Work Text:
"Nice to meet you, I'm Matsukawa Issei. I guess we're roommates then?"
"Hanamaki Takahiro, and I suppose we are"
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"What the fuck, why can't you understand that you have to at least rinse the dish before you put it in the sink? I'm always stuck washing the dishes and I don't appreciate having to scrape your disgusting meals off a plate with my bare hand"
"So wear gloves, that's not my problem"
"You're the worst"
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"I can't believe this. You ate my fucking cream puff. I was saving that"
"How was I supposed to know that?"
"By asking, assfuck! This is the last straw. I hate you so much. I wish I could've had anyone else as a roommate"
"Likewise, shitstain"
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memefucker: u won't guess what this asshole did this time
eyebrow overlord: what?
Hanamaki was pissed. His stupid roommate had forgotten to replace the toilet paper AGAIN. His patience for this guy was really wearing thin, why did he have to spend his college years dorming with this asshole?
memefucker: i swear i'm gonna kill him one of these days. him and his stupid yet oddly attractive face
eyebrow lord: attractive? seems i have some competition
He sighed and shoved his face in his pillow. "Maybe I'll suffocate and my suffering will end" he thought. Wait, did he just flirt with him?
eyebrow overlord: sounds like a real dick tho, sorry you have to deal with him
Hanamaki was desperate to change the focus off of himself. He was being flirted with. The guy was flirting with him and he couldn't deal.
memefucker: u have an asshole roommate too don't u?
memefucker: did he do anything particular nasty recently?
Hanamaki felt kind of bad for always dumping his complaints on his friend. They began talking not too long ago, but he was really growing fond of this guy. Maybe a little too fond.
"Ugh, stupid, you can't like a guy you met on the Internet. Long distance sucks" he said into the pillow that was back on his face. Then again, he didn't know where he lived. They could be close. He decided to ask him.
eyebrow overlord: not rlly
eyebrow overlord: he did forget to close my door all the way when he left my room after he bitched at me for something tho
memefucker: rip
memefucker: weird question, but where do u live?
eyebrow overlord: i'm entirely convinced ur not a serial killer now, this rlly sealed the deal
memefucker: stfu not ur exact address or anything, just like in general
eyebrow overlord: japan
memefucker: that's specific
eyebrow overlord: well I'm going to school in miyagi
memefucker: ooo nice me too
memefucker: mb we could like meet up sometime
eyebrow overlord: like a date?
Hanamaki blushed. Was he really about to ask an almost complete stranger who he's never even seen before on a date?
memefucker: if that's what u want to call it then sure
eyebrow overlord: that is definitely what i'd like to call it
memefucker: then it's a date
Holy. Shit. Hanamaki was going on a date. With a perfect stranger. Suddenly he was flooded with doubts and fear.
"What if he really is a creepy old man? What if he sees me and doesn't like me? What if I see him and don't like him? He could be super ugly" his thoughts whirled around in a tornado of insecurity.
eyebrow overlord: where do u wanna meet up?
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It was a few days later. Hanamaki was waiting anxiously for his date to show up. For some reason, the two decided it would be awesome to meet up for a date in the parking lot behind the McDonald's that's near the park that creepy old men like to sit in and watch the kids play. And for some reason both of them knew what that meant. Nervously, he checked his phone every few seconds and chewed at a hangnail.
"You have to be fucking with me" a voice said. Hanamaki turned around. His eyes widened.
"No. Just. No. What the fuck?" he sputtered. Standing in front of him was his dorm mate Matsukawa Issei. The same Matsukawa Issei that relentlessly pissed him off.
"I can't believe this. The guy I've been flirting with for weeks is YOU?" Matsukawa spat.
"Flirting? You call that flirting? Never would've crossed my mind" Hanamaki scoffed.
"Well it fucking worked didn't it? You did agree to call it a date"
Hanamaki blushed, embarrassed.
"I...well...I just...UGH" he threw his hands up exasperatedly. "I can't believe that I finally thought I could snag a boyfriend and it was just you the whole time" he sighed.
"I'm in the same boat here, pal. What the fuck" Matsukawa paced and ran his hands through his hair.
Suddenly, Hanamaki gasped. Matsukawa looked over at him curiously.
"Oh my god...the things I said to you. The things I said about you! Oh my god, Matsukawa, I'm so so sorry!" he cried.
"Whoa whoa it's ok, Hanamaki. I forgive I guess. I was a huge asshole to you too. I'm sorry for that" he rubbed his neck and avoided Hanamaki's eye. "Plus, you did call me attractive so I can't complain there"
"I did not!" Hanamaki protested, blushing.
"You did...it's right here" Matsukawa pulled up the message.
"I did" Hanamaki groaned. "Well...it's not entirely a false statement" he murmured. Matsukawa heard him and smirked.
"You're not bad looking yourself you know. Still wanna go through with this date, shitstain?"
Hanamaki looked at him and grinned.
"Yeah. I suppose so, assfuck"
With that, the two walked into the fast food restaurant with their arms linked and apologies whispered once again.