start catching feelings?”
“I’d say.. probably when you comforted me after I broke up with that girl last year,” Humin replied with a small grin. “You didn’t brush me off or tell me to ‘man up’. You actually cared for me and stood by my side. That’s when I knew you were more than just a friend to me.”
“So, was I just a rebound?” Hyuntak joked.
“Bro, no.”
They both laughed at the stupid jab. Of course, despite the raw confessions, they’d manage to turn it into something ridiculous. It’s them, for crying out loud. Of course they aren’t going to take anything seriously.
Suddenly, Humin shifted like he was about to pull Hyuntak back into his arms, but he stopped halfway, glancing at the cast on his leg.
“Yo,” he murmured, playfully nudging Hyuntak in the shoulder. “You wanna…?” He motioned toward the bed, then gestured for Hyuntak to move first to make extra room for him.
Hyuntak was confused about what he meant by that, looking at him like he was stupid (which he kind of is).
But, he got the hint once Humin slid down to lie on his side, turning his back toward him.
“You can hold me, if you want,” he said with a small chuckle. “Might help you sleep. Plus, I don’t wanna bump your leg.”
It seemed like a joke, but by the way he said it, it sounded more of a ‘kidding, kidding. Unless?’.
The offer was simple, but it hit deep. Not out of pity, not coddling, just care.
Hyuntak stared for a second, then exhaled shakily, shaking his head. “You’re such an idiot,” he muttered, but he moved closer.
He shifted carefully, curling behind Humin with one arm looping around his middle. The motion tugged faintly at his cast, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the feeling of the comforting feeling of Humin pressing against his body.
“See?” Humin smiled. “You’re a natural at this.”
“Shut up.”
“Make me.”
Hyuntak scoffed and pressed his forehead into the back of Humin’s shoulder, hiding the small smile that crept up before he could stop it. “Fuck, fine. But.. thanks.”
Humin’s hand found his fingers threading together to intertwine them. “Anytime,” he murmured. “No need to thank me.”
The rain outside finally started to lighten, a rainbow casting hues over the sky. The room also finally began to finally feel much lighter than it had in weeks. He no longer felt lonely anymore. It felt much more comfortable with someone in his presence, to remind him that he’s okay.
After a while, Hyuntak let his eyes close, the ache in his leg dulled by the warmth in his chest. He fell asleep like that, holding Humin close like a child clinging onto its toy.
Ever since the first time since everything fell apart, it didn’t feel like he was broken.
