Chapter Text
"I'm actually dropping out this time," Harry says as he drops down on the grass in front of the lake after coming from potions.
"Harry, let's just breathe for a moment-"
"No, Hermione, I'm done. He treats me like I'm stupid and pretty much calls me slow." "You're exaggerating. He's not 'basically calling you slow'," Hermione sighs, sitting on the grass with Harry. "Sorry, Mione, I'm with Harry here. He treats us ALL like we don't know anything, even though you're the smartest person I know," Ron replies earnestly as he lies on the grass, basking in the sun.
"Well, what are WE gonna do. No matter what, we are literally required to take potions and he's the only potions professor," Hermione says, joining Ron on the grass to tan.
Harry jumps up suddenly. Wouldn't they have to get a new professor if Snape quit? He turns to look at his friends, smiling deviously.
"So no," Hermione laughs, barely looking up.
"You haven't even heard what I was gonna say," Harry whines. "Cmon let's hear him out. We don't have any other ideas," Ron says, leaning on his elbows in interest. Hermione looks at Harry expectantly. "Like you said, we only have one professor per subject in this entire school; so, what if we got him to quit?"
Hermione sighs in disappointment. "You know, EVERY single time I talk to the both of you, I feel myself getting stupider and stupider. It's like hanging out with Dumb and Dumber; you two can figure out who's which."
"Hey, why am I catching stays? It's Harry who came up with the idea," moans Ron. "And you were nodding along to every single word." "Please, Hermione, just this once? Doesn't it hurt to have him dismiss you every single time?" Harry pleads. Hermione thinks for a few moments, then stands.
"Whatever."
"YES," shout Ron and Harry in excitement. "-BUT... we do things MY way. We will not get caught, nor will we take any recognition if we succeed. It will be a three-part plan, and if we don't succeed after we stop COMPLETELY. Do you understand?" Hermoine looks at them, crossing her arms.
"Yes ma'am," Harry and Ron say at the same time, grinning at each other.
They pack up and head back to the castle, searching for a private place to plan. They check each floor, common areas, libraries, the great hall, even the kitchens. Each place is even more packed than the last. As they drag themselves to the seventh floor, they start to lose hope. If they can't even find a place to study privately, how will they pull off elaborate enough pranks to make Snape quit while not getting caught?
They pace back and forth, trying to think of a place to plan without getting caught.
"What about the Chamber of Secrets-"
"...What the fuck is wrong with you," Hermione says, looking at him crazily, "No, like what actually went through your head when saying that."
"Well, no one can access it except Harry," Ron sputters.
"Just shut up." "Okay."
Suddenly, a giant door appeared in front of them. Having never heard of this happening before, they were apprehensive, approaching it slowly as if it were a wild boar.
"Do you guys know what this is?" Harry asks wearily. "I've literally never seen or heard of this. I don't even think a door like this is mentioned in Hogwarts: A History." Hermione answers, also weary of the door.
"Let's just tear the band-aid off," Ron shrugs," We pretty much already know the worst option; Hermione, you put up a shield while Harry makes sure he's ready to attack, and I'll open the door."
"That's not a bad plan. Mione?" "Yeah, let's try it."
Hermione calls a Protego with her wand while Harry readies himself for an attack. Ron takes a deep breath, then thrusts the doors open.
Inside lies a cozy conversation pit with a large chalkboard on the side and a fireplace keeping the place warm.
"Whoa. This is way better than the Chamber of Secrets," Ron gasps with wonder. Hermione just sighs and walks in, inspecting the place for anything potentially dangerous.
After making sure the place was clean, they all plopped down in the conversation pit, they start brainstorming what to do to Snape.
"We need to make sure whatever we do has impact, won't trace back to us, and isn't overly cruel," Hermione says while prepping the chalkboard.
"He gets really red whenever Lupin walks by," Harry points out. " Shoot, I do too, no homo," Ron cackles.
"Okay, but we have to be careful if the plan involves Lupin because he's actually a good teacher. We don't want him to get embarrassed and decide to quit, too," Hermione adds while she writes down his name.
"Hey, do you guys remember in the first year when Neville like, messed up his potion and ended up with boils?" The boys nod, wincing at how ashamed Neville felt. "What if we do something similar. We slightly tamper with Snape's ingredients, making every class have problems with their potions, so everyone thinks he's an inadequate teacher."
"Yeah, and when he tries to see what's happening by demonstrating, we could turn him pink, or make him go bald," Harry inputs.
" Or a secret third option: we make it so his thoughts are no longer private. Anything he thinks, he'll say," Ron raises Harry.
"I like the way you think, Mr. Weasley." "Thank you, Ms. Granger."
"You know, if we combined spell work with the messed-up potions, we could make it so certain thoughts come up at certain times. Like a certain key; like a snap!" Harry points out.
"Perfect. Excellent rebound, Mr. Potter. We'll figure out the rest of the logistics tomorrow," Hermione nods. "Now, how are we gonna hide these plans?" "Well, assuming the room will disappear behind us, I don't think we'll have to much to worry about. Let's just hope these notes are here tomorrow," Harry says as he stands ready to leave.
Ron and Hermione, having accepted that answer, also stand to leave.
Somewhere else in the castle, McGonagall feels the right side of her head starting to hurt, unaware about the tornado that's about to hit.