Work Text:
"You know it all,
you're my best friend
The morning will come again
No darkness, no season
Can last forever"
“Happy birthday dear P’Peem, happy birthday to you.”
He finished singing the song to get up and hug his phi while leaving kisses all over his face.
“Thanks, Khem.” Said with a smile still hugging. “How did you manage to do all of this?” He asked, admiring the place.
The hospital room, that usually is white with no life, now is filled with colored party streamers.
The dinner was some pasta his mother brought with orange juice, Khemjira couldn’t drink wine. Even in his sickness he could prepare all of this for his boyfriend and he hoped he could live for more time to continue doing it, but unfortunately he’s in the final stage of lung cancer.
Everything started with problems in his breathing, reportedly as asthma but even with medication, it didn’t seem to improve, that’s how they found out he had lung cancer. Since then, Khemjira hasn’t missed any of his chemotherapy appointments, not even a single date. Unfortunately, he did not have much time to live. The cancer has spread with an incredible speed.
And who could imagine that cheerful boy, the one with the prettiest smile and beautiful brown hair, will part of this world?
They decided to go for a walk in the hospital’s garden, bringing with them Khemjira’s cart with portable oxygen.
They walked for about half an hour until they stopped by a tree to rest.
“Phi, if I… if I die, I want you to remember me always, okay? I don’t want you to cry when i pass, you’ll make me feel bad if you do, I’ll be taking care of you from heaven, I’ll be your guardian angel, I’ll be your brown-haired angel and always wear those earrings you like so much, the silver ones, I’ll always wear that bracelet you gave me, i know how much you like it on me.”
He spoke trying to not let the tears fall, both of them knowing that the younger will part soon.
“I want you to be very handsome in my funeral, wear your best attire. If it's red, better.” He whispered as if it was a secret. “I want you to dress me in red too.”
The younger search in his pocket a tiny box, he had asked his mother to buy what it contained inside. Silver earring and a ring.
“I-I don’t want you to think I’m proposing to you, because I don’t want you to be tied to me all your life, this is my gift for you, wear it everyday and if your future partner asks for it you just say:
‘My first love gave it to me, don’t be jealous, because I love only you. He taught me what love is, and now he’s up there, caring for me. I had promised to not take off this earrings and ring so I can have him present in my everyday, don’t worry. He’s my little brown-haired angel of silver earring and bracelet.’
I don’t want you to cling onto me, look for someone who can be by your side for the rest of your life, adopt a baby… or two.” He laughed softly. “I always wanted to have a baby, they’re beautiful.”
Peem, at this point, was a mess of tears, just the thought to lose the one he most loved in the world forever made his mood swing. Khemjira smiled, a broken smile, and dressed him with the earrings and ring.
“I told you to not cry.” He brushed off the tears Peem let out and bring him closer for a kiss.
Their lips hovered slowly, they didn’t want it to end, their tongues danced together, each seeking to lead the rhythm of their kiss. Minutes later they separated to catch some air.
“I love you. So much I can’t imagine a life without you.” Peem whispered, letting their foreheads rest together, both still with their eyes closed. “But I promise you, that I’ll be big in the music industry and then I’ll donate to hospitals so kids with lung cancer achieve their dreams, my first kid will be named Singha, you said you liked that name, remember? He will be our baby, you understand? I don’t want any other partner just because I can’t love anyone but you.” He tried to laugh it out.
“I promise I won’t be jealous if you find someone.” Khemjira said with a soft tone that both of them could hear perfectly at their distance.
“I swear, for my entire production team, that I will never ever take off these earrings and ring, I’ll wear them forever.”
Khemjira closed his eyes, feeling how his lungs started to fail. Despite the respirator in his nose, he was having trouble with breathing.
“Phi, I think… I think it’s time.” He said in a whisper.
Peem, with tears in his eyes, stood up and took him in his arms while managing to take with him the cart with the oxygen tank.
Everything was in slow motion, Peem entering the hospital and heading to Khemjira’s ward to leave him in his bed.
“Hang in there, I’ll bring a doctor. Everything will be alright.” He was heading outside to bring the specialist but a hand in his stopped him.
Khemjira looked at him with tired eyes, still sparkling with love but also with pain. Peem went back to his side.
“I love you, Phi. Don’t forget me, don’t stop celebrating your birthday and keep throwing parties for mine too, in my honor. I’m not leaving forever off your life.” He could barely talk, it hurt him and his voice was hoarse. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”
His left hand rises tremulously to Peem’s chest while his right hand rises to shoulder height, to have some grip, with his left hand, Khemjira draws an X right in Peem’s heart.
Peem did the same, promising to not forget him.
The next happened so fast, Khemjira giving him one last smile, the doctors bringing him out of the room.
His love parting of this world.
Peem never imagined he could feel such pain like this one, an incredible pressure lingered in his chest and didn't let him breath, he didn’t let himself cry, he had promised not to.
— — — —
It’s been two years since Khemjira’s parting, Peem celebrated his birthday just so he could remember him, he didn’t want to be sad on such an important date.
Every June 6th he would visit his grave, share his day while drinking juice and, strangely, it always rained when he was there. It was as if Khemjira telling him he was there, that he missed him.
— — — —
As Peem promised Khemjira, he made his name in the music industry, every one of his songs were written thinking of him, the money he raised was sent to different hospitals to help people battling with cancer.
He adopted a little boy, his name is Singha, like he said he would name him, what most amuses him, is that the boy has a slight resemblance to Khemjira the only thing that is different is his smile, since he was raised by Peem, Singha’s smile resembles his.
He couldn’t lie. He still cried his first and only love parting, but he knew that, wherever he was, he didn’t feel pain anymore. He’s happy, and most important, is busy taking care of him.
Peem will always remember his brown-hair angel with silver earring and bracelet.