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Hanahaki disease. A disease where the infected grows flowers in their lungs when they believe the love they have for one specific person isn't reciprocated. A disease that poor Rui's been suffering with for about a month. Doctors still don't know what causes hanahaki other than the love part. It makes no sense medically, but then again, most things don't.
He'd been fine for the first few weeks. He made no effort in hiding it from his troupe mates, they'd find out eventually. What he did hide though, was his increasingly desperate pining for a certain star he was so fond of. Every time they made eye contact, every smile, every time the spotlights hit Tsukasa just right, Rui felt his chest squeeze. At first, it was pleasant, comforting even. But then it grew sharp. Like stepping on a pin as he'd done far too many times before.
It started out small, needing more breaks during practice, drinking more water, and occasionally coughing up soft, small flower petals. He nearly had a heart attack when Tsukasa saw the flowers, not because he was worried about him knowing he was ill, but because the mix of yellow rose and white lily petals did not help him hide his crush. Thankfully however Tsukasa didn't seem to notice his lungs' choice of exposing him.
Unfortunately though Nene was much more perceptive, recognizing the flowers after having had to wait for Rui to finish his gardening at school before they could return home. They were in Rui’s room, Nene sitting on the couch while Rui on the other hand worked on fixing the weather machine he'd created, the botanical garden growing inside of him deciding to make an appearance in its first full flower, a single, suspiciously Tsukasa-colored lily falling into his hand. That's when Nene caught on.
“It's Tsukasa, isn't it? The cause of.. This?" She loosely gestured to Rui. She wasn't all that surprised. She had a hunch since Rui first revealed the sickness but never said anything directly.
“So it's that obvious, huh?” Rui managed a meek smile, rubbing the nape of his neck. Nene was always scarily good at reading him. “Just don't tell Tsukasa-kun, okay?”
“Are you going to tell him?” Nene asked, an underlying threat of ‘if you don't I will’ clear in her tone.
“... I'll get to it.” Rui mumbled in return, returning his attention to the broken machine.
Nene wasn't quite satisfied with that answer, but decided to avoid pushing it further. Rui was still pretty early in the process, he'd have at least a few months to do it before it really got serious. At least, that's what she'd thought.
Rui avoided going to a doctor for as long as he could, going would have forced Rui to tell his parents that not only was he in love with someone, but he loved that someone so much that it would literally kill him if they didn't love him back. However, the sudden, rapid growth of his internal flower bed, and Nene, forced him there eventually.
The tests run on him were inconclusive. The only real answer he got was ‘yep, you've certainly got hanahaki’ and that was it. The doctor he saw suggested that the unusually quick rate that they were growing could have been psychological and not physical, but that was only a guess. At the very least he got a doctor's note saying he could leave school pretty much any time he needed to and the school couldn't stop him, which was sort of nice.
Rui wasn't sure what one of the mental illnesses he had could have caused his body to want him dead sooner.
The cause of his sickness wasn't thinking that Tsukasa couldn't love him, but rather Rui didn't believe he was deserving of Tsukasa's love. Even if Tsukasa did feel that way towards him, he wasn't worthy of such an honor. Being graced by his presence was already far more than he ever should have been awarded.
He started sitting out of practice, the blossoms in his chest weighing him down, dizzying nausea and weakness plaguing him if he even dared to walk for more than 15 minutes. He'd still do his best to rehearse, pushing himself until ending up on the verge of vomiting, each soft comfort and look of worry from Tsukasa making that feeling in Rui's chest just a little bit more suffocating.
Rui was basically forced by Tsukasa and the others to return home and rest, Emu completely blocking him from getting on the stage at all.
He barely remembered the walk home, the only things he could focus on being the burning of his lungs after every breath he took, and the way his legs felt like lead. As soon as he stepped into the bathroom of his house he vomited into the sink. He grimaced as he looked down at the mess in the sink, the unholy mixture that escaped his stomach leaving his mouth tasting of blood, bile, and pollen.
Thorns scratched at his throat and tore at his mouth while another coughing fit started, this one much more painful than any other he'd experienced. Whatever was coming from his throat felt like a reverse swallowing swords trick. He had to reach into his mouth and grab the flower just so he wouldn't choke on it, a full, slightly bloodied yellow rose remaining in his hand. Despite the stains of spit and ichor on the petals, it was actually quite pretty. He couldn't help but think of giving Tsukasa a bouquet of similar flowers. Maybe ones without the saliva and blood though.
Tsukasa… What would he think if he saw Rui right now? He'd probably insist that he'd let his illness go on too long and force Rui to fess up on who'd got him so sick. Or maybe he'd take a softer approach, brewing a nice warm cup of tea to soothe Rui's sore throat. Usually, Tsukasa's worry for him would quite frankly put him on edge, the attention off putting. But now? He craved it. Like he'd die if he didn't get a taste of his sweet, soft looking lips.
And to be fair, that wasn't quite wrong.
The next day Nene showed up to Rui's house, looking a mixture of annoyed and worried. “I thought you said you'd tell Tsukasa how you feel.” She scolded Rui like a mother.
“I said I'd get to it. And besides, I've still got time to.” Rui replied. He tried to sound normal but his scratched up voice wasn't helping his case in insisting he's fine.
Nene was not impressed by Rui's admittedly slightly pathetic attempt to convince her he was completely fine. “Even still, you're far too weak for how long it's been since it started. It's only been a month and a half and you look like you're on the verge of passing out every time I see you.”
“I've just been staying up later than I usually do. You should know by now that my sleep schedule isn't really what anyone would call ‘normal’.” Rui shrugged, attempting to play it off.
“Except you're always asleep it seems. And don't act like I haven't noticed you skipping lunch at school.” Nene crossed her arms.
“Well admittedly it's been harder to keep food down recently.” Rui mumbled, his voice barely audible or legible. Nene still caught it though.
“This is exactly what I'm talking about, Rui. You shouldn't be this weak already. You shouldn't be so nauseous that you skip meals to avoid puking.” She sighed. She looked upset, but not angry. The annoyance was gone, replaced by worry and something that looked like fear.
Rui tried to respond, but all that came out was a pathetic squeaking noise. That's when he realized he couldn't breathe, one of the flowers stuck in his throat. He tried to get it out, but he couldn't even try to get air. Rui couldn't help but feel a little disappointed internally. He wasn't even going to die from the flowers being overgrown. Nope. Just choking. It felt a little pathetic until he managed to cough it up with assistance from Nene performing the Heimlich maneuver.
Rui gasped and coughed once he could breathe again, his head pounding from the lack of oxygen.
“You're telling him this week.” Nene said. She wasn't asking.
Rui sighed, rubbing his throat. “I'll try.”
He tried, he really did. Nene would have certainly killed him before his hanahaki did if he hadn't at least made some attempt, but every time he thought he had the strength to bring it up to Tsukasa, more flowers would fill his mouth.
“Hey, Rui. I've got a question.” Tsukasa started, looking down at the bento in his lap. “You don't have to answer, but who is it that you've for hanahaki for anyway?”
Rui hummed through a mouthful of rice that was already being rejected by his stomach. “You'll find out soon enough, I suppose.”
“Oh, are you planning to tell them?” Tsukasa asked, both seeming excited and nervous. Excited because Rui could be getting better, but nervous that he could also get much worse.
Rui paused to swallow that rice in his mouth, the bite much too thick to be comfortable. “Something like that.”
Tsukasa tilted his head before smiling. “Well, whoever it is, if it goes well they'll be very lucky to have you!” Tsukasa chimed. “I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well!”
Rui's chest twisted at his optimism, Tsukasa's smile infectious. “Yeah. I hope it goes well too.”
Rui hadn't meant to put it off for so long, but recently he hasn't had the energy to get to school, let alone get the courage to confess his love to the most perfect boy in the world. Still, he did have work. School he could let slip, as long as he showed up for tests he wouldn't fail, but work wasn't as lenient.
He was in the dressing room, having sat there for who knows how long, barely dressed aside from a white undershirt and his costume pants. He was laid on one of the benches, trying to fight off a wave of nausea. The humidity wasn't helping how sickly he felt. Tsukasa had finished getting ready a while ago. Everyone was undoubtedly waiting for him, but after he'd laid down he discovered he didn't have the strength to push himself up again.
Tsukasa peeked back into the dressing room, checking on Rui's progress in getting himself ready. He frowned and stepped inside once he noticed Rui's sorry state, kneeling on the floor by the bench.
“Rui.. I know it's not my place to pry, but you're seriously worrying me. Everyone's worried about you for that matter. I know you won't tell me who it is, but I won't stand to watch you kill yourself like this.” Tsukasa said, his expression concerned but his voice resolute.
“At the very least let me help you get back into your regular clothes so you can go home and rest. You're in no condition to be active right now.” Tsukasa continued, offering Rui a hand to help pull him up.
“Right…” Rui's ears were ringing as he took Tsukasa's hand, his own trembling and sweaty. Tsukasa didn't seem to care though, holding Rui's back while hoisting him up.
Rui's body didn't take the change from laying down to sitting up very kindly, leaving him vomiting as soon as he was upright, a small bouquet worth of flowers and too large an amount of blood and vomit landing in his lap and staining his white pants, thorns having torn up his lips. Usually Rui would insist he's alright, but even he didn't believe it at that point.
Tsukasa grimaced at the sudden spill of bile but was more concerned with how out of it Rui looked. Tsukasa sighed, choosing to ignore the mess for the moment to instead try and comfort Rui.
“I refuse to let you continue to throw your life away like this. I don't know if you told them or not yet, but at least let me help pay for the surgery to get the flowers removed.” Tsukasa opened his locker before digging around in his bag, pulling out some tissues and wiping the vomit off of Rui's chin with the tenderest of touches, like he'd shatter if he was too rough.
Rui stayed silent for a long moment, unsure what to respond with. He sighed, leaning slightly into the hand that lingered on his cheek. “I'm scared,Tsukasa-kun..” Rui managed to say.
“I don't want to die, but… on one hand I've been too scared to tell them, however on the other, I don't want to lose my feelings for them either.” Rui choked out, hands shaking at his sides. As desperately as he tried to hide it, a few tears managed to slip down his cheeks.
Tsukasa frowned at this revelation, pulling Rui into a tight hug. Rui sputtered, unsure of what he should be doing.
“Tsukasa-kun..! I-I’m covered in vomit, why are you hugging-” “Stop it. Stop talking. It can be cleaned up later.. I'm more worried about you.” Tsukasa interrupted, squeezing Rui tighter.
Rui hesitated before returning the embrace, completely sinking into the warmth that Tsukasa provided. More tears falling despite his attempts to stop them, his heart cracking at Tsukasa's worry. He fought it, but eventually completely broke down into sobs against Tsukasa's shoulder, his breaths short and ragged, burning his throat.
Rui managed a deep breath, trying to calm himself, his heavy crying certainly not helping his breathing issues. Tsukasa sat silently, rubbing Rui's back while he watched as Rui tried to get his choked breathing under control.
Once he was steady enough, a blanket of exhaustion suffocated Rui, having been unable to get any restful sleep while waking up every few hours to cough his lungs out. He rested more of his weight on Tsukasa, fatigue hitting him like a truck.
“Are you okay? You're not passing out on me, right?" Tsukasa asked, the worry and perhaps slight panic clear in his tone. Tsukasa shifted, holding Rui in a way that was hopefully more comfortable.
Rui mumbled something under his breath, hiding his face in the crook of Tsukasa's neck. He was being pathetically clingy but couldn't bring himself to care. His breathing was heavy and strained, his body still trembling with barely contained whimpers. Tsukasa wasn't really sure of what to do, deciding on simply letting Rui cling to him.
“I'm sorry.." Rui mumbled.
“Huh? Why are you apologizing?" Tsukasa asked, his worry coming back.
“For.. For making you worry so much. And for getting you all dirty.” Rui kept his head on Tsukasa's shoulder, too humiliated to show his face. He never liked crying in front of people, but somehow this time it felt a mixture of reliving and completely suffocating.
“Rui…” Tsukasa mumbled, trying to get Rui's attention.
“You shouldn't have to deal with me.. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I-” Rui coughed, more thorns scraping up his throat and mouth, each flower bloodier than the last.
“Please forgive me… I-I love you so much. So much it hurts. So much it's killing me. I don't deserve your comfort or your care or your-” Rui stopped himself there, realizing his accidental confession. He hadn't meant to say it, the words slipping out before he could stop them. It was too late to take it back though.
“You… What?” Tsukasa said after a long moment of silence. Rui loved him? He was the cause of his hanahaki? The words hit him like a ton of bricks, not only because of the sudden confession, but the realization that this was at least partly his fault. He was indirectly the cause of Rui's suffering.
“Nevermind, forget I said anything. Emu and Nene are waiting for us so we should probably get cleaned up and hurry over.” Rui forced himself to stand, his legs barely holding him, leaving him wobbling like a newborn deer.
“Just forget this happened. It's stupid. I'm stupid. It's nothing you need to worry about.” Rui continued, his voice fast and shaky.
“You're not stupid.” Tsukasa said, moving to support Rui.
“No, really, I am. I've just wasted so much practice time." Rui mumbled, his voice lowering to little more than a pathetic squeaking, his gaze fixed on the ground.
“Stop it. I can't stand hearing you degrade yourself like this.” Tsukasa frowned, holding Rui's cheek, forcing the other to meet his eyes.
“Why didn't you tell me sooner? You’ve basically been suffering for months at my hand! I could have helped you!” Tsukasa said, a few tears welling in his own eyes. He was hurt that Rui kept this from him for so long.
Rui panicked at Tsukasa's expression. In his mind, he'd completely messed everything up. “I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone, I promise. We can finish this show and you won't ever have to see me again." The implications of never seeing Rui again made Tsukasa feel sick himself.
Rui's doubt just made his coughing worse, gagging and dry heaving on the leaves that forced their way up his throat. He clasped his hand over his mouth, tripping over himself to put distance between him and Tsukasa. He felt like he was going to vomit again and he would rather die than get any more of it on Tsukasa.
Tsukasa stepped forward, holding Rui's ribs to try and steady him. He watched helplessly as more florals poured from Rui's mouth, the thorns on the roses leaving his lips bloody and split.
“Hey.. Look at me, please.” Tsukasa sighed, cupping Rui's face in his palm. He took in Rui's features, the panic in his eyes, the bit of blood still dribbling from his lip.
“Tsukasa, I-” Rui couldn't even think about saying anything else, Tsukasa's lips against his own forcing him into silence. His breathing completely stopped for a good few seconds before he gained the sense to return the gesture.
Tsukasa was acting purely on instinct, but he wasn't complaining about this outcome. Rui unsurprisingly tasted of blood and bile, but past that there was an accompanying sweetness to his lips. After another long second, Tsukasa pulled away.
Rui sat in silence for a moment before chuckling slightly. “You know, it's kind of gross to kiss me after I just vomited.” He smirked, clearly wasting no time in returning to teasing Tsukasa.
“Wh- Hey! I don't even get a thank you for saving your life?” Tsukasa grumbled, taking a step back and crossing his arms, huffing.
Rui smiled, pressing a shorter kiss to Tsukasa's lips. “Thank you. My knight in shining armor~”
“You're absolutely terrible. One moment you're crying and the next you're making fun of me like nothing's wrong!” Tsukasa said, though he didn't mind the second kiss a bit.
“But… Do you think it's too early to say that I love you?” Tsukasa mumbled, trying and failing to hide his embarrassment.
“In my opinion I think it's just the right time.” Rui replied, his smirk growing softer.
“Okay then. Well, I love you.” Tsukasa spoke the words with an adoring smile.
“I love you too. More than I can really describe." Rui replied, his voice soft and sentimental.
“As much as I'd hate to interrupt our little moment, we should probably get out of these clothes. Emu and Nene are probably sick of waiting for us too.” Tsukasa said, taking in the amount of bloody flowers scattered at their feet.
“Yeah… It was easier to ignore when I was emotional, but now the smell is getting to me.” Rui chuckled, his eyes following Tsukasa's.
“I really made this look like a crime scene, huh?" He joked, pulling out his casual clothes to change into.
“Yeah… We'll probably need to tell someone to clean it up.” Tsukasa sighed, opening his locker again to put something else on.
“Though I will say I'm much looking forward to being allowed to breathe again. That and actually sleeping through the night.” Rui said, slipping on his change of clothes.
“I'm still of the option that you should go home and rest. You're not dying anymore, but you're still sick.” Tsukasa replied, smoothing out his casual clothes.
“Alright, alright. I promise I'll rest.” Rui chuckled, moving to Tsukasa's side.