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“There’s no way I’d like you…”
“Yeah, I hate you…”
“You should stay away from me Denji…”
The words echoed in his mind. He still didn’t get it. He thought Asa liked him at least a little bit. But if she doesn’t there wasn’t much he could do about it he thought.
Denji glanced at Asa from the corner of his eyes. The way she was illuminated by the faint glow of the TV was like how rays of light run through water.
’She’s glaring at the TV with that spaced out stare of hers…just watchin the movie huh…cute…’
Denji clenched his fist and grit his teeth. His eyes darted to the floor.
‘Damn she really doesn’t like me?!” Denji looked down and grabbed at his heart. He gently held his starter through his shirt and began rubbing it in between his fingers.
‘If a chick’s not into me, I just call it quits Pochita. No use tryin right. Plus I want a girlfriend who’s actually after me.’ Denji’s hand let go of his starter and fell to his lap.
‘This girl’s probably no good. She doesn’t even like Chainsaw Man, that’s gotta be like- minus a hundred points on the girlfriend meter. I could forgive an evil girl, but not liking Chainsaw Man? That’s gotta be my one no-go. That’s just too incompatible for me Pochita…’
Denji’s eyes stumbled back over to Asa. Every fine detail was ingrained into his memory. Her fuzzy eyes that could switch so quickly from dead as a fish to colorful and heartfelt. The way her soft hair was carefully done into pigtails. Just the simple way she carried herself was distinctly authentic. His eyes lingered a little too long as Asa’s glance temporarily connected with his. Just as quickly as it happened her eyes flitted back to the TV.
’BUT MY DENJI HEART’S TELLING ME OTHERWISE!’
The soft blues of their aquarium date flooded his mind. ‘…I’m gonna do something stupid again Pochita…’
Asa quickly broke the brief eye contact. She slumped against the wall even more.
“We aren’t going to win him over like this.” Asa just ignored Yoru. She sulked even more, her embarrassment now mixing with melancholy. Asa leaned more onto the wall, trying to her hardest to shut out Yoru. She was initially excited for this date, but the constant reminders of her devilish situation had ruined her mood.
“I can kiss him if you want.”
‘No! That’ll just make things worse’ Asa snapped back.
“And I suppose leaving his place after this failure of a date is better?”
Blush slowly began creeping up on Asa’s face again. Yoru growled, fed up with the girls lack of initiative.
“If you won’t kiss the boy I will.”
‘W-wait!’ Asa flinched as Yoru went to take control of her, but nothing happened.
“Huh?” Yoru looked blankly. Then her typical expression of bombastic fury appeared again.
“You’re scared of kissing him?” Yoru shouted, baring her teeth.
‘Y-yeah! And?’
“You truly are hopeless…”
‘I can’t just throw myself at a boy! Romantic relations take time to develop, if I were to make such advances on Denji I’m sure it would gross him out, and if he were to go along with it that’s more proof of he’d be a boyfriend. Ignoring how repulsive sexual acts are, physical intimacy falls flat without personal intimacy. Denji and I still barely know each other. Even if there was a small spark between us and if things were to continue after this date, statistically it won’t work out-‘ Asa’s rambling thoughts were cut short by the loud janky sound of the VCR turning off.
She snapped up quickly and looked at Denji who was now hunched over the TV.
“Ah didn’t mean to startle ya, this VCR makes a lot of noise.”
“Doesn’t that mean it’s probably broken or something?”
“Ah it’s whatever.” Denji turned to face Asa with his arm over his back.
“What are you doing?” Asa quipped.
“Uh, well this whole movie date thing has been sorta lame right, so…” There was a small, painful pause between the two before Denji spoke up again. “So I was thinking we could go somewhere more fun.”
“Umm, are you sure?” Asa asked flatly.
“Uh yeah, I’m sure you’ll have fun. Ever been to school after dark?” Denji said playfully. His head tilted a teeny bit to the side and his tongue held out between his sharp teeth.
Asa took a small moment just to look at him. Denji had the stereotypical punk look and attitude, but there was an extra charm to him. Like the way he stuck out his tongue just then. Or the gentleness with which his big arms could move at times. Or the way he’d remember the smallest of things like all the boring stuff Asa had said during their first date.
“Uh, no I haven’t. But can’t we get in trouble for that?”
“Probably. It’ll be fine though. As long as we don’t get caught.” Denji said with a shrug.
“Uh, hello? That doesn’t make me feel any better!”
“Come on trust me on this one!” Denji pleaded.
“I’ll make sure it’s worth your time!”
Asa stared out the ground for a moment. Her mind kept on bouncing back and forth.
‘It’s not like he’s even going to actually be my boyfriend…what do I even have to lose?’ Asa took a deep breath and got up.
“Fine, let’s go.”
Denji leapt up in celebration. His little parade got cut short though with a knock on the door. Before anyone could respond the door swung open.
“Who’s this?” A soft voice asked over a stampede of dogs rushed into the apartment.
“Gah!” Asa fell onto her back as one of the dogs pounced onto her.
“She’s just a friend Nayuta! We were just about to head on out! And she doesn’t wanna make out with me so you don’t hafta worry about that happenin.”
‘Why is he still on about that?’
Asa’s face was dusted in a soft pink blush, half in frustration, half in embarrassment.
“Doesn’t matter. She’s a bad woman Denji, her scent is foul.”
“She smells bad? I thought she smelled pretty good…” Denji grabbed the collar of his shirt and sniffed it. “Hey if she smells bad, do I stink then Nayuta?”
“No! You have the smell of a dog that’s good!”
“-Wait this is beside the point! Asa’s good! Promise!”
Nayuta still was not giving way to Denji.
“How do you she’s not out to kill you like every other girl you’ve been with?”
The question caught Asa by surprise. Denji’s face softened and Asa could’ve sworn a slight blush appeared on his face. He moved closer to Nayuta so he could whisper in her ear.
“That’s the reason? That’s barely any reason at all!” Nayuta laughed mockingly.
“Hey!” Denji barked back trying his best to be scolding. The front quickly melted away though as Denji sighed in exasperation.
“…I’ll buy extra Ice cream for you…”
“Okay then!” Nayuta said almost instantly. “But this is the last date you go on with her.”
“Deal!” Denji said all perked back up. Denji quickly headed out the door and Asa promptly followed. However when she walked past Nayuta, she felt a pair of piercing eyes. The weird part was that is didn’t feel exactly on her. It was more like Nayuta was staring past her.
Yoru locked eyes with devil child for a brief moment. She followed Asa outside the door before stopping.
“Asa, I’ll leave you to seduce the boy.”
‘Huh? Why, do you have somewhere to go?’
“…I have more pressing matters to attend to. Family business…”
Asa looked at Yoru with concern.
“Yo, c’mon” Denji chirped, already heading down the stairs of the apartment building.
“Right…” For a moment, Asa could be alone with someone else again. She could be alone with Denji. That proposition was too good to let go.
“Was that your roommate?”
“Yeah, Nayuta. I told you she was a real problem child.” Denji said smugly.
Asa had more questions about Nayuta. There was probably some things Denji wasn’t telling her, but she didn’t pry.
The relief Asa had felt when Yoru left her was quickly becoming into anxiety at the thought of being alone with Denji. There was no more panic button where she could let Yoru handle it. It was all up to her to make this work. But what was it she was even doing this for?
‘My minds all jumbled up…but, still I…‘ A small smile grew on Asa’s face.
’Why am I like this?’
The two paced through the dark empty halls of the school. There was only the faint city lights through to window to show them where they were going.
“So…why did you want to sneak into school? This place is big yeah, but what is there to do?”
“I did it once before and had a blast. Thought maybe you’d like it too.”
‘Oh right. He did say he had more experience dating.’ It was just a passing thought, but it was lingering on Asa’s conscience more than she wanted to admit.
Asa followed closely behind. As much as she wanted to say or do something, she couldn’t. There was still a distance between the two. A distance in herself.
‘I’m totally being lead on. That whole “I’ll teach you how to have dates” schtick…I bet I’m not even the first girl he’s said that too!’
“Where are we going?” Asa said challengingly.
“It’s a surprise!” Denji responded excitedly.
“Well can you at least slow down?” Denji looked back at Asa who was considerable length away from him. She held her hands on her hips, glaring at him.
‘The jerk can’t even wait up for me. He’s totally unbelievable! This isn’t going to work out I can feel it.’
“Oh, sorry. I guess I got a little excited. If you can’t keep up you can hold my hand.”
‘…huh?…’
Her eyes were locked onto his hand. The weight of several questions and contradictions laid in that palm. Asa reached out her hand slowly. Her hand paused shakily, only halfway there. Her eyes peeked up and then too quickly, they met his.
‘What…am I doing?’
‘Crap! What am I doin!’ Denji felt Asa’s soft hand hold his.
’My bodies moving on its own! If anything happens it’s not my fault Pochita! Crap, crap, craaap! This girls making me act before I think! It’s fine! No matter what my body tells me, at least I’ve got my heart!’
“C’mon this is taking forever!” He chuckled as he looked back at Asa. “Hurry up why don’t ya?” Denji’s hand tightened and pulled her along.
‘BUT MY HEART IS MOVING ALL ON ITS OWN TOO!’
Denji pushed the gym doors open to the pool.
“Tada! Never been here, but I heard our classmates talking bout this place! Indoor pool, neat right!” Denji walked up all the way to the edge of the pool. The blue pool lights casted a soft glow all over the giant room.
”If you wanted to go swimming you should’ve said so.” Asa said a little agitated.
“We’re gonna ruin our clothes like this.”
“No duh!” Denji took off his school jacket.
“Wait, wait, wait! H-huh!”
’Is he just going to go in bare?’ Asa’s eyes drifted from his head onto the chest as he took off his cheesy Chainsawman shirt. She spotted chainsaw cord on the middle of his pecs.
‘Ugh, of course Chainsaw dweeb has the same mock starter as Iseumi…’ Denji wasn’t jacked, but he had muscle. His body was ‘softly strong’ as Asa would put it.
“Ya just gonna keep staring or what?”
“No,” Asa snapped back quickly. “It’s just…what are you doing?”
“Im goin in nude.” He said so matter of factly. Before Asa could react Denji turned his back to her and dropped his pants. Asa shut her eyes closed and didn’t open them until she heard a loud splash and maniacal laughing. A light blush bloomed on her cheeks.
“Asa! Come on, don’t just stand over there!”
“I’m not skinny dipping with you!”
“That’s why we’re here at night, so it’s dark! You can’t even see a thing, right!”
Asa glanced over to Denji.
‘I can see everything.’
Her face turned entirely red. Not even the soft blue pool lights could show her feelings as any other color. Asa could feel her entire body burning up.
‘I shouldn’t go in! I’m not going in! I can’t go in…’
Asa clenched her hands, burying her face in them. She could feel each tiny bead of sweat trickle down her face. The thumping of her heart sounded like a storm.
‘If I do this I’m gonna fall for him…’
“What are you so scared of, Asa?” Denji shouted with a small laugh. His voice penetrated Asa’s mind.
“I-I’m scared of you! Y-you make me feel things I shouldn’t!” Asa’s voice quivered. “I said you should stay away from or you’ll wind up dead! I really meant that! But I still chose to come here with you! I want to believe my heart is in the right place! I want to believe I deserve love! I want to believe I’m not a bad person! But being with you makes that all wrong!”
…
“I used to live without thinking. Just sleepin, eatin, an’ breathin. Even after I would do the most terrible stuff, I kept on living that good life. That crap kept on piling up, but I kept on going until living felt like crap too. Even when the worst things ever happen to me, I don’t know how to stop. I have keep on chasin’ that dream...cuz, I don’t know how else I could keep on living…”
Denji’s face had drooped down, but once his eyes looked back at Asa a soft smile returned.
“Yeah maybe life is crap and maybe we’re crap too, but…I still like you just as much.” His arms reached out to her. “So at least for tonight, let’s live good lives, Asa.”
…
…
…
‘…what am I doing…’
Asa slowly began to undress, starting with her pinafore. Denji closed his eyes and turned away, slowly drifting along in the pool.
‘What am I doing?’
Cold air stung her legs. She held her breath so long her red face could’ve gone blue. One by one garments carefully became undone.
‘What am I doing!’
Her whole body was shaking. Her body was freezing to the core but at the same time it felt like it her face was about to explode with heat. All of her heart was yelling at her to stay out of that water, but her whole body was telling her to dive in.
“I-I’m doing it!”
She took off. A soft pitter-patter turned into stomps as Asa began to run from the her spot at the wall. As she crossed the cold tiling her feet found a pace just between frantic excitement and delicate carefulness. Her mind became fuzzier the closer she got to the edge. At this point it was the glowing pool that was guiding her heart’s path. As she jumped into the air the scene fell into a ritardando. Asa’s mind had froze again, but there was no piercing silence. It was only the soft hum of her heart.
“Splash!”
She passed through the water’s surface, bathed under blue light, her form was radiant even as it sunk. A figure swam over her. Even with her hazy vision, she could clearly see his deep reddish-brown eyes and his smiling set of sharkish teeth. Asa smiled back.
Even as she sunk to the bottom, it was not the usual panic or despair that filled her body. For once, she wasn’t drowning. Asa was at peace.
Denji grabbed her by the arms and hoisted her up to the surface. As soon as Denji pulled her up, it was as if a gear snapped back into place in her mind.
“I-it’s cold!” Asa squeaked out.
“What was that!” Denji laughed out. “You know how to swim right?”
“I do! I just wasn’t prepared!” Asa composed herself as best as she could and stared daggers at Denji. “I can’t believe you have the gall to laugh when I could’ve drowned!” Asa retorted as she stifled a growing rosiness in her cheeks.
“Whoops.” Denji just smiled back.
She didn’t have to say anything more. Her offense at him, though was very much real, was just as much play. He could read everything Asa was thinking just through the light in her eyes.
Just like when their eyes met under the surface and he witnessed her water-lit form, he could see every part of her soul. Her skin, her eyes, her face, her smile, her laugh, her voice, it was all true. Everything about her is true.
‘How do I know she’s different from all the other girls who’ve tried to kill me? Cuz Asa can’t.’
Denji would be lying if he said Asa hasn’t tried to deceive him, but she fails every time. Asa doesn’t know how to. At every moment, he’s seen this girl fail to trick him. Looking at him like he’s a dumbass instead of laughing at his jokes, monologues about sea critters instead of flirting, trying to act all cool right before she goes back to being herself. It’s just in her blood. She always goes back to being herself: weird, arrogant, snarky, smart, emotional, sincere, kind, Asa.
“C’mon” Denji said softly while grabbing her arm. “Let’s do some swimming.”
“No thanks, I prefer running.”
“Fine, you can run then.” Denji grinned at her. Suddenly, he began kicking water all over her face as he swam away.
“Hey! I have had it enough with you tonight!
“Come and get me then!”
“I-“ Asa cut her sentence off and scowled as she watched Denji swim away and laugh. Words could not capture how infuriated she was. Words could not illustrate how happy she was. Because for tonight, the world was just them.