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It has been three years since Yoongi's disappearance, three years and six days to be exact. Jungkook has stopped visiting Yoongi's makeshift grave every day, but he still makes it there at least once a week burdened with flowers and apologies. Yoongi's grave consists of a box containing six of his belongings: his mother's ring, the one gold coin Jungkook had given him when he was five years old, a pair of his shoes, his favourite book, his coin purse, and his small collection of pretty rocks that he once convinced Jungkook were his brothers from an earlier life (Jungkook is pretty certain that Yoongi only claimed that because he did not want to admit that he just liked pretty rocks). That was about all Yoongi had had to his name, except for his old flute that Jungkook didn't want buried and still keeps hidden under his bed.
This box is buried under a mound of dirt with a small cluster of forget-me-nots planted on top. There is a small tombstone that consists of one stone about the size of Jungkook's two fists. Jungkook himself carved Yoongi's name into it. It took Jungkook a year of denial to finally convince himself to put this all together. Jungkook likes to believe that maybe it is more a memorial than a grave. A beacon, in case Yoongi should one day come back.
The grave is sat under the tree that Jungkook and Yoongi met underneath. Jungkook had been only four years old. Yoongi always looked after Jungkook; cared for him when he was upset, made him laugh when he was stressed over his duties. Jungkook still refuses to believe Yoongi is dead, and he also refuses to believe that Yoongi had abandoned him. He set up this grave in hopes that one day Yoongi would return to this tree and find Jungkook there waiting for him, equipped with the flowers and apologies, attached to him like scales to a dragon.
Forget-me-nots. They are common in this area and not hard for Jungkook to find and uproot to relocate to Yoongi's grave. Yoongi and he used to pick them all the time, excitedly informing one another if either of them found a new patch. 'They're forget-me-nots' Yoongi had said, 'so that you don't forget me.'
The day before his disappearance Yoongi gave Jungkook a forget-me-not.
Jungkook had been doing rounds in the garden with his tutor. Yoongi did not normally approach Jungkook while he was busy or talking to anyone. Always polite, Yoongi faithfully kept to his role as a son of the gardener. Yoongi was always frustratingly aware of his place in the kingdom, head bowed to Jungkook and his family like any other servant and not like the boy who held Jungkook's heart in his hands and protected it like a most precious secret. Yoongi protected Jungkook in a way no guard in the royal army ever could. He was the only one who could make Jungkook feel effortlessly safe. If Jungkook were ever upset Yoongi would stay by his side damn the consequences. But if Jungkook were busy Yoongi would always leave him alone.
At least he did until that day.
"Jungkook-" Yoongi said suddenly from somewhere behind Jungkook as his tutor Kim Seokjin was in the middle of explaining Ettiquette Theory while leading Jungkook through the roses. Jungkook turned around to see a tired Yoongi with messed up hair, clutching a small bouquet of forget-me-nots in his hand so tightly that some of the stems had bent and folded over. Even then, Jungkook couldn't find it within himself to be anything other than bewildered.
"Yoongi?" Jungkook said, looking at the sorry state of his childhood friend.
Yoongi extended a shaking hand, "I– uh, wanted to give you these.” he said presenting the pitiful and broken bouquet to Jungkook.
“Forget me nots.” Jungkook said quietly, taking his hands and wrapping them around Yoongi's. Yoongi did not reply, or do much, he just carefully retracted his hands and left the flowers with Jungkook. His eyes flickered between the ground, Jungkook's eyes, the flowers in Jungkook's hands and Seokjin.
Jungkook felt worry quell in his stomach. “Are you okay Yoongi?” he asked softly.
Yoongi's eyes flickered to Jungkook's again “Yeah,” he said, voice oddly breathy, “I'm fine.”
Jungkook studied Yoongi's small figure, “You don't seem fine.”
Yoongi shook his head minutely, “It's nothing.” he said, “Don't worry about it.”
Jungkook worried his bottom lip, “What's going on?” he asked.
“Doesn't matter.” Yoongi said, staring at the ground “I fixed it.”
Yoongi was not acting like he had fixed anything, Jungkook felt sick. “Yoongi,” Jungkook whispered, holding the forget-me-nots up between the two of them, “What are these for?"
Yoongi shrugged.
Jungkook looked at Yoongi for a long time and Yoongi looked steadfastly away. Eventually Jungkook said, “I'm not going to forget you, Yoongi.”
Yoongi looked up from staring at the bouquet in Jungkook's hands, eyes hapless and lips pale from being pressed together. “I don't want you to.” he said.
Last week marked the three year anniversary of Yoongi's disappearance. Today, Jungkook spent the last three hours hiding out here, under the tree. If anyone needed him, they would know where to find him.
Jungkook thinks he should have done more for Yoongi. He had seen the signs, noticed how distressed he was. But he had been a coward, unsure and confused. Jungkook thinks that he could have done anything else and it would have been better than what he did, which was just pretend everything was okay and hope that Yoongi would talk to him. It has been three years now that Yoongi was gone.
He had failed Yoongi. Yoongi had not once let Jungkook down but the one time Yoongi was in need Jungkook screwed everything up.
Jungkook takes a deep steadying breath, shaky with restrained tears. Jungkook does not cry every time he visits Yoongi's grave anymore, in fact he had recently been going on an eleven month streak, but some days are indescribably worse than others. Jungkook does not like crying, not when it is this utterly useless, and such a shameless display of self pity. Crying is not going to bring Yoongi back, and neither will it help Jungkook's kingdom. Jungkook is loath to admit it, but visiting Yoongi's grave every day won't bring back Yoongi either. He is long past overdue the time to give this up and channel his energies elsewhere.
Jungkook is not crying but his eyes sting and his throat aches. He hears a rustling in the tree above him. It sounds like something heavy has landed on one of the branches and Jungkook thinks it might be a bird. He takes a another deep breath and looks up.
He doesn't see it at first, unsure of what to look for as his eyes are attuned to looking for a bird or a squirrel. Something pearly and snowy white catches the corner of his eye, slightly obscured by stray leaves of thin branches and about the size of a cat. He doesn't even consciously make the decision to affix his eyes to it as they are naturally drawn to the movement and shimmering brightness. It takes Jungkook about a second to register that he is looking at a dragon.
Or at least that is how dragons were drawn in the illustrations of Jungkook's history books. Strong limbs, lean tail and covered from head to toe in scales, the creature has a long snout, feline claws and striking blue eyes. It sits perched in the tree, head tipped to the side as it watches Jungkook, and Jungkook is absolutely certain that it looks exactly like a dragon.
Except, to Jungkook's knowledge, dragons are supposed to have been dark and terrifying beasts that overshadowed village houses and tyrannized kingdoms. Not tiny ivory creatures with crystal scales that sat in trees and with a curious tilt to their heads. There's no expression on the tiny creature's face, just bright ice blue eyes that pierce through Jungkook.
“Hey.” Jungkook says to the mysterious creature. In response, the creature rights its head, and flies away.
***
“Do dragons still exist?” Jungkook asks Seokjin upon entering the library
“Dragons?” Soekjin asks with a curious lilt, head lifting from him book “There hasn't been a dragon sighting in about a hundred years. No official sightings anyway. Nothing but a few reports from random villagers." He looks at Jungkook suspiciously, eyes squinting "Who's putting ideas into your head? Prince Taehyung again?”
Jungkook shakes his head. “Nobody's putting ideas into my head.” he says innocently, then he creeps closer to the table Soekjin is sitting at. “But when they did exist," he prods, "they were like twenty feet tall or something, weren't they?”
“Yes.” Soekjin looks up inquisitively from his book, head cocked to the side at Jungkook. “I believe that's correct.”
“Not like less than a foot?”
Soekjin blinks. “Uh. No.”
“That's what I thought.”
Soekjin closes his book over his hand as he studies Jungkook carefully, “Did you see something, Jungkook?”
Jungkook presses his lips together, “Me?” he asks innocently. “See a tiny dragon?” He clicks his tongue and frowns, shaking his head, “Uh. Not that I recall. Of course not.”
Soekjin's eyes don't leave Jungkook's. “Of course not.” he says, “Because dragons that size don't exist.”
Jungkook nods along absentmindedly, distracted by how he could possibly have seen a tiny ivory dragon. “No.” he confirms. He remembers the tiny tilt of the dragon's head. “It's a shame though. It'd be adorable.”
“Adorable.” Soekjin repeats.
“Yes.” Jungkook confirms, “A tiny little dragon, can you imagine? So cute.”
“Depends on how many things it would set on fire.” Seokjin replies and Jungkook coughs a laugh in response. Soekjin looks at the cover of his book a moment before turning back to Jungkook, “Were you just at Yoongi's grave, Jungkook?” he asks.
Jungkook licks his lips. “Uh. Yeah. How did you know?”
Seokjin nods to himself. “I always thought it was Yoongi who liked dragons.” he says with a knowing look in his eye. Yoongi had always claimed that he was going to be a dragon in his next life. He'd loved the way they looked, and the idea of soaring through the heavens on heavy wings and a burning fire in hie belly. It seems that Soekjin thinks Jungkook had made up the tiny dragon thing in memory of Yoongi.
“Yeah.” Jungkook replies quietly. He decides it's best if Seokjin doesn't learn of Jungkook's possible hallucination. Instead he plays along. “Do you think Yoongi would like the idea of tiny dragons?" he asks, "Would he think they were cute?”
Soekjin smiles a reassuring smile, “I think he'd love them.”
Jungkook nods, mostly to himself. “I think he'd say they were a cheap knockoff of the real thing.” he laughs, “Or at least he'd claim to until he met one in the flesh. I bet he'd be fascinated. I bet he'd like a tiny cute dragon way more than a ferocious giant one, but he'd never admit to it.”
Soekjin's expression is soft. “You knew him well.” he says gently.
“Maybe.” Jungkook replies, “Or maybe I can say whatever I want about him and I'll never know whether or not it's true. It's been three years. Maybe never knew him that well in the first place.”
Soekjin is quiet.
“I miss him.” Jungkook says, maybe too soft for Soekjin to hear.
“I know.” Seokjin says.
***
Jungkook doesn't think he imagined the whole dragon thing, but he is not entirely certain that it was not a grief induced hallucination. Seokjin had made him question a lot of things, and doubt a few others, including seeing a tiny dragon. In retrospect, it could have been an exotic bird, or even a cat with wings, Jungkook read about those in curse books. It could also have been the product of a spell; an illusion, except that means someone would have to be casting it and Jungkook couldn't exactly think of a motive for that. Could someone have been playing a trick on him? Sending him a message? Yoongi? Jungkook wouldn't dare to hope.
He visits the grave every day, knowing full well that he should have stopped long ago, now half out of the desire to see if the dragon returns. It feels like a hopeless quest, like some miracle occurred to let him see whatever majestic creature had taken respite in the foliage. An angel. It could have been Yoongi's ghost for all that Jungkook knows.
He took to calling the creature a dragon in his head, the brief glimpses that his memories can recall still make it look strikingly like one. The shape of the creature did not imprinted on his brain, and was instead a hazy recollection of limbs and tails and scales. It may be that he will never fully remember what he saw, or be able to confirm that he indeed did not mistake a bird for a dragon.
He is not expecting to actually see the dragon only three days later.
It is sitting in the same tree when Jungkook arrives, and considering Jungkook was actually searching for it, he should not startle when he sees it. He does all the same; jumps up and blinks his eyes repeatedly at the cool glass eyes of the creature. There is no way it resembles anything but a dragon which solves the problem of Jungkook having mistaken a bird for a literal dragon, but creates a new problem where now he is definitely actually looking at a tiny dragon which is not a thing that is supposed to exist.
It quirks its head at him, sunset glittering over its crystaline scales, its softer belly showing as it sits perched in its place. Its white husk glows in the evening sun; its crystal scales like glass. Thousands of gemstones spring to mind just by the light that reflects off the dragon's scales. White sapphire, diamonds, pearls. Sunlight refracts off the surface creating a glittering array of stars on the foliage of the tree top.
“Suga.” Jungkook says out loud. “I'm going to call you Suga because you look like sugar crystals.” The sugar his housekeeper used to keep in a jar just out of the reach of Jungkook's stubby arms and greedy hands but just within the reach of Yoongi's longer and older arms. Sugar so sweet that Jungkook had overloaded his tea with and sprinkled on his bisquits so irresponsibly that even Yoongi had told him to stop. Sugar sweet, crystal, and refracting light everywhere like that time Jungkook had dropped that same jar by reaching for it when he was still too clumsy and stubbly. He was so terrified of getting in trouble that Yoongi took the fall, even if he got a beating from the cook for it that Jungkook never would have gotten.
Suga, because Jungkook found him in his and Yoongi's tree, crystalline and beautiful.
Yoongi wanted to be a dragon in his next life. Jungkook never understood it, he always thought that the concept of dragons was horrible. Dragons were horrible and Yoongi had always been the opposite of that. Kind, caring, thoughtful. Not violent, barbaric, and beastly like the dragons in legends of old. He had always been a bit standoffish of course, and ruthless in some ways, but that was just Yoongi being Yoongi and Jungkook missed him like fire. Some days Jungkook forgets to breathe he misses Yoongi so much. Of course he still has his step-brother Jimin and his best friend and fellow prince Taehyung, but Yoongi had always been different. Special. Yoongi looked after him.
The dragon watches Jungkook distantly and Jungkook can't help the smile that breaks onto his face. Suga. A dragon all to his own, that sits in his tree, majestic and beautiful. His dragon. His Suga. He can only imagine how excited Yoongi would be to hear about him. Yoongi loved dragons, and Jungkook loves Suga.
***
Jungkook sees that dragon everywhere. Not just on the tree at Yoongi's grave but sometimes he will see him flying over the grounds, high enough in the air to be mistaken for a bird, or on his windowsill at night, watching him. He's quiet, Suga, never makes a noise apart from the fluttering of his wings. Watchful and careful. Jungkook's not entirely sure where Suga goes during the day, maybe he hides in the attic or has made his home in the nearby woods.
He sees intelligence in Suga's eyes; an understanding you could never find in another creature of similar size. He's always watching, and Jungkook always tries to give him something to look at. He keeps puzzles in his room that he pulls out in the dull light from the lamp in the middle of the night and Suga will watch him do them. He has started helping him, using his talons to clumsily indicate which piece goes where. Some days Jungkook will read to Suga; books from his studies, books from the library, and his favourite storybooks. He swears that he has walked in on Suga reading a book himself, but Suga never starts reading while Jungkook is in the room with him. He made Suga a bed once that he's sure Suga has never used. A few weeks later Suga started sleeping on the edge of Jungkook's bed and now he lays beside him, near Jungkook's head on one of the stray pillows.
Jungkook started bringing Suga food after he had snuck a cream pastry into his room and Suga crawled up to him with a pitiful look in his eye. To Jungkook's surprise, Suga will eat almost anything and is not restricted to raw meats. He has his preferences though. Suga loves lamb and apples but won't touch anything with brussel sprouts, nose scrunching up if he even gets near it. It's cute. Suga is cute.
Jungkook talks to Suga sometimes, something about the way Suga tilts his head and his eyes rest on Jungkook makes Jungkook think that he can understand him. He's not sure why he trusts Suga, but Suga somehow reminds him of Yoongi, like a little piece of Yoongi's memory had broken off onto Suga that day Jungkook saw him in their tree. He avoids telling Suga the secrets of his kingdom just in case, but he'll talk about his daily activities, royal duties, and other things that happen to be on his mind. He talks about Taehyung and Jimin mostly, and about his tutor Soekjin. It's easy to talk to Suga. Maybe it is because he may as well be talking to thin air, as Suga says nothing, but Jungkook feels like it's because Suga is always listening, always interested.
“That's Yoongi's grave where I found you.” Jungkook tells him one day, sitting on his bed as he plays with his broken watch in the dull moonlight. “Well,” he chuckles dryly, “I say grave like he's dead. We don't know that. We don't know anything actually. He just disappeared one day.”
Suga watches Jungkook quietly, body curled into a loose ball, head resting on the pillow. “I met him, under that tree, you know. I was only four years old and sitting in the courtyard with my mother when I spotted him eating a snack in its shade while his mother pulled weeds in the garden. I'd never seen another kid before then so it was very exciting at the time. My mother said that I just jumped up and ran to him before she had any idea what I was doing. I scared the hell out of Yoongi, he'd thought he'd get in a lot of trouble for talking to the prince. I was very interested in the bread he was eating because I'd never eaten just plain bread. He actually offered it to me before my mother dragged me away telling me not to talk to the staff.”
“I never shut up about him after that I guess. I kept searching for him around the castle before I found out that his mother was the gardener. I worked out a decent amount of their schedule so I could find him. I got in a lot of trouble for it, and I imagine he got in more considering how scared he used to act around me. He's always been the stronger of the two of us, Yoongi. I never knew what was going on in his head because he kept it all to himself.” Jungkook quiets. “I've always really admired Yoongi. I never realized how lucky I was to have him, and then he just disappeared. I don't even remember what he looked like anymore, I don't remember what his laugh sounded like or the songs he used to play on his flute.” he sighs.
Suga looks at Jungkook steadily, head hovering off the sheets, having lifted it sometime during Jungkook's monologue. Jungkook frowns at the creature, biting his lip. A musical noise comes out of his throat like a chirp as he fans his wings out and bobs his head at Jungkook.
Jungkook is certain that Suga had never made that, or any, noise before. “Did you just chirp?” Jungkook asks, smile playing at his lips as he squints at Suga. Suga makes the noise again, quiet and musical.
“Huh.” Jungkook says, “It's pretty. You're pretty.”
Suga chirps again and Jungkook giggles. “Okay,” he says, “I'll stop weighing you down with depressing stuff. I miss him. That's all.”
***
Suga begins to act agitated. Tail flickering, eyes wide, and constantly flying in and out of Jungkook's room. He spends more than half his time, looking steadfastly out the window.
“What are you looking for?” Jungkook asks incredulously and Suga ignores him.
Jungkook looks out the window as well and finds nothing.
***
Jungkook is awoken by a small weight on his chest and talons on his face as Suga scrambles awkwardly above him. It's dark. Probably a new moon and Jungkook has trouble making out the frantic figure above him.
“Suga?” he asks, his voice rough from sleep and Suga immediately jumps and puts his tiny talons over Jungkook's mouth. Jungkook furrows his eyebrows and squints meaningfully at Suga and Suga flies up and takes off to somewhere else on the darkness of the room. Jungkook sits himself up to find whatever it is that has the dragon so worried. He finds nothing. He can barely make out the dull white shape of Suga's form as it clings to something on the opposite wall. Suga looks at Jungkook and then his head turns to look at Jungkook's wardrobe. Jungkook follows his gaze, but instead of seeing his wardrobe in its normal position, Jungkook sees a door shaped hole in the wall.
Jungkook blinks stupidly at it. Has there always been a hole behind his wardrobe? Suga flies over to Jungkook and begins tugging at his clothes. His tiny sharp teeth snap at Jungkook's blanket and he pulls on the collar of Jungkook's shirt, the blankets on Jungkook bundling under Suga as he scrambles backwards.
“Alright, alright, I'm coming.” Jungkook says tiredly, taking his blankets off himself and Suga actually hisses, head snapping to look at Jungkook's bedroom door. Jungkook takes that as his cue to shut up.
Suga leads Jungkook to the mysterious hole in the wall and then does his best to hurriedly push Jungkook inside the narrow hallway beyond, following closely behind. Once they're both inside, Suga immediately jumps to a lone unlit torch on the wall and pulls at it with all his tiny dragon might. The torch tips forward and the wardrobe silently shifts back into place, covering the hole in the wall and leaving Jungkook and Suga in complete darkness.
Jungkook would be lying if he said he weren't terrified. Suga is acting really strangely, and how could Suga know about this passageway but not Jungkook himself when he has been living in this room for all of his twenty years. Silence pounds in his ears, or maybe that is his heart as he waits valiantly for anything to happen. There's hardly any ambient noise, just the dull throb that comes with the passage of time. There's nothing. Just silence.
And that's when he hears the quiet click of the lock of his bedroom door. Jungkook's heart skips a beat. The handle on his door clicks and the hinges squeak as someone comes into his room; the someone, Jungkook can only imagine, Suga has been trying to hide him from.
He hears voices. Female voices. Old croaking voices, that were low and quiet and cracked like thin ice under pressure.
“The prince isn't here.” one of the voices croaks.
“Well he can't have gone far.” another replies, “Search the castle, we can't let this one get away. I believe we're owed a debt.”