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~It started, the thrilling Euro2016 -but not for everyone it was pleasant. `
They had to face each other again, after that day they rarely talked but they would see each other every single day, every training session, at the hotel, hanging with the other team mates. Julian kept fake smiling for everyone wanting this harsh time to end and to have a normal happy ending. But as much as he hated to admit sometimes he thought that he had chosen wrong, he had been too harsh on Jo back then. Joshua had showed openly his hate towards Julian making the other feel even more hopeless. Julian is sure the other hates him now and that hate will slowly fade and turn them to strangers. Julian should be happy life is going his way. He has no problem with the media, an amazing girlfriend and many fans liked him and the way he plays, he won enough with the team. It’s just that he was sickened of the treatment he was receiving from Joshua, they used to be so close and then Julian fucked it up. It wouldn’t hurt him if he would have been a bit nicer towards his friend when Joshua confessed to him, Julian wasn’t gay, Joshua was a nice handsome guy but his friend, and when he started becoming busier and busier, seeing Joshua less and the tournament being far away he felt like things were better like that.
~FLASHBACK (BACK IN TIME TO WHEN THEY PLAYED FOR GERMANY NATIONAL YOUTH FUTBOLL TEAM)~
They were playing around like always, trying to get each other off the bed because it was too hot and they had to share a room.
“Just go to the other bed” –yelled Joshua trying to flip Julian out of the bed until Julian pinned him down, Jo’s hands easily entangled on his hands as the other struggled under him.
“You go to the other bed”
“But you spilled the Coca Cola on YOUR bed” –said Kimmich trying to push Weigl off but the other just laughed then suddenly leaning with all his body over Joshua.
“Then we both sleep here” –mumbled Julian against his neck and Joshua felt strange, a warm feeling filled his chest as his brain protested over this long time crush over Julian. But as they settled against each other, (although Joshua whining that it was too hot and that Julian was spooning him and he will fall), he could feel his heart beating against his. It was too much, Joshua was having a crush on Weigl for a long time now but since the days they will be busy with the Bundesliga were near he tried to shake it off, it’s just that Julian pushed his buttons too much.
“Stop making that ‘thinking face’ people will actually think there is a brain working there.” –joked Julian and Joshua kicked him in the stomach with his knee, not too much but just enough to see Ju wince in pain. Jo smirked in victory but soon enough as he turned to the other side to sleep the younger bit him in his shoulder.
“Are you crazy??” –voiced Julian turning around to stare at his friend but as soon as he caught his eyes every thought left his head, he couldn’t be mad at this cute squirrel.
“Why, will your girlfriend think you cheated on her?” –jokingly said Julian, now that they were face to face in the small bed the space between them was too small, it drove Joshua insane to have the other this close.
“I don’t have one” –replied Jo, now lowering his gaze to Julian’s lips as the other laughed.
“Why? You are sooo handsome” –said Wigle and Joshua’s brain wasn’t functioning properly, he only could see Julian until he closed the little space between them and kissed him. He moved his lips against Julian’s frozen one until the younger pushed him away by his chest.
“What are you doing?” –Julian’s eyes widened in surprise and it hit Jo what he had done, he wanted the ground to swallow him but it was better if he could let this out. Soon they won’t see each other ofter anyway.
“I-I …I l-like you” –stuttered Joshua, eyes trailing anywhere in the room except at Julian, then he noticed the warmth leaving him as Julian stood up from the bed.
“This can’t be” –mumbled he running out of the room.
Needless to say the next day’s Julian changed room and avoided Joshua at any cost causing Jo to get mad, he was sure at some point he even hated Julian, but then as they both separated from the Germany team and into their Bayern and Dortmund, Joshua tried to forget Julian at any cost. And Julian denied any regret in his heart.
~
END OF FLASHBACK.
When he first entered the hotel along with other teammates, he never thought it will be much of a problem if he ran into Joshua, he actually felt regret for the way he acted but he didn’t think he could make things better, and their friendship was over now. Maybe it was for the good, but Julian still tested the waters, just to see if Joshua was up to build their friendship back. As he found out his room was opposite Joshua’s he felt good, maybe they could really work things out but boy was he wrong. First days of the training went horrible. He hated this situation he and Joshua were in. Those blank stares, cold shoulders, harsh words they threw at each other were just too much. To think that only some times ago they were sharing the same bed.
~RING RING RING~ His phone suddenly rang waking him up from his thoughts.
“Yeah???” he faked a happy voice as soon as he opened the phone to his girlfriend.
“ I heard you are free today. Why won’t you come visit me?” she said, pouting along the lines and Julian sighted. He had to be fake all along his life.
“Yeah sure” he mumbled half lifelessly to her as she giggled.
“You must be tired. Smile I hate that sad face of yours.” she responded and he sighted. Normally if said by the one you love that phrase would make a smile curve up your lips…but that wasn’t the case. He hang up the phone after saying the usual goodbye’s…he couldn’t bring himself to say I love you at the end of the conversation but he still did. As Joshua listened from the other side of the door their conversation he felt numb. He hadn’t meant to pry into Julian’s private life but as he was entering the room to take something from Bernd(who was rooming with Julian) he heard Ju’s voice and couldn’t help himself from listening to their talk. How many months it has passed already and he still was crying like a fool?! Pretending to hate the other but only hating himself for loving Julian even more. Why was he listening to his conversation with Sarah at first…he didn’t knew. Suddenly he felt a tap in his shoulder and raised his head only to see the Sane.
“Stop being like this, let’s get away from here before Julian opens the door.” He whispered to Joshua and he got up throwing a arm around Sane and walking down the hall. All the wall to block his feelings from showing had been broken down in an instant, as soon as he faced Julian. He was hopeless and still in love…
~
“Don’t touch my phone.” the voice came out harshly although Joshua was afraid it would come out cracked. Julian stopped his movement and turned his head to Joshua, not surprised because he was used to the harsh tone Joshua threw at him every time he touched anything or talked to him even with a single hi. The others just continued their doings because they knew they couldn’t solve anything between the two guys.
“I don’t remember you whining about that almost 5 months ago.” Julian said, it was more the case when words came out itself. He didn’t mean to say that, he had already turned the page but it hurt Julian how Joshua acted so hateful towards him.
“Oh I don’t remember anything about it so can’t catch up with your words sorry.” Joshua said, smirking for the comeback as he stood up and grabbed his phone. He felt a grip on his wrist he hadn’t felt for long. The last time he felt it, it sent a shock in his body just like this time. And the memories of that fucked up day came itself into his mind, leaving a lingering feeling in his heart. What could a single touch do?! How much Joshua hoped his wall won’t break again and he won’t cry in front of this idiot he was still in love with.
“Happy birthday. I just wanted to leave that as a note in your phone since you have changed your number and I can’t find the courage to say it to you.”
“Nothing to be happy about.” Joshua replied as he freed himself from the grip and turned around.
“Will we all come to your room with beer and games?” Thomas suddenly asked as if to end the awkward situation.
“Yes…you can come too.” Joshua said turning to Julian and how much he hope he wouldn’t see that smile plastered on the older face.
…
That night Julian had gone wasted as well as Joshua. Everyone practically had…and Julian had paid for all the times he had shoved unintentionally his relationship with Sarah in front of Joshua’s face not knowing the other is still hurting. He had totally paid today as he had seen Joshua so close to his Bayern teammates.
“Julian why don’t you try and make things right?” asked Bernd and it was such a paradox. A minute ago he was sure what is the right for them and now he was doubting himself. He couldn’t deny it was always warm and cozy near Joshua, it had a special giddy sensation when they touched or laughed together, and he still remembered the kiss, it actually haunted him.
Oh.
Oh no
He liked Kimmich, and he fucked it up?! He let them go through all of this just because he was in denial. Realization hit him as he kept drinking, staring at Joshua who now was throwing himself at Manu’s arms, actually trying to flirt. (just because he was drunk) This is it… thought Julian as he stood up and went to the other side of the room. Well maybe if he wasn’t so drunk he would never have the courage to do this.
“We will go to my room now” Julian said dragging the surprised boy out of his own room on his own birthday party. And although drunk Joshua knew pretty well he and Julian were not together, and so he knew well that Julian had no right to drag him out of there. It was even Joshua’s birthday.
“leave me,” Joshua said freeing his arm from Julian’s grip.
“Why you throw yourself at other people Joshua?” asked Julian angry and Joshua’s eyes almost popped out.
“I have the right to do whatever I want. I disgust you.” Joshua truly spoke as alcohol had taken over his brain.
“Beside since you go around kissing Sarah and god know what else you have done, why come and annoy me.” added the shorter.
“But Joshua I-“
“Stop Julian, if you want to really know. I still love you so now go and run away like you did last time, for fucks sake why don’t you go and spread it to everyone that I am gay.” Joshua sincerely said as tears streamed down his face. Has he done a crime in his past life that this situation was happening twice?! And aside all how did he manage to say Julian that he is still in love, he knew he shouldn’t have drunk. But still to the hell with it Joshua will get over with this tonight. He stared deeply into Julian drown deep orbs and waited for an answer of any sort. As Julian met Joshua eyes he smiled, it was now or never. And when he started to get lost into Joshua eyes his heart tightened.
“I love you” said Julian decided, he pressed their foreheads together before hungrily kissing the others lips.
“I'm not able to forget you because my mind wanders to you every time my heart beats” replied Joshua although he knew too well that this was what he had waited for. Julian had decided.
“That means you'll love me to death right?” Julian raised his brows and Joshua nodded.
“Yeah” said the older and Julian smiled.