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Thursday nights were painfully predictable. Castiel would come back from the dining hall and immediately set himself down at his desk to begin doing homework. About an hour later Dean would return to their room from his late class and then, because he had Fridays off, he’d spend the rest of the evening goofing off and trying to get Cas to do the same.
(The first few weeks of the semester, Castiel had tried encouraging his roommate to use the time to get ahead in his studies, but Dean was not so easily motivated. Castiel eventually gave up and let himself enjoy Dean’s company as the backdrop of his Thursday evenings.)
Today was, unsurprisingly, no different. Castiel was at his desk, leaning back in his chair and reading a novel for his American Lit class (which was redundant as a class, he thought, since the majority of what teachers had them read in high school was American authors). Promptly at seven, Dean walked in and grunted a greeting before tossing his backpack in a corner and eating the sandwich he’d picked up on the way back.
The next twenty minutes would be the last peaceful ones he’d know for the rest of the evening. While Dean stuffed his face - always starving since he often had to forgo lunch on Thursdays because of his schedule, despite Castiel’s nagging that he bring snacks along - he was too distracted to be distracting. Other than the appreciative moans around each bite of food, but Cas was more than used to it after five years of friendship.
His first warning that the silence would soon be completely shattered was Dean throwing out his food wrapper and booting up his laptop. Dean grabbed the old computer and made himself comfortable on his bed. He usually leaned against the wall and turned just a bit so he could face Cas. Made it easier to bug him.
“What we reading tonight, Cas?” Dean asked as he licked the last remnants of his dinner off his fingers.
“Killer Angels.”
“Didn’t we read that in school?”
Castiel paused to look up at his friend, brow furrowed in confusion. “No?”
“Yeah, we did. Remember, those kids got in trouble cuz they found the answers to the reading questions online and copied ‘em? It was like a huge fucking deal. I think Gordon and my cousin Christian got a million years of detention or something for being the ringleaders?”
“Still no.”
Dean’s confusion briefly mirrored Castiel’s until understanding passed through him. His reply was sheepish as he muttered, “Shit, that was back in eighth grade. Never mind.”
Castiel gave a half-heated glare then returned to his reading. Castiel’s family had moved to the area right before he and Dean started high school. Dean had won him over with detailed accounts of his middle school exploits. He’d shared them so many times that he often forgot Castiel hadn’t been a part of them too.
The sound of Dean’s typing and clicking became the customary background noise as they settled into their routine. Though Castiel was able to ignore Dean’s presence for the most part, he knew it was only a matter of time before Dean got bored of Castiel’s silence and tried dragging him into some inane conversation.
The highlight of his week, if he were honest with himself.
True to form, Dean laughed loudly in the I-don’t-think-it’s-that-funny-I-just-want-your-attention sort of way. A staple of their Thursdays.
“Hey check this out. Sammy posted this article on Facebook about ‘10 Types of Odd Friendships You’re Probably Part Of.’”
“That’s click bait, Dean,” he answered without looking up, a smile creeping up the corners of his mouth. Click bait was specifically designed with Dean Winchester in mind. There was no article, however mundane the topic, that Dean would not immediately click on if worded like this.
“So,” Dean continued, clearly having ignored Cas, and started reading the article out loud. Castiel tried to listen while he read, but it was a futile effort at best. He sighed to himself and put the book away and grabbed his math homework. He could probably get through that while Dean read to him.
“Okay, now that we’ve gotten through the boring shit-”
“That was actually rather interesting, Dean-”
“- we actually get to see what the ten weird friendships are.” And he then proceeded to read through them, occasionally commenting on friends he had that were like that.
“Number two, The Friend in the Group You Can’t Be Alone With Under Any Circumstances. Ugh, Balthazar. I know he’s your friend, dude, but I’ve got nothing in common with him. Do not leave me alone with him, it’s so fucking awkward.”
Castiel rolled his eyes.
“Number four, The Double-Obligated Friendship. Definitely Gordon. I feel like I gotta hang out with him because we did wrestling together, but I always put it off. I mean, sometimes i gotta bite the bullet and just fucking do it. But seriously, could do without him.”
This earned Dean an approving little smile from Castiel. He didn’t like Gordon at all - the idea that he would cheat on a middle school reading assignment seemed so in character and further exemplified why he tried to avoid him - but didn’t comment otherwise.
“Hey, uh... Listen to this one.” Dean’s voice had gone rough and there was something almost hesitant about it. He avoided Cas’ eye as he read.
"Number five, The Half Marriage.
‘Somewhere in your life, you’re probably part of a friendship that would be a marriage if only the other person weren’t very, very, extremely not interested in that happening. 1 for 2 on yes votes—just one vote away—so close.
‘You might be on either side of this—and either way it’s one of the least healthy parts of your life. Fun!
‘If you’re on the if only side of things, probably the right move is to get your fucking shit together? Ya know? This friendship is one long, continuous rejection of you as a human being, and you’re just wallowing there in your yearning like a sobbing little seal. Plus, duh, if you gather your self-respect and move on with your life, it’ll raise their perception of your value and they might actually become interested in you.
‘If you’re on the oh yeah definitely not side of the situation, here’s what’s happening—there’s this suffering human in the world, and you know they’re suffering, and you fucking love it, because it gives your little ego a succulent sponge bath every time you hang out with them. You enjoy it so much you probably even lead them on intentionally, don’t you—you make sure to keep just enough ambiguity in the situation that their bleeding heart continues to lather your ego from head to toe at your whim.
‘Both of you—go do something else.’”
Dean was still avoiding looking at him, resolutely staring at his computer screen instead, but Castiel could tell he was being watched nonetheless. He swallowed thickly and put his homework aside.
So... They were really doing this. Right now.
“I don’t know if the ego part is true, but...” He wasn’t sure what the right answer was. The last thing he wanted to do was make things awkward or ruin their friendship, but Dean’s eyes were now intently fixed to his. “Maybe it would be prudent of that person to... consider the other’s feelings and gently let the other down.”
Dean licked his lips, eyes darting away for a second. “Yeah... Yeah that’d probably be for the best, right? Make it easier for the other person to move on.”
“Yes,” he said seriously, head fuzzy, though he was already searching for an escape plan. Some excuse to get him out of this room once this conversation was over. “I think they would want to stay friends though, right?”
“Of course. I mean, it would be really hard for the person who just got let down... But uh, but yeah... If they’re good friends, they’d want to keep that much at least.”
“Yes.”
They continued staring at each other, Castiel waiting expectantly for Dean to take over. Dean, however, resolutely didn’t say a single word. The intensity of his gaze, the small worry lines forming around his eyes, made Cas feel uneasy. Perhaps Dean needed help, too concerned that he would hurt Castiel’s feelings.
“Look, Dean-”
“Here we go,” Dean breathed out but then his jaw locked tightly.
“I...” he stuttered, thrown off by Dean’s reaction, but forced himself to continue. “I know my... my feelings in this matter might make you uncomfortable. But that was never my intention. I had hoped, of course, that I could keep them hidden from you, but you’ve apparently noticed them despite my best efforts. I apologize for making things awkward, especially now that we’re roommates and forced to be in such close quarters. I understand completely that your interest in me lies solely in the friendship we’ve built since we were 14. Believe me when I say I will never pressure you for more and that I am more than content to maintain that friendship as is.”
The more he said, the more visibly shocked Dean became. By the end, Dean was gaping at him like he had two heads. His mouth moved a couple times but no words came out. Castiel’s concern that he’d handled the situation poorly grew, but he’d said his piece and now it was Dean’s turn.
Finally Dean recovered enough to actually speak, though his voice was strained. “Cas... Which friend in that half marriage situation are you?”
Castiel narrowed his eyes in confusion. “The person who’s interested in their friend,” he stated matter of factly, because of course.
“What?” Dean choked out, then coughed and tried again. “You serious?”
“Yes, Dean, I’m serious.” He tried not to sound too clipped, but Dean was bordering on insulting in his approach to this situation.
“How uh... how long have you been... interested...?”
His head tilted to the side as he considered his answer. “I wasn’t aware of my attraction to you until sophomore year. Though I suspect it started possibly as soon as we met.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Dean muttered as he dragged his hands along his face.
“Is... Is that a problem?” Castiel was now worried he had over shared. That exposing his four year crush would shatter Dean’s earlier resolve that they could still be friends.
“Yeah, it’s a fucking problem!” Dean shouted in near hysterics.
Castiel paled and braced himself for the rejection of not only his affection (which he’d had years to adjust to) but his friendship too. “I’m sorry, Dean.”
“Don’t- Jesus, Cas, don’t fucking apologize.”
He winced, unsure how to proceed. “I’ll... I should go-” He got up and started toward the door with single-minded determination, too busy trying to contain his heartbreak to hear Dean’s bed squeak in protest as its occupant darted off of it.
“Whoa whoa Cas, hold up, please!” Dean’s hand grabbed his shoulder, pulled him away from the door and spun him around. Castiel started slightly to see how close Dean was, their personal space non-existent as Dean crowded him against the door. “Don’t go.”
Castiel aimed for a spot left of Dean’s ear, unable to meet his eyes, and asked, “What is it Dean?”
“I uh... When I read that, I kinda... I mean, I figured... I was the one ‘wallowing in yearning’ or whatever. I’m the one who’s head over heels for you, and you’re the put together one who’s not interested cuz he can do better.”
It said a lot about their relationship that the first thing Castiel processed was Dean’s self-deprecating comments. “Dean,” he scolded, “You deserve someone to love you. You are the most extraordinary person I have ever met-”
“See, that’s the kinda shit that made me fall for you way back when.”
Now was when Castiel’s brain started to catch up. To realize that Dean’s hand had moved up from his shoulder and was cradling the back of his neck, fingers slowly stroking the hairs there. “You like me?” he asked in awe.
“I really really do.” There was a lingering self-doubt in Dean’s countenance that held him back. Castiel, finally given the opportunity to show Dean how he felt, closes the scant few inches between them and kissed him. And when Dean started kissing him back, it was the best moment of Castiel’s life.
A new Thursday tradition developed. Castiel still studied, determined not to fall behind in his studies, but now he did so on Dean’s bed, leaning back into his boyfriend’s embrace. And sure, Dean would still read him mindless click bait articles, but Castiel found he now had a certain soft spot for them.