Work Text:
Eddie has always been a creature of habit. He has drunk his coffee the same way his whole life (one sugar, a splash of milk), he always wears the same cologne every morning and despite not having routinely shared a bed with anyone in nearly a decade, Eddie still curls up on the left side of his queen bed.
So, when Buck’s rental seemed to be taking more than a few weeks to arrange, Eddie didn’t see any reason not to offer up the right side of his bed. Buck had done him the biggest favour in sub-letting, and the couch was way too small for all 6 feet 2 inches of him. The least Eddie could do, really, was to offer the bed.
Their sleep schedule was almost always identical. Buck didn’t hog the blanket; he comfortably fit into the right side of the bed like he had been the missing piece. Every now and then Eddie would wake up with Buck’s arm around his shoulder or their legs tangled under the covers.
It was nice.
At night, it was almost lulling, the soft snores and sighs of Buck, his warmth radiating onto Eddie’s side of the bed. Eddie fell asleep quicker than he ever had. The usual hour he needed to fall asleep shortened to only 20 minutes.
Sharing a bed was inherently intimate – they had shared before during the pandemic. However, living together the way they were was inherently intimate. It wasn’t like Buck was a roommate—he was a partner. He would cook for them every night, drop Chris off to school some mornings, lead Eddie around the grocery store listing off ingredients.
That wasn’t all, they were both so torn open from losing Bobby. The sadness would hang heavy most nights, bringing forth a whole host of bad dreams.
One night Eddie woke up to Buck sat upright on the bed, breathing deep and heavy.
“Hey.” He immediately sat up too, his arm going over to touch Buck’s shoulder, eyebrows creasing in concern. “Are you okay?”
“Shit, sorry, did I wake you?” Of course that’s what he’s worried about.
Eddie frowns, “It’s okay.” He turns over to the bedside to turn on the lamp, illuminating the room in a yellow hue. “Bad dream?”
Buck shakes his head, tears welling up in his eyes. “Not really,” He sighs. “I had a dream we got Bobby out of the lab.”
Oh. “Buck.”
His voice is barely above a whisper. “I’m so mad at myself.”
“It’s not your fault Buck.”
“I should’ve done more. There had to be a way.” There’s so much hurt in his voice, Eddie wishes he could do something to fix it. “I miss him so much, Eddie.” The tears start falling aggressively now, glistening in the dark light. “There had to be a way.” He repeats weakly.
Eddie shakes his head. “You did everything you could. You always give everything 110% and I’m sure this was no different.” He turns to his alarm clock, 4 am. They still have three hours till they need to get up for work. “Come here.”
Buck finally turns to face him, furrowing his brows.
Eddie leans back into the bed, pulling Buck down with him by the arm. He doesn’t resist as Eddie wraps his arms around him and turns off the lamp. They haven’t done this before. Actual cuddling, if you could call it that. The grief is still felt deep in Eddie’s bones, so he’s doing this as much for Buck as he is for himself. He feels Buck shaking, his body trembling with every sob, “I got you.” He whispers.
They stay like that the rest of the night. When Buck falls asleep before Eddie, Eddie doesn’t know what compels him, but he places a soft kiss on Buck’s birthmark, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with care.
They don’t talk about it.
-
It takes Buck 7 months to move out. Between not finding a decent place to issues with the contract, they share a bed for 7 months.
For 7 months, sleep comes easily to Eddie.
The first night sleeping alone again Eddie’s skin is crawling. He tosses, he turns, he flips his pillow, he gets up to pour a glass of water, he checks on Chris, he scrolls on his phone at the most recent reels Buck has sent, he counts sheep.
He doesn’t sleep.
7am comes painstakingly slow as Eddie stumbles into the firehouse loft, eyes still heavy with the sleep he failed to have.
“You look like you got hit by a truck.” Chimney comments, pushing Eddie a mug of coffee.
Eddie breathes in the coffee, hoping to energise himself from the smell, “mm thanks.” He mumbles, taking a long sip.
“Something keeping you up?” Hen questions.
Eddie shakes his head, “just couldn’t sleep.”
“Morning!” Buck comes skipping into the loft, clearly having had a better night of sleep than Eddie.
“Morning.” Eddie groggily returns. “How’s your house?”
“Right now, a lot of boxes, but besides that, I really like it.” Buck smiles all toothy. “It is way bigger than I remember when I first viewed it, like I don’t know how I’ll fill up all that space.”
“Maddie told me the garden is massive,” Chimney says.
“Oh yeah! I already ordered a hot tub,” Buck brags. “You guys have to come over soon.”
Eddie feels a bit crazy. He isn’t sure if it’s the lack of sleep that lowers his inhibitions. The thought of Buck being so unaffected by the move just rubs him the wrong way. They’re usually so in sync, yet Buck seems to be sleeping just fine without Eddie.
-
The shift leaves Eddie bone tired. The alarm goes off 3 times in the night, allowing him only 2 hours of sleep.
He practically collapses into his bed. He’s teetering on the edge of sleep. He can’t wait to pass out till Chris gets home from school in six hours. A full six hours of sleep would reset him. He inhales deeply at the thought, sleep.
But then, Eddie freezes. His bed still smells like Buck. It’s all too distracting. Enveloping in what used to be comfort but now it’s just a reminder that Buck isn’t here and Eddie is all alone.
He turns to face the other side, the one that shouldn’t smell like Buck, closing his eyes again.
It’s too quiet.
Eddie tries. He really tries. He’s so tired and all he wants is to sleep but his body won’t physically let him. He grabs his phone in defeat.
Eddie: you need help unpacking?
Buck: if you’re not having a post-shift nap then yes I do
Buck: please
Eddie: on my way 👍
Buck opens the door, flour on his face, and an apron on. He looks adorable. That’s probably just the sleep talking. “Hey, come in. I just finished unpacking my baking stuff and it only felt right to christen the house with—”
“What are you making?” Eddie interrupts, entering. The house is beautiful. Buck was right to wait.
“Snickerdoodle!” He chirps on.
Eddie situates himself on the couch with a box of books. He came here to make himself useful; he might as well do it.
But the couch is so so soft. It’s new, and the cushions are perfectly fluffy, and Buck is over in the kitchen, humming away; Eddie can’t help it.
His eyes shut.
When he wakes up, it is several hours later, he’s lying back on the couch with a blanket draped over his legs. Buck’s doing presumably. “Mm w-what time is it.”
“Only 2 don’t worry, Chris isn’t home yet.”
Eddie lets out a sigh of relief. “Sorry for falling asleep.”
“It’s okay, looked like you needed it.”
-
Later that night, Eddie follows a strict nighttime routine to hopefully get some sleep.
He drinks camomile tea, lights a lavender candle, takes a hot shower and even puts on white noise.
The perfect recipe for a good night’s sleep.
Except his body hates itself. The bed feels cold and bare without Buck. Eddie embarrassingly builds a pillow wall next to him in a weak attempt to mimic someone else being there.
He goes for a run. A weak attempt at tiring himself out more then he already is.
Despite all the effort, it doesn’t work.
He’s going to have to do something to fix this.
-
Eddie’s plan is undoubtedly manipulative and a little bit insane.
Judge him all you want; he hasn’t slept properly in days. The only sleep he gets is during his shift, Buck sleeping soundly on the bed next to his. But even that is interrupted at least once. The sleep deprivation has clawed into his brain and is leaving him no choice but to do something so stupid.
He invites Buck over. It’s a Saturday, they don’t have work tomorrow, and Chris is busy having an actual social life.
The invite seems innocent enough. A movie? A beer or two? And it is innocent, really Eddie wants to spend time with Buck.
But there is a small ulterior motive. Eddie feels almost giddy with his plan: get Buck drunk he will have no choice but to spend the night, and Eddie can finally get some good fucking sleep.
“What are we watching?” Buck excitedly asks. Collapsing onto the couch in a big oomph.
“You can pick.” It’s the least Eddie could do, really. “Beer?”
“Yeah sure.”
They settle on some new Netflix original and get through two beers each. Eddie fights sleep the whole two hours. He is running out of time. “I have an idea.”
“Hm?”
Eddie grabs the remote from the table and switches the TV off. “Let’s get something stronger.”
Buck tilts his head in confusion.
Eddie practically leaps over to the kitchen and returns with a half-full bottle of Tito’s and two glasses
“Wow. The tequila you keep hidden behind the spices. What’s the occasion?”
Eddie nods. “It’s a Saturday.” He starts, not really that good of a reason, “and I haven’t gotten drunk with my best friend in months.”
Buck is easily persuaded, happily pouring himself and Eddie two shots. “Let’s party then.”
The plan quickly works; Buck is red-cheeked and giggly by his fourth drink.
Slight issue: Eddie is also now tipsy, and the lack of sleep is really catching up to him. Clearly a variable he did not consider in his master plan. He loves drinking with Buck. He can be touchy all he wants; he can stare at Buck’s lips for longer than socially acceptable and just blame it on the alcohol. Because that’s what alcohol inherently does right? Make you horny for your best friend?
Most of all, he can also say totally out-of-pocket things he should really keep to himself. The words leave his mouth before he can stop them. “Do you miss living here?”
Buck seems taken aback by the question. “Of course I do.” He shuffles even closer to Eddie. “I forgot how lonely living alone is.” He sighs. “My house feels too big sometimes. I could just imagine the garden with a swing set and trampoline. It’s like the place a family should have, and that is almost a constant reminder that I don’t have that.”
“You will someday.” Eddie’s stomach churns at the thought, Buck living with someone else. Sharing his bed with his partner, baking for them, drinking with them. The rooms in his house filling up with someone else’s belongings. Would he ever spend time with Eddie? It should be clear to everyone: Buck and Eddie do not separate.
“I don’t know. It feels less and less likely every day.” Buck rubs his temples. “I also keep cooking way too much. I got so used to making food for three, I end up on autopilot and then I have like a fridge full of leftovers.” He gives a weak laugh.
“I’m sure Chris would be more than happy to take some of those leftovers off your hands. As would I.”
“Duly noted.”
Eddie should just be quiet. It’s the end of the conversation; he has no reason to open his mouth again. But he’s tired and tipsy, and he should’ve just asked this question first. “Do you miss me?”
Buck frowns, puts his drink down and fully turns to face Eddie. Eddie’s breath catches in his throat. Buck’s lips look so red. “I still see you all the time.”
Right. “So you don’t?”
“I didn’t say—”
“’Cause I do.” Eddie finally says. It feels good to get it off his chest. “I miss you a lot.” It feels silly. It’s only been a week, and they’ve had three shifts so he’s spent more time with Buck than he has apart. He absentmindedly traces his finger on Buck’s leg. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Nothing’s wrong with you.” Buck frowns. “I miss you Eddie. I do any waking moment I’m not with you.”
This is going so quickly into a direction Eddie did not plan. Still, he doesn’t have the power to stop it. Instead, he moves even closer to Buck, close enough to count every eyelash him. “Then why do we have to be apart?” Why did you have to move out?
The colour drains out of Buck’s face. “You know why.”
No? Does he? Did he miss some crucial piece of information? Did Buck think Eddie was being weird around him?
“I don’t—” Eddie starts and is very rudely cut off by a large yawn.
Before he can react, Buck abruptly stands up. “Y’wanna sleep?” he asks, finishing off his tequila Coke.
The clock shows a little after 11, which is embarrassingly early considering they planned to “party”. But this is what Eddie wanted, his plan is working. “Yeah.”
Eddie falls back into his bed, letting it swallow him up. His eyes shut almost immediately, but his skin is still buzzing from the drinks and unfinished conversation.
He feels a dip in the bed as Buck lies down. He should just take his win. Get some decent sleep. Work out the confusing conversation later but Eddie just can’t help himself tonight. “Why?” he asks.
“What?” Buck shifts, turning to face Eddie.
Eddie’s stomach somersaults at their close proximity again. “I don’t know why.”
That seems to be the wrong thing to say as Buck’s frown deepens.
“Tell me. Please, I want to know.” Eddie continues. Eddie should know everything about Buck. It’s unsettling he doesn’t know this.
“Eddie—”
“Buck.”
“I’m not normal about you.” Buck finally admits.
Oh? That’s it? “That’s okay, I’m not either.”
A small laugh escapes Buck’s lips. “No that’s not how I meant it.”
“Then how did you mean it?”
Buck sighs deep and defeatedly. “You’re really going to make me say it?”
“Are you hiding something from me, Buck?” He teases, trying to defuse some of the tension in the room but his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest. “I can trade a secret for a secret.” It’s almost childish. Like they’re drunk, giddy teenagers. “And I can assure you my secret is worse.”
Buck bites his lip, a small smirk appearing. “I doubt it.”
He raises an eyebrow. “But we have a deal?”
“Yeah. Deal. You first.”
Right. He does actually have to admit something now. Fuck. Why didn’t he fall asleep to avoid this conversation? He turns in the bed so he’s lying on his back, away from the eyes of Buck. “I’m scared I’ll never sleep again.”
Buck’s face twists in confusion. He probably didn’t explain that well. “What?”
“Ever since you moved out, I haven’t been able to sleep. I have been tossing and turning every night.” He huffs out a laugh. “I got you drunk so—” god, it’s so embarrassing he can’t even finish the sentence.
“So I would have to sleep over?”
Eddie nods.
He feels Buck’s large hands pulling him in so he’s no longer staring up at the ceiling, forced to meet Buck’s eyes. “Eddie.”
“I know—I just, I got so used to sleeping next to you and now the bed feels like- empty and cold. I don’t know why or w-what’s wrong with me.” Eddie clears his throat; the admission feels all too revealing. He knows why. It’s been chasing at his heels this whole time. He blames it on his lack of sleep or alcohol, but it’s been there for longer than Eddie can remember. “Your turn.”
Buck seems frozen in place. Shit, did Eddie mess this all up? Show how weird and fucked up he truly is? “Buck?” He tries weakly. He broke Buck.
“Eddie I’m in love with you.”
Oh.
Well, that’s not what Eddie was expecting.
Suddenly, he feels more sober than ever. The sleep drained away from his body. The only thing in his brain is a loop of BucklovesmeBucklovesmeBucklovesmeBucklovesme
“Told you my secret was worse.” Buck attempts to joke.
Eddie should really respond. He should say something. His tongue feels all too big for his mouth, and words aren’t processing in his brain.
His silence clearly serves as a response as Buck seems to shift about to move off the bed his face already preparing an apology.
“Please don’t leave.”
Eddie searches Buck’s eyes for some hint of a joke or humour, but all he finds is fear. Buck looks terrified. “You love me?”
Buck gulps. Shifting under the gaze of Eddie. “Yeah.”
“Even if I’m insane about you?”
“Especially then.” He says it like a promise. Like it’s the truest words to ever be spoken.
Eddie acts purely on impulse, crashing his lips into Buck’s. It’s fiery and blistering as his hands find a home in Buck’s curls and Buck adjusts Eddie’s jaw at just the right angle. Eddie has wondered how it would feel to kiss Buck. Whether it would be different to his other kisses not just because he’s a man but because he’s Buck, Eddie’s best friend. And it does, it feels very different in the best way. It feels like forever in a way Eddie has never known.
Buck slides his tongue in, eliciting a slightly embarrassing moan from Eddie. This only feeds Buck more as he slides onto Eddie’s lap, straddling him with his thighs deepening the kiss.
“Buck-Buck- wait—” He manages, using all the willpower in himself to pull away slightly. Buck stops, searching Eddie’s eyes in fear that Eddie had changed his mind. Eddie needs to put him at ease immediately. “I didn’t say I love you back yet.”
The worry drains from Buck’s face. “Oh.” He laughs. “You didn’t have to Eddie, I know.”
Eddie’s heart grows about ten times in size. “Well, still.” He allows his hands to cradle Buck’s face, tracing along his jaw. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Buck says easily.
Eddie feels like he is dreaming. “I would love to get back to this—”
He lets his hands travel up Buck’s shirt, pulling it off and trailing kisses across his chest.
It’s only once he’s kissed all of Buck that he can feel content enough to sleep.
Sleep comes faster to Eddie than it ever has in Buck’s arms.