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Cyn. Dear God, why did it have to be Cyn.
N had had his suspicions for a while now, specifically about Uzi and them being a system. And he loved her, he truly did, it changed nothing between them. He was happy, ecstatic even that he got to be a part of her journey and that they all trusted him enough to let him know.
But why, dear God, did one of them have to be Cyn?
She wasn't his Cyn, nor was she the one who had tormented him all those years. He just couldn't help the pit that formed in his stomach when he saw the flashes of yellow in Uzi's eyes. The panic almost completely overtook him the first time she showed itself. He had almost cried when she set that bow in his hair that first day, but he smiled and played along, just like he always had.
He couldn't help it, the mind numbing fear that shot through him like a bullet the moment he knew Cyn was front.
He had just woken from a dream, having fallen from his perch on the ceiling, his nerves shot to all hell.
N didn't know what to do with himself. So he paced in circles around his room, tail twitching with every step he took.
He couldn't handle this, not now, and not with the near blinding panic still clouding his perception.
I just need to take a walk, I can't do this.
N threw his jacket on over his pajamas, leaving to robo-god knows where in an attempt to clear his head.
•••••••
V woke with a start, falling from her perch on the ceiling, *! prior hazard !* warnings clouding her visor. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Her whole body was screaming at her to run, hide, anything to just get away. V tried to let out her wings but the space was too tight. The panic was closing in faster now, she felt something brush her leg and she attacked it, chucking it across the room. She scrambled to stand get out get out get out tearing tracks into the floor with her claws.
Out out out out.
She flung her door open, feeling something slide off of her, returning the panic with a vengeance. Only to see her bunker laid out in front of her.
No solver, no sky, no danger. The hazard warnings stopped and she stood, frozen, staring out at her living space.
That's when the anger hit. Her fear and anxiety shifting into a rage she knew well, one that tore at her insides.
She was distantly glad her claws were still out as she threw pillows, knocked over those stupid chairs Uzi made her get, toppled her couch over. She was like a hurricane, breaking everything in her path. Only stopping once the anger completely dissipated, leaving her exhausted.
She reached out for one of the many pens that had scattered across the floor along with the entire contents of her now overturned desk, grabbing it and whatever paper she could find in the mess.
Writing and sketching the nightmares usually helped, as much as she hated that fact.
•••••••
N found himself at V's bunker door. Just kinda staring at it, hand pulled back as if he had been burned.
N was distantly working himself up to knock when he heard the hiss of the door. It slid open to reveal a disheveled —and now very startled— V, still in her pajamas.
They just stared at each other for a moment, quiet contemplation clear on both faces.
"Hey," V said, a void expression on her face, almost like she was staring through him.
"Oh, hey," he responded, equally unfocused.
The two stood there, locked in silence. Neither daring to ask the other what they were doing, for fear of the question being turned on them.
He watched V's expression change, like she had decided something.
"Come in."
That was all she said before retreating back to her living space, leaving the door open.
N wandered in behind her, still not fully processing the world. He made note of her open bedroom door, claw marks visible. He saw the overturned furniture, the ripped pillows in the corner, the papers covered in scribbles on the floor; her bunker was a disaster.
V turned up her couch before basically dropping herself on it, sticking her head in her hands and just letting herself shake for a moment.
N sat next to her on the couch, rubbing soothing circles into her back as --he assumed-- she cried.
It didn't take very long for her shaking to stop and for her to lay back against the couch, looking at him.
"Why are you here?" She was searching him for something, he wasn't sure what.
"Probably the same reason you're awake, honestly."
"Cyn?"
"Yeah."
V looked up, covering her visor with the crock of her arm, sighing.
"Me and you both know how much Uzi means to me, to us," She started.
"Of course, but we also both know that doesn't stop the memories." N added.
As soon as V had admitted it was Cyn, N knew what was happening. He had experience, after all.
"The breaking." Her breath was shaking again, but only slightly.
"The hunting us down."
"How are we supposed to even act around her now?? She has the one person who left me, who left us, shells of ourselves. Cyn ruined us, and now she's living in the same body as our fucking partner, N!"
V was starting to spiral.
"Every time she's around, all I can think of is her breaking and reassembling me over and over and over again. Her breaking her own promise to leave us alone, I promise I tried my best to get her off our backs. I can't be calm around her, and honestly I don't think I ever was."
N set a hand against V's shoulder, trying to help soothe her.
"I know, I know." And he did, the same thoughts had been plaguing him for days.
"This is such a fucking mess we're in, huh?" N could still hear the small sobs masked by the words.
"Yeah, it really is."
The two fell mostly silent, V still hiding her visor and trying desperately to mask broken sobs. N just stared off as he tried to offer her physical reassurance, he didn't know what to do.
It didn't take very long for N to break their silence.
"I can't help but think of the day she tried to end the world." His voice was small as he spoke, as if trying desperately to not be heard. "I remember the panic that shot through me when I heard your voice in that hallway, knowing what she'd do if she caught you, knowing you were unaware."
N pulled his hand away, beginning to fidget with his fingers.
"You know, it haunts me sometimes. The distant sound of the callback, Cyn's laughter as she held me above her mouth, just how wrong she looked in Tessa's skin." He was shaking now, old panic resurfacing for the umpteenth time that night.
"I remember watching Uzi die, watching you get surrounded by sentinels, it's all so vivid in my mind. A swirling picture of everything that went wrong, everything that hurt us."
It was his turn to set his head in his hands, staring down at the floor while digital tears rolled down his face.
"I don't know if I'll ever be normal again. I'll always just be this thing that Cyn made."
He almost panicked when he felt arms wrap around his middle, a head resting against his back.
"Yeah, but we have each other," V murmured.
"We might kinda be abominations of drones but we're abominations together, and I think that counts for something." N could feel the vibration of her words as V spoke, just as quiet as before.
N sat up, V releasing him briefly before he turned and hugged her properly.
The two told their stories and cried together, knowing they shared a pain, knowing they truly weren't alone.