Work Text:
“I’m strongly insisting that you do not take the heart monitor off, Admiral,” the medic said firmly, pinning Thrawn down with an intense stare.
“I’ll make sure he doesn’t,” Eli said, nodding to her from where he stood next to Thrawn’s side in the medward.
“Good,” she said. “It’s important that you are aware your heart-rate is not exceeding a certain level. Remember that putting strain on your body could cause your condition to worsen. The watch is simply there to show you when your heart rate does have variation so you can respond accordingly.”
Thrawn nodded. “Very well,” he agreed, although Eli could tell from the slight downturn of his lips that he was not very pleased about it, which made Eli dread having to make sure Thrawn didn’t take the heart-rate monitor strapped to his wrist off even more. What also didn’t help was Eli’s already looming and overbearing anxiety over Thrawn’s condition and the stab wound that could re-open if Thrawn pushed himself past his limits. At least now he wouldn’t be the only annoying thing constantly reminding Thrawn to go easy on himself.
***
A couple days later~
“Turbolasers?” Thrawn checked, staring out the viewport as the officers next to him confirmed. “Fire,” he said, watching as they fired the turbolasers at the empty base which simultaneously offered the perfect diversion for those focused on attacking nearby imperial ships.
Eli watched closely, not knowing how Admiral Thrawn managed to stay so calm and not trigger his heart-rate monitor once. It made him wonder if Thrawn had silenced it or even broken it in some way he wasn’t supposed to, or maybe he really was that good at staying level headed and calm during battles.
Either way, he made a note to check on his watch after the battle was over, disbelieving that Thrawn could seriously not have had an increase in heart rate that exceeded eighty beats per minute, nor a variation that was five beats or more past that mark this entire battle thus-far.
***
“That’s it,” Eli finally said as Thrawn went to sit next to him in their shared office. Thrawn was gently holding his side, wincing accidentally as he sat down. Thrawn stared at him, clueless. “You’ve been working on your data pad for over five hours now, sir. You haven’t even slept since we got out of our last conflict and now you’re wincing every time you sit and stand up. You need rest!” He motioned in exasperation with his hands, eyeing him and the wound in frustration.
Thrawn shook his head ever so slightly. “I assure you I am aware of my own needs.”
Eli stared at him with a dumbfounded expression that made Thrawn raise his eyebrows slightly. “Permission to speak without formality, sir?”
Thrawn nodded. “You may,” he said, dropping Eli’s own titles. They had been working together for over seven years at this point, maybe longer; dropping formalities was hardly something that needed to be requested anymore. But since Eli was about to complain about Thrawn to Thrawn, he assumed it was better to be safe.
“I’ve known you for years, Thrawn,” he began, trying to speak gently even if a bit of frustration still leaked through. “You hyperfocus,” Eli accused, knowing extensively what hyperfocus was because he had looked it up and researched it because of Thrawn. “You sit and work until you get to a point where your needs just can’t be ignored anymore. And sometimes that’s fine, there are worse things. But you gotta be payin’ extra mind to your physical condition right now.”
Thrawn looked back at his data pad. “Fine,” he eventually said. “I will rest for a short while.”
Eli let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, his annoyance fading as Thrawn slowly stood. The relief was short-lived, however, when his eyes landed on Thrawn’s side. “You’re bleeding,” Eli said quickly, Thrawn looking down in mild surprise and humming.
“It appears I am,” he commented dryly, turning his hand over and looking at the blood that was transferred there.
Eli sighed, getting up and heading to their adjoined quarters to get the medkit. He watched from the side of his vision as Thrawn made his way to the fresher, Eli following him there momentarily after.
Thrawn had taken off the outer layer of his uniform, leaving him in a black undershirt. Carefully, he lifted up his shirt, the wound having opened a little near the bottom stitch. Thrawn sighed, and for the first time, his watch beeped, indicating an increase in heart rate that went above 80 beats per minute, slightly high for a Chiss. “Thrawn,” Eli scolded gently. “How did this even happen? Was this really just from you sittin’ and standing?” Thrawn hesitated, pressing his lips together briefly in a way that did not escape Eli’s notice. “Thrawn?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.
“There was a slight emergency…in the hangar bay…earlier…” Thrawn conceded.
“Is that why you told me to watch the bridge? Is that why you were gone for thirty-minutes!?” Eli asked, his face feeling a bit red over his frustration.
Thrawn let out a small sigh. “Indeed. I managed to inspect the wound afterward and it appeared fine. I suppose the earlier activity weakened one of the stitches without my knowledge. My occasional sitting and standing must have been what triggered the eventual break.”
Eli sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose a moment. “Okay, I’ll call a med droid,” he said, trying to let his frustration fade while also avoiding asking the question of what exactly it was Thrawn had been doing in the hangar bay. Whatever it was, he couldn’t undo it now.
Thrawn nodded. “Please do so. My apologies for burdening you as well.” He looked genuinely apologetic as his lips turned down slightly, looking right at Eli who grabbed a rag and ran it under the sink, careful not to let it touch the sink's surface before wringing it out and touching it against Thrawn’s wound gently.
Thrawn’s watch beeped again, indicating another spike in heart rate as Thrawn hissed quietly. “It’s fine, you aren’t, and I’m sorry this is hurting you,” he murmured, responding to Thrawn’s earlier comment and his current actions.
“It is my fault this incident occurred, do not be sorry,” Thrawn said, staring at himself in the mirror.
Eli contacted a med-droid shortly after, said med-droid eventually making the decision to bring Thrawn to the medical ward. He waited by Thrawn the entire time they re-stitched his wound and still sat by him even after they were finished just to be completely sure that Thrawn was alright. “I’m just making sure you’re okay,” Eli said, offering Thrawn a thin smile as Thrawn once again tried to convince him he was fine.
“I understand you believe it your job to help me, but I will be fine,” Thrawn said once again and Eli found the slightest bit of fondness well up in his chest. He wasn’t here because it was his job, he knew a lot of aids might have left by now if they were able, a lot of aids did not even like their commanding officers. Eli had thought Thrawn knew that wasn’t the case with him, however. He wasn’t here because he had to be, he was here because he, in a way, was Thrawn’s friend. At least he had hoped that he was.
Eli looked at Thrawn, the other man staring at him expectantly. He tried not to scold himself too hard for the recurring thought that told him he worried too much about his commanding officer, more than any ordinary aid probably would and in a way that was even a bit unhealthy. “I…” Eli began, pressing his lips together a moment. “I’d like to stay here, if it’s alright with you, sir, I-”
Thrawn’s watch beeped, his hand coming slowly to cover it. “Continue,” he said after a brief moment.
Eli hesitated, the heart monitor betraying Thrawn’s usual unreadableness, betraying the thoughts Eli was more than sure Thrawn usually tried to hide. He hadn’t realized that Thrawn may be agitated. “You are upset by the idea of me being here?” He asked, not waiting for a response before standing slowly. “I’m sorry, I think I worry too much,” he half joked. He tried adding a smile, one that was sure failed at being reassuring before walking to the door.
He heard another muffled beep from Thrawn’s watch behind him. Eli turned briefly, Thrawn closing his hand around his wrist tightly as he lay in bed. Nothing else was said as he left the room.
***
Eli hesitantly knocked on the door to Thrawn’s med-ward dorm the next day, being told by the med-ward staff that Thrawn was awake and risking the knock. “Come in,” Came the quick response. Eli walked in hesitantly, looking him over as he entered holding two cups of tea. Thrawn was propped up in bed, his back supported by pillows.
“How are you feeling?” Eli asked, walking over as if Thrawn would bite him.
“Fine,” Thrawn quickly said, holding out a hand as Eli went to hand him the tea. Their fingers brushed, just a gentle touch before Thrawn’s hand jerked, his watch going off and seemingly startling him, ironically adding to his heart rate after it did so and unfortunately spilling the tiniest bit of tea.
“Are you sure?” Eli asked, watching as Thrawn pressed his lips tightly together and set his tea to the side, looking, no, glaring, at his watch as he wiped his hand off on the sheets next to him.
“Yes,” he said, glancing back at Eli as he did so. Eli hesitantly handed Thrawn his data pad, Thrawn taking it gently. “Thank you,” he said, looking down at it and at what he wrote down on it before the incident.
“I’m trusting you not to spend hours on it,” Eli said, knowing that his hopes should already be crushed. Thrawn did not respond and Eli sighed before continuing. “Do you need anything else from me?” He asked, trying not to think about the discomfort he felt last night over the prospect that him being here too long may make Thrawn uncomfortable. He hoped it was simply the time of day, the fact they had been in the night cycle and Thrawn wanted to sleep alone. Odd, considering they shared bunks for years, but perhaps Thrawn disliked it more than he realized. Or maybe Thrawn was in a bad mood, or potentially he-”
His thoughts were cut off when Thrawn spoke again after a pause Eli hadn't realized had stretched out. “I wish to apologize,” Thrawn said quietly, Eli narrowing his eyes.
“About what?”
Thrawn studied him for a moment, his eyes tracing him in that intense way they always did, Thrawn no doubt trying to read Eli’s emotions like a book. “I did not mean to imply that you made me uncomfortable, last night.”
Eli let out a breath. “Oh,” he murmured, smiling slightly. “Good, I…I would understand though, sir, if you ever needed time to yourself. We do spend a lot of time together and I do worry unnecessarily about you.” Again the watch went off, and Eli tried not to pay mind to it even as Thrawn tensed momentarily. “What I’m tryin’ to say is, if you ever need time to yourself, just tell me, alright?”
Thrawn nodded. “I will endeavor to do so.” Eli smiled more fully at him, Thrawn looking back at his data pad after a moment. “Do you wish to do research with me today, Lieutenant Commander?”
Eli continued smiling, feeling much more confident. “I’d like that very much, sir.”
***
Eli was great with numbers, with analyzing patterns. Everything was a pattern if one looked hard enough, everything had a statistical probability tied to it. Not all of those probabilities could be easily determined, if determined at all…but the probability of Thrawn’s watch beeping the moment Eli made physical contact with him was near 75%, occasionally higher, nearly 100% if it was direct and intentional contact; and Eli didn’t need to be good at math to see that there was an obvious pattern to that.
What exactly about the touches was causing the increase in heart-rate, however, was what Eli did not know. It was potentially yet another thing about the Chiss he did not understand. Possibly, it was something that tied to Chiss culture, a norm against any form of casual touching. And yet, a couple times now Thrawn had put a hand on his shoulder, even went as far as sparred with him, and there was more than a little touching involved in that. He wondered if it was different in that instance, if it could be viewed as a necessary touch when sparring. Despite this, that still left the outlier, the shoulder touch, which was not similar to sparring. It was unnecessary in the sense it simply served as comfort or support.
There was another explanation, the one that stated Thrawn himself was uncomfortable with touch, and that his heart rate was going up because he was simply uncomfortable. Once again, possibly unlikely due to Thrawn’s lack of vocalizing such distastes and common requests to have Eli as his sparring partner. It could be the relation to his injury, his heart rate going up due to pain the wrapping of his injury caused, but that didn’t explain why a gentle brush of the fingertips was occasionally all it took to set off his watch. He was sure it was some form of nervousness; he was just disappointed he might never discover what about the touches made him nervous. He could ask if he was bold, but he supposed that depended on Thrawn more than anything.
In the last few days, Thrawn’s monitor had gone off when they brushed fingertips, when Eli had brushed up against his shoulder, when he touched Thrawn’s shoulder with his hand, when he straightened Thrawn’s collar, when he brushed something off of Thrawn’s uniform, and especially when he wrapped Thrawn’s wound. That last one had to be the pain, having Eli touch his wound, even gently with a cloth or bandage, had to be at least a little painful. It would also explain why his watch went off multiple times, indicating that his heart was increasing again past 80 and continuing to increase. It had even beeped multiple times in succession when Eli smoothed out his bandage. He had felt especially bad after that, apparently causing more pain than intended.
Thrawn had only worn his watch on one of their wrapping sessions, taking it off the last two times he’d allowed Eli to re-wrap his wound, which Eli had proudly managed to convince Thrawn to let him do each time. He could do it a lot better than Thrawn could himself, after all. He just had…better visibility.
Eli sighed to himself, looking up from his datapad and seeing Thrawn staring at him from his desk, his eyes narrowed not from concentration but from what was most likely exhaustion. “I’m thinking it’s time we rest,” Eli commented, watching Thrawn closely as he frowned slightly.
“I am nearly finished,” he murmured in response.
“Admiral Thrawn said an hour ago,” Eli narrated, Thrawn narrowing his eyes in confusion a moment before there was a slight upturn of his lips.
“Did I?” He inquired.
Eli smiled, standing and setting his datapad on the edge of Thrawn’s desk. “Come on, let's re-wrap the bandages.”
Thrawn stood, turning off his own datapad. “You do not need to do so if you do not wish.”
“I wish. Now let’s go,” Eli said fondly, motioning Thrawn along with him before the man got distracted by his datapad again.
They went through the usual routine, Thrawn and him going to the fresher and Thrawn, of course, taking his watch off and setting it on the edge of the sink before carefully taking off the top half of his uniform and undershirt. Eli tried not to stare as he unwrapped the bandage around Thrawn’s abdomen and inspected his wound before carefully wrapping him again. As he was about half way done he hazarded a look up, checking to make sure he wasn’t causing any pain. To his surprise, Thrawn had his eyes closed, taking in deep breaths as Eli worked. Eli frowned, Thrawn’s expression held in its usual neutral mask and yet…the man somehow seemed uncomfortable.
He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the confrontation he should have known was coming. “Thrawn,” he said as he went back to wrapping.
“Yes, Vanto?” Thrawn asked, his eyes opening slowly to look at him.
Eli hesitated. “Do my…do I make you uncomfortable when I touch you?” He asked awkwardly.
He watched as Thrawn stared at him, his expression remaining perfectly emotionless. “Why do you ask?”
Eli sighed. “Your watch goes off every time I touch you,” he stated, finishing the wrapping before stepping back. He busied himself with the medkit as he continued. “It happens nearly every time we brush up against each other. I thought maybe some of the reason might be because of the pain I caused when I wrapped your wound, but I don’t really understand…” he hazarded another glance at Thrawn. “I don’t understand why it goes off any of the other times.” Thrawn looked away as Eli continued. “You’d tell me if I made you uncomfortable, right?”
Thrawn was silent for a few moments, so long it almost seemed like he was going to ignore him. “I am…simply unused to touch.”
Eli knew this confirmed at least one of his theories. He knew this made sense, and yet, for some reason, he felt like it was a lie. Thrawn wasn’t even looking him in the eyes, as if this admission was something to be ashamed of. Eli narrowed his eyes, eyeing the watch on the counter before hesitantly grabbing it. He gently touched Thrawn’s wrist, Thrawn not resisting and giving in to the touch rather easily. He seemed to regret it after a moment, however, as he flinched slightly as the cold metal of the watch touched his wrist. Eli glanced up, Thrawn’s lips pressed tightly together as he continued looking away. Eli fastened the watch, watching as it took about ten seconds to measure Thrawn’s heart rate before beeping. ‘Heart rate, 86.’ The digital watch face read. Eli looked up at him, Thrawn staring at him blankly, and yet his shoulders gave away his tenseness. Eli stepped closer, looking Thrawn in the eyes as he did so. Another beep from the watch, a sharp increase in heartrate.
“Do I make you nervous, Thrawn?” Eli whispered, looking at Thrawn closely, looking for any aversion of eyes, any indication of a lie. “Please be honest with me,” he added after a moment.
Thrawn let out a small breath, barely breathing. He opened his mouth, closed it again. Eli went to pull away, accepting this version of an answer when Thrawn grabbed Eli’s arm. Eli glanced at Thrawn’s hand before looking back up. Another beep.
“Thrawn?” Eli asked again, a bit more stern.
Thrawn looked away. “I am sorry,” he said again. “I am sorry for struggling to answer your questions.” He let go of Eli’s arm, putting it behind his back and pretending it was never on Eli’s arm to begin with. “Yes, your physical contact makes me nervous.”
“And, you aren’t uncomfortable?” Eli asked, Thrawn shaking his head. He relaxed slightly, letting out a small breath. “And you’re okay with me touching you?”
“Please- I mean, correct. I do not mind you touching me. As I said, I am simply unused to touch,” he said, walking past Eli and putting the medkit away in the cabinet for him.
Eli gave him a small smile, still feeling like Thrawn was lying about something but too relieved by his answer to investigate it further.
Thrawn looked back at him, and in a turn of events Eli would have never been able to predict, he reached out and brushed a very out of place strand of hair out of Eli’s eyes before turning and leaving.
Eli was relieved Thrawn didn’t stay to see the blush that followed the movement.
The next night, Thrawn didn’t take his watch off.
***
Thrawn hissed, his hand grabbing his side with a little too much force. Eli grabbed him, walking him to a nearby tree he could lean against. It had been nearly a month, Thrawn finally cleared to go planet side with the instruction to not over exert himself. To Eli’s shock, bewilderment, and utter surprise, Thrawn actually managed not to for at least an hour.
Their mistake had been wandering too far away from the ship. Not only that, Thrawn should have listened to Eli when Eli told him they were going too far, or maybe Eli should have put up more of a fight when they wandered out to this distance. Now they would have to wait for a speeder to come and pick them up in the middle of a jungle trail.
Eli should have also been more aware of their surroundings, somehow neither him nor Thrawn seeing the vine-like snake that they both miraculously managed to step on, both of them running and jumping into the nearby stream to try and escape it afterward. And now, here they were, soaked and miserable, with Thrawn potentially injured all over again.
“Here,” Eli said, lifting Thrawn’s shirt up to look at his wound.
Beep
Eli let out a relieved sigh when he saw the wound wasn’t bleeding. “No blood,” he said, his shoulders relaxing. “I’m sure it could still be internal, but for now you seem alright.” He gently put his shirt down, gently smoothing out the edges.
Beep
“I am sure I will be fine,” came Thrawn’s response, wiping the water from his forehead.
“Here,” Eli said before he could think about it, taking out a little handkerchief and dapping Thrawn’s forehead with it.
Beep.
He stared at Thrawn, giving a little smile before continuing to dab away at some of the remaining water that dropped down from his dark hair. “You’re always concerning me, we need to be more careful,” he whispered.
Beep
Eli smiled slightly, trying not to think about how much easier it was to get a reaction out of Thrawn than he originally thought.
***
"Thrawn! What the hell is this!?” He asked, motioning to the alcohol Thrawn had out on the counter of their shared kitchen, his utter disappointment over what he was seeing overriding any of his filters.
Thrawn stared at him, holding a small glass of something in his hand. “Alcohol,” he responded intelligently.
“I see that,” Eli grumbled as he walked over. “Alcohol causes swelling,” Eli said between gritted teeth, taking the bottle and putting it back in a random cabinet before turning back to Thrawn who was still staring at him with the slightest of frowns. He walked over, gently taking the glass out of Thrawn’s hand. “I was only gone twenty minutes,” Eli grumbled, going to the sink and dumping the remaining liquid down the drain and getting a glass of water instead. “How are you the smartest person I know and still deciding not to take care of yourself?” He asked rhetorically. as if Thrawn wasn't his own person, as if he wasn't allowed to do something Eli wasn't aware of. It was stupid, he knew, but as long as Thrawn let him get away with it he was going to continue pestering Thrawn over his health and condition.
Beep.
“You should not worry so much about me,” Thrawn responded gently, his eyes on Eli’s back. Only now did Eli really think about the way he was communicating. There was a guarantee that any other Admiral would not have tolerated the tone Eli had just used. Yet, here he was, lecturing Thrawn and all Thrawn did was ‘beep’ at him.
“I do and I will,’ Eli sighed out, feeling like a toddler throwing a fit and yet still not caring.
Beep
Eli huffed slightly, a little amused that got another ‘beep’ out of him. “The alcohol helped me,” Thrawn responded and Eli could hear the slight frown still on his lips. He wondered if maybe he should retaliate, play a dumb game with Thrawn and his heart monitor.
He turned, putting on a small frown and handing Thrawn a glass of water from across the counter. “I worry about you, Thrawn,” he said sincerely, meaning it and yet….just trying to see something.
Beep
Eli tried his hardest not to smirk. He had noticed a pattern there, the relation between Eli’s open concern and Thrawn’s heartrate. He tried not to think of the implications of his theory while also simultaneously wanting to do nothing but think about the implications.
He walked to the other side of the counter, sitting down. “How are you feeling? Are you in pain?” He then asked seriously.
Thrawn hesitated and then nodded. “I am in a bit of minor discomfort.”
Eli reached into his pocket and took out a small bag, gently taking a pain pill out of it. He held out his hand, letting Thrawn reach over to take it before gently grabbing Thrawn’s wrist with his free hand.
Beep.
“You didn’t have too much alcohol, did you?” Eli asked, knowing exactly what he was doing, playing a stupid game, a game that may or may not feed into his knowledge on what exactly Thrawn feels for him.
“No, half a glass,” Thrawn said, Eli relaxing and letting go of his wrist.
Thrawn took the pill, Eli watching him the entire time. “Next time tell me when something’s bothering you,” he said, gently nudging Thrawn with his arm as he moved his chair closer. Eli waited and found himself shocked when there was no beep. He supposed he needed to give the man a moment, make him feel like he was in the clear before harassing him again.
After a minute or so of silence Thrawn spoke to him. “I do not wish to burden you,” Thrawn said, looking over at him with his usual neutral mask.
Eli frowned, the slight amusement gone for a moment. “You aren’t a burden,” he said sincerely. “I like helping you, you’re a good friend,” he concluded, smiling at him and hoping to hide any of his nervousness over the admission.
Beep
Thrawn’s stare softened, a genuine and rare smile forming on the corners of his lips. “I-”
Beep.
Thrawn’s smile faded and he glared at his watch, snarling very slightly for the briefest of moments. He reached for it, Eli grabbing Thrawn’s wrist again and stopping him, all anger gone from Thrawn’s expression in an instant.
“The sooner you recover the sooner you can take this off,” Eli said with raised eyebrows. Thrawn sighed, resting his arm near Eli’s on the counter as soon as Eli let go. Eli smiled at him.
Beep
He snorted slightly against himself, trying not to blush over this. “You sure I don’t make you nervous?” Eli whispered, trying once again not to smirk.
Beep
“Vanto,” Thrawn chided, Eli staring at the slight purple tint dusting Thrawn’s cheeks.
“If we’re friends you can call me Eli,” he said, the request having sat on his tongue for far too long now. Thrawn was always too formal with him.
Beep
Eli laughed at him, trying his best to cover it and failing. “You gotta tell me what it is I’m doing to trigger that reaction. How is it that your heart rate fluctuates now and not in the middle of battles?” Thrawn looked away, his cheeks still slightly discolored. Eli gently moved his hand to Thrawn’s arm in return.
"You are…teasing me,” Thrawn suddenly said, acting like he had just discovered something monumental.
“Yeah,” he admitted defeatedly and moved his hand back to himself, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried not to laugh at the way Thrawn was frowning at him ever so slightly. “It’s good to know you feel something for me, at least,” he joked, Eli’s smile returning yet again.
“I feel a lot for you…Eli,” he said suddenly, the air in the room feeling like it suddenly stilled. He stared at Thrawn, at his still discolored face, at his slight frown. Thrawn’s heart monitor went off again, twice. Eli glanced at it, trying not to raise his eyebrows as it spiked up into the hundreds before moving down again.
Eli felt his own blush rise to his cheeks as he looked at Thrawn. He knew the man saw it, was seeing it, by the way he stared at him, by the way he had said Eli’s first name, confirming what Eli had hoped they were. They were friends, just friends. He caught himself glancing at Thrawn’s lips, quickly averting his gaze after a moment.
Beep.
He looked back up, Thrawn staring at him still before averting his gaze down slightly. Eli reached out, his finger gently brushing against Thrawn’s cheek.
Beep.
He leaned a little closer.
Beep.
He looked down again at Thrawn's lips before returning his gaze to his eyes. He leaned even closer, their faces inches apart. Eli smiled slightly as if he was teasing him, as if this was all a game.
Beep.
“Thrawn,” he whispered before their lips met, Eli leaning into him as the suddenness of Thrawn pressing his lips against him nearly gave him a heart attack. Thrawn’s watch beat repeatedly as Eli’s hand grabbed gently onto the collar of Thrawn’s uniform, pulling him closer.
They broke after a minute, Eli having to catch his breath. “I think…” Eli carefully grabbed Thrawn’s wrist after a moment, looking at his watch and the elevated heart rate listed, a little smirk falling onto his lips. “I think I make you nervous.”