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Growing up, all Ashlyn knew about marriage was what she learned from her parents, who weren't a shining example of a loving relationship. Their example led her to a lot of heartache in her earliest relationships as soon as she realized that other girls don't respond well to “love” in the form of picking fights about the tiniest grievances and giving the silent treatment.
Luckily, things changed when Ashlyn left home. She had her first long-term relationship in college, and it wasn’t intense or messy or beautiful or passionate, but it was healthy, and that's what she needed. It ended when the time was right, and it only made her better in future relationships.
The best relationships, Ashlyn has figured out, are the ones that constantly push you to be better. Nobody has made Ashlyn want to be better than Ali Krieger, even when it fucking sucks.
Like tonight, for example. It's been a waste of a Sunday as far as Ashlyn is concerned, mostly because it started with a hangover—and that was after the drunken (on Ashlyn’s part) fight that ended with Ali sleeping in the guest bedroom (her choice). Ashlyn had every intention of making it up to her by taking her out to coffee or brunch, but she woke up late and spent what little of the morning remained vomiting in the master bathroom.
It was a misunderstanding, really, and Ashlyn is still paying for it. Saturday night was supposed to be a date night with Ali, who ended up at the office almost all day to meet a ridiculous deadline a client gave her, so by the time she got home, she was too tired to do much of anything except curl up on the couch to watch a movie.
Honestly it was probably Alex’s fault. She sent a group text to them, Tobin, Christen (probably begrudgingly), Whitney, and Kelley, suggesting a girls’ night out. Ashlyn politely declined for both of them, citing Mac being home this weekend, but Ali all but forced Ashlyn to go out, insisting that she wouldn't be any fun and that Ashlyn would have a way better night partying with the girls.
So maybe it was Ali’s fault when it really comes down to it. After some back and forth and Ali swearing up and down that she wanted Ashlyn to go, Ashlyn finally decided to go with them, taking an Uber so Ali wouldn't worry. Ali always worries anyway, but Ashlyn does her best to soothe her mind. Ali texted her around 10:30 saying she was going to bed and to be safe and to let her know when she was heading home, and Ashlyn texted her at 11:30 saying they were getting ready to leave the bar and head home.
It was definitely Kelley’s fault. She was the one who suggested the strip club. Ashlyn might not remember much, but she distinctly remembers looking at her phone when they walked into the club and seeing that Ali hadn't read her text about coming home, most likely meaning she was fast asleep. That's why Ashlyn didn't sweat it when the text she sent Ali telling her about the change of plans never went through thanks to the complete lack of cell service in the club.
She barely looked at the dancers, more interested in having fun with her friends, and besides, she was drunk and when she gets that way, her body gets soft and sleepy and she aches for Ali’s touch, nobody else’s. Never anyone else’s.
Ashlyn’s the responsible one, too. She's the one who volunteered to order the Uber when they finally left the club around 2 a.m. “Oh fuck,” she remembers saying, her head spinning as she tried to focus her eyes on the 15 texts and seven missed calls and three voicemails from Ali.
The night quickly spiraled downward from there, starting with Ashlyn calling a frantic Ali, who had woken up at midnight to see Ashlyn’s text. When she still wasn't home an hour after she sent the initial text, Ali started to freak out, calling and texting all the girls to figure out where they were, and when she didn't hear back from any of them, she jumped to the worst possible conclusion. As relieved as she was to hear from Ashlyn, she wasn't happy.
“I was worried sick!” Ali had hissed tearfully in the kitchen, where she had been pacing when Ashlyn got home. “How dare you? How dare you!”
“Calm down,” Ashlyn had begun when she tried to diffuse the situation. She had been too drunk to fight in any way that could have helped her point, but she remembers the horror in Ali's face that didn't subside even once Ashlyn walked through the doors.
“I thought you were in a terrible accident,” Ali sobbed when Ashlyn stopped trying to make sense. “I thought you were gone. But you were just off getting wasted with a bunch of strippers. Don't tell me to calm down!”
They broke their biggest marriage rule by going to bed angry, and Ashlyn couldn't blame Ali when she finally woke up. She couldn't even look at Ashlyn, which is why she decided to sleep in the guest room. And yet, when Ashlyn was puking her guts out in the bathroom this morning, she lifted her head to see Ali placing a tray with water and toast on the floor next to her before leaving without saying a word.
The only things they've said to each other today have been in passing about laundry and groceries and who's picking up Mackenzie from Georgia’s house after their play date (which doesn't matter in the end because Brian drops her off). They even manage to eat dinner without addressing one another, only talking to Mackenzie, who doesn't seem to notice the stilted conversation.
Ashlyn loses track of the time she's on the back porch after Ali refuses to let her help clean up from dinner, listening to crickets chirp and breathing in the fresh spring air as she twists her wedding ring around her finger.
She hears the door open slightly, and she whips her head around to greet Ali before she realizes it's Mackenzie.
“Hey, Princess,” Ashlyn says, masking her disappointment with joy that becomes real almost instantly. She loves this kid with all her heart. “Did you have a good day with G?”
“Yeah,” Mac says, taking the spot in the swing next to Ashlyn. “Are you mad at Mommy?”
Ashlyn looks down at her, fully intending to act like everything is fine, but then she sees Ali's eyes, but even wider and more innocent, and she can't let herself lie. “Why do you ask?”
“Because I heard you guys yelling last night,” Mackenzie says in a small voice. “And Mommy was crying and then pretended she wasn't when I checked on her.”
Ashlyn’s heart breaks when she thinks about being 8 years old and hearing her own parents argue. “I'm sorry you heard that, sweet girl,” she says, wrapping an arm around Mackenzie’s shoulders.
“And you didn't help Mommy in the kitchen after dinner.” Her tone sounds more accusatory this time, and Ashlyn’s instinct is to get defensive.
“I tried!” Ashlyn insists before biting her tongue. “Sometimes Mommy just needs a little space.”
Mac turns to Ashlyn, eyes wide. “Are you leaving?”
“No!” Ashlyn exclaims. “No, I just—you know when you play with Georgia all day and sometimes you just want to play alone in your room?” Mac nods. “Sometimes Mommy wants to do the dishes on her own, and sometimes I want to go for a run or a bike ride by myself.”
“But that's what Daddy said.”
“What did he say?” Ashlyn asks, furrowing her brow.
“They needed space,” Mackenzie says, her lip trembling. “That's why he left us.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Ashlyn breathes, holding her tight against her side as Mac buries her face in Ashlyn’s chest. “No, no, no. Your Daddy didn't leave you, you know that. You see him every Thursday and on the weekends and whenever he comes over for dinner or we go to his house.”
“But he left Mommy,” Mac cries. “And she was sad.”
“I know,” Ashlyn says. “But look how happy they both are now.”
“I know!” Mackenzie says. “That's why I don't want you to go.”
“Mackenzie Grace,” Ashlyn says seriously. “Look at me.”
Mackenzie lifts her head up to look at Ashlyn, who wipes tears from her cheeks.
“Look at this,” Ashlyn says, lifting her left hand to show her the rings she's wearing, one a gold engagement band set with small diamonds that Ali gave her not long after Ashlyn proposed, and the other a matching gold wedding band that complements Ali’s perfectly. “Do you remember what your mommy told me when she gave me this?”
Mackenzie shakes her head, but Ashlyn sees the recognition in her eyes.
“Well that's okay, because I'll never forget,” Ashlyn says. “She said we would love each other forever no matter what, and I said the same. This ring means I'm never going anywhere, and that when we don't agree, we’ll work it out, and when we need space, we’ll give each other space, but we’ll always come back to each other.”
“And when Mommy cries?”
“I never want her to cry,” Ashlyn says. “But when I screw up and make her cry, I promise to always make it better.”
A throat clears behind them, and Ashlyn turns to see Ali standing in the doorway, arms folded as she leans against the door frame, a slight smile on her face for the first time since Ashlyn left the night before.
“It's almost someone’s bedtime,” Ali says softly. “Mackenzie, will you please come brush your teeth and get ready for bed? I'll be there to tuck you in at 8 on the dot.”
Mackenzie nuzzles into Ashlyn’s neck, and Ashlyn kisses the top of her head goodnight.
“Listen to Mommy,” Ashlyn murmurs. “Sweet dreams.”
“Good night, I love you,” Mac says, hugging Ashlyn before sliding off the swing and going inside.
“Can I join?” Ali asks, and Ashlyn responds by patting the spot next to her. Ali takes it and leans into Ashlyn without a word, letting Ashlyn wrap an arm around her and press a kiss to her forehead. “I was so scared.”
“I know, baby,” Ashlyn whispers, tears prickling her eyes when she hears Ali’s timid voice. “I'm so sorry. God, I'm sorry.”
“I know,” Ali replies. “I never want to yell at you like I did. Mac came in the guest room because we woke her up.”
“I heard.”
“I didn't want to scare her too,” Ali says. “But I couldn't stop crying thinking about all the things that could have happened.”
“I promise it won't happen again,” Ashlyn assures her. “Never again.”
“I don't ever want to go to bed upset with you either,” Ali says. “And I don't like seeing you sick. And I don't want Mackenzie thinking any of that is okay.”
“She's going to have a hangover one day,” Ashlyn laughs.
“I mean the fighting,” Ali says, taking Ashlyn’s left hand in hers and kissing the knuckle of her ring finger. “But I'm not a huge fan of you drinking so much you get sick either.”
“That wasn't much fun for me either,” Ashlyn admits. “I think an angel visited me when I was throwing up, though.”
Ali rolls her eyes. “Sweet talker.”
“Mac asked if I was leaving,” Ashlyn says, squeezing Ali’s hands. “Because we fought and I said you needed space.”
“You aren't, are you?” Ali asks with a twinkle in her eye.
“You can't get rid of me that easy,” Ashlyn promises, kissing her softly on the lips.
“I'm going to tuck the kiddo in, but maybe we could make up for the date night we were supposed to have last night with wine and cookie dough and some serious hardcore cuddling later?” Ali suggests.
“If by hardcore cuddling you mean naked with your head between my legs, I think that can be arranged,” Ashlyn says, making Ali turn bright red.
“Did the dancers at that club teach you how to talk so dirty?” Ali retorts, taking a final jab at Ashlyn’s indiscretions.
Ashlyn groans, putting her hands up in surrender. “Fine, then, my head between your legs first,” she concedes. “Got it.”