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The AC was never quite cool enough.
“We can’t have the cats getting cold, Mr. Braginsky,” Ivan’s boss said every time he brought the subject up.
“But, Mr. Kim,” Ivan would counter every. Single. Time. “Maybe more people would come in here if it wasn’t hotter inside than it is outside.” Ivan’s gaze drifted to the only customer in the tiny cafe, an elderly regular who never failed to come in wearing long sleeves and a vest despite the warmth. Two of the cats were currently rubbing up against the man’s leg as he read and sipped his drink. Ivan tended to run cold himself, usually donning a coat and red scarf, but he couldn’t bear to work in the warmth wearing those.
“Mr. Braginsky, if we had more customers, you wouldn’t have as much time to read.” Mr. Kim looked down at the book Ivan hadn’t put down during the entire conversation. “Besides, I like it quiet in here.” With a wink and a small smile, Mr. Kim took the coffee Ivan had just made for him and walked back to his seat facing the storefront, and resumed his own book.
As Ivan got lost in the fantasy his book provided and petted the ever fat and friendly Felix (his favorite of the cafe cats), Ivan thought to himself, there really is nothing better than this.
A gentle chime stirred Ivan out of his imagination. He blinked a few times to readjust his eyes after staring at sepia pages and black text for who knows how many hours, then turned to the front door. A muscular man walked in, looking around at what was there to see. Admittedly, that was not much. The small cafe contained a handful of tables, various cats lounging around, and bookshelves covering every wall. Taking a moment to absorb the humble surroundings, the customer walked up to Ivan at the counter. As they approached, Ivan couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the man’s features. Underneath the shaggy blond hair—with an egregious cowlick—were striking blue eyes that almost made Ivan want to jump back. The stranger wore a brown bomber jacket and blue jeans, complementing the tan skin that looked as though it had lived in the sun. With his own pale skin and almost-white hair, Ivan felt as though he was seeing his exact opposite. To him, the customer looked so... interesting. He really never got to see anyone who wasn’t his boss or a regular customer. Rarely did Ivan ever interact with anyone his own age. He pondered when the last time he ever spoke to someone under the age of 50 was.
Well, I guess that would have been back in college… Ivan shivered slightly at this thought. Memories of countless hours spent in the library and his dorm room, hiding away from all people. Even then, I only talked to my professors… Ivan recalled.
“Hello? Hello?” The stranger was speaking to him. Ivan realized he had been staring into space in his own little world again. His ears burned.
“Oh yes, I’m sorry,” he said timidly. “How can I help you?” The customer was leaning over the counter slightly, staring straight into Ivan’s eyes. He felt almost naked.
“You good, bro?” The customer asked with one eyebrow turned upwards.
“Um, yes, I’m fine, thank you, just a little spaced out.” Ivan offered a small, forced smile and a fake chuckle. Please just order and leave so I don’t have to talk anymore, please, please, please.
“Okay then…” The customer shrugged slightly. “Gimme a large caramel latte, please.”
With relief at no longer having to interact with a human being, Ivan turned around hastily to make the coffee.
“Ivan, you have to take the money from the customers before you make the drinks,” Mr. Kim called out from his table. The regular was looking up from his book and laughing quietly.
“Yes, sir!” Ivan called back sheepishly. He walked back to the counter where the customer was waiting, wallet in hand. He was laughing too. Ivan didn’t know if he preferred being laughed at or stared down by such an intimidating person. He took the money, made change, and set out to make the drink as fast as possible so he could put this awkward experience behind him.
When Ivan finished, he carefully placed the coffee on a tray and walked to where the customer was sitting. He had one of the cats in his lap and was still looking around. Ivan felt strange when he noticed that the cat he was holding was his favorite, a rescue that usually did not warm up to strangers quickly. As Ivan approached the customer, a cat suddenly darted in front of his feet. In an attempt not to trample the creature, Ivan tripped. The cat ran when the customer jumped, but Ivan poured hot coffee all over the intimidating customer. His heart sank.
“I’m so so sorry!” Ivan ran behind the counter to get a towel. The customer now looked annoyed. Ivan felt apologetic, but also resented him for walking into his shop, where he had been living a nice, quiet life filled with books and minimal contact with people.
“This is going to ruin my shoes.” The customer didn’t seem angry, but acted more like he had been mildly inconvenienced.
“I’m so sorry. I’ll pay for them. And I’ll get you a refund,” Anything to get you out of here and out of my life, Ivan thought.
The customer reached for his phone and tapped at it. “Don’t worry about that. I can’t stay now, I have a shift soon, but give me your number and we can talk about it. My name’s Alfred, by the way.”
Ivan hated that he would have to interact with this person for any longer than he already had, but he gave up his contact information anyway. The customer left in a hurry, and Ivan sighed in relief.
“Please don’t do that again, Mr. Braginsky.” Mr Kim said nonchalantly, as if he had merely knocked over a cup instead of burning a paying customer with his own drink. “I think I know another reason why we don’t have many customers.” Mr Kim was chuckling to himself, the regular was still engrossed in his story, and Ivan felt more useless than ever.
-
Ivan felt his uneasiness grow steadily with every step he took. As he walked from his cafe to the convenience store, he questioned what wrong decisions he had made that led him to this point. Continually, he checked his phone to check that he was on the right path. He looked at strange neighborhoods, shopping centers, and buildings he never knew existed. I have lived in this city for 6 years, and I have never been here. Ivan thought about when he had first moved to the city. It was his first time away from home. Ivan generally tried to avoid thinking about anything that happened before he began working at the cafe, but his curiosity overpowered the bad memories. I never really ventured off campus… after I graduated, I found the cafe and that was it. Ivan realized that there were a few places he went to in his daily life. The cafe, the store, the library, and the roads connecting these places and his apartment were all he frequented. As Ivan surveyed what he passed, he itched to return to familiarity. If only that weirdo didn’t come into my precious cafe! Ivan walked more briskly with vexing thoughts running through his mind.
Before he knew it, his GPS dinged to notify him that he had arrived. Ivan stopped in his tracks. In the dark, the 7/11 shone brightly. Flies buzzed around the neon signs. A mysterious stain lined the whole perimeter of the foundation. A drunk man was sleeping right outside the door. The fluorescent lighting from inside burned Ivan’s eyes. All in all, it was a pretty typical convenience store, a little slower than most, but typical as they all are. Ivan felt a slight relief at the lack of people around. From what he could see from outside, there weren’t any people inside. Gathering up his courage, he pulled the door open and walked in.
The inside was almost disappointingly boring. One of the light strips flickered slowly, casting shadows on the chips below every few seconds. A sort of mundane humming noise came from somewhere. Hot dogs rolled methodically in their little rotisserie stand. The slushy display spun around, and around, and around, and around, and around. Ivan hated anything unfamiliar, usually, but the store was so small, banal, and uninteresting that it was almost comforting in a way. I feel like time doesn’t exist here, Ivan thought with wonder and almost a little bit of admiration. He spotted Alfred at the counter. His legs were propped up against the cigarette cabinet, he had a book in hand, and a lollipop stick hanging out of his mouth.
Walking up with resolve to get out of this strange place as soon as possible, Ivan approached. Standing stiffly, Ivan tried to think of what to say. Alfred was still lounging in that weird position, reading upside down.
“You look like you just walked into a monster-filled cave wearing meat around your neck,” he said, not looking away from the book.
“That's not far from how I’m feeling, honestly.”
CAAARRAACK! Thunder struck outside. The rain wasn’t supposed to start for another hour! Ivan moaned and groaned internally. I’m going to get a cold, and it’s all because of this jerk!
“So why did you need me to come here?” Ivan said, attempting to sound civil and amicable but definitely failing.
“What do you mean?” Alfred still hadn’t taken his eyes off the book.
I’m going to kill him. With clenched teeth, he said, “You texted me. Said we needed to talk. In person. Why I couldn’t have just sent you money to pay for whatever I ruined, I have no idea. So just tell me what you want.” Ivan realized he had begun to yell a bit, and he felt a little bad. Just slightly, though. Alfred began to laugh, and Ivan didn’t feel sorry at all anymore.
“I just wanted to mess with you. I don’t want your money, I just wanted to see your face when you got here.” Alfred had sat straight up and was looking at Ivan closely with a wide and mischievous grin on his face. “You can go now, I got what I wanted.”
I am going to kill him. I swear to God.
Before Ivan could come up with a response or next course of action, the two were suddenly thrown into darkness.
“Oh God!”
“Damn it!”
“What happened?” Ivan managed to get out. He held his arms out, groping for anything. His hands found the counter, and he held onto it tightly. He heard Alfred .
“What do you think? The power went out.” Ivan heard rustling from behind the counter. A light shone in his face. Surprised, he yelped and leaped backwards, falling on his butt. Alfred laughed for real.
“Take this.” Alfred was handing him a flashlight. “I’m going to go check the breakers and call management. Feel free to grab a snack or whatever.” He wandered off holding a flashlight of his own.
Ivan got up and began to straighten himself out. He looked out the window. There was no light from the other stores or the streetlights. So it’s not just this store, it’s the whole street that’s out of power at least. He remembered the walk he had taken to the convenience store. From what he could remember, there was a bit of wind, but no other signs of such bad weather. How did it get so bad so fast? he wondered.
His phone lit up suddenly.
Flash Flood Warning.
Ivan looked down at it with a twitch in his eye.
“Okay, so management called the electric company, and they’re on their way, but they think it’s gonna be a long while. Besides that, the storm is supposed to last all night. How were you planning to get home?” Alfred had returned from the backroom and was now setting up battery-powered lamps around the store.
“I was just gonna walk.” Sure can’t do that now…
“I guess you’re just going to have to stay here.” Alfred was back behind the counter, opening a bag of chips. He held the bag out to Ivan. “Want one?” he said in between crunches.
Ivan made a face and looked back out the front windows. The rain seemed to pour down even harder. The sound grew louder as it fell against the roof.
“Seems I don’t have a choice.” Hesitantly, he reached out and grabbed a chip.
“So you have accepted my truce offering!” Alfred was smiling widely. Ivan raised an eyebrow.
“What?”
“You took the food I offered you. That means we are allies, even comrades now.”
“Comrades.” Ivan felt the discomfort and worry of the situation melt away, being replaced with skepticism and exasperation. I am stuck in a store in the middle of a storm, in the middle of a power outage, with an absolute loon. I wonder if I did something wrong and I’m being punished…
“Yes! We are comrades now.” Alfred stood up and struck a dramatic pose. “We are two allies, in the midst of a storm of a magnitude unheard of for thousands of years.” He moved his hand through the air as though he was telling a great legend. “All light has been extinguished, we’re running low on supplies!”
“We are, quite literally, in the middle of a fully stocked store holding pretty much anything we could possibly need.”
“Don’t interrupt!” Alfred shot Ivan a look, and he rolled his eyes. He waited for him to finish anyway. “Where was I… Oh yes! We’ve signaled for help, but who knows when it’ll arrive.” Ivan crossed his arms. “And now, we must pass the time any way we can to distract ourselves from our starvation and to keep our waning spirits up.” He ate another chip, then continued. “You can go first.” He looked at Ivan expectantly.
-
Ivan chuckled as Alfred struck him with the punchline of a stupid joke. In the beams of the flashlights, Alfred looked equal parts spooky and handsome. Without fanfare, the store lights came back on. Ivan jumped again, and Alfred whooped and hollered.
“How did they get them back on so fast?” Ivan wondered out loud. It's only been like what??? An hour? He realized that the rain had gotten much quieter than the last time he had paid any mind to it. The hard rain sounds on the roof of the store had faded into gentle pattering. Alfred gestured to the clock above the cigarette case.
“It’s already 1. We’ve been out since 8.”
“It’s been five hours already?!” Ivan yelled. How did the time pass so fast? he looked out the window. The streetlights were illuminating the street.
“I guess you should be getting home. Where do you live? I’ll walk you.”
“Don't you have to work?”
“Nah, the store was officially closed as soon as the power went out. And I’m still getting paid for my whole shift!”
“I don’t want you to walk all the way…”
“I live nearby.”
“I… did not tell you where I live.”
“Oh.”
As they walked towards Ivan’s apartment, carrying umbrellas Alfred had ‘borrowed’ from the store- “I’m an employee! I’m totally allowed to do this!” he had said- Ivan felt a void in his heart be filled. It was one that he never knew was gaping in the first place.
“Are you going to come back to the cafe?” Ivan almost stopped breathing from his moment of spontaneous bravery. Alfred looked over to him and smiled.
“What, so you can ruin my shoes again?” With no malice in his voice, Ivan knew he was teasing, but he still felt guilty.
“Why won’t you let me replace them?”
“Because baristas at tiny, unpopular cafes do not tend to make Mephisto kind of money.”
“And convenience store cashiers do?” Ivan said incredulously. “And the cafe is unpopular on purpose!”
“But you see, that job is only a front.”
“A front.”
“Yes! I have another job. Wait, what do you mean it’s unpopular on purpose?”
“Mr. Kim just needed something to do in retirement. He’s loaded. Doesn’t want to make money at all, just read and drink coffee somewhere quiet outside his home.” Alfred pulled an impressed face and nodded solemnly. “But wait, what’s your other job?”
Alfred raised and lowered his eyebrows teasingly. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“So you’re just going to taunt me with- Oh wait, we’re here!” Without realizing it, they had arrived at Ivan’s apartment. His heart sank a bit.
“Well then, I suppose I’ll leave you so I can plan some sinister way to annoy you.” Alfred dropped his umbrella and gave Ivan a princely bow. “I await the next time I may torture you, mister,” he said with a snivelly little voice. Ivan watched the rain pour on his head as he stood in position, seemingly waiting for a reaction.
“If you get a cold, that is 100% on you,” Ivan said dryly, trying very hard to hide his amusement. He walked up to his door and unlocked it. When he turned around, Alfred was waving at him. he smiled and waved back. When he had changed into clean pajamas and climbed into bed, he picked up his phone to read a new message.
“Miss me yet? Wink”
He smiled and went to sleep.
-
The next few weeks passed by faster than Ivan could think. Gone were the quiet, monotonous days spent at the cafe. Alfred came in almost every day before he went to work, and he dragged a faux-unwilling Ivan along to so many different places on the weekends.
It was just another night of Ivan’s new everyday life. He and Alfred were hanging out behind the counter. They were talking about who knows what, just the typical banter.
“Will you go out with me?”
Ivan froze. “What?” he said in a small voice.
“I want you to go out with me. You like me, don’t you?” Alfred was closer now, too close; he was grabbing Ivan’s hand, he was flinching, panicking. Alfred was holding onto his hand tightly, boring his eyes into his. Ivan could not move. I can’t breathe what is going on why did he say that what is going on!
Ivan could not hear Alfred shouting at him as he blanked out. In a flash, he shot up. “I have to go!” And he was gone.
-
Ivan woke up and looked at his phone. No new messages. He sighed and stared at the ceiling. It had been three weeks since The Incident (as he referred to it in his mind). For the first week, he could not open his phone without there being a text from Alfred.
‘why did you run? Let’s talk.’
‘Ivan what is going on’
‘please call me back’
Eventually, he stopped texting. Ivan felt relief at no longer having to deal with seeing them, but it could not cover the extreme sadness and loneliness he felt. Alfred hadn’t been to the cafe since Ivan had run out on him. The once peaceful days were so gloomy and boring now. Ivan had tried to go back to reading as much as he did before he met Alfred, but couldn’t keep a book open for longer than a few minutes. Mr. Kim hadn’t asked about Alfred’s disappearance. He had tried to, the day after The Incident. Ivan’s face stopped him before he could ask.
I wonder what he’s doing now? As much as Ivan tried, he could not stop thinking about him. He should still be working the same night hours… I wonder if he ever got around to adopting that cat. Ivan thought back to that conversation.
They were in the cafe, a few hours before Alfred had to go to work. Mr. Kim was reading and drinking his coffee; the old regular was doing the same. Alfred’s presence had become, by this point, as expected as anything else in the mundane little cafe.
Alfred was holding no less than three cats in his arms. Ivan looked down at his coffee as it approached room temperature. “They sure do like you.”
“What makes you think that?” Another cat jumped on his back and clawed its way up onto his shoulder. “Ow.”
Ivan burst out into a fit of laughter, the kind that hurts after you’re done with it. Alfred was laughing too, and most of the cats jumped off of him.
“I’ve never actually had a pet before.” Alfred sipped his drink. “Ooh, this is good!”
“It’s the seasonal special. Anyway, I can’t believe that. As good as you are with cats?”
“My mom is allergic, so we never had. I really want one now, though. It’s too quiet at home.” Alfred had picked up Felix, and they were staring at each other intently. Mr. Kim spoke.
“You need to go to the shelter where I got these mangy things. Tell them I sent you.” Ivan gasped and clapped his hands together.
“That’s perfect! We’ll go together to pick one out.” Alfred looked at his and smiled.
“Let’s go together, then.”
Ivan smiled miserably at the memory.
-
When he arrived at work, Mr. Kim and the regular were waiting for him.
“Why are you standing in front of the door?” Ivan asked with no emotion. Mr. Kim crossed his arms.
“I cannot have an employee who is in extreme mental distress. Besides you being unhappy, the cats are starting to get depressed too!”
“I am also feeling down when I come in these days.” The regular interjected..
“This isn’t about you, Thomas!” Mr. Kim yell-whispered
“Then why’d you bring up the cats?”
In his normal, calm voice, Mr. Kim said, “Ivan. What happened to the boy? He looked at him deeply. I can’t avoid talking about it any longer, I guess.
Ivan told the two old men the entire story. He told them about how much they had talked since they had met in the cafe, and why Ivan had run away and ignored him. When he finished, they sat back in silence.
“My dear. If you want him so badly, why did you run away?”
“I never said I wanted him!” he said, flushing. The regular—Thomas, Ivan now knew—scoffed.
“You didn’t have to say it…”
Mr. Kim shot him a pointed look. He looked back at Ivan with a softer expression, but no less gentle.
“Ivan, I think you need to take some time to think about what you really want. Take some time off from work. Just do some self-reflection. I think you have many more problems than you even think you do. Go sort yourself out, and after you do that, work out what it is you’re missing in your life. When you have the answer to that, then you’ll know what to do.”
-
Ivan stood a few hundred feet from the entrance to the 7/11. He looked around at the all too familiar building. It hasn’t changed in all these weeks. But I have. He breathed in, then out, slowly, in a rhythm he had learned recently. I can do this. I am strong, and there is nothing to be scared of. Ivan held his hands tightly together so they didn’t shake so much. He gave them one last squeeze, then reached for his phone.
‘Hey, are you working tonight?’
Sent.
Ivan waited for a reply, tapping his foot. Not more than ten seconds later-
‘I am.’
Nothing more than those two words, but the fact that there was a response at all gave Ivan the boost of energy he needed to walk inside. Alfred was sitting behind the counter, leaning on his arms that were resting on the top. He looked up and gasped, sitting up straight. Ivan swallowed hard and walked up to him. “Can I sit with you?”
Alfred’s eyes were still wide. He had an expression on his face that Ivan couldn’t read, but he could at least tell he wasn’t angry or disinterested. I still have a chance. He pulled another chair close to his. Ivan walked behind the counter and sat. Alfred was sitting straight up, not slouching or lying like he usually did. Ivan rubbed his hands together as he tried to think of what to say. I practiced this, but I don’t remember now this is so awkward what do I do I’ve got to say something-
“How have you been?” “I’m sorry I ghosted you.”
The pair started a bit at the sudden outburst from the other, and then they both laughed a little. It was more genuine than nervous.
“I’m sorry, Ivan, what did you say?”
“It’s alright,” he smiled. “I want to apologize to you.” A look of hurt flashed over Alfred’s face, but was quickly replaced with his former pleasant smile. Ivan continued. “I have… a lot of problems that made me react the way I did, but that isn’t an excuse for completely leaving you in the dark as to what was going on. But I want to tell you about what I’ve gone through just so you can understand. And I want to tell you what I’ve done to improve myself.” Ivan breathed in hard and steadied himself. Alfred dropped his fake smile and leaned in closer as Ivan began.
“Well, I guess it all started when I was a child. My parents were never really around, and I never learned how to get along with children, so I grew up without any relationships with other people. I pretty much learned how to function in society just from reading books and watching movies, but that was just the bare minimum. I got into college because of my good grades, since I had so much time to study, but it was so hard for me having to work with classmates and talk to professors, and it was just-” Ivan shivered. “Awful.”
“After I graduated, I found the cafe. Mr. Kim had put in the advertisement- "Barista wanted. Must have solid knowledge of literature, strong love for cats, and not talk so much.” Since I was hired, I’ve become friends with him, but that’s as far as interpersonal relationships with other human beings go in my life.”
“That is, until I met you.”
Alfred smiled gently.
“I guess it was easy to talk to you because you’re so annoying.” Alfred laughed. “No, really! Since I didn’t have to worry about how to act around you, I could actually talk to you! I’ve never been able to talk to someone like I can with you.” Ivan lost his smile and looked down at the floor.
“But then, when you asked me out, I got scared. All of my usual fears I have when talking to people came back, all at once, because that was too much, it was too unfamiliar, I guess. And I just had to run away, I couldn’t deal with my feelings and my fears, and I just hid away, and I’m so, so sorry,” Ivan felt himself begin to ramble. He paused, steadied himself, and continued on without lifting his eyes. “But, something great happened. Mr. Kim sent me to his niece—a therapist—and I’ve been working with her this past month. She told me I needed to come talk to you, now that I’ve progressed this much. We’ve been dealing with my anxiety and just- everything, and now I feel like I can be brave enough to really talk to you.” Ivan looked up. Alfred was close, closer than Ivan was comfortable with, but he stayed still. “I’m so sorry, Alfred. Will you forgive me?” Alfred smiled.
“How could I not after all of that?”
Ivan stayed through the end of Alfred’s shift as they talked about so many things, everything, it felt like. Alfred told Ivan about everything that he had gone through while they weren’t speaking, everything that he was feeling. When they parted in the early hours of the morning, it was with a promise.
“Text me later, okay?”
“Of course.”
Later that morning, as Ivan was working, the doorbell chimed. When he turned to look, he smiled.