Chapter Text
Bruce Banner seldom enjoyed to think of his past. All the people he hurt. All the people who had promised to make things better but only made things worse. All the people he lost... And even when he thought of fond memories, the few he would always cherish, there was always this voice in his head reminding him that he will never return to that. That those moments from yesterday were gone now and he'd never get them back.
And it didn't make things any easier for Bruce since now he had left some many good friends and all the good times they'd shared behind to fade with time. All of a sudden a huge chunk of his life had been cut out and now he felt even more hollow and lonely then ever in his life.
He thought that he'd be able to go back to his old ways. Just going back onto the open roads, wandering from place to place, never remembered by anyone. After all what was four short years at Stark Towers, working with SHIELD compared to the years he'd been traveling, desperately hoping he would never be found.
But it hadn't been working out that way. Despite knowing it was far too late to return, that it would always been too dangerous for everyone, his mind kept traitorously going back to Stark Towers. Going back to where people like Captain America, World-Renown mercenaries and even a real-life norse god became his teammates, roommates and best friends. Those nights in between missions and personal lives where the Avengers truly became a family. For the first time in years, he'd met people he could trust, people he could let himself care about.
Most of all though was Tony Stark. No matter what he did it seemed like he couldn't get his voice out of his head. Couldn't forget the hours they spent working in laboratories, sometimes talking and joking around, other times they were completely silent, deeply focused on their experiments but still able to feel the other's presence in the room. All those times when they'd finally leave the labs only to find it was the dead of night. And then together they'd quietly pace through the halls of Stark Towers back to their apartments, or sometimes to the kitchen area depending on how tired they really were. Just him and Tony.
In all that time they had become so close, closer then Bruce had let anyone be to him in quite a long time. And now he was paying the price.
The further he tried to push away those memories of Tony and his warm laughter, his snarky comebacks, his gleaming eyes, the more an ache would form in his heart.
The only thing Bruce could compare it to was after he left Betty. But even while the pain was eerily similar, it was still different. Betty had been his everything. He had loved her with all he had in his heart and being. If he had never gotten mutated, if things had never gone so horribly wrong he would of married Betty. He knew that for an absolute fact.
But Tony was different. Tony sort of snuck up on him. Like a phantom idea that gained conscience and sentience. It was hard to explain precisely. Maybe being with Tony had been like a frog sitting in water. At first Bruce saw Tony as an eccentric lab partner and new teammate. Too naive to know they danger he was in just by being in the same room as him. Tony was stubborn though and refused to ever let Bruce feel like the monster he always insisted he was. He was frank but also sincere under all his bravado and cockiness. Then they developed a friendship. And it just kept building up, more and more and now here he was feeling his heart aching just by remembering the passion in his eyes when he was working on a new suit or the warmth from his smile. His real one, not the smirks he always wore like a mask.
But it was gone, all of it. And he could never let himself see him again, he couldn't afford to.
Natasha had been wrong, she wasn't a true monster. At least never in Bruce's eyes. She still had the power to forgive people, to ask for forgiveness. Nat could make things right for herself no matter how bad they had been before. And she could have a family. God knows she was already a wonderful aunt and would make an even greater mother for some kids someday if she ever wanted to adopt. She could build a new life for herself if she wanted, she always held that choice.
But Bruce... He just... He couldn't.
No matter how much he tried to apologize, he could never promise people things would get better. That he wouldn't hurt anyone again. And it wasn't like he was under someone else's force when he did terrible things. The Hulk... The Other Guy... Deep down, further down below his darkest memories and secrets. He knew the Other Guy was still Bruce. All the things he hated about himself and the world culminated into a nightmare brought to life. And he could never fix it. He could never stop it.
Bruce vowed he'd never put people he loved in harms way. And he intended to keep that promise. No matter how much it ate him alive now.
So here he was, walking along an empty road somewhere on an island in the middle of the pacific. Trying to find somewhere abandoned, somewhere soulless for miles around where he could be alone.
Eventually he came to what use to be a small motel. The roof had caved in and moss and vines wove through the rotted floor boards and empty spaces where windows and doors use to be. It hadn't been touched, let alone housed anyone for years. It would have to do for tonight and maybe a few nights after that.
Bruce set to work unpacking and making himself comfortable. He found a room near the back that looked the most intact but still had at least two ways of escape just in case anyone spotted him squatting. He covered the window spaces and doorways, rolled out his sleeping bag, set up a lamp on its dimmest setting so no one could see it from outside. Then he ate some of his rations in silence, listening to the wind whistle past outside, trying to not think. Then finally he laid down in his sleeping bag, ignoring how his back had grown unaccustomed to hard floors and tried to have dreamless sleep.
But as usual his fate and even his own mind were fighting against him. As soon as he closed his eyes all he could think about was Tony. His voice, babbling away about the mechanics of his suit or a new network program he wanted to try, warm brown eyes aglow with new ideas. Or maybe he was already asleep, soft hair resting on his face and worry lines that had been growing steadily over the years finally at ease. Maybe he was smiling in his sleep, free from the chaotic mess the world had become. He'd seen some of the news hear and there, it broke his heart to know that the Avengers had been disbanded, everything they worked for and people they cared about split at the very seams. But there wasn't anything he could do now besides watch from afar and hope things would get better for Tony and all his friends.
Sighing, his shoulders finally began relaxing and he felt sleep tighten its hold on him. Before he could stop the words from leaving his mouth, a small whisper passed his lips.
"Goodnight Tony."
Then finally, he surrendered to his exhaustion. Dreaming about all the good times when he and everyone he cared about were safe and happy somewhere yesterdays ago.