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Kalluto watches himself in the mirror of his mother’s vanity, one eye closed as Kikyo works on his eyeliner. The rest of his face is caked in powder, however not a speck on his black kimono. Kalluto looks like a girl. He knows it. He never knew how to feel about it all, Kalluto was a boy, just like all of his siblings, but his mother constantly kept him at her side and dressed him up like a doll. By now he only rarely presents himself masculinely. As long as his mother is happy with him he supposes he doesn't mind, but he wonders what it would be like if he got to control his own appearance. Would he dress more like brother Killua? Or would he still choose to wear the elegant kimonos his mother picks out.
Kalluto’s insides twist at the thought of brother Killua. What did he have that Kalluto didn’t? He knows the answer, but Kalluto can’t help the jealousy that rises in him when Killua is the focus at every family dinner. He is the heir, Kalluto knows that, but…
“Kalluto, stop that.” His mother waves her slender hand in front of his face “You’re going to ruin your face.” Kalluto realizes he is glaring at himself in the mirror, lip curled up. He relaxes and lets his mother continue onto his other eye.
That’s right, no mistakes, he must be perfect. The look of pride in his father’s eyes when Illumi reports Killua’s progress to him will never be directed at Kalluto. The look of satisfaction in Illumi’s eyes when he sees Killua perfectly execute his training will never be directed at him. The look of fondness Kalluto barely remembers from Killua when he played with Alluka will never be directed at him. Not unless he is perfect. The perfect doll for his mother. It’s not like he hates getting dressed up and looking pretty, in the end it doesn't really matter anyway. He wishes he could express himself how he chooses, yes, but that’s a small price to pay for when he is finally seen by his family for being perfect. Instead of always disappearing in the shadows of his more successful siblings.
A long sigh from his mother pulls Kalluto out of his thoughts. He holds back his flinch when Kikyo grips his shoulders. Her hands are firm with the hold of a woman who fought and clawed her way to the hand of the most powerful assassin of the era. She leans down and scrutinizes her son’s face. Kalluto always feels squirmish when she does this. He doesn’t know what his mother looks like underneath her visor. For all he knows his mother could just, not have eyes at all. He thinks the only person who has seen her face is his father… and maybe grandfather Zeno. The reddish-pink dot scans his face and Kalluto manages to keep a straight face until his mother pulls back and smiles.
“All right Kalluto love, let’s go.” Kalluto nods and stands from the velvety chair in front of the vanity. As he walks out he pauses in front of the full length mirror by the door and smooths out his kimono.
“Kalluto.” His mother repeated firmly. She had a hand extended out to Kalluto expectingly
“O-oh. Yes mother.” He flinches and quickly moves to follow his mother. The pair walk through the dimly lit halls to the grand entrance of the Zoldyck Mansion. Kalluto walks with his chin up, just enough to show confidence while not seeming arrogant. His mother had beaten those manners into him long ago, they were second nature by now. He keeps his hand in his mothers as she guides him off the wooden pathway and into the woods surrounding the mansion. The crisp cool air of Kukooroo mountain fills in his lungs and the dewy grass tickles the sides of his feet through his sandals.
These walks were a part of his assassin training, Kalluto assumed that much. Why else would his mother take him through the forest for hours at a time otherwise? He just doesn’t understand what he is being tested on. His mother doesn't try to talk to him, doesn’t task him with anything, doesn’t take him to any high risk areas. She only walks with him through the peaceful scenery of the mountain. He supposes that might be the point though. He is being tested on how fast he can come to the correct conclusion with minimum evidence and prior knowledge. If that's true he’s already losing, but also wouldn’t that itself be the correct conclusion? He shakes his head, well that’s practically a given, so there has to be another reason as well.
Today, Kikyo guides him to a cliff with a small clearing. Kalluto gazes over the dark, almost blue-ish green pine trees that surround them for miles going down the mountain, only the tips visible through the thick fog that coats Kukooroo as well as the surrounding mountains in the range. He looks up at his mother for a hint as to what he’s supposed to be doing, she has her hands folded in front of her and seems to be scanning the horizon? (He can never tell for sure through the visor.) He doesn’t have anything else to do so he does the same. He inspects every inch where the sky meets the earth. On one side of them, the sun peeks out from a cloud close to the ground. On the opposite side, a little further up the sky, the moon is still visible. And all in between were mountains and trees as far as the eye could see. He takes a silent deep breath. This is a part of his training, he reminds himself. Whatever he is doing has to have some meaning.
He traces the mountain peaks with his eyes. He can’t afford to fail this. He must be perfect.