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Akihiko is the top student of his year. He studies day and night, acing his tests and amazing his peers with his dedication. He even managed to score perfectly on the final exams, something that no other current student at Suisha had accomplished. He is admired by all at Suisha and feared by all at Higasa. Akihiko is considered the best of the best, an unbeatable force that is about as close to the “perfect model student” as one can get.
And Akihiko just made the dumbest mistake he could have ever made.
Akihiko stands frozen at the sight of Harumi, confused and curious, holding up a very familiar letter. He knows Harumi has read its contents already; he knows Harumi has already figured everything out. Akihiko really can’t keep secrets for long, it seems.
Akihiko has known Harumi for quite a while. They weren’t childhood friends or anything, but they truly know each other better than anyone by now. Akihiko knows exactly what Harumi’s favorite sweets are, knows Harumi’s apartment as well as his own home, and knows how Harumi, despite his insistence otherwise, gets terribly lonely when Akihiko is gone. He also knows Harumi’s worst fears, just as Harumi knows his. It was silly for Akihiko to not know that Harumi would find the letters eventually.
Does Akihiko regret it, though? In all honesty, the truth had to come to light eventually. It’s not like he would have had the guts to tell Harumi directly. Akihiko cringes at remembering what he wrote in those letters, however. Which one did Harumi find? It better not have been that poor excuse of a poem-
“Aki?” Harumi asks gently. Shit, Akihiko must have been frozen this whole time. Harumi’s approaching him now, and Akihiko has no good explanation to offer. Akihiko definitely regrets his decisions now.
“U-Um…” Akihiko sheepishly looks away, panicking. He curses himself for being so careless with those letters. Why did he even write them in the first place? He could have just kept those ideas to himself. Putting them on paper was dangerous, clearly. He must have accidentally dropped one of the letters somewhere for Harumi to find. Now, his best friend knows his secret and is probably really fucking creeped out.
“Uh- um… I-” Akihiko desperately tries to think of something to say. He stares at the ground; he can’t look Harumi in the eyes. Tears are in his eyes already. He’s really messed up this time, hasn’t he.
“Aki.” Harumi stands in front of him now, grabbing his shoulder in an effort to help him calm down. “It’s okay. Please, look at me.” Harumi’s voice is soft and comforting, unlike his usual monotone expression. Akihiko reluctantly looks up at him, tears still clouding his vision. He has never seen Harumi appear so kind and understanding before. His warm smile melts Akihiko’s heart a bit, much to Akihiko’s despair. He hates to admit it, but Harumi is pretty.
“You’re okay. Everything is okay, I’m not mad.” Harumi hugs him then, pressing his face into his shoulder. Akihiko hugs him back immediately, tears coming back twice as strong as before. He hiccups as he tries to repress his sobs, and Harumi rubs his back while whispering words of comfort. Akihiko hugs him tighter, wishing he would never have to leave the embrace and confront what he has been running from for so long.
“I’m sorry,” Akihiko sobs out, hiding his face in Harumi’s shoulder in shame. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” Harumi assured him.
The two stand there in Harumi’s living room for who knows how long as Akihiko cries. Harumi keeps him in his arms throughout it all, not budging an inch until Akihiko finally grows silent. Harumi looks up then, feeling his heart squeeze when he sees his best friend with red eyes and remnants of tears. Harumi brings a hand up to hold Akihiko’s face, wiping away what’s left of his tears with his thumb. Akihiko leans towards the touch. Harumi laughs softly, and Akihiko smiles, despite it all.
“I liked the letter by the way. It was very sweet.” Harumi smirks a little as Akihiko’s face goes red
“I didn’t mean for you to actually read it!” Akihiko hides his face with his hands. “I just wanted to… vent my thoughts, or whatever.”
Harumi snickers. “I especially liked the poem you wrote. I should hang it up in a museum, really.” Akihiko has never felt so embarrassed in his life.
“You-!” Akihiko tries to snatch the letter out of Harumi’s hand, but Harumi moves too fast for him to catch it. “Hey! Give it back!” Akihiko chases Harumi as he runs to the kitchen, laughing maniacally.
“Nuh uh! I’m keeping this for eternity!” Harumi laughs as Akihiko tries in vain to grab the letter from his hands.
Akihiko groans in defeat. “Ugh… Why’d you have to find the poem one…” Harumi seems to perk up at that.
“The poem one? There’s more?” Harumi asks genuinely as Akihiko realizes he completely just put his foot in his mouth.
“No! I mean, well… fine. I guess there’s no use in hiding it. I may have written some other letters, too.” Akihiko sighs. “Come on, follow me.” He grabs Harumi’s arm, who follows eagerly.
They end up in Harumi’s room. Akihiko leans down to search through his bookbag, which was thrown carelessly onto the floor. He pulls out the love letters he had left in there. There were only a few of them, the rest of them being safely hidden in his room. He had written these few while he was away from home and had forgotten to take them out. One had probably fallen out of his bag earlier, causing this whole mess in the first place. It’s not like Akihiko could change the past, though.
“These are just a few of the ones I wrote,” Akihiko explains as he stands up with the letters in his hand. “Do we really have to read these? I mean, they’re embarrassing,” Akihiko’s face reddens.
Harumi smirks again. “It’s so adorable, though. I like hearing what you honestly think about me.”
Akihiko groans and crosses his arms. “Well, maybe you should tell me what you think about me, then. It’s not fair I’m the only one being embarrassed here.”
“Fair point,” Harumi concedes. “How about we make a deal… Instead of me reading one of these letters myself, how about you read it to me? In return, I’ll embarrass myself by telling you how I feel.”
Akihiko can’t deny that such an opportunity is too good to pass up. He’s already been exposed for his true feelings, so what’s the harm in reading a letter? It’d be worth it to know what Harumi truly thinks about him.
“...Fine. Deal. But I’m not reading the poem!”
“Fine, fine.” Harumi snickers. “Let’s go sit on the couch, first.”
They return to the living room and get comfortable on the couch. Akihiko holds one of the letters he wrote, purposefully looking away from it to avoid cringing at his writing and chickening out of the deal. Harumi grows impatient.
“You’re not giving up already, are you? Come on, it can’t be that bad, right?”
“Okay, okay. I’ll read it. Don’t expect it to be great, though.” Akihiko reluctantly begins to read the letter.
“The other night, I stayed up late with you on the phone. It had been a long day of studying and schoolwork, and I longed all day to hear your voice. I don’t think a day has passed where I haven’t talked to you, like I need you in the very depths of my soul. Like I need you in order to breathe. I missed you that entire day, wishing you were there next to me. When I heard your voice over the phone, it felt as though you really were there beside me.
I don’t think you know this, but I always long for physical touch with you. That night, as we laughed at our stupid jokes, I hugged my pillow, imagining I was hugging you instead. I’m sure you would have laughed if you saw me then, reduced to a mess of lovesickness and yearning.
Loving you is both a blessing and a curse. I love that life has given me you. I love being the friend you are closest to, I love knowing you better than anyone, I love getting lost in your eyes, and I love your relentless teasing no matter how embarrassed it makes me feel. And I am cursed with the knowledge that one day, you’ll find a lover who I could never match up to, and that lover will be the one you are closest to, and will be the one who knows you best, and will get lost in your eyes and be teased by you. And suddenly, I will have lost what I have loved most.
Late that night, you had fallen asleep on the phone. And I, as a fool, imagined you in my arms.
That night, I dreamed of a future with you.”
Akihiko looks Harumi in the eyes as he reads out the last words of the letter softly. While it is embarrassing to read, Akihiko really did mean the things that he wrote. He knows he is in love with Harumi; he’s known for a while now. All he can do at this point is be honest with those feelings. He finishes reading.
“I am a fool in love, and you have no idea. You might never know how much I’ve pined for you, and I don’t know if I’m okay with that fact or not. All I truly know is that I love you more than I’ve loved anyone before, and I’ll only continue to dream of you.”
To Akihiko’s shock, Harumi’s eyes seem to tear up after those last words.
“Ha-Harumi? Are you okay?”
“Aki,” Harumi breathes, moving to wipe his eyes with his sleeve.
“Was it… was it bad...?” Akihiko asks, confused.
Harumi shakes his head. “No, no. It was… really nice, actually.” He laughs a little, flustered. “I… Nobody’s ever said anything like that about me before.”
Akihiko can’t believe that. “What?! Really? Don’t you get love letters at school all the time, though?”
Harumi rolls his eyes, smiling. “Don’t compare yourself to those idiots. Your letter was way more thought out than any other love letter I’ve read.”
“O-Oh,” Akihiko blushes at that. Is Harumi just trying to be nice? “Thank you.”
“Aww, you’re blushing,” Harumi teases. “Kyaaaa, so adorable,” he jokes in a monotone voice.
Akihiko is going to die of embarrassment. “Hey! Didn’t you say if I did this you’d embarrass yourself, too?!”
Harumi sighs, seeming satisfied with Akihiko’s flustered state. “Alright, I’ll talk now. I guess I can’t delay this any further.” Akihiko leans in intentively.
“Aki,” he begins, grabbing Akihiko’s hand and looking into his eyes. “When I came to Japan, when I escaped America, I was so lost and alone. I had nobody to call a friend, and I didn’t even have my parents physically there. I thought I could deal with the loneliness as long as I was no longer in that horrible place… It seems that I was quickly proven wrong.
It was my first birthday since moving back to Japan, and I had nobody to spend it with. Not like that wasn’t anything I hadn’t gone through before, though. However, unlike before, even my parents weren’t there. That fact kinda broke me that day, as I curled up in bed in my apartment, alone, as always. It’s not like I never wanted friends. I had tried making friends when I first showed up to school, of course. But I was always struck with some sort of… barrier. Like I didn’t and would never fit in with these people. Like no matter how hard I’d try, I would always be “different” to them. I had a sinking realization that that barrier was one I could never get rid of. I realized that day I might just be alone for my entire life, and there was nothing I could do about it. I thought about leaving Japan, that day.
Then, I met you. Somehow, we clicked in a way I had never clicked with anyone else before. When I saw the real you for the first time, when you dropped your mask for a moment, I could sense it. Our personalities are practically opposites, yet somehow we are so similar. I couldn’t quite figure out why. I realized then that I wasn’t so alone, after all.
You are the most beautiful soul I know. You are far too kind and patient, and you put in so much effort in all that you do. You still manage to beam like the sun even while you are internally in pain. Everyone loves you, but they don’t know you like I do. I know the struggles you have gone through. I know how hard you work to appear effortless. I know how much of your time is spent meeting expectations. Everyone thinks it takes no toll on your spirit at all, yet I know the truth. And I love you for it.
I see you for who you are, and you see me for who I am. I wouldn’t have it any other way, Aki. Screw everyone’s expectations. Screw the rivalry. I love you, and I always will, until the bitter end.”
Akihiko’s eyes widen. “You… You love me?”
“Of course, idiot. Was that not obvious enough?” Harumi smiles and looks at Akihiko with lidded eyes.
Akihiko is taken aback. “I just- I just didn’t think of all people you would love… me.”
Harumi frowns at that. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Ah, um, nothing! Don’t worry about it,” Akihiko stammers.
“No, no. Why would I love anyone else but you? Do you really think so little of yourself?” Harumi tilts his head as he now holds both of Akihiko’s hands.
“I mean, I’m not really that… attractive, compared to you at least. And I’m always embarrassing myself by making stupid mistakes…” Akihiko admits, face warming.
“Aki. You are beautiful to me. Your mistakes just make you more adorable. Your eyes are pretty, I could stare at them all day. Your hair is fried as hell but it somehow makes you cute. Do you believe me now?” Harumi smirks as Akihiko’s face just gets more and more red.
“Harumiiii,” Akihiko protests as he takes his hands away from Harumi’s and uses them to cover his face.
“Am I wrong, though?” Harumi tries to move Akihiko's hands away from his face, partially succeeding.
“You’re just saying that…”
“You really are adorable.”
“Hey-”
Harumi grabs his face then and leans in slightly, stopping Akihiko’s denial. Akihiko grows red, but he doesn’t complain. He only leans closer to Harumi to the point where their foreheads almost touch.
“Aki… is it alright if I kiss you?”
Akihiko is left breathless, only able to give a small nod in response.
“I need a yes or no, Aki.”
“Harumi!” he huffed. Harumi’s just trying to embarrass him further.
“What?” Harumi laughed. "You don’t want a kiss?”
“Yes, I want a kiss, Harumi,” Akihiko rolled his eyes.
“Okay, okay.” Harumi smiled as he leaned in.
The kiss was short but sweet. The two found themselves staring at each other before inevitably leaning back in for another, much longer kiss.
When they both eventually pull away to catch their breath, Akihiko laughs softly to himself.
“What is it?” Harumi asks, leaning his head onto his shoulder.
“Nothing,” Akihiko smiles. “I just didn’t think today would turn out like this.”
“Well yeah, you’d need some kind of psychic power to predict that.” Harumi laughs, and Akihiko giggles with him. Both feel very lightheated and content.
From that day on, the two would truly be able to spend their lives together. Perhaps, Akihiko thought, writing love letters wasn't a mistake after all.