Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sera stood with Sir Pentious at her side, waiting for Emily. She was going to go along with Emily to check in on Charlie’s hotel today, and the thought had her shaking. Pentious, who knew why she was going this time, took her hand, sensing her unease.

“Ssera, you’re doing the right thing.” He reassured, giving the angel a soft smile. Sera never would’ve guessed that the first redeemed sinner would become someone she’d call a friend, but here they were, and she was grateful for his presence.

“I am sorry that you cannot come down with us, Pentious.” Sera squeezed his hand gently, “I would love to allow you on this trip, but we do not know what could happen to you if you go back down.”

“It’s alright, Ssera, I understand. We…wouldn’t want to risk losing my progress.” Sir Pentious managed a smile, having already accepted that he wasn’t going to be able to convince the angels to let him visit his friends. It was alright though, he had Cherri’s letters, and occasionally was able to get a signal through to call them.

“I…could see if Charlie might be able to come back up with her lover…Vaggi, was it?”

Sir Pentious’s eyes lit up at the suggestion, “Yess! Yesss!” The snake bounced excitedly, “That would be ssplendid!” He was practically vibrating, “You know, sshe used to spell it with an ‘e’ at the end, but Charlie told me sshe had been trying to find a new name! I’m not sure why it was so hard, though. I think “Vagatha” would’ve been lovely-”

Sera chuckled to herself, smiling as she listened to Sir Pentious talk. It was easy to see why he and Emily got along so well, with how they matched each other’s energy in so many ways. Speaking of Emily, the younger seraphim was currently flying towards them, her golden prosthetic glittering in the light. Every time she saw that golden wing, Sera’s heart clenched. She hated that Emily had to go through that pain.

“Sera! I’ve got the gift baskets for everyone!” Sure enough, Emily had an armload of colorful baskets. She and Charlie had been trading snacks from their respective realms for the other to try…mostly because Abel had asked about it.

“Well, you two have fun!” Sir Pentious waved as the angels turned, opening up a golden portal, “And please tell Cherri I say hello.”

“Of course, Pen!” Emily giggled, “If she has anything for you again, I’ll make sure to bring it back!”

Emily had taken on the role of messenger for Sir Pentious and his friends…mostly Cherri Bomb. She didn’t mind, knowing how happy it made him to have communication with them all again. Plus, she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that she loved sending Pentious and Cherri’s love letters back and forth for them. They made an adorable couple.

Sera took in a breath, allowing Emily to step through before her. She gave Pentious one last look, and he gave her an encouraging thumbs up. Carefully, her hand came down to touch the pocket in her dress, where the little creature she had was nestled up, and sleeping. She was doing the right thing…right?

“Just remember, Sera,” Sir Pentious said as she turned back to the portal, “It starts with sorry.”

“It starts with sorry…” Sera repeated before stepping through the portal after Emily.

~~~~~

Sera walked into a bustling hotel lobby, Emily and Charlie already giddily talking between themselves with hugs and squeals. The way they mirrored each other wasn’t almost comical, finishing sentences, and already swapping snacks. Charlie’s other friends were greeting Emily with little smiles or waves, but when Emily gestured up to Sera, the lobby seemed to grow tense, eyes turning up towards her.

It’s not like Sera wasn’t expecting some form of reaction like this, in fact, this was one of the tamer outcomes she had thought about. The last time she’d been in Hell, it hadn’t exactly ended well, and she knew her true form could be a bit much for even some of the higher ranking angels, she could only imagine how it would’ve been for human souls, sinners none the less.

“Uh- hi, Sera.” Charlie walked up the stairs, Emily hovering a bit behind her, “You…haven’t come down here with Emily before. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, Charlie.” Sera smiled, and Charlie seemed to ease. The older seraphim felt a bit more approachable since the day of the trial.

“Well…it’s good to see you.” Charlie gestured to the sinners lounging and socializing throughout the lobby, a bit more at ease with Sera’s presence now, “As you can see, we’ve got a lot of souls here to try redemption now! I’m sure they’ll be up there, and in your care in no time!”

“I’m sure they will.” Sera kept up her smile, hoping she wasn’t too obvious with how her eyes scanned the crowd of faces, hoping to find one face in particular, even if she feared how that face would look at her.

Emily suddenly piped up, grabbing Charlie’s hand, “Oh- Charlie, where’s Cherri? I was going to see if she wanted me to bring anything back to Pentious.”

Charlie tapped her chin, “Uh- I’m pretty sure she’s in Angel’s room.” Charlie’s expression tightened a bit at the mention of where Cherri Bomb was. Sera felt her brow furrow, thinking maybe she should ask about that later.

“Alright! I’ll be right back!” Emily quickly flew off down the hall, leaving Sera and Charlie alone. The two shared an awkward look, not really sure how to fill the silence.

“So…can I get you anything?” Charlie asked, rubbing the back of her neck, “I…I’m guessing you don’t really drink alcohol or anything, so…tea? Water?”

Sera couldn’t help but smile a bit, “Actually…I don’t mind a bit of wine, on occasion, but you don’t need to get me anything, Charlie, I’m alright.”

Charlie chuckled, “Wait, angels drink?”

“Yes, we just prefer not to overconsume.” Sera looked at where Vaggi was talking with Nifty and Baxter, “Does your-” Sera stopped, trying to remember the world, “-girlfriend not?”

“Oh- Vaggi does, but she doesn’t really like talking about Heaven, so I try not to ask a lot of questions about it.” Charlie leaned against the railing, looking out over the sinners. She was quite happy to see her hotel so full.

“I…could understand why someone who’s fallen would feel that way.” Sera’s hand went to her pocket again. Her little passenger was still sleeping soundly.

“Yeah…” Charlie looked over at Sera again, noticing her shifting stance, “Um…are you sure you’re okay, Sera?”

Sera didn’t answer for a moment, before letting out a breath she hadn’t quite realized she was holding, “Is…Lucifer around?”

“What-” Charlie straightened up, eyes wide, “W-Why? He’s not in trouble, is he-”

“No, nonono-” Sera held up her hands, quickly trying to reassure Charlie, “No, he’s not in any trouble, I just…” She lowered her hands to her chest, thinking about the few times she’d talked over this situation with Sir Pentious, “I just wish to speak with him…if he’ll allow me.”

Charlie calmed, looking Sera over, “You…want to talk to my dad?”

“Yes…”

“Why?”

Oh, she should’ve known Charlie would want to know-

“...I…it’s hard to put it all into words…” Sera rubbed her temples, so conflicted, “I- I wish that I could’ve spoken to him at that rally, or after the fight with those sinners, but there was so much going on-” The seraphim gripped the front of her dress, trembling, “And I just- if he doesn’t want to see me, I’ll leave, but I just need to- to apologize, to let him know that I don’t-”

“H-Hey-” Charlie stepped over, noticing the angels’ other eyes starting to open up, “Hey, it’s okay. I’ll…I’ll take you to him.”

Sera froze, looking down at Charlie, “You will?”

“Yes…” Charlie fidgeted, “But I can’t guarantee he’ll want to talk to you.”

“That’s alright, but I need to try.”

“Then…he should be in his room.” Charlie started walking, gesturing for Sera to follow, “C’mon, it’s just down this way.”

As they walked through the halls, Sera following behind Charlie, her mind raced, wondering how in the realms she was going to be able to start this conversation. While she had been conflicted and guilty about what she had caused towards the sinners in Hell, this was different. This guilt had eaten away at her for…for so much longer…and had caused such a horrible ache in her chest every day since the fall…his fall.

Yes, she’d been given Emily to replace what she’d lost, and while she loved her sister with everything she had, Emily was never a replacement in Sera’s eyes. As much as she loved Emily, it often hurt how much she reminded Sera of him on some days. Sometimes, she wondered if Emily could hear the slight hitch in Sera’s breath when she laughed just right, or the way Sera’s smile would tighten when Emily would sing her songs. The last thing she wanted was for Emily to feel like she had to replace something for Sera…someone…

Perhaps this would help give Sera some closure at the very least.

“We’re here.” Charlie walked up to Lucifer’s bedroom door, giving it a knock, “Just brace yourself-”

“Coming!” There was a lot of tumbling and crashing from inside the room all of a sudden, “Don’t worry- I’m coming! I’m not doing anything weird-”

Sera gave Charlie a confused look, and she managed a weak laugh, “Uh…give him a second.”

The door was flung open, and there was Lucifer, standing in white and red striped sweatpants, and another oversized sweater, only this one had a large, firebreathing duck on it. He had a large, brown hat with a wide brim that he had to push up to reveal his face because it was much to big for him. A rubber duck fell off of it and landed onto the floor with a squeak. The second he saw Charlie, his face lit up.

“Oh, hey Charlie! What’s up-” Lucifer’s eyes glanced behind Charlie, noticing Sera, his expression falling in an instant, “Sera? You’re…you’re here…”

“Lucifer…” Sera’s voice trembled.

Charlie looked between the two, and took a step back, not really sure what to make of the tension, “I…I’m gonna go make a phone call.” She started backing towards the elevator, but gave her dad one last look, “Dad…if you need me-”

“I’ll let you know, Charlie.” Lucifer didn’t take his eyes off of Sera, not moving until Charlie was gone.

He opened the door to his room wider, gesturing for Sera to come inside. She did so slowly, taking a look around. The first thing she noticed was the amount of rubber ducks, as well as other duck themed…welll…everything. Lucifer had always had a soft spot for the animal, but it seemed it had become an obsession at some point.

“I suppose your favorite creation hasn’t changed.” Sera tried to break the ice, but turned to see Lucifer glaring.

“My favorite creation is Charlie.”

“Of course- I just meant-” Sera quickly tried to back track, not wanting things to turn badly so soon, “I just meant…well…this was your favorite creation that you put on Earth.”

Sera picked up one of the rubber ducks, noticing how it looked like Charlie, and was with a group of ducks that appeared to be Charlie’s friends. That tugged at Sera’s heart, reminding her of when Lucifer would make her little gifts, and look so happy when he got to give them to her. Though he’d used to have this whole argument about how he felt ducks were better than swans, he’d made her a swan figurine, one with her halo and wings. She still had it in her quarters.

“Sera, why are you here?” Lucifer crossed his arms, his sleeves falling past his hands as he leaned against the wall, “Upset that the balance has been thrown off again?”

Sera flinched as he threw her words from that awful day back at her, setting the rubber duck she’d had down to turn towards him, “I’m here to apologize.”

Lucifer faltered, “What?”

“I…I’m sorry…” Sera rubbed her hands together, struggling to look at him, “I’m sorry I allowed for you to be cast out, I’m sorry that I didn’t fight for you to stay, I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you, I’m sorry that I never even tried to talk to you after-”

Sera’s voice sounded distant to her own ears, her vision watery as she felt tears well up in her eyes. Heaven above, she hadn’t wanted to get emotional, she had wanted to save face, but finally getting a look at him, seeing him so close, she felt her heart lurch. All she could think about was how much she’d missed him, how much she’d just wanted to hear him again.

“Hey Sera, look at this cool thing I made!”

“Sera, are you busy?”

“Sera! Sera, over here!”

“Sera…”

“Sera?” Lucifer was suddenly right in front of the seraphim, taking her hands away from her face. He looked up at her in concern as he saw those tears on her normally composed face. As much as he was angry and upset about their past, seeing her cry was enough to make him let it go in the moment, bringing his sweater sleeve up to gently wipe her tears away.

“I’m so sorry.” Sera’s voice cracked with her distress.

“Yeah…you said that.” Lucifer gave a soft laugh, “Look, just take a breath, and-”

Suddenly, from Sera’s pocket, came a high pitched squeak. Lucifer stepped back a bit, startled, but Sera seemed unfazed by the sound. The angel reached into the pocket of her dress, pulling out something fluffy and white. She gave the small creature a kind smile as it squeaked again. Lucifer’s eyes widened as she realized Sera was holding a duckling.

“Hello there, little one. How was your nap?” Sera spoke in a soft, motherly tone that Lucifer hadn’t heard in far too long.

Sera gave the duckling a small pet with one of her fingers, the duckling leaning into her touch as it stood in her hand, squeaking once more. The duckling was white, with golden yellow legs, and bluish ends on its wings. Much to Lucifer’s surprise, the duckling’s wings were actually too big for its body.

“Uh…” Lucifer couldn’t help his curiosity, stepping closer, “Who’s your friend?”

“I’ve been calling him Little Lu…” Sera admitted quietly, seeming a little embarrassed as she looked away, “I noticed him one day in the duck enclosure, and I…well…”

“Took him home?” Lucifer finished, trying to ignore how much he wanted to cry when she revealed that she’d named the duckling after him.

“Yes…” Sera smiled, holding the duckling out for Lucifer, “I wanted to give him to you.”

Lucifer froze, looking down at the duckling Sera was holding. He hadn’t seen a real duck in…ages. Carefully, he took the duckling into his hands, Little Lu squeaking at him, and nuzzling into his thumb. Lucifer took in the sight of the duck, the white feather, the blue tips to the wings, how the wings looked just a little too big for the rest of its body. He felt like he was going to burst into tears.

Slowly, Sera cupped Lucifer’s hands in her own, looking down at the duckling, “I was a little worried about bringing him down here, but I have a feeling that you’ll take good care of him.”

Lucifer looked up at Sera, eyes wet, “Sera- you can’t-” He sniffled, “You can’t just fly back into my life and-” He choked back a sob, trying to keep himself from openly crying.

Sera’s hands came up and cupped Lucifer’s face in her hands, wiping away the tears that had started to fall. Neither of them spoke for a moment, allowing the only noise to be Little Lu’s occasional squeaks as he sat in Lucifer’s hands. It felt as if a thousand words were passed between the two, without either of them having to utter a sound. Leaning into Sera’s touch, Lucifer couldn’t help remembering how long it had been since one of his brethren had looked at him with something that wasn’t disappointment or disgust.

He felt cared for…

“You do not have to forgive me, Lucifer.” Sera finally said after a while, “But know that I still love you. You are my brother, and I could never stop caring for you.”

Lucifer allowed a shuddering breath to pass through his lips, keeping Little Lu in one hand as he suddenly wrapped his other around Sera, pulling her down so that he could bury his face in her shoulder. Sera was shocked at first, but was quick to put her arms around him, holding on tight. It felt good to have him in an embrace once more.

They didn’t speak, they didn’t move, they just allowed themselves to stay in each other’s hold for as long as they needed…

For an apology doesn’t always have to be in words.

Chapter Text

Adam was pissed, beyond pissed even. Once again, Abel had to go and piss him off by being a sniveling pussy. Why did the kid have to be just like his mother? Soft, weak, kind-

“Fuck!” Adamn slammed his office door closed, pacing in his office.

They’d just been supposed to coordinate another parade to celebrate the new souls that had arrived. That was Abel’s whole thing, throwing together one fucking parade after another, and twirling that stupid shepard’s staff he had. Adam hated it, hated how fucking giddy, and happy, and sickeningly mushy he was. Damnit, why couldn’t he be more like Cain?

Cain…that had been the cause of the argument this time. Ever since they’d both ended up in Heaven, they’d seemed to just silently agree to not bring up Cain. No one else ever mentioned him either, which made it that much easier to never discuss what had happened. So now that they finally had-

“Damnit, at least Cain had guts, at least Cain didn’t snivel and cry like a bitch, at least Cain didn’t look like his fucking mother-”

Adam gave a defeated sigh, slumping into his chair at his desk, taking off the helmet he had grown so accustomed to always wearing. He rubbed at his eyes, feeling his shoulders slump. Cain had been so much like him…was that why it had felt like a slap to the face when Cain had been the first to commit that sin? Was that why every time he looked at Abel…

He remembered finding Cain sobbing, covered in blood, screaming for Abel to wake up, that rock off to the side. He remembered Abel’s body, lifeless, face unrecognizable, soaked in blood that had yet to dry. He remembered not knowing what was wrong at first, just that Eve had been screaming, and he had been sick to his stomach at the sight. He remembered when he finally realized that Abel wasn’t going to wake up…

Adam crossed his arms over his desk, resting his head on them as he let out a long sigh. It was rare that he felt weak, but that memory, as far off as it was, never failed to make him remember what it felt like to be weak, powerless, and clueless. Maybe that was why he had been so quick to carry out the exterminations, his disdain for feeling like he wasn’t able to do something.

It was also rare that Adam actually felt like shit for his knowingly shitty actions. Sure, he and Abel had argued before, but it was usually over small, petty things, Abel’s choice in music, Adam’s attitude or behavior in different settings, things like that. He’d never once felt bad for those arguments, even when Abel started sniffling when he’d raise his voice, still so afraid of getting into any sort of conflict. Yet, this time, thinking over their argument, he did feel like shit. Thinking about Cain didn’t help, in fact, it only made him feel worse for the things he’d said.

~~~~~

“Dad, it’s not wuss music, it’s a march!” Abel huffed, rubbing at his head, more towards the left…he was prone to headaches there.

“It’s still wuss music.” Adam shot back, ignoring the looks he was getting from Emily and St. Peter. God, he couldn’t believe that Abel somehow had bagged BOTH of them, even if they were as tooth-rottingly kind and sweet as Abel.

“Why are you even here? It’s not like you actually do anything to help welcome the new souls!” Abel’s voice seemed to almost growl, but it was far less intimidating with his round baby face.

“Sera says that as the first human, I should add my thoughts into these things.” Adam waved a hand in frustration, “Not like I can really say no, she’s my boss, so suck it up, kid.”

Abel’s eye twitched, “That’s such-” Abel quickly shut his mouth, looking away from Adam as he crossed his arms. He didn’t curse normally, and he usually didn’t worry too much about watching his mouth, but in front of his dad, he mostly did so just to irk him, refusing to stoop to Adam’s level.

Adam rolled his eyes, letting out a groan, “Bullshit? Were you going to say bullshit, you fucking pansy?”

St. Peter and Emily looked far more annoyed at Adam’s treatment of his son then Abel himself, Emily even starting to fly over, “There is NO need-”

Abel held up his hand, “Em, it’s fine. Yelling at him won’t make him stop.”

“Don’t act like you know me, Abel.” Adam sneered.

“Can we just get back to working out the parade?”

“Are you going to keep ignoring my super awesome, obviously correct suggestions?” Adam smirked a bit, resting his head in a hand.

“Yes.” Abel hissed, “Just like I have to do every time.”

“Well, that’s a fucking shame. You’d think you’d have a little more respect-”

“Respect!?” For once, Abel spoke over Adam, making even St. Peter and Emily flinch, “Why would I have any respect for you!? You do nothing but make me feel like shit!” Abel slammed his hands down on the table.

Adam started to grin, the teeth of his mask stretching across his face, “Finally, you grow a pair, and talk to me like a man.”

“What the fuck do you know about being a man!?” Abel seethed.

“Uh, everything?” Adam chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest, “I was the first-”

“Yeah, and you fucked that up, didn’t you!?” Abel’s expression dropped, realizing that he probably shouldn’t have said that as he straightened up, “Uh- I mean-”

“What the fuck did you just say?” There it was, that anger in Adam’s tone. The anger that made Abel tremble a bit, thinking about how similar it was to the tone that he’d heard right before dying.

“I…I said…”

“I did the best I fucking could, you ungrateful brat.” Adam slowly stood from his chair, “You think it was easy being the first fucking human, EVER? I started EVERYTHING on Earth, including your sorry ass.”

St. Peter quickly flew over, putting a hand on Abel’s shoulder, “Abel, let’s take a minute-”

“Yeah-” Abel reached, soon finding Emily’s hand as St. Peter started steering him towards the door.

Adam watched the three retreat, and spoke without really thinking in his anger, “No wonder he took you out so fucking easily. You’re pathetic.”

Emily gasped, and Abel froze, knowing damn well who Adam was talking about. St. Peter spun around, his initial fear of Adam replaced by fury that he’d dare to say that to Abel. The gatekeeper was even rolling up his sleeves as he started storming over. Adam found it comical.

“I can’t believe you were actually allowed up here, you cold, spiteful, angry-”

“I hate you.”

Those words made the room freeze up, eyes turning to Abel, who was holding a sleeve up to his eyes, refusing to let Adam see how badly he was crying. He didn’t turn, grabbing the door and throwing it open. Emily called after him as he took to the air, following quickly. St. Peter looked between the open door, then back to Adam, gritting his teeth, before flying after Emily and Abel.

Leaving Adam there…feeling like maybe he really was a major asshole.

~~~~~

“I’m such an asshole-” Adam had been repeating that to himself for a while now, his face in his hands.

In all the time they’d spent up here, Adam had never, ever, pushed Abel to the point of saying he hated him. For some reason, that felt worse than any insult, or passive aggressive comment that Abel could’ve come up with. Adam was usually unbothered by what was said to him, what he was called, hell, he’d been told he was hated more than once. Yet when it was Abel saying it, not even looking at him as he obviously cried, it made Adam feel an ache in his chest that he was quite unfamiliar with.

Should he…apologize? No, he never apologized, ever.

“I hate you.”

Adam winced as those words echoed around in his head. Damnit, why did this feel so bad? Why did he even care if Abel hated him? He usually couldn’t stand his son, why did this make him feel so bad? WHY DID HE CARE-

“Adam!” A familiar, frantic voice erupted into the room as a shaking Emily threw the door open. The younger seraphim never came to his office.

“What the shit-!?” Adam quickly shoved his helmet back down onto his head, clearing his throat, “The hell do you want?”

“It’s Abel-” Emily was sobbing.

The seraphim who kept everyone happy and joyful was sobbing.

Adam was following her out of the door before uttering another word.

~~~~~

Emily led Adam to one of the many parks in Heaven where one could go to experience nature, or as close as Heaven could get to it. She darted through trees, having to stop repeatedly when she realized Adam was having trouble keeping up. Eventually, they got to a more secluded spot within the trees, where a small pond hidden away. There, by the pond, was St. Peter, looking distraught, struggling to calm down the sobbing, whimpering Abel in his arms.

Abel was unresponsive to Peter’s words, arms over his head as he choked on his tears. Adam stepped closer, expression unreadable as he watched Peter struggle to get Abel to look at him, to tell him what was wrong. Abel was muttering something-

“Make it stop- it hurts- PLEASE-”

St. Peter’s eyes watered, looking up to Adam as he approached. He looked over at Emily, who gave him a quick nod. When Adam knelt, setting his helmet on the grass next to him, St. Peter let out a soft gasp. He’d never gotten a good look at Adam without his helmet, and seeing him now, his expression etched with worry and fear, it felt cruel to not let Adam take Abel into his arms.

Adam carefully got Abel to lower his arms, voice surprisingly soft, “It’s okay, Abe. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

“It HURTS-”

“I know.” Adam pressed his hand to the left side of Abel’s head, threading his fingers through the blonde locks.

He wasn’t the best with the whole angelic healing power, but he was at least able to soothe the phantom headache enough for Abel to relax into his arms. Seeing him snuggled up so closely reminding Adam of when Abel was a small boy, crawling between him and Eve after having a bad nightmare, or because the thunder had scared him awake. Abel had always woken him, never Eve.

Adam gave Abel a soft smile, thinking about how he’d hum Abel back to sleep. Wiping Abel’s tears with his free hand, Adam thought, deciding what he was about to do was worth two of his least favorite angels seeing. He gathered Abel up, rocking him back and forth, keeping his hand in Abel’s hair as he thought about some songs he knew that weren’t all shredding the guitar and screaming into a mic.

Well, there was one…it was pretty popular on Earth, last he’d heard.

“Close your eyes, have no fear.” Adam watched Abel’s eyes close, head resting on Adam’s shoulder, “The monster’s gone, he’s on the run, and your daddy’s here.”

Adam pressed his forehead to Abel’s, closing his eyes and singing softly as his son gave a content sigh, "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.”

“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.” Adam didn’t have to open his eyes to know Abel had already fallen asleep, but he did anyway, allowing himself a moment to enjoy holding his son again. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this.

Of course, it was interrupted when he heard a sniffle to his left, turning to see Emily and St. Peter looked at him with watery eyes, and stupid smiled. Emily was fanning her eyes with her hands as she tried to blink back tears, while Peter gave another sniffle. Adam had forgotten they were there.

Emily started to coo, “I knew you cared-”

“That was so cute-” St. Peter muttered.

Adam held up a finger, speaking in a hushed tone, “Shut it before you wake him up, you idiots.”

The two quickly shut their mouths, looking at the now sleeping Abel. Abel was still curled up against Adam, one hand on his dad’s arm. They both silently agreed to ask Abel about whatever had just happened later.

“Before you two go blabbing about this,” Adam put his helmet back on, giving them a smug grin, “Just know, no one is ever going to believe you.”