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Jack confused Mark greatly when he did this. He'd just sit there, raising in eyebrow at the irishman as he took a deep breath and held it before releasing it and giving a small yet sad-ish smile.
The American hadn't decided to ask him about it until last night before they fell asleep through a Skype chat, talking about rearrangements about Jack moving in with Mark.
"Hey, Jack? Can I ask you something?" Mark had mumbled sleepily, yawning and stretching in hopes of staying up longer to talk to the other man.
"Mhmm. What is it?"
"Well, uh... Whenever we're around each other, like, at a convention, or panel, or something, well, you always breathe deeper and stuff and I'm going no where with this. Forget about it," Mark brushed it off, laughing softly.
"Do you really wanna know?" Jack raised an eyebrow at the tired man on his laptop screen, his own eyes trying to flutter shut himself. He continued when his boyfriend sheepishly nodded his head yes. "I always think about other people, I'm always afraid that any moment could be their last, y'know? And, because I'm a goof, sometimes I just think about the air I'm breathing now could... Well, it could be where someone else took their last breath..." He explained, trailing off to frown when Mark looked at him.
"Don't give me that look, you dick," Jack pouted, crossing his arms and huffing. "I told you it was weird." He grumbled.
"No, no, it's just- when did you start thinking of stuff like that? That's whole new level of fucked up, Sean," Mark laughed. "But, yeah. It's an... interesting sight of mind."
"Yeah, but what if it's true? What if we're breathing in someones final moments? That's so messed up and... and..."
"Messed up," Mark finalizes, biting back another snort of laughter.
"Yeah," Jack agreed as they soon changed the subject before they trailed off into sleep.
That's been a thought that peeked Mark's interest when he had nothing else to think about. Well, that and his boyfriend's other 'what if' scenarios he comes up wit at three in the morning (at least, it's three in the morning for Jack anyways).
Shaking his head with a fond smile, Mark turned out his lights, counted off another day until Jack officially moved in with him, and peacefully fell asleep.
~~~
"And that's it for this episode of Happy Wheels!" Jack yelled, laughing and looking away from the game to his camera directed at him. "This was a pain in the arse to play, you guys love watching me suffer I swear. Bunch a sadists," He mumbled under his breath with a grin. "Anyways! If you liked this video, punch that like button in the face like a boss! And highfives all around-" Jack continued his outro before turning off his camera for the day and saving his footage giddily.
He'd been recording a few more days worth of backup videos for YouTube. Why? Because today was the day he got to fly over to see Mark! He was finally going to move in with his boyfriend of three years and he couldn't be any more happier than he was now. Except, he would be when he was in the other mans arms but he wouldn't know that until then.
He already had things he probably wouldn't want or need with his mom or in storage, and everything else like clothes, electronic devices, personal items, clothes, a few toiletries, etc. already packed in a few bags. All he had to do now was get his laptop and camera and audio equipment in his bag and he'd be set to leave for the airport!
And, when he had finally landed, tired and aching, he expected to see Mark, waiting there for him and ready to pick him up and help with his bags to his- their house.
Only, Mark wasn't there. Frowning, Jack called his boyfriend, which really didn't amount to anything as his attempt, once
again, failed. He couldn't very well just drive himself since he obviously didn't have a car of his own, nor did Mark seem to be here so, reluctantly, he managed to flag down a taxi and soon enough arrived in front of the house.
Jack couldn't help but to pay attention to the terrible feeling in his stomach on his way to the house, and as he finally got his bags out, payed the man to drive off, and finally looked up at the house, he'd wished that the feeling was just that; a feeling. Yet, he couldn't help but to panic as he saw what seemed to be an ambulance, a police car, and finally the sirens that finally registered in his ears. Whatever it was wasn't hear yet, he assumed it was for here anyways.
He ran up to the porch, trying to get inside before a few EMT's held him back by the arms, refusing to let him in.
"No! Let me in dammit! That's my boyfriend in there, what's going on?!" He yelled at them as he continued to struggle in their firm grasps to no avail as they kept ahold of him.
"Son, you really can't be in there right now. Do you not see why?" The police officer explained, resting a hand on the green haired man's shoulder to try and keep him calm enough to where he would stop thrashing around like he was.
Jack felt his heart drop into his stomach, eyes widening as he finally searching the entire outside of the house with his eyes frantically, looking for the source of the so called fire. He could only assume they'd tried to go in earlier and that was the reason they stood outside without Mark instead earlier.
Then he heard the sound of glass shattering and jerked his head to the sound, seeing it was the very top window where he knew was Mark's bedroom, flames starting to go up and out of the it and smoke billowing up into the clear blue sky. And then there was a scream- a call for help, he sooner realized as it was heard again.
The irishman felt himself be pulled farther away from the house, panicking too much to realize everything as soon as it happened, stuff that was clear as day was just coming to him too slowly.
Just like processing the news that his boyfriend was dead, when the people said there wasn't much damage to the house except for a few room s upstairs but he could easily repair them, when he finally dragged his bags into the house and just sat on the couch all day, making arrangements for Mark's viewing and funeral... But the hardest to process was when the funeral was over; when everyone was saying their reluctant and last goodbyes to the wonderful yet now deceased man in the casket. That had to have been the hardest thing he'd done.
A few friends, such as Felix, Marzia, Wade, Bob and a few more had suggested to stay with him for a while until he was okay. But he declined all of them except for Daithi who had been his best friend before time could count.
Only a few weeks later did all of it finally process his mind and Daithi finally managed to get him to talk, although it was the last day the other man could stay in the states due to his visa not allowing him to be out of Ireland for so long.
"Sean? Buddy, c'mon, say something?" He pleaded, wrapping one arm around Jack's shoulders to pull him close.
"What do you want me ta say?" Jack finally spoke, his voice a bit raspy from not really talking and only silently crying ever since he heard the unforgivable news.
"Okay... How about you tell me why you keep breathing like that? You just, not all the time but, when you're in the bedroom or somethin', ya always take this deep breath...?" Daithi tried, only wanting to start a conversation and help get his friend back on his feet.
Jack let out a shaky breath along with a smile.
"Y-y'know how any moment could be someone's last breath, anywhere at anytime?" Daithi nodded his head in acknowledgment. "Well, what if every breath you took, was someone else's last breath?" Jack explained, recalling his and Mark's conversation a while ago that sort of went like this over Skype. 'Mark always thought it was an interesting theory.'
"Jack, that's... that's fucked up, man," He let out an airy laugh, patting the broken looking man on the back.
"Yeah," He laughed slightly under his breath. "Yeah, it is. It really is." He smiled.
"Well, I've gotta get going to the airport and head back home. Talk to ya later, Jack." He bided his goodbyes before standing up and hugging Jack one last time before he left, leaving Jack alone once again, leaving the man to his own thoughts.
A few minutes and he managed to push himself up and away from the couch and towards Mark's recording room.
He had told the fans that something terrible had come up and he's update them when the time came, which had reminded their fans of past tragic events and only fueled their worry as much as their support. And he hadn't updated them on anything yet.
He pushed open the door, regretting every moment with each step closer he took towards the recording equipment.
After he set the live stream up on Mark's Channel, because he didn't want to waste time by getting on his own, he sent a tweet out on his own twitter account to go to Mark's channel.
He didn't really start talking until he thought he had enough people there, taking the few moments to take a few deep breaths and try to keep himself from crying in front of everyone, though he knew that would be inevitable with talking about this.
"Hello, everybody. My name is Jacksepticeye, and I'll be livestreamin' on Mark's channel today instead a my own." He started, not using his usual intro nor his loud and cheery voice. "A while ago, I told you all that I would not be uploading for a whole due to tragic events. It's been a little too long but I've been... trying to get a grip on myself so, here we go..." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and thought of how he wanted to begin this before finally speaking.
"Mark, or who you all know as Markiplier, is a great man. He's been here on YouTube longer than I ever could have hoped to be. He's funny, sweet, strong, and everything we've come to call him. He's family to us all in some form or way. To me, he was my boyfriend, and we actually took a step to move in with each other."
Jack paused a second to read over the confused comments before tears started to fill his eyes and his voice began to crack with every word.
"B-but Mark... h-he isn't..." Jack cleared his throat. "He isn't here with us anymore." His voice finally gave out as it was interrupted with a sob that a quickly covered by his hand, the tears falling no matter how hard he fought them.
"A few weeks ago, just before I landed on my flight here, M-Mark wasn't there to pick me up at the airport; he wouldn't even answer my texts or calls. So, I took a cab and when I got here... I wasn't allowed because there was a f-fire. I don't know how much more I can say so I'll just get to the cut really. Mark d-died in a house fire. He probably would have been here if I'd gotten here sooner b-but I... but I wasn't, and I'm so sorry.
"I'm sorry that he had to lose his life and that we all just lost a son, a brother, a boyfriend; we lost a family member, and there's nothing we can do to bring him b-back." He choked out the last word, taking another silence filled moment to read over the comments, which had now slowed down a bit. Whether it was shock from the news, out of respect to listen to Jack, or whatever reason, Jack was thankful they had quieted down a bit.
"A-and I know it's going to be really hard to get over this, because I still can't, and I don't think I ever will get over it. To be quite honest with all of ya, I don't want to. I don't wanna forget what a wonderful man he was- is. And I will try to do anything I can to make everyone that already knew him continue to remember him for who he was. I don't want it to just be a trending hashtag or something that goes on for a month or so before he finally does out. I want this to be something that no one will ever forget.
"Thank you for everyone that has ever watched mine and Mark's YouTube videos. But, this will be the last video on either of our channels. I'm sorry, thank you all for supporting us in everything we've always done or gone through. I may post videos again some day, but, until I'm able enough, I guess this is g-goodbye."
Jack hated that word. It's the worst thing he's ever had to force himself to ever say.
Waving at the camera, he turned it off and made sure everything was turned back off before he went upstairs.
A week ago, he had all of the fire and the smoke damages and smell out of the house. But he hadn't really wanted to go upstairs since it all happened.
Chica wasn't much better than Jack. She sat outside of Mark and Jack's bedroom door, whining and crying. Jack would have to spend at least an hour, more or less, getting her to eat and go outside to use the bathroom. But other than that, she stayed outside of the bedroom door, waiting for Mark even though she probably already knew he wasn't coming back.
"C'mon girl. Let's go to bed," Jack said weakly? opening the door and nearly crying when Chica immediately bolted in, sniffing everything and searching for Mark, only stopping to look up at her other owner in question. "He i-isn't here, Chica." She wined and barked at him. "I said he isn't here! What else do you want?!" He raised his voice slightly at the dog, making her whine again, ears drooping from their perked position.
Jack sighed, walking over and sitting on the bed, not even worrying about getting dressed into night clothes or getting under the covers, just laying there and no longer fighting back the tears.
After an hour of crying and over thinking once again, he smiled weakly when Chica jumped up on the bed with him and nudged at his arm with her nose until he lifted it up for her to curl up next to him and pet her.
Taking one last deep breath before his breathing finally evened out and he fell asleep with Chica. And his last thought had been how he had always talked about being able to breathe in what could have once been someone else's last breath. Little did he know that he would take that to heart when he lost Mark.