Chapter Text
APRIL 2, 1867 PFE (POST-FLOOD ERA)
Dear Linebeck:
How are you? Horrible, I hope.
I’m just perfect, thank you for asking. My skin is clear, my eyebrows are symmetrical, and I just deadlifted two hundred sixty-five pounds.
But there’s something missing in my life, now that I think about it. If I could have anything in the world, it would be your head on a silver platter.
Don’t try and run. You won’t. I’ll be seeing you soon enough.
XOXO,
Jolene, the she-pirate
APRIL 5, 1867, PFE
Dear Jolene,
It’s been a while. Looking for me? I’m docked on the north side of Mercay. I’ll be waiting for you. Do I sound different to you? That’s because I’m a changed man. You’ll see when you get here. Has a lot to do with a demon squid.
Anyway. You want to slice me to pieces? Just try.
–Linebeck
APRIL 6, 1867 PFE
DOCKING TICKET
Dear Sir or Madam,
This ticket is to inform you your ship has exceeded the legal docking limit of two hours. Please pay your fine of 75 rupees at the local municipal building.
JUNE 11, 1867 PFE
CERTIFICATE OF MARRIAGE
By the power of the Southwestern Seas Regional Authority, I hereby authorize the civil and religious union of Linebeck and Jolene, on this fourteenth day of June, with Joanne and The Old Wayfarer bearing witness.
Signature of wife: Jolene, age 34
Signature of husband: Linebeck, age 37
Mercay Island Municipal Judge: Gazpacho III
JANUARY 30, 1868 PFE
THE GREAT SEA TRIBUNE
BIRTHS
Anton and Linda Kramer, Windfall Island, girl, Jan. 9
Garrickson and Sue-Belle Brooks, Outset Island, girl, Jan. 11
A Very Smart Anouki and Aroo, Isle of Frost, boy (?), Jan. 14
Linebeck and Jolene, Mercay Island, boy, Jan. 21
Fuzo and Joanne, girl, Jan. 30
Have your child’s birth announced in our next edition! Send details and forty rupees to The Great Sea Tribune, Mercay Island, P.O. Box 721.
DEATHS
Hoiger Howgendoogen, at sea, asphyxiation, accidental, Jan. 13
Orca, Outset Island, disembowelment, homicide, Jan. 22
The Old Wayfarer, Bannan Island, undetermined causes, Jan. 29
Recent death? Same schtick - send it our way!
MAN FOUND DEAD IN DUPLEX, BROTHER ARRESTED
OUTSET ISLAND – A man was arrested and charged in his brother’s death after police found the victim disemboweled in his own home, a duplex he shared with his aforementioned sibling.
Outset Island authorities arrested Sturgeon, a well-known intellectual, Friday morning. Sturgeon is accused of killing his 67-year-old brother, Orca, a famed but retired warrior. Reports from neighbors say the brothers had a long and heated rivalry that spanned years. We spoke with…
OCTOBER 15, 1870 PFE
Mr. Linebeck, et al.
17 Overhead Way
Mercay Island
Southwestern Seas
Dear Sir,
As our previous attempts to contact you have gone unanswered, this letter serves as your final warning before we are forced to take action. You owe Eddo’s Cannons, Inc. 3,216 rupees and, despite several extensions, you have missed multiple payments, rendering your account delinquent.
If you are unable to provide at least twenty percent of the payment before the end of the year, we will be forced to repossess both your ship (which you have put up as collateral) and your kneecaps.
Kind regards,
Eddo’s Cannons, Inc.
DECEMBER 4, 1870 PFE
NEW HYRULE RAILWAY PASS
Origin: Paupachina Village
Destination: New Hyrule Castle Town Main Station
No. Passengers: Two adults, one child
Price: 70 rupees (credit accepted)
Ticket type: ONE WAY
JUNE 23, 1871 PFE
Mr. Linebeck and family
89 Kokiri Way
Castle Town
New Hyrule
Dear Sir,
Thought you could run away from your debts, did you? Good try. Our debt collectors are some of the best available. They can follow any paper trail – or in your case, the receipts of several high-volume rum purchases – over any distance.
You’ll be pleased to know that, after interest, you now owe our company 17,229.11 rupees. I hope that ship upgrade was worth it. But you probably don’t need it now, do you? Living inland and all. Landlubber.
We look forward to our impending reunion.
Regards,
The Eddo’s Cannons and Dee Ess Island Management Conglomerate, a Family Company
JULY 2, 1871 PFE
INVOICE
Dr. Salvatore, Esq., PhD
You owe: 4,210 rupees
Itemized bill:
-
2,000 rupees (x2) - Kneecap replacement surgery
-
200 rupees - Heavy duty painkillers
-
10 rupees - Kleenex
FEBRUARY 16, 1872 PFE
INVOICE
Rev. Dr. Salvatore, Esq., PhD
You owe: 300 rupees
Itemized bill:
-
299 rupees - The delivery of one healthy baby girl. My most sincere congratulations.
-
1 rupee - Patient/mother referred to me as a “snake-faced zombie”. Please control your wife next time.
JULY 18, 1873 PFE
THE NEW HYRULE TIMES
MAN TURNS PASSION INTO CAREER, HOPES TO GROW FOREST REALM ECONOMY
By Traysi
FOREST REALM – It was a warm, summer day when Mr. Linebeck showed me around his newly-opened shop in the southern Forest Realm: The Trading Post.
“When I bought this place, it was in really bad shape,” he said.
It might have a simple name, The Trading Post, but that doesn’t stop its owner and proprietor from making the most of his new business.
Mr. Linebeck lives on the property with his wife and two children. A former treasure hunter, Mr. Linebeck sought to turn his passion into a lucrative career.
“I’ve always been one for the finer things in life,” he said. “Having been an explorer and whatnot. Delving into crypts, searching underwater caves, slaying giant beasts.”
The Times did a background check on Mr. Linebeck. According to our records, he never worked for any of the major exploration companies in New Hyrule.
“Firstly: I haven’t always lived in New Hyrule,” he explained. “And second, I was freelance.”
Mr. Linebeck showed me around his shop. He sold all sorts of trinkets and oddities: pocket watches, ship parts, train parts, and even bits of honeycomb. I attempted to eat some of the honeycomb, but was informed it was strictly to be used for trading.
The family’s matriarch is a woman named Jolene, a reformed pirate who stands around six feet tall and looks like she could kill a Goron with her bare hands. Though she and her husband bicker regularly, they are tender with their children: Linebeck Jr., 5, and Johanna, 1.
“Someday this one will follow in his father’s footsteps and take over the shop!” Mr. Linebeck said, holding his son. The boy began to beat his father’s head with a small stick.
When asked what he hopes for the future of his trading post, Mr. Linebeck said, “Hopefully it’ll keep those damn loan sharks off my back – I mean, I hope people from far and wide will come to see my wares! You’re not going to run that are you, the bit about the loan sharks? Will you strike that? Let me see your notes. No, I’m not trying to take it from you!”
MARCH 9, 1875 PFE
APPLICATION FOR CITIZENSHIP
Name of applicant: Linebeck Jr.
Age: 7 years
Place of Birth: Mercay Island (see attached birth certificate)
Current citizenship: Southwestern Seas
Are you applying on behalf of someone else? If so, please state your relationship to the applicant: Yes/Father
Please explain why you believe this application should be considered: Boy’s lived in New Hyrule most of his life, sister is a natural-born citizen. Seems only right he should be, too.
SEPTEMBER 7, 1877 PFE
Shopping list
Potatoes, 4 lbs
Flour, 10 lbs
Red potions, 8 bottles
Milk, 2 gallons
Two-by-four
Ale, 1 crate
Eggs, 2 dozen
OCTOBER 22, 1877 PFE
FOREST REALM AREA SCHOOLS
REPORT CARD
Student name: Linebeck Jr.
Grade: Fourth
Reading: B
History: C
Math: A
Science: C
Art: A+
Physical education: B
Notes: Quiet, but a pleasure to have in class. Make sure he’s doing his assigned readings.
Student name: Johanna
Grade: First
Reading: C
History: C
Math: B
Science: A
Art: B
Physical education: A
Notes: Some behavioral issues present. Doesn't like to sit still. Strong suit is science. She isn’t afraid of insects or animals.
JANUARY 14, 1877 PFE
Jo – a few books Jr. might like for his birthday. I think we can manage two or three. Bookseller should be in the area next week:
-
Gorons in the Grotto: A Mystery!
-
17 Things to Do in Castle Town Before You Die
-
The Basics of Swordsmanship ← he won’t stop talking about the royal guard. Thought this might do the trick
–Linebeck
AUGUST 11, 1877 PFE
THE NEW HYRULE TIMES
UNREST IN CASTLE TOWN AS MORE QUESTION ROYAL REIGN
By Traysi
FOREST REALM – More demonstrators gathered around Hyrule Castle Monday morning in a move they called an “act of defiance” against Queen Tetra, whose legitimacy as ruler over the Forest Realm they are openly questioning.
Queries to the crown were not unanimous: some called on Queen Tetra to cede some power to her Chancellor, the popular Lt. Gonzo, while others called for her to step down entirely, claiming her ascension to the throne to be entirety illegitimate. Prior to the founding of New Hyrule, Hylians hadn’t lived under a monarchy for several hundred years.
“We didn’t ask for a queen,” said one such protestor. “And we didn’t ask her to be our queen. She ought to step down before someone makes her step down.”
But if there have been threats on the monarch’s life, the public is none the wiser. Her ever-stoic and strangely handsome Royal Guard Captain, Link, seems to ensure no harm ever befalls the young leader.
The Captain refused numerous requests for comment, while Lt. Gonzo, on behalf of Her Royal Highness, said Queen Tetra takes her subjects’ concerns “very seriously” and claims that she is inattentive and aloof are a “load of squid crap.”
The protest was the fourth of its kind this month. Early estimates indicate Monday’s may have been the largest so far.
JULY 8, 1878 PFE
Hi,
I bet you didn’t think you’d ever hear from me again! Sorry if this is hard to read on account of the really small font. I am a fairy after all. It’s not like I can use a quill meant for your hands.
I know you’re busy. You have children, after all – or so a little birdy told me. And what do I have? A whole ocean to look after. I wish I could say it keeps me occupied. Fortunately, time passes pretty quickly here.
Anyway, if you’re wondering how I can send letters from my realm to yours, I wouldn’t think too hard about it if I were you. There was a whole lot of math involved and — no offense — but I don’t remember you being particularly good at that.
Is life treating you well? I’m not sure if I want you to say “yes” or “no.”
If you don’t know what to write about, I’ve come up with a few prompts for you, just in case. Feel free to answer any of these questions. As many as you want, actually!
What’s it like being a parent? I’m sure an irresponsible man like you needed to shape up once you had kids. What are your children like? Do they take more after you or after Jolene?
Do you ever miss going on adventures? I’m sure you miss using your ship an awful lot. Do you think you’ll teach one of your children to sail?
Do parts of your life bore you? Do you ever wish you’d done something different? Do you think you even can, at this point? Would the people in your life be disappointed by you if you up and moved away?
Anyway. Food for thought! Write back soon. If you want to write me back, don’t worry, you won’t have to do a magic spell or any complicated equation. Just put your letter in the mailbox and the postman will take care of the rest. He and I are tight.
–Ciela
JULY 8, 1878 PFE
EXPRESS TELEGRAM
Now only one-half rupee per word!
KID: — (STOP) —
GOT WEIRD LETTER FROM OLD “FRIEND” — (STOP) — SAME THING HAPPEN TO YOU? — (STOP) —
— LINEBECK
**
LINEBECK:
GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU. RE: AN OLD FRIEND, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
**
GOT LETTER FROM CIELA. NOT SURE HOW SHE SENT IT.
OR WHY.
**
STRANGE. I HAVEN’T RECEIVED ANYTHING.
**
TELEGRAMS GETTING EXPENSIVE. SEND ME A LETTER SOMETIME. BETTER YET, VISIT.
AUGUST 2, 1878 PFE
Dear Diary,
Guess what!!! Dad says the captain of the guard is gonna come visit us! He used to be a sailor, too. I’m gonna ask him lots of questions about what it’s like to be in the royal guard since I want to be in the guard when I grow up.
I wonder if he’s tall or scary? I hope he’s really nice. Maybe he’ll even show me how to use a sword. Do you think he knows the queen? Dad says he saved the queen from a big monster a long time ago. But I don’t believe him. I don’t even believe in monsters because I’m 10 now.
Mom says I have to go to bed now because it’s dark and we have to get up early for the visit tomorrow.
AHHHHH! I’m so excited I can’t even sleep!!!
– Junior
AUGUST 5, 1878 PFE
Dear Diary,
So the captain of the guard is not tall, but he is kinda scary. Not like he was big or mean, just really… quiet. He brought me and Johanna some chocolates from Castle Town, which was real nice, but I sorta was hoping he would teach me how to use a sword or something.
Dad said I was in the way of his grownup business with the captain. He said they had lots to talk about and I couldn’t be around for it. Mom told me to take Johanna for a walk in the park which I really didn’t want to do. Johanna runs a lot and doesn’t listen to me.
After the walk Mom made us bean stew for dinner but dad and the captain didn’t join us. Mom said they were still talking and she seemed kinda annoyed. She took Johanna upstairs to give her a bath and said I could get some dessert if I helped with dishes.
But I’m pretty sure you can guess I didn’t do the dishes.
I tip-toed over to dad’s office and held my ear up to the door so I could listen. Even from behind the door, the room smelled smoky, and I knew Dad had gotten out his cigars. I tried to imagine the captain of the guard smoking, and the image looked funny in my head.
Anyway, this is what I heard. I’m not sure what most of it meant, but I’m writing it all now down so I don’t forget tomorrow.
“Are you worried about it?” asked Dad.
“I am. But if we show any kind of weakness, that’ll open up a one-way path to revolution. Or so Tetra says,” said the captain.
“It’s not my place, but,” Dad began. He paused, and I could picture him in my mind, puffing on the cigar. “But a little concession goes a long way. It might make people like her a little more to know she’s a human.”
“She doesn’t see it that way.”
“Do you?”
They didn’t talk for a few seconds. “I think…” said the captain after a while. “I think any kind of leadership is fragile at the start. But I believe in Tetra.”
“I don’t doubt it. But do you believe in her mission?”
“Of course,” said the captain. “I’m guessing you don’t, Linebeck. Are you on the side of the revolutionaries?”
“I’m on no one’s side,” said Dad. “I’m sorry. What I mean is: I’m on your side as a rule. I’ll always be on your side. But I’m not political, son. Never have been, never will be.”
When Dad called the captain ‘son’ it made me feel funny. I didn’t think the captain was actually Dad’s son, because then that would make him my brother, and I know I don’t have a brother.
Then the captain said: “Let’s not talk about it anymore. I’m not visiting here on business.”
There was a thoom sound, and then I heard liquid pouring into a glass. “I’ll tell you about the letter, then,” said Dad.
“What did she say?”
“Read for yourself.”
I heard paper crinkling.
“The font is really small.”
“She’s a fairy.”
The captain snorted a laugh. I pressed my ear even closer to the door. This was getting good. I had heard stories about fairies before, mostly in history books, but I thought they were all in faraway lands. Dad never mentioned knowing one but it sorta seemed like he got a letter from one. Which is crazy.
The paper crinkled again.
“She seems bored,” said the captain.
“That was my impression, too.”
“Have you sent anything back?”
“Hell, no,” Dad swore. “I’m not opening that can of worms.”
“Why do you think she sent you a letter to you and not to me?” The captain sounded a little sad about that.
“Beats me. Probably just wants to get on my nerves.”
“Send her a reply. And let me know what she says,” the captain said.
“Like hell I will. I’ve got the kids, Jolene, and probably more debt than all of Castle Town put together. I don’t exactly have a lot of time on my hands for a pen pal.” He paused. “Present company excluded, of course.”
“Do you need money?”
“No. I mean –” he sighed. “No. I don’t, kid. Things are fine.”
I don’t know why, but I really expected Dad to say yes.
They were quiet for a little while. Finally, the captain said: “Let me know if –”
I heard footsteps on the stairs and tore my head away from the door. I hadn’t started washing any of the dishes. I slipped into the kitchen, all quiet, by the time Mom got downstairs.
That’s everything I heard. Dad doesn’t talk a lot about his life before Johanna and me, and I know better than to ask. The past seems to upset him a lot. I wish I knew why.
Dad never said he got a letter from a fairy. If I got a letter from a fairy, you can bet I would tell everyone! I would be so excited. I reaalllly want to know what the letter says in it. I think it’s funny that Dad doesn’t want to send a letter back to her.
My candle is almost completely melted now, so I guess it’s time for me to go to bed.
– Junior
DECEMBER 19, 1878 PFE
Linebeck:
Just a notice saying you’d probably do well to pay off your tab sometime soon. It’s starting to rack up.
You’re a good guy – loyal customer, too – and I don’t want to make a thing of going to your house, not with the kids around. Capiche?
JANUARY 26, 1879 PFE
UNEXPECTED BLIZZARD BURIES KEEPS COMMUNITY SNOWED IN
FOREST REALM, NEW HYRULE – A slow-moving low pressure system out of the Snow Realm brought more than two feet of snow to the Forest Realm, snowing in residents in what was an abnormal bout of chilly weather for the region.
Though Castle Town is no stranger to a bit of winter weather, heavy snowfall was reported as far south as Adoba Village, which normally is a temperate 70 degrees and sunny all year long.
Meanwhile, residents will just have to hunker down and wait for the snow to melt before they can leave the house. They certainly won’t be getting the newspaper!
JANUARY 27, 1879, PFE
Hi.
I noticed you never replied to my letter. I suppose that’s forgivable considering you have a family to take care of. But what’s so wrong with saying “hello” to an old friend?
As for me, my existence is positively monk-like, robes included. I didn’t have to shave my head, though. But if I get bored enough, I just might. Maybe I’ll get a scalp tattoo.
Again – if you feel like replying (and I know you never do anything you don’t feel like doing), just stick the letter in the mail box and let the magic happen.
Help a girl out?
–Ciela
JANUARY 28, 1879, PFE
Dear diary,
It snowed a lot last night, and mom and dad say it’s going to snow again. I think it’s really neat and fun, but they aren’t too happy about it. Dad says no one can visit the Trading Post with the weather like this.
I say that’s good! I’m sick of people visiting the shop. I like having the break. But I think dad might be really upset about the snow. He’s been in his office for a few hours. Mom’s making stew. Talk later!
– Junior
My name is Johanna Johanna JOHANNA is my name!! haha Junior I am riting writing in yor jornal! Thats what you get wen you leave yor jornal out in the open HAHA.
Dear diary, My name is Junior and I just went into dads office even thow mom said DO NOT your father is SLEEPPING!! Haha just kidding MY NAME IS JOHANNA
JANUARY 28, 1879, PFE
Dear Ciela,
I am very sorry I did not send you a letter before. I was extremely busy with the many responsy responsibilities that I have as an adult such as myself. I am of course a father to 2 very smart and well behaved children, espesh especially my son Linebeck Junior who I am very proud of every day.
Ah, yes. I remember the years gone by, when we were friends, you and I. What is your favorite memory of our adventures together? I must confess I do not remember all of them.
– Linebeck
FEBRUARY 1, 1879, PFE
Linebeck –
Glad to hear from you – I guess. Did you hit your head or something? You sound kind of funny.
As for my favorite memory of you? It would have to be the time you jumped overboard to save your favorite bottle of rum and nearly drowned. What kind of sailor can’t swim? Ridiculous.
Go get your brains checked out.
–Ciela
FEBRUARY 3, 1879, PFE
Ciela –
I did not hit my head! I thank you for your concern though. This is simply how I write these days. Perhaps I am a changed man. After all, I have read plenty of books since we last spoke. Tell me: have you ever read “The Basics of Swordsmanship?” It is truly a deeply profound piece of literature.
Also, you should know that I have recently learned to swim! In fact, I am probably the fastest swimmer there is. Can you swim? Lots of people can’t, by the way. I would not be so judgy if I were you!
Lastly, would you be ever so kind as to send your next letter to my P.O. box? I wrote the address at the bottom of this letter. You see, my mailbox is going to be removed very soon because it is not good.
–Linebeck
FEBRUARY 17, 1879 PFE
INVOICE
Rev. Dr. Salvatore, Esq., Ph.D, DDS
You owe: 175 rupees
Itemized bill:
-
100 Rupees - Making me do a home visit in this blasted cold
-
75 Rupees - Blue potion prescription
Care instructions: Administer two tsp. doses of blue potion per day after meals. If she cannot eat, feed her an oil-rich broth. Keep the girl warm - so warm she can hardly stand it - until her fever breaks. Send for me in a week if she hasn’t improved.
FEBRUARY 23, 1879 PFE
Linebeck:
Hate to do this to you, guy. But if you don’t pay off your tab, you’re not welcome in the tavern anymore. Come on. Your kid’s sick. Quit messing around. You’re better than that.
FEBRUARY 24, 1879 PFE
EXPRESS TELEGRAM – MARKED: URGENT
KID: — (STOP) —
HATE TO ASK — (STOP) — MAY TAKE YOU UP ON EARLIER OFFER — (STOP) —
— LINEBECK
**
LINEBECK: — (STOP) — SORRY, FRIEND — (STOP) — THINGS GOING POORLY HERE — (STOP) — CAN’T RISK IT — (STOP) —
MARCH 13, 1879 PFE
Linebeck –
I’m not sure what kind of person uses the underbrush of their philodendron as a P.O. box, but you’ve always been a strange one.
I’m glad you’ve learned to swim. See what happens when you put your mind to something? Results. It’s good to see you’re not as lazy as you once were. As for myself, I can’t swim because it would damage my wings. But if I could swim, I would. It’s a totally different situation than yours.
Anyway, you never answered my questions from my first letter. I know it’s probably a lot to write for someone like you, but give it a whirl. I’m curious.
And bored.
–Ciela
MARCH 28, 1879, PFE
Dear Dairy. Junior is letting me rite in his notebook since I can’t go outside and play with him. Its the 1st nice day in springtime and I am still sick. I was sick on my birthday too. Mom and Dad say I can’t go to school until I’m better and it’s been a loooong time since I saw my friends. But I feel better! I promise!
I dreamed last night that I was on a big ship with lots of people I don’t know. There was a big storm and I was scared the ship would break and sink underwater. And I couldn’t find mom or dad even when I shouted and screamed. But then I saw my brother and we held onto each other so that when the ship sinked, we wouldn’t get separated.
I woke up all sweaty like I had been in water. I told dad about my dream while he bringed me medicine and he said he would never let me drown. That made me feel better and then Junior spent some time with me but I know he really wanted to go outside so I said “you don’t have to stay here you can go outside” and he gave me his jornal to rite in.
Oh and also dad said the doctor is coming to visit next week to check on me and I really don’t like him. He is soooooooooo ugly.
**
THE NEW HYRULE TIMES
CASTLE ARMORY BURNS; ARSON SUSPECTED
By Traysi
CASTLE TOWN — The New Hyrule Castle Armory – home to the kingdom’s reserves of swords, spears, bows and arrows – was set alight in a fire Tuesday morning that royal investigators are describing as “arson.”
The fire was contained to the armory, officials told the Times, and no one was injured. But the blaze seriously damaged and destroyed much of the weapons available to the Castle Guard and the supply will take time to rebuild.
As for accusations of arson, Royal Spokesman Lieutenant Gonzo did not offer evidence in support of the claim, but he did say a suspect was in custody at this time. The suspect’s name was not disclosed pending arraignment.
The fire is among the most recent in a series of apparent attacks against Royal property in New Hyrule. Last month, a shipment containing ore meant for the royal smithery was robbed, and only last week, a public toilet was overturned, resulting in a public health hazard and a terrible stench in Castle Square.
When asked if the alleged arson will be investigated in tandem with the other incidents, Lt. Gonzo said the following:
“We’ll find out.”