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Kai awoke to the sound of dry, violent coughs as the man in his arms struggled for breath. In an instant, Kai was up, supporting Bashasa’s feeble frame as he reached for the herbal tea they kept on hand as the nighttime coughing fits had become more common. As the coughs turned to gasps and Bashasa took several heaving breaths, Kai held him to his chest and bade him to drink. Even in the darkness, Kai noted how Bashasa’s forehead shone with sweat, his handsome features gaunt and haggard as he drank the tea, allowing his body to absorb what little medicinal value it could offer him as an unseen assailant wreaked havoc on him from within. When the tea was gone, Kai took the cup as Bashasa collapsed once more into his arms, burying his face into Kai’s neck.
“I’m sorry,” Bashasa rasped.
“I told you to stop apologizing to me,” Kai said sternly into Bashasa’s hair, committing the familiar scent to the part of his brain reserved for only the most precious of things.
Kai remembered vividly the day that his world had imploded in on itself. He had watched in horror as Bashasa had collapsed in the middle of a meeting, hitting the ground before Kai could reach him. The next hours had been spent in the presence of a healer as Bashasa was forced to undergo various examinations, despite his protestations that the incident could be attributed merely to a lack of sleep. In the aftermath, as the healer addressed them in a solemn tone and with a somber face, Kai couldn’t breath, was completely unable to grasp the gravity of what was being shared with him. As Bashasa gripped Kai’s hand in his own, Kai had looked upon his beloved face and was forced to reckon with the fact that the impossibility of living in a world without Bashasa was more imminent than he had ever anticipated.
They spent that night in each other's arms. Kai could do nothing but weep and hold Bashasa close as Bashasa whispered sweet solaces into his ear. Of course his Bashasa, his strong, brave, beautiful Bashasa, was the one offering Kai comfort even in the face of his own impending nonexistence, much to Kai’s substantial shame. In the sober light of morning Kai committed himself to never again burden Bashasa with his own weakness, instead resolving to tend to Bashasa’s every need and to savor every sacred, finite moment that he would spend in Bashasa’s presence.
In the months that followed Kai raged and wept and despaired, but only in the rare instances that he was not by Bashasa’s side. Kai had always been able to place himself between Bashasa and any force that might wish him harm, but now he could only watch as Bashasa was betrayed by his own body and it hurt so much more than any arrow that had ever pierced his chest. He could no longer protect Bashasa, an endeavor that he had devoted his immortal life to, but he could do everything in his power to take care of him and bring him comfort.
As Bashasa grew thinner, Kai developed permanent bags under his eyes, refusing to sleep lest Bashasa have a medical emergency in the night. He heard the whispers, saw Ziede and Tahren’s concerned glances every time he left Bashasa’s bedside to venture into the outside world, which was becoming a less and less common occurrence. Kai knew that they meant well and that they loved Bashasa too, but an unfair part of him could not look at them without seeing the vastness of their immortal lives together as his life with Bashasa was drawing to a close. In a few months from now, Tahren and Ziede would still have each other while Kai’s world would be left with a gaping, unfillable hole.
Kai had always known that this would happen, had accepted this inevitable heartbreak the moment Bashasa had allowed him into his bed, but he still found himself paralyzed in the face of it. Even as he met every sunrise with Bashasa in his arms, he could feel himself teetering on the precipice of a barren, inhospitable reality that he was unsure he was capable of surviving. What would Kai become when the man that he had devoted himself to no longer graced the moral realm?
The sound of Bashasa’s voice brought Kai back to the present.
“I’m just saying that when you committed yourself to our cause all those years ago, you couldn’t have expected your duties to eventually include being kept awake during all hours of the night by the coughing of an old man.”
Kai chuckled despite himself, “No, but I was aware that my duties would include listening to Lahshar talk at meetings, compared to which being awoken by your coughs is a far more merciful fate.”
Bashasa smiled, an astonishing, radiant thing that still took Kai’s breath away even over four decades after he had first laid eyes on it.
“You need to rest, Bashasa,” Kai whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.
To Kai’s relief, Bashasa complied, rearranging himself to place his head once more on Kai’s chest.
“I love you, Kaiisteron,” he murmured, causing Kai’s heart to ache.
“I love you, Bashasa Calis,” Kai replied in a reverent whisper, but Bashasa’s breathing had already evened out, leaving Kai alone with his thoughts.
It was difficult to reconcile what was to come with the Bashasa that was so warm and alive in his arms. Casting away the overwhelming dread of what the future had in store, Kai grounded himself in the moment, counting each precious breath that Bashasa let out against his chest. Regardless of what anguish tomorrow would hold, for the moment Kai was content, surrounded by the sensations of the man he loved. Bashasa began to snore, and Kai smiled, happy to bask in his brilliance for as long as he was able.