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Alhaitham’s house remained a bit too quiet for his taste.
Rain lightly pattered against the foggy windows of Alhaitham’s home with the wind thrashing upon the walls, rattling the shutters and door, curating a calming ambiance for him as he sat on the couch reading idly. In the dimly lit living room he laid, each sound made as he turned a page echoed into the emptiness of the home. It was much more peaceful than the usual, with the absence of Kaveh while he was away enjoying himself at dinner with their friends after the Interdarshan Championship concluded earlier that day. Alhaitham could’ve gone with the group, after all for once it was Kaveh’s treat rather than his, but he decided it would be more productive to tie up the loose ends of chaos that the competition ensued. That, and Alhaitham supposed Kaveh could use a bit of space after the events of the competition. What happened with his father…knowing Kaveh, he wasn’t going to process any of it well. Alhaitham could already imagine the way he must be berating himself, blaming himself for something he could never have changed. It was in his nature, his kindhearted but hard-to-watch nature, to think of himself as the problem. Even if an issue was completely and utterly out of his control, the poor architect took it out on his own conscience and weighed his worth in the hands of it. Alhaitham couldn’t fathom it at all. Call him apathetic or emotionless, but that wasn’t the case.
He was just simply logical.
While Kaveh’s actions have always been motivated by his emotions, Alhaitham plainly relied on reality. In reality, he cannot reasonably control everything negative that happens to a person, so it wasn’t worth shouldering all the blame on himself for the plain restrictions of being human. But bless Kaveh’s heart, he couldn’t bring himself to adopt that mindset. A part of Alhaitham was thankful for that, for it was one of the traits of Kaveh’s he was fond of. His selflessness, his generosity despite his own troubles, was all admirable to Alhaitham. Yet it also silently pained him to see him treat himself in such a low manner, with such disregard for himself like he wasn’t important. Nevertheless, Alhaitham decided giving Kaveh some time to spend with his friends would be best for him at the moment. Despite being scolded by the Traveler, Alhaitham’s presence would likely only cause agitation or a petty argument rather than serve as consolation. The last thing Kaveh needed was another stressor during an already overwhelming time.
But soon Kaveh would come home, and all that weighed on Alhaitham’s mind as he half-mindedly paid attention to the words in his book, was what he was to say to him. Their last argument couldn’t be called just a simple disagreement, there was conviction in Kaveh’s words as he announced he was going to move out after the competition came to a close.
And it hurt.
Way more than it should’ve.
What started out as a “temporary residency”…Kaveh was more to him than that. Even as students, Kaveh was more to him than just a classmate. Kaveh was more to him than just a roommate. He wasn’t just a part of Alhaitham’s home, he was his home.
A part of Alhaitham cringed at the thought and how quickly attached he’d gotten, but he truly couldn’t help himself. During his days at the Akademiya, Kaveh was the only person whom Alhaitham could call his “friend.” It’s not that he was an outcast of some sort, in fact it was quite the opposite, he was popular among students for his intelligence and accomplishments at such a young age. But that was simply the problem, Alhaitham could be labeled a role model or admired by others, but not as a friend. At the end of the day, everyone had their groups figured out and a young, anti-social Alhaitham couldn’t find a way to fit into that.
He accepted that difficult fact.
He was fine with it.
But then Kaveh showed up, loudly and arrogantly, and all of a sudden, Alhaitham wasn’t lonely anymore. They were immature and petty, and truthfully they still are, but no matter how many arguments they had, they were always the closest of friends.
So even after the many isolated years since then, when Kaveh needed it most, Alhaitham didn’t hesitate to let him stay at his home. Because how could he say no to him? No matter how it looked to others on the outside, Kaveh was always Alhaitham’s best friend and his first crush. Where his nights after work were bleak prior to Kaveh’s arrival, now every night Alhaitham couldn’t wait to come home to be with someone who cared for him. To come home and know he was loved, even if it was just in the platonic sense.
To be told by that person that they planned to move out felt as if Alhaitham was being abandoned in a way. The argument was almost a wake up call to him, that even if he had these convoluted feelings about Kaveh, it wasn’t mutual. Kaveh said it himself, he was miserable living with him and always wanted to go. Or, at least that’s what Alhaitham assumed was the case.
Until earlier today, when Kaveh announced on stage that he would be giving up all the mora he had inherited and won to those who “needed it more than him.”
So Kaveh didn’t want to leave?
This was the question that had been eating Alhaitham alive all day long and causing him to pray to any Archon that he would hear the answer he wanted. Because he really didn’t want Kaveh to leave, he never had. Even if he made the threats to kick Kaveh out if he didn’t pay his rent in time or fought with him about how controlling he is with their home’s decorations - Alhaitham loved having Kaveh around, and that was the truth he swore to never tell him. Maybe it was his ego or pride talking, but neither of the men liked to admit stupid things like that.
But Alhaitham had this tug on his heart tonight, the stomach-churning feeling that he should be honest to his roommate for once in his goddamn life, instead of acting like the pretentious stuck up he always did.
“ALHAITHAM!!!”
A soft grin formed on Alhaitham’s face as he heard Kaveh’s voice yell from the other side of the door, banging on the wood frantically after “losing” his keys again. He didn’t stop with the maniacal knocking and shouting until Alhaitham finally got up from the couch and opened the door, revealing a dripping-wet Kaveh that didn’t look too dissimilar to a wet cat.
It took everything in Alhaitham not to laugh at his sorry state as Kaveh reprimanded, “No, please, take your time to get the door. I’ll just be waiting out here SOAKING until you feel like it.”
“If that’s the case...” Alhaitham said, jokingly closing the door on Kaveh.
“You!” Kaveh yelped, pushing the door back against Alhaitham and forcing his way into their home. He dramatically sighed as he hung up his coat by the doorway, “Not a moment of peace with you around.”
“Quite ironic, I had some peace and quiet prior to your arrival.” Alhaitham smugly noted, shutting the door behind him.
“At least let me change first before you start!.” Kaveh exclaimed, flipping off Alhaitham as he left to rid of his wet clothes. Alhaitham carefully watched as he left, still standing at the doorway, hands shaky as he fidgeted with his ear buds.
Fuck, why was he so nervous?
Alhaitham felt a bit pathetic for the anxiety bubbling up inside of him, picturing how he would frame his words or how Kaveh would react to it. What if he still wanted to leave? His charitable acts from earlier didn’t completely void the idea of him moving out, perhaps he was simply postponing it until he could save up more. That possibility would make their relationship feel infinitely times more awkward if Alhaitham’s friendship with him was one-sided. What if all Kaveh viewed him as was a landlord or benefactor, not a friend?
Or what if he didn’t want him to leave either?
What if he really cared about Alhaitham?
What if…he viewed him as more than “just a friend?”
Entertaining these thoughts were pointless, as there was nothing Alhaitham could do to control the outcome of Kaveh’s feelings. To stress himself out more was unproductive. Illogical. He knew that. But as Kaveh waltzed back into the living room, dressed in his loose fitting pajamas with a stubborn pout on his face, any chance Alhaitham had of calming himself down dissipated.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, why are you still standing there?” Kaveh remarked, going over to the table that sat in between the couches and setting down a package that Alhaitham didn’t notice he had as he walked in a few minutes ago.
“Oh…I…” Alhaitham replied, diverting his attention to the table, “Did you get me leftovers?”
“Leftovers?” Kaveh said in an offended tone, “I’m not so mean I’d give you my leftovers, I bought you your favorite!”
He pulled out a small box from the bag and an aroma of spices and warmth radiated in the room as he unfolded the top of the box to reveal the dish he got, “You went to Lambad’s?” Alhaitham asked.
“No, we went to Djafar Tavern because the Traveler had never been. I just stopped by Lambad’s to get you the meat stew you liked.” Kaveh explained, folding the packaging up and setting it back in the bag.
Alhaitham approached the couch and sat down next to where Kaveh stood, “What’s with the sudden generosity?”
Kaveh tucked his hair behind his ears, looking down at Alhaitham, “I dunno…consider this pay back.”
Alhaitam paused for a second before noting, “Thank you.”
“What?” Kaveh said, raising an eyebrow.
Alhaitham sighed, “Thank you…for the meal.”
“Hmm, once more. I didn’t hear you properly.” Kaveh giggled, cupping his ear to hear clearly.
“Don’t make me repeat myself.” Alhaitham spat, leaning back on the couch whilst crossing his arms.
“You know, earnest thanks should be given thrice.” Kaveh smirked, sitting down beside Alhaitham, “One more time, please?”
“Since when did you construct that rule?” Alhaitham scoffed.
“I don’t make the rules.” Kaveh shrugged.
Alhaitham rolled his eyes, “Thank. You.”
“Wow…I didn’t think you had it in you Haitham.” Kaveh mocked, wiping fake tears from his eyes.
After exchanging a few more jokes here and there, Althaitham inquired how the dinner with the others went - to which Kaveh immediately took the opportunity to go on a tangent about a million different subjects. He talked about the food and the great service they received while eating out, about the Traveler and where they plan to go next, about Cyno and Tighnari’s relationship that he and Alhaitham had been suspicious about for some time now, and all sorts of other topics. Alhaitham sat there and diligently listened to it all. He was, of course, never much of a talker, so these types of one-sided rants were regular for the two. It got everything out of Kaveh’s system: any gossip he’s heard, complaints about clients, every detail about his day, really. It was a bit of a routine, that every night they’d sit on the couch and talk about their days. It was comforting, in a way, to be Kaveh’s personal diary and get to hear all the little things that others don't know about his life. His complaints or his accomplishments, Alhaitham got to be the one who heard it all and he’d like to think that Kaveh, to some degree, had to care about him enough to trust him with that. These intimate moments special to only Alhaitham’s ears had to mean something to Kaveh, and the thought of that made Alhaitham’s chest heart pang with anticipation.
He let himself give Kaveh a small smile as he listened, nodding and adding his own opinion every now and then in response.
One topic Kaveh continuously shied away from, however, was the competition. Alhaitham predicted as much that he wasn’t going to discuss right away how he was feeling about it. He debated whether he should bring it up in the first place, or how he would share his feelings with Kaveh without directly correlating it with the competition. The last thing he wanted was to come across as insensitive.
So after Kaveh finished up his long-winded rant, and silence fell between the two of them as they sat on the couch, Alhaitham straightened up and mustered up the courage to at least spark the conversation, “Are you…holding up well?”
Perhaps it was a dumb, blunt question that Alhaitham clearly knew the answer to, but he highly doubted Kaveh actually admitted it to anyone he interacted with today. All his friends were caring and had likely asked the same thing, but Alhaitham was sure he brushed off their concerns with laughter or a dismissive response that was vague enough to avoid getting any deeper into the topic. But this facade didn’t work with Alhaitham.
Kaveh let out an exasperated laugh, “Was it that obvious?” He looked up at Alhaitham, eyes burning like they were on the verge of tears. He looked tired, Alhaitham thought to himself.
Alhaitham fidgeted with his ear bud again, “Would it make you feel better to talk about it?”
Kaveh paused for a moment, staring down at his hands as he picked at his finger nails, “I probably should, shouldn’t I? All day I’ve been trying to avoid thinking too hard about it, avoid spiraling, you know?”
“I know.” Alhaitham responded, scooting closer to Kaveh.
“I don’t like that coming from you.” Kaveh teased.
Alhaitham felt his stomach doing cartwheels as he tried to piece his thoughts together, “I hope you know that…it’s not your fault.”
For a brief moment, Kaveh’s expression faltered as he stared up at Alhaitham with a look that just told him that he didn’t believe that. He didn’t have to respond before Alhaitham continued, “It’s not, I know your goody-two-shoes brain doesn’t believe that, but it’s not.”
“I am not a goody-two-shoes,” Kaveh huffed, shoving Alhaitham’s arm, “...but how do you know that? It very well might have been because of me, if only I-”
“No. I’m refraining you from making your self deprecating comments.” Alhaitham interrupted.
“But I-” Kaveh pushed back.
“No. Stop with that.” Alhaitham said, raising up his hand in front of Kaveh’s face.
“I thought I should talk about my feelings!” Kaveh complained, pulling Alhaitham’s hand down, and noticeably not letting go of it, “You’re not very good at this.”
“How kind, but I would rather not hear you speak so lowly about yourself when none of it is correct.” Alhaitham explained, intentionally making sure he kept looking at Kaveh and not letting his gaze fall to their hands.
“So it’s okay when you talk bad about me, but I can’t do that about myself?” Kaveh joked.
Alhaitham faltered, “I didn’t intend it that way.”
“Sure,” Kaveh snorted, “So every time you call me ‘naive’ or ‘gullible’ or a ‘free-loader,’ you ‘didn’t intend it that way?’”
His words stung, leaving a bitter taste in Alhaitham’s mouth.
He was the worst, wasn’t he?
He preached in his own mind how much he valued Kaveh in his life, how he was so fearful of losing him, but it was his own fault for pushing Kaveh away that he wanted to leave in the first place. Alhaitham didn’t take to heart anything Kaveh said - with the exception of his declaration of moving out - because he knew that it was just the nature of their relationship. They disagreed and fought often, but it was meaningless banter. They never genuinely meant any hurtful comments they poked at each other with in the heat of an argument, at least that’s how it was in Alhaitham’s mind. He never considered Kaveh took it any other way, but it was clear now that he should’ve known better. Kaveh wasn’t naive or gullible in the way he framed it to sound, but he did wear his heart on his sleeve. He’s too caring that he allows any sob story to convince him to make sacrifices for others, or lets someone’s snide comments easily bother him. He’s historically gotten much of his paychecks snubbed from his wallet because he was too selfless for his own good. Alhaitham had always scolded him for that, but he didn’t register that Kaveh’s sensitivity applied to him too. Where before it would’ve been amusing to Alhaitham to piss Kaveh off because of his dramatic reactions or because it was fun to argue with him over senseless disagreements, now it made him feel guilty. He kept pushing and pushing him until he finally reached his breaking point and resolved to move out, it was an obvious and avoidable consequence that Alhaitham foolishly deluded himself into thinking he wasn’t at fault for.
“Is that why you want to move out?”
The words carelessly slipped off his tongue and caught Kaveh off guard.
He let go of Alhaitham’s hand and made him so desperately wish he hadn’t asked at all, “Why are you bringing that up now?”
Alhaitham gulped down his anxiousness, “It’s been weighing on my mind for a while now.”
“I thought you missed your peace and quiet from when I’m not around, why do you care if I move out or not?” Kaveh asked, a hint of anger reflected in his tone as he spoke.
“I…do care.” Alhaitham responded, turning his gaze away from Kaveh to the couch, “How could I not?”
In the corner of his eye, he could see the confusion plastered on Kaveh’s face,“What’s gotten into you? Why you feeling all sappy today?” He said, poking at his forehead.
“Cut it out, I’m being serious.” Alhaitham swatted his hand away like a fly, “You suppose it wouldn’t bother me if you were to leave? Of course I care, I…” Alhaitham trailed off, his cheeks prickling with warmth as he stopped himself before he overshared.
Alhaitham couldn’t read Kaveh’s expression, but he watched as his eyes trailed across his face, intently studying every detail of it, “No, I didn’t think it would bother you.” He said, “I thought you’d be better off without me.”
After a beat of silence, Alhaitham continued, “Do you remember back as students when we had that fight over our academic project?”
Kaveh furrowed his eyebrows, “Yes? What are you bringing that up for?”
Alhaitham took a breath to calm himself down, “Well, when we cut contact with each other…that was likely the most miserable memory I have from school. I was so angry with myself sabotaging our relationship with something as petty as an assignment, I deeply regretted it for a long time.”
“Miserable? You didn’t have - I don’t know - other friends?” Kaveh responded, his expression almost pitying his roommate.
“No, I didn’t.” Alhaitham replied, “You were the one person I could feel like myself with. Though you were obnoxiously loud and annoying-“
“Thanks.” Kaveh scoffed.
“-you were important to me. Without you, I had no one. And…that’s still true.” Alhaitham said, heart racing as he spoke, “I’m not sure how you view our relationship, but I don’t see you as just my roommate, you mean more to me than that much. I’m sorry if I don’t make you feel like that, but I truly don’t want you to leave.”
Kaveh smiled softly, which Alhaitham didn’t expect and made his face go redder than it already was, “I’m kind of offended Alhaitham, you don’t think I think of you as my friend?”
“I didn’t want to assume-”
“Listen Haitham, I never wanted to move out in the first place.”
“What? I don’t understand, you said-”
Kaveh sighed and abruptly cupped both his hands around Alhaitham’s face, pulling him closer, “Listen, dumbass! Yeah, I did say that. And you say all sorts of shit to me all the time, right? But neither of us ever mean it, do we now?”
“…No?”
“Okay then,” Kaveh said, loosening his grip on Alhaitham’s face, “Then we’re really both just jerks who can’t communicate.”
“Kaveh…” Alhaitham started, but he wasn’t done.
“You’re much more than just my friend Alhaitham. Yeah, you can act like an ass, but so do I. I still care about you, and I can’t imagine not living with you. Who else am I supposed to let all my rants out on? And who else will fix the horrible aesthetic of this home?”
“I don’t suppose Paimon would be willing?” Alhaitham said, making Kaveh shove him in laughter. But then Alhaiham paused, just registering fully what Kaveh had said, “Wait, I’m…more than just your friend?”
Kaveh’s eyes widened and he immediately started shouting, “Shut up! I didn’t mean it like that!”
“Wow, such an accomplished architect expressing those feelings for a feeble scholar? I’m truly honored.” Alhaitham joked.
“Feeble scholar my ass!”
“Let me not interrupt your confession though, do go on.”
Kaveh paused for a second in disbelief, but then continued, “Fine, if that’s what you want.”
He placed a hand on Alhaitham’s chest and Alhaitham was sure he could hear the sound of his heartbeat picking up as he leaned in closer to his face. It was so sudden, but Alhaitham hadn’t dealt with these feelings for years to chicken out now, so he closed his eyes and waited.
And waited.
“Are you…serious?”
Alhaitham opened his eyes to find Kaveh a mere inch away from his face, with a puzzled look as he stared at Alhaitham.
“W-what?” Alhaitham choked.
Kaveh nervously laughed, “Why didn’t you push me away? Were you gonna…”
Alhaitham stared at Kaveh wide eyed, his actions dawning on him like cold water was being splashed in his face. He abruptly stood up, embarrassed, “I think it’s late, we best-“
But Kaveh stood up right after him and grabbed his wrist, “No, wait, Alhaitham.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were joking.” He said, attempting to pull away from Kaveh.
“Haitham, shut up for a second.” Kaveh responded, pushing himself in front of Alhaitham to block him from leaving.
“No, Kaveh, it’s fine-“
Before Alhaitham could finish, Kaveh threw an arm around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. Alhaitham was stunned, standing there like an idiot while Kaveh leaned in deeper into the kiss. Alhaitham hesitantly brought his arms up to cup Kaveh’s waist and closed his eyes, melting against Kaveh’s lips.
He slowly opened his eyes to meet Kaveh’s as they slowly broke off from each other. He stared into his sparkling eyes, admiring every square inch of his features like it was the first time he’d ever seen him and he could fall in love all over again right there. Alhaitham took a hand and brushed a strand of hair out of Kaveh’s face, “I didn’t think you felt that way…about me.”
Kaveh let out a soft chuckle and Archons, Alhaitham wanted to kiss him again, “For someone as intelligent as you, you’re pretty stupid. I’ve had a crush on you since we were in school.”
Alhaitham’s jaw slightly dropped, “Me too.”
“Are you kidding?” Kaveh asked, and Alhaitham shook his head in response.
“I guess we’re both not very good at this.” Alhaitham said, sliding his hand back down Kaveh’s waist. Every bone in his body wanted him to lean down for another kiss, but he rested his head on Kaveh’s shoulder, “Did you really not plan to leave?”
Kaveh pulled his hands against Alhaitham’s jaw and raised his gaze up to him, “No, I didn’t. You know, I may have moved in with you years ago because I was…”
“Broke.” Alhaitham smirked.
“Financially challenged.” Kaveh corrected, “But if I could choose to live with you again, I would. I love living with you and being with you Haitham.”
“Why?”
“Why? Hmm…there’s not a lot of good reasons…” Kaveh joked, which Alhaitham pouted at, “But I love how you act like you don’t care when you go out of your way for others.” He started, planting a kiss on his cheek.
“And you’re strong.”
“And totally hot.”
“Wow, someone’s getting bold. Are you sure you haven’t drank tonight?” Alhaitham laughed.
“So rude!” Kaveh yelped.
“Could I say something bold too?” Alhaitham asked, and Kaveh stared at him expectantly.
He was sure Kaveh noticed how he resembled a tomato with how red he was and he built up the courage, “I love you.” He cupped Kaveh’s face and went in for another kiss, and then another.
Kaveh frantically pushed away, “Love?”
“Was that too forward?” Alhaitham asked.
Kaveh smiled, “A little,
but it’s okay.
I love you too.”