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Doll had never liked the dark. She had always preferred the soft glow of the lights in her home to the pitch black that infected each alleyway or the harsh brightness that came from being in Lizzy's home. In fact, she had always rather feared it for whatever the childish reason she had never grown out of.
She suspected that it may have worsened from simply the fact there had been a power cut on the night her parents were killed and that she had watched them die with only the harsh yellow lights V had on her and the flashing sign outside the hole that had been made in her roof. That night, she had forgotten her fears in favour of mourning. Both, the happy memories that were now death tainted and the blanket she’d had to use to cover the new hole.
The next time there was a power cut, it lasted the night. Doll had spent the night curled up on the floor of her closet with a flashlight, enduring panic attack after panic attack until she had passed out in the early hours of the morning. She quickly learnt to associate darkness with bad stuff happening and this connection was what followed her throughout most of her life.
On occasion she would have a nightmare but was always met with a lack of any kind of comfort. Prior to her parent’s deaths, her mother would’ve come in and sang something to sooth Doll. Most of the time it was an old Russian song from where Yeva had originally been but occasionally she dropped some soft and sad melody she had picked up from her time at the labs. Doll never understood them and always asked about them but was always met with a 'wait until you're older'.
Doll hated the fact she couldn't ask about the songs now she was older. She hated the fact she had nearly died in part trying to understand their origins even more.
Doll had never told anyone about her fear. Not Lizzy. Not any of her other classmates. Definitely not Uzi and Nori. She knew the Doormans would leave her at the drop of a hat if they ever found out she couldn't sleep in the dark. But she endured it. Endured it and hoped for a peaceful night's sleep without her memory log dragging up her worst memories and haunting her through dreams.
It all came to a head one night a couple of weeks after she had moved in. Uzi had switched off the lights and clambered into her own bed after wishing Doll a good night. The darkness had immediately sent Doll into a state of panic so she ran the program she normally did to push down the panic and force her into sleep mode.
Except this time her memories followed her.
Darkness. Her parents. She ran to them. They were dead. Flashes of memory of the drones she killed at prom. Regret flooding her system.
Doll awoke with a start still reeling from her night terror. It was still pitch black. In her panic she was unable to focus enough to activate her light solver glyph to soothe herself. She backed into the corner of the room taking sharp breaths and letting her fans whirr erratically as she tried to push down the panic she felt. Anger. Fear. Disgust. Regret. Anger Fear Disgust Regret. Anger, Fear, It was all too much- “Doll?” Disgust, Regret. She had to leave. “Doll?” She had to find someone, anyone that she could trust and- “Doll?” Uzi’s frantic voice pierced its way through Doll’s jumbled thoughts and started to pull her back to reality.
“Doll, you ok?” Uzi put her hand on Doll’s arm but she quickly pulled away and forced herself further into the corner she was curled up in. Oh right. She could trust Uzi. Couldn’t she?
“Doll, can you look at me?” Doll hesitantly glanced towards Uzi to see a message on her visor. “Need anything?” it said. Doll nodded, then realised Uzi wouldn't be able to see her so she gathered as much focus as she could into writing “lights.” on her own visor. Doll then heard Uzi get up and within a second, the light was switched back on. Uzi didn't seem to know how to react so just sat down next to Doll as a way of giving comfort.
“You okay?” She asked after a minute of silence. Doll looked at Uzi. Was everything alright? Like hell she was going to reveal what she considered her biggest weakness to a drone she had once considered her enemy. She may have trusted Uzi to not leave her but she still didn’t trust her enough to allow herself to be vulnerable. So she simply nodded and watched as Uzi got up.
“Alright then. Good night Doll.” Doll waited for the inevitable lights switching back off but it never came. She glanced at Uzi who had just climbed back into bed. Doll smiled to herself. Perhaps living here wouldn't be so bad even if she was terrified they would force her out or leave her. Doll climbed back into her own bed and spent the rest of the night free from night terrors. What she didn't know was that Uzi had seen her whole panic.
And if Doll walked into their shared room the next night, once again apprehensive about nightmares, and saw a little red nightlight in what her information centres told her was in the shape of a fox that was already plugged into the wall, then no one had to know. No one had to know that Uzi had seen the whole thing and figured out that Doll was unable to see in the dark whilst most drones had a night vision program pre-installed so found her a nightlight for the darkness. No one had to know that Doll would eventually become reliant on this nightlight to keep her night terrors at bay and keep herself grounded when she was drowning in the memories of what she had done and who she had hurt. No one had to know that every night from then on, Uzi would look over from her bed and smile to herself when she saw Doll sleeping peacefully with the nightlight softly glowing right next to her.