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Black combat boots pound the sidewalks as a blonde trudged mindlessly along the streets. Five minutes. She reminded herself. The Staten Island ferry was chugging hot on the bay. Her hair whipped behind her as she pushed through the crowds of future passengers to the ticket booth. An older man with dark bags under his eyes sat inside.
“One please,” she told the him, trying to catch her breath and dig in her backpack for cash.
“That'll be $4.86, girl.” He flashed a smile.
When she had the right amount she smacked it on the counter and grabbed whatever he passed under the transparent divider, not stopping to collect her change.
As soon as she has her ticket, Maya wades through the crowds of dreary tourists and businessmen and finds her way on the boat. She spots an empty bench along the edge of the deck and sighs in relief, dropping her bag. The sound of the ferry setting sail is comforting to her. She made it without anyone catching on. Or so she thinks.
She doesn’t even finish this thought when a muffled yell comes from the crowd still dispersing throughout the deck. Maya! Wait, Maya! She swears someone is calling her name. It gets closer and more clear until suddenly,
“Maya, hey!”
The girl smashes her eyes shut, “Maybe it’s not him. Maybe he’s not looking for me.” She repeats to herself.
Even with eyes closed she can feel the concerned look of passing people staring at her expectantly.
When her eyes open, he’s standing right in front of her. Immediately she hops off the bench and turns to focus on the water below them.
Busted.
“What the hell are you doing here?” She groans, refusing to meet his eyes.
Lucas moves to stand next to her, resting his elbows on the edge next to hers. He sighs. “I’ve been following you.”
It's clear that he's been running, his breath comes in and out in short pants. He's bracing himself on the deck.
“Stalker.” She spits.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Finally able to speak fluidly. He looks at her. “Are you trying to run away?”
“Hell no, Sundance.”
She almost wants to ask him why he thought she had any reason to run away, as if he knew her life.
He backs up so he can sit on the bench behind the railing, pausing to look out onto the expanse of the water. “How long is this thing?”
“Half an hour, maybe more.” She smirks, glancing back at him. His eyes were shut and his hands were holding the bench on either side. “Think you’re going to be sick?”
Lucas shakes his head quickly, exhaling. “No.”
Maya sighs after a while and takes a seat next to him. She brings her backpack up to hold in her lap. They sit in a comfortable silence as the boat picks up speed. Moments later, Lucas speaks up.
“So you want to tell me what you’re doing on the Ferry at ten-thirty in the morning?”
Maya pulls her thumb from her teeth, surveying the nail she had been chewing at. “Not really. You wanna tell me why you’re here? Why were you following me?”
“Well I was on my way to the basketball courts to meet Zay when Riley called and said you weren’t there when she woke up.”
“How did you know where I was?”
“I have a tracking device on your phone.” He answered with a straight face.
“WHAT?” Maya nearly jumps three feet off the bench.
Lucas grabs her hands and pulls her back down. With a breathy laugh, he shakes his head. “Relax, of course I don’t.”
Maya sits up straighter, brushing him off. “Oh.” She presses her lips together.
“I was a couple blocks down from Bleecker and and I saw you round the corner. Figured you’d fight me off if I confronted you too soon, so I followed you. Just to see where you were going.” He assures her when he sees her scowl.
She looks away for a minute, and Lucas can tell she's contemplating telling him the reason. He knows that if he pesters her, she'll clam up, so he gives her time.
Maya hesitates a few minutes later before speaking. “I’m going to see my dad, he lives in Staten Island.”
Lucas looks over to find her looking pointedly at her lap. “Does anyone else know what you’re doing?”
She shakes her head. “My mom would get jealous and tell Shawn and the Matthews, and then they’d all flip. I’d probably have to go back to therapy.”
“Wait, when did you -”
“The first two or three months after he left for good. Just a child psychologist, to help with the adjustment.” Maya sighed. “Didn’t really matter, there was no adjustment to be made, the man barely spent time with me when he was around. I knew even then he wasn’t coming back.”
Lucas takes some time to digest her words, but ultimately his decision is clear. “I’m coming with you.”
“Uh, no you’re not.”
“I am.” He says more firmly. “You can’t do it alone.”
“Yes, I can,”
“Well you shouldn’t have to, Maya.”
Maya has never known Lucas to be unkind or judgmental, but she is not convinced this is one of his best ideas. He comes from a two parent household, family dinners, and wakes up knowing his life is consistent. His life is quiet and hers is chaos.
It's also none of his business, or anyone's, which is why she set out alone in the first place. But now he's here, staring intently at Maya. He has offered her support she swears she doesn't need, and yet.
“Okay.”
Lucas can't hide his shock, which molds into mild victory. Maya tells herself that it would be rude to send him right back to the city or throw him into the water. He’s come this far.
“But no more talking on this boat.”
She turns away from him, arms crossed. Salt water in the air, September wind on her face, and the warmth from the body next to hers is enough to calm her beating heart.
Maya has never been past the touristy areas of Staten Island, but she knows she has crossed into new territory. The bus takes them away from groups of matching t-shirts with fancy cameras to real life. Someone else's life.
She tells herself her gait is a bit slower because she wants to take in her new surroundings. Lucas remains silent, only helping with directions. He's being respectful, but as they get closer to houses, she wants a distraction.
“You and Zay really play pickup basketball every Saturday?” She's trying to sound more accusatory than interested.
As always, he remains unaffected by her attempts at teasing. Lucas’ mood increases with the chance to talk again. They're walking with enough space between them
“It depends. Zay’s summer classes ended so he has more time to play on the weekends when he's not stuck running errands with his Mama.”
The image of Zay running around the city with his mother is entertaining to both of them. When she looks up, Lucas is smiling too.
“Zay went to summer school?”
“Dance. He taught a beginner Modern class this summer.”
His eyes match hers whenever she talks about Riley.
Riley. Who would have her right back at the Matthews’ kitchen table with chocolate chip pancakes if she knew.
Her mother, who would be heartbroken knowing she's doing such a thing without consulting her first.
The boy a few feet ahead of her stops now that he realizes they're no longer together. Maya stopped walking and stared at the piece of paper in her hand.
Her father’s address blares back at her, taunting all of things she's managed to repress this entire day. He's left for a reason. He would have called. Turned around.
“What am I doing?”
“I don't know yet.”
Her sweaty palms have ruined the edges of the paper, her grip firm from anxiety.
“Maya, whatever’s waiting for you around that corner? You can handle it.”
Lucas is unsure of himself. His voice isn't as full and she's grateful that he's being brave enough for the two of them.
They continue their journey making one right turn and another left. Maya considers turning around once again as they make it to Carter Street, but she's come too far. Every one of her senses is alive as she and Lucas take careful steps.
A few houses from where they are, a front door opens and the two freeze in their spot. There's a ruckus as footsteps poor out onto the front porch. Tiny footsteps, those of children.
“Daddy, park?”
“Not yet! The store first. For ice pops, right, Dad?”
Maya tries her best to focus on one thing at a time, but so much is happening at once. A younger boy with white blond hair is on her father’s hip. He can't be more than 2 from what she can tell this far away.
The other child, an older girl around five years old, wears glasses and has overalls on. She looks so much like Maya as a little girl, only with auburn hair.
“Emma, hold on, let's tie your shoes up.”
She doesn't remember him much as a father before today. Her memories have faded and his absence is what mattered most.
Kermit Clutterbucket from the outside shines as a model dad. He's taking the kids to the park on a Saturday, but before that is treating them to dessert. He probably cooked them breakfast and watched cartoons lazily before starting their day. Maya has entered an alternate universe in which she doesn't belong. One she's never belonged to.
“What do you wanna do?”
She can hear the concern in Lucas’ hushed whisper.
Maya’s instincts have left her. The problem is she doesn't know. Her mind has failed her and because of this she is still. She looks up at Lucas, and what's guarding her heart, breaks. For once she doesn't have an answer.
“Maya?”
It's faint, but she can hear his voice a short distance away. Kermit descends the steps. He's alone and strangely her first thoughts are with the kids. She doesn't know where the two kids have gone, but they're at a face off. She and her father.
It's fight or flight and Maya hasn't prepared for any battle. Taking Lucas’ hand, she runs. She's never been the most athletic, her faces starts to heat up from the exertion, but she refuses to stop. Her devastation fuels this new energy, taking the pavement by storm. It's been a few blocks, but Maya wants to make sure her father’s behind her.
“Let's stop, Maya.”
Lucas has kept up with her naturally, but knows they've ventured from their familiar path. They slow to catch their breath and she's doubled over.
Maya isn't sure when she started crying but it's uncontrollable now. Her throat is raw; lungs burning from overuse and the tears that continue to fall.
“I'll get us back okay?”
Maya nods and doesn't care to think about the consequences as she crawls into the space of his outstretched arms.
She doesn't really register her surroundings until Lucas is guiding her off the bus. Her eyes are so puffy from the tears, it's a miracle she can see at all. Her hand is still safe in his as he continues their path to the ticket booth. He pays for her ticket, so Maya makes a mental note to pay him later. Like hell this is a date. They make it onto the ferry in time for the next trip home.
The ride is mostly silent, it's not until fifteen minutes in that Maya realizes her phone is still on silent. She figures that it would be a good idea to let her mother know she was still alive, after all it's been two hours.
As she goes to retrieve it from her bag, Lucas stops her.
“I got you,” he waves his phone. “Don't worry, Riley made sure everyone knew you were ok.”
Maya sighs, laying her head back. “My mom will no doubt be waiting for me at the kitchen table with the Matthews.”
“Auggie too,” Lucas teases. “Someone has to archive the trial of Maya Hart v. The Kermit.”
For what felt like the first time in forever, Maya smiled. Usually Lucas’ lame attempts at making jokes left her laughing at him, not with him like now. Suddenly she appreciated his presence. Sure she had been appreciating it all day, but she hadn't been aware until now in this moment.
Maya turned her face away from Lucas and rested her back on the wall. She took a few deep breaths. This made her realize how exhausting the morning had been, so a five minute snooze wouldn't hurt. Maya closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift away. Her mind was halfway conscious when her head gave way and landed on the boy’s shoulder.
Lucas immediately took notice of this and looked down at her still face. He smiled, taking in her soft features and the way her lips nearly curled into a smile as she slept. Part of him wanted to take a picture to keep for himself but he knew the chances of her waking up whilst that happening and his definite punishment outweighed the desire. So he let her sleep.
It's not until fifteen minutes later when he shakes her awake that she realizes where she is.
“Time to get off the boat, Maya.” Lucas whispers, trying to remain gentle.
Maya lets him help her to stand and pulls her bag around her shoulders. “Do we have to?”
The boy lets out a small chuckle, nodding.
A short time later they round the corner to the Matthews’ front door. The copper numbers above the knocker send her stomach sinking. A sight that usual makes her heart leap suddenly gives her the worst nerves she's had in awhile. Even with Lucas behind her as moral support (he is on her side, right?), her heart beats erratically in her chest, and her palms begin to sweat. She reaches for the doorknob.
“Do we need a code word?” Lucas interrupts.
“Huh?” Maya replies, severely confused.
“Like if the questions become too much for you, and you feel like you're going to get upset, just say uh, I dunno, ‘pineapple’, and I'll open the door so you can run.”
She’s grinning now. Maybe even blushing? She shakes her head. “That's sweet of you to ask, but I think I'll be ok.”
Before she can even lift her fist to knock, the door swings open.
On the other side is a concerned Mr. Matthews.
“Thank God you're safe Maya,” he brings her into a hug.
Over his shoulder, she's greeted by a slew of various faces. Almost every person she cares about is standing there, waiting for Maya. She can't face her mother just yet. She's sitting with Mrs. Matthews at their kitchen table. She's as far away as it feels.
Riley is hurt, her face drenched with disappointment. Her best friend runs toward her anyway.
“Me now,” she announces to her father who still hasn't let Maya go.
The love fest moves into the middle of the living room, her mother’s gaze never leaving Maya once. She breaks away, glancing at Lucas, who has been hovering awkwardly. They share a look. Maya’s endured worse today so she finds a last bit of courage to confront what's been waiting for her.
“I know what you're going to say Ma,” Maya approaches her mother with shaky confidence.
What she doesn't expect is for the incredible force of the woman who raised her to crumble right there in front of her.
“Oh Maya, baby girl,” Katy rises from her and knocks what's left of Maya’s remaining strength. This day has decimated her from every angle and she's sure there aren't any tears left in her to give.
“I'm so sorry,” she melts into her, hoping those three words convey what she can't.
“Let's leave them to it,” Mrs. Matthews says faintly and all Maya hears is a shuffling of feet.
It's quiet save for a cooing Katy Hart who holds Maya until she's calm.
“Why wasn't I enough?”
She knows it's an unfair question and yet it's the one thing on her mind.
“You stop that,” Katy takes Maya’s face in her hands.
“When you were young, I'd sit up at night sometimes and just cry in our little kitchenette. Once after I was sure you'd gone to bed, I just fell apart,” her mother smiles at the memory.
“And then I hear little footsteps, but at this point I can't even stop myself. The next thing I know, this little blonde toddler climbs into my lap and says ‘Mommy, it'll be okay.’ And you traced your little fingers along my arm.”
“I remember that,” Maya says after a beat. “Your pink robe was so snugly against my cheek, I felt so safe in your arms.”
“You saved me, baby girl.” Katy clears her throat and pulls back from the embrace.
“You know, Kermit called me first?”
Maya hates that she wants to know more. That after watching him be a father to those kids knowing he walked away from being hers, she still gives a damn. She still cares so much.
Her eyes plead for an explanation, begging her mother to not to make her say another word.
“He did.” Her mother nodded in assurance. They move to the empty couch. It's still warm from having been occupied by a probably distraught Matthews family. Maya tries not to think about that.
Katy continues. “When you're ready, he wants you two to have lunch or something. For you to formally meet your half brother and sister. That is, if you want to.”
There's no hint of malice in her mother's voice. For a majority of Maya’s life, she was made to believe that her mother was a curse. Someone who drove people away. She gave Maya the impression that Kermit was more than what he was at the expense of Katy’s good name. At the expense of a normal relationship with her daughter.
It's all she's wanted, to be wanted by her father. For him to reach out, ask about her. Take her places and make up for lost time. With the offer on the table, she feels different knowing she's had enough this whole time.
“I think I'll have to wait on that one, Ma,” Maya lays her head on Katy’s shoulder.
“Is it okay if we have lunch first? I'm starving.”
The older woman chuckles, squeezing her daughter once more.
“Come on, let's give the Matthews their home back,” Katy says.
After more hugs and promises to Riley that they'll talk more this weekend, the Harts are finally headed home. On their way out, Maya sees him standing outside the doorway. His back is turned and he's hunched over a text conversation.
She turns to Katy, dropping the arm she'd been clutching. “You go ahead, I need to take care of something.”
Katy sees Lucas and looks back at her daughter, knowingly. “Alright, sweetie, I'll be right outside. I should probably go ahead and call Shawn...let him know you're ok.”
As soon as her mom is out of sight, Maya walks over to the boy in the leather jacket. “Hey, sundance.”
He turns around, a faint smirk on his lips. “Hi.”
She shifts her weight back and forth on her feet and her fingers tie themselves in knots as she finds her words. “I just… Wanted to thank you, for today. I don't think I would've made it very far without you.”
Lucas grins. “Oh come on, that's not true.”
“No!” Maya stopped him. “It is. If you weren't there to push me, I probably wouldn't have even made it off the first ferry.”
At this he sobers, letting his smile falter. “Maya, I've never known anyone to be as strong as you.”
He's suddenly all serious with a ferocity that makes her a little unsteady. Her eyes focus on the concrete, Maya is unsure of where to go from here. Usually there's a “Ha-hurr” or “Shortstack” exchange to remind them of who they are, but it seems out of place considering their day.
Without a word, Lucas eases his way towards a bench that's near. He sits down, and looks at her expectantly. At the empty space beside him, Lucas pats with a mischievous glint in his eye.
“Did you just pat for me to sit down,” she raises an eyebrow. The sass was never far gone. With her arms crossed, she makes her way over anyway.
Their silence isn't so easy now. A whole day of tears and way too personal moments between them. He held her while she sobbed and made sure she was fine every step of the way. Far too much for a Huckleberry. She feels his eyes bore into every part of her and Maya so badly wants it to stop. She knows the waters have shifted and they're both clueless navigators.
“So, want to know how it went?” Even she's surprised that she's asking, but if it'll kill this awkward thing, then so be it.
He leans forward, incredulous. “You're not sick of me yet?”
She remembers how frustrated she was this morning, seeing that annoyingly bright face of his. Lucas wandering onto the ferry having bought a ticket just to make sure she was okay. The whole day he is solid, not once running until she provokes it. It's something he'd do for anything of them, Maya says to herself. He's the good guy.
His astonishment is an honor and she knows she still has an edge. She rolls her eyes, unable to resist a smile.
“No, I guess not,” Maya pauses. “But don't get cocky, Friar. This is a privilege.”
It's Maya who asks if he'll walk her to the train station after two hours of talking, ignoring the warning signs of what it means. She's learned that sometimes it's okay for someone else to look after her. Even if it's someone she didn't see coming.