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Josh didn’t bother to hide the yawn that crawled out his throat.
His and Freya’s flight had arrived late the night previously – it was the kind of late evening wherein the sky was at its darkest, and each passing car made you wonder why anyone else would be up at such an ungodly time.
It was the sort of late night that meant it had been universally agreed that Josh wouldn’t need to attend the video shoot pencilled in for the following morning. That, and the fact the ‘holiday’ in question was in fact his honeymoon.
When the topic had first arisen, it at first sparked laughter. Simon had joked that it was their wedding present to Josh – to which the Sidemen had responded with similar mirth and cheer, coupled with excitement at the prospect at the wedding. Josh had laughed at the time, silently relieved that he might shirk the expectations on him which usually felt like a weight about his waist; he wasn’t so sure he could creak a smile for the camera whilst sleep-deprived.
Though, the more he’d heard about the video as the meeting went on, the more he wished he could be a part of it.
It was no secret the Sidemen had a careful balance to strike – to create videos purely for the algorithm, with only half a clue as to what audiences these days were interested in. The Sidemen didn’t have focus groups, they produced high-quality videos on a gamble.
Though, they at least had half an idea of what would perform well – like carrying half of a treasure map.
Rarely did they allow themselves the luxury of a laid-back video where the lads could just be themselves. Josh had a feeling the raft video would be much of that same genre, the physical equivalent of a warm blanket and a steaming cup of tea.
And he wouldn’t be there.
The kettle continued to wheeze, signalling to Josh that it was ready. Reaching for two mugs from the nearby cupboard, he forced himself to exhale deeply once again; the grounding was enough for Josh’s mind to return to the ache in his shoulders, and the slight headache from not enough sleep.
Still, Josh thought to himself. At least he wasn’t the one editing it.
It might be nice to have some peace and quiet, he’d mused.
The first call came not half an hour later – by which point, Josh had decided peace and quiet was considerably overrated.
What had begun as harmless scrolling in bed had only left Josh restless. It was nigh-on impossible to consume social media casually when it was the basis of your career. He didn’t just watch a reel, he dissected it, picking pick apart all the edits made, the angles it used, or even the type of camera.
Josh’s mind simply could not switch off – and his fingers only fed it further, with scroll after scroll.
Tobi’s call therefore was well-timed.
The contact photograph of Tobi had barely illuminated across his screen before Josh clicked on the accept button, whilst scrambling to sit up more properly. “Hey Tobi,” Josh greeted, the corners of his lips already curled upwards.
“If it weren’t your honeymoon,” Tobi began, amusement lacing his tone of voice, “I’d be giving you a red card right now.”
Josh squawked with laughter, loud enough that Freya poked her head around the bedroom door with a look of puzzlement. “And why’s that?” Josh spoke louder for both Freya’s and Tobi’s benefit. “What’s happening with the filming?”
“JJ is doing my fucking head in. Where do I fucking start?” Tobi’s voice only seemed to rise in pitch as he continued to talk.
He could only interject with the occasional hum whilst Tobi’s rant continued. It was a benchmark of their bond that either man could call out of the blue, and the other would sit and listen. Josh had lost track of the entire afternoons he’d spent hanging off of Tobi’s every word – but he knew the other man would do (and often had done) the same in a heartbeat.
Theirs was a love borne not out of the past, but out of the present too.
Whilst Josh listened to Tobi’s rambles, he was able to get changed, make the bed, and even put out fresh cat food in the kitchen. When Tobi’s rant did come to a close, it was with Josh making his way towards the bathroom. “Thanks for listening man. I love him, but god,” Tobi’s voice trailed off, but the warmth was evidently clear – his ears could almost feel it, so strong was it down the phone. “He does my head in.”
“He’s a dickhead, but he’s our dickhead,” Josh repeated the usual mantra with a smirk on his lips.
Tobi laughed down the line. “Damn straight. I’ll chat to you later mate. Wish me luck.”
After the call ended, Josh forced himself into the bathroom. He hummed under his breath whilst he reached out for the toothbrush, and continued his usual morning routine – though at a far later hour than usual.
When his phone rang again, it was loud enough to cause Josh to nearly jump out of his own skin. This time, the noise in question was an obnoxiously cliché techo beat – which could only mean one person had texted.
Josh opened his phone with a roll of the eyes, and glanced at the text from Vik.
Vik: how do you tie a knot?
Before Josh could reply, a deep chuckle echoing through the bathroom, his phone dinged again with a new notification.
Vik: …and build a raft
He barked out a laugh, almost choking on his toothbrush in the process. As he hacked up the rest of the minty toothpaste dregs into the sink, the sound of techno tunes continued – signalling a flood of texts coming in from Vik.
When he did glance over to his phone screen, Josh began to laugh all over again – whilst clutching onto the sink for dear life, the marble nice and cool beneath his fingertips.
Vik: please
Vik: it’s me with Harry and Ethan, I need backup here
Vik: I need your help
Vik: stop shagging your wife aND HELP ME
Josh could barely type a response due to the laughter that reverberated through his entire body and caused his fingers to tremble as if with frostbite. It was the sort of laughter that started in your stomach, and left behind such a pain that lingered for hours – but it was the best sort of pain, the kind that made you feel alive.
Luckily, it was something Josh could help with.
Josh: Alright lad, here’s some links that’ll help.
After he’d sent off the links to a few websites, coupled with the occasional laughing gif to tease his friend, the sound of the techno text notification rang one last time.
Vik: you’re the best <3
The elder man smiled, wider than he’d done so earlier after Tobi’s call. The feelings of isolation and exclusion Josh had felt so keenly earlier now seemed just that little bit more faded after that, like camera film left exposed in the sun.
“Babe?”
Freya’s lilting voice seemed distant, almost in a different room entirely – though as Josh’s eyes flickered open slowly, it was to realise she was sat right beside him. “Did I fall asleep?” He asked, voice croaking with disuse. Flickering his eyes towards the screen, he noticed the credits were rolling on the film they’d settled on watching after lunch.
An amused chuckle caused Josh to look back up. “I think we both did. I woke up again half an hour though, it looked like you needed longer.”
Josh smiled.
“Also,” she teased, a wide grin on her face. “You got a text.” Freya’s voice warbled like a songbird’s, in just as excited tone as might be heard on Love Island.
He groaned aloud, though simultaneously began to reach for his phone – where a notification from the Sidemen WhatsApp chat illuminated the screen.
Josh’s salt and pepper eyebrows furrowed whilst he clicked onto the phone. “It says it’s a video from Tobi, it’s got to be harmless. Right?”
The silence that followed was the knowing kind of silence, where the answer was left hanging between them. Besides, Freya’s smirk told Josh that she was thinking along exactly the same lines he was.
The Sidemen weren’t so good with their words, but their actions spoke entire anthologies - a volume couldn’t be enough to outline their acts of devotion to each other over the years.
She scooted across the sofa, and rested her head upon Josh’s shoulder. “Come on then, let’s see.”
“Oh god,” Josh’s voice deadpanned. “It’s a video of JJ. With a guitar.” There wasn’t quite a word to describe the simultaneous curiosity and dread rushing through his head.
Like dangling on the edge of a cliff to look down below.
Freya snorted.
He pressed play.
The video was steady (thanks to years of practise with GoPros), though JJ’s body seemed to thrum with excitement, more than could be explained away as mere aftereffects of the waves beneath the raft.
“Go on then,” Tobi’s voice narrated.
JJ’s expression went blank, whilst his eyes flickered to just above the camera. “Go on what? Why are you filming bro?”
The ensuing sigh from Tobi on the recording caused Josh to laugh heartily, his eyes crinkling shut in mirth.
“You made that song for Josh, yeah?” Tobi gently reminded, though spoken a tad tighter than before.
It was as if a lightbulb appeared above JJ’s head, he lit up that visibly. His entire posture straightened up and his face brightened, until he was the human embodiment of an exclamation point. “Oh yeah!”
He cleared his throat, before turning his gaze towards the camera. “I wrote this for you fam.”
Josh gulped.
What followed was a sound that could only be generously labelled as a “cat’s yowling combined with a guitar that’s never heard of what it means to be in tune.” It screeched on his ears like sandpaper, whilst JJ’s shrill yell only caused his fight or flight instinct to activate – a remarkable feat, given Josh was a considerable distance away from where the lads were filming.
And yet, all the criticism on his lips died as soon as he noticed JJ’s face as soon as he’d finished the song.
“Hope you like it Josh!” JJ called out, his face scrunched up in the most endearing of smiles. It was spoken in such a childlike tone, and it took Josh off-guard with its giddiness.
As if JJ had well and truly meant it.
The video ended, after which there was silence for a moment or two.
“Did you like it?” Freya probed, a knowing look on her face.
Josh smiled, meeting her eyes with a slight wetness to them. “Yeah. I did.”
The text that arrived from Ethan was short and sweet, much like the man himself.
It arrived mid-afternoon, right as Josh had quietly retreated into his studio to review his to-do list for the next few days. He’d sat in relative silence, humming under his breath – making the text notification an unexpected yet not unwelcome noise.
Josh’s eyebrows did raise a notch upon noticing whom the sender was.
Attached was a selfie of Ethan, sat in a canoe out in the middle of the lake. It was the usual sort of expression he wore in any other selfie, his lips pulled into a thin line whilst his muscles had been angled so as to best show off their definition. In sum, it was the sort of photograph that Josh expected would land on the man’s Instagram within the coming days.
Which begged the question as to why Ethan sent it to him – in a DM of all ways, and not in their wider Sidemen group chat.
His eyes flickered away from the image after a few seconds, at which point Josh noticed the message that it had been sent with – and it only caused Josh’s heart to swell up even further.
Ethan: wish you were here.
Quietly, Josh took a screenshot of the text and put away his phone - though it took him ten minutes to realise he'd not typed a single word on the empty Word document displayed in front of him on his monitor.
The sun had long since set when Josh found himself back in the kitchen, this time eating takeaway with Freya. The pair had settled at their kitchen island, reminiscing about their honeymoon over cartons of Chinese food.
So loud was their laughter that neither had heard the text notification.
It was half an hour later, whilst Josh had routinely pulled out his phone, that he noticed the missed text. “It’s a video,” Josh frowned, pulling up the video attachment. “From Simon.”
The texts accompanying the video did not stir feelings of warmth either, only mild dread.
Simon: I did try to get them to say something nice lol
Simon: anyways, hope you both had a nice honeymoon <3
Freya’s face lit up, and she turned around from where she stood beside the fridge, packing away the leftovers. “Please tell me it’s JJ singing again,” she giggled, rushing over to stand beside Josh, settling an arm around his waist. “That was golden.”
Josh shrugged, and pressed play.
Initially, it was hard to make out just what he was meant to be watching. After pausing the video to turn up the screen brightness, he was able to notice each of the Sidemen sat on campchairs, each noticeably shivering from the cold.
“Come on then,” Simon prompted. “Say something nice about Josh.”
What followed was the exact sort of shithousery that Josh expected from the Sidemen – but it was not the words he was interested in, it was the lines between. It was in Tobi’s smile towards the camera, Ethan’s fond eye-roll, JJ's cackle of laughter, Simon's repeated prompts, and Harry's nervous chuckles.
They all missed him in their own ways – they were just little shits when it came to putting it into words. Whilst sincerity was a quality they each possessed in spades, that did not necessarily mean they were inclined to show it often.
Josh stood in silence for some time, quite unsure of what to say.
It left the kitchen in a delicate silence, each occupant left frozen to their spot.
“You’ve got good friends,” Freya eventually spoke quietly, whilst squeezing Josh’s waist gently. “They really do care about you.”
He nodded once, drained of all the words he might use to surmise his emotions in such a moment. All he could do was agree.
“They do.”
Josh watched the moon shimmer in the night sky with a smile on his face.
For all the physical distance that currently lay between Josh and his friends, it hadn’t felt so much in the end – not with all the messages pinging backwards and forwards relentlessly, a never-ending flow of communication.
If they were in a time of messenger pigeons, Josh suspected they’d have long grown tired by now.
Still, each had offered a window into the events, and handed Josh the chance to reach his hand through and to wreak just as much chaos and anarchy as his friends. Indeed, it felt like he’d achieved twice as many things that day, that
His gaze flickered to his phone, its lock screen since changed to a photograph of Freya from their wedding. It glowed softly, almost like Josh imagined a firefly would.
No new notifications.
There was one person yet to reach out – though Josh was not surprised with its absence. This person in particular was not so open as the rest, but it was hardly a surprise. This Sideman in particular was the type to be courted, not to do the courting.
Sighing softly, Josh slid his phone back into his pocket, and had already begun to turn on the spot. His
His phone dinged one last time.
Josh didn’t so much take his phone out of his pocket, and more ripped it out – enough that it nearly slipped from his frantic grip, and took a tumble onto the concreted floor. His eyes scanned over the text so quickly that it slipped out his memory immediately, and it took half a dozen rereads for his heartrate to settle.
Harry: we needed your raft-abilities today lad.
Josh smiled. Such a text was characteristic of his younger friend, whom rarely so much as let his W2S persona drop, even in private.
Still. He knew first-hand just how hands-on the younger Sideman could be.
Josh: I heard you did just fine without me :)
The younger man was not slow in his response.
Harry: It just wasn’t the same without you.
Seven words was all it took for Josh’s entire body to sag, whilst a smile that rivalled the dawning sun cracked onto his face – just for a second, the London sky was that little bit brighter, his teeth just like the stars which oft fails to pierce through the city’s dense smog.
He stared at the text for what felt like eons, but could only have been a second or two.
Whilst actions may speak louder than words, that does not mean the world should spin around in silence. Sometimes, a pretty sonnet or two can be just as sweet as the roses they are proposed with.
It was with a sappy smile that Josh sent off his last text, before slipping his phone back into his pocket and heading back inside. He didn’t want to stay up too late, as he’d made plans with the lads for lunch the following day.
It hadn’t taken Josh long to conceive his final response in the end.
He merely told Harry the truth.
Josh: I love you too.