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Nayuta had been living with Denji for six months now. She’d started school, helped him walk the dogs and tried not to think about how her hair was getting longer. She was Denji’s family, the top student in her class and the girl who always rejected all the boys in her class.
Everyone at school who knew of her was also acquainted with how she was. She wasn’t the most popular kid ever, but was far from being one of the bullied kids (not that she’d ever allow anyone to even try to fuck with her like that). In a way, it was quite freeing being just a girl with a strong personality to her peers. Especially considering… well, the weirdness at home.
Not that there was anything bad at home, but she wasn’t- she just- sometimes, she ended up preferring to stay with Meowy in a corner, playing with the cat and relishing the feeling of the love of a being who loved her without any… incentives, or pre-conceptions.
Other times, during late nights, when Denji and the dogs fell asleep before her, she’d stay awake, watching them all carefully. She loved them. Definitely. And they… they loved her. Still, they’d loved Control before she was it. She couldn’t help but wonder if their connection was why she was loved and accepted by them so quickly. Maybe the dogs could feel it in her and never even differentiated them. Maybe they still thought their original owner was taking care of them, feeding them and taking them on walks. And then there was Denji…
Denji and Control… she’d seen it. He’d loved Control. Even if he also resented it. Control gave him everything and took even more from him. And he’d loved Control very differently than he loved Nayuta, but not so differently that they were completely separated. He’d recognized it in her. He’d taken her home because there was no it and her, it was her, period. And yet…
And yet, Nayuta saw how she wasn’t what Denji desired. What he needed. The type of love he’d held for Control left a hole of need in him, one that she couldn’t ever fill up. Both of them knew that. She could also see how the time he could spend going after that love was spent taking care of her. But he needed that, and he didn’t need her. He’d end up resenting her. And resentment would result in abandonment. And she’d be left alone.
As soon as Denji realized she was an obstacle, it would be over. She couldn’t let it happen. There were many feelings Nayuta was born with that she couldn’t understand, but the inherent primal fear of being left alone, of losing the love she’d been granted, well, that wasn't hard to comprehend. Denji had loved Control. Not like he loved Nayuta, but he’d loved it. And maybe, just maybe she could step on the hole it’d left behind. Make it so he wouldn’t leave her behind.
Thinking of how to do it wasn’t particularly hard, the answer had been hard printed into her nightmares ever since she’d begun to care for Denji and the weight of his memories had finally processed in her mind. Still, turning a thought into reality was… surprisingly hard. Nayuta gave up with scissors in her hands several times before she’d realized the love holiday was coming up and her days in Denji’s life could be coming closer and closer to a hard stop.
The morning Nayuta finally put the plan in motion, Denji had left for school before her. She stood in front of the mirror, hands hesitating before slapping herself. She needed to get a hold of herself, if she didn’t do it sooner rather than later, he might actually find someone who’d give him the right type of love and he’d leave before she could convince him to stay.
Nayuta braided her hair tightly, just like she’d seen in his memories, and cut her bangs to frame her face and bring attention to her eyes. She made sure her uniform was perfectly adjusted, not a wrinkle in sight. While walking to school, she practiced a perfect posture, a neutral face and a proper, pleasant smile. During class, she didn’t yell or compete to answer questions, instead she calmly volunteered herself to answer and spoke in the proper volume for a classroom when the teacher called her.
It was hard. It felt wrong. She could feel the stare of her classmates and wanted nothing more than to yell at them and question who they thought they were looking at like that. But she didn’t. If she couldn’t last at school, she wouldn’t at home. And discomfort was worth it to keep her family, to keep their love. Even if it felt like she was stuck living someone else’s life.
At lunch, Nayuta refrained from demanding other people’s food. Even while using her power (which Control had to have used, right? There was no way it had become so infamous with normal manipulation alone, right?), she made sure to present a pleasant image and pretended to be asking. Somehow, that caught more attention than her yelling at people to give her their stuff. If her smile was sharper with frustration when she got back to the classroom, then that was nobody’s business but hers.
Even her teacher seemed bothered by her behavior. He’d stopped her at the end of class and asked if she was okay, if things were alright at home. Like he cared. Like there was any single reason for him to that other than him being obligated to do it for his job. Nayuta simply said everything was fine and exited the room before any more questions could be asked.
On her way out, she had a boy a grade behind her give her his spare uniform pants before running to one of the bathrooms to change into them. They were a tad small for her, but from the outside, they only seemed to be very fitted. She made sure to put her shirt inside the pants and that both it and the tie looked as form fitting as a school uniform could.
She observed herself in the school bathroom mirror. It wasn’t perfect. Even tied perfectly, her hair was the wrong color, the wrong length, and the bangs were quite obviously cut by an amateur, nothing even close to the perfect appearance Control definitely used to have. Her shirt had an old food stain. She looked too young. She was all wrong!
And… and…
And she couldn’t see herself in the mirror at all. Her hands trembled against the shirt, resisting the urge to pull on it until it was as loose as she liked it, it felt like it was calling attention to all the wrong parts of her. On top of that, the pants were catching all weird on her legs and she didn’t like the way it wrapped around her thighs.
Nayuta attempted a proper smile. Control grimaced at her from the mirror. But it was okay. Denji loved Control. Denji would stay for Control.
The walk back home felt like someone else was piloting her own body. She didn’t look at anything on her way. She didn’t run while crossing the street. She didn’t jump steps or slide down the rails. None of that matched Control, so she didn’t do it.
When she arrived home, Denji’s shoes were already tossed at the door. She took a deep shaky breath and prepared herself. It was show time. She could do it.
“I’m home” She announced. Same tone as the one she practiced in class.
“Welcome home!” Denji yelled from the kitchen “I’m just getting finished with making something for us to eat, so can you come take the dogs away? Otherwise I think our dinner might end up in their mouths”
With one last deep breath, Nayuta took a dog toy and walked towards the kitchen, squeezing it to call the dogs’ attention away from the pan Denji was holding up. It worked as intended at first, until the dogs saw who was holding the toy and hesitated. Tiramisu barked in confusion. Nayuta gulped.
“Everything al-” Denji began to ask, turning with the pan still in his hands. He interrupted himself as his eyes fell onto Nayuta and lost his grip on the pan, which fell to the ground with a loud noise. The food falling seemed to be enough of an interruption of the weird situation for the dogs, who elected to start eating it, rather than keep engaging with… whatever was happening. Nayuta and Denji, however, kept staring at each other.
She could feel her heart almost ripping from her chest. Every moment that Denji stayed frozen with widened eyes made it more difficult to keep her breathing in check.
“Is… everything alright, Denji?” Nayuta asked, eventually, cringing internally at the insecurity in her voice. Control wouldn’t have done that. Should she have added an honorific? Would that have sold it better? Or did Control not bother with those things?
Her question seemed to shake Denji off of his shock. He closed the distance between them and knelt in front of her, examining her as if looking for injuries.
“What happened?” He asked, almost frantic.
“Nothing” She said “I just… I thought this would be… more appropriate”
“The fuck you talkin’ about? You look-”
“Like Control, right?” Nayuta attempted a smile. She feared it came off as another grimace, at least that’s what it seemed, from Denji’s reaction “This is what it’s supposed to look like, right? What it looked like for you?”
“You’re not Makima, Nayuta!” Denji exclaimed, finally giving up on his search for injuries “Why the fuck would you-”
“But I am Control!” She interrupted him, grasping her shirt and trying to keep herself from trembling “I can be Control! You don’t- YOU DON’T NEED TO GO AFTER ITS LOVE! I can be like it was with Control. I can- I can be Makima!”
She was trembling. A lot. Control wasn’t supposed to be trembling. She was hunched, staring at the ground. She should look Denji in the eyes. She couldn’t. She should. Control would’ve. Makima always did.
“So don’t replace me!” She cried out, breathing heavily. The dogs were silent. Denji was silent. She’d fucked up. She’d fucked up and made it clear to Denji that he should abandon her to get what he needed. What if hadn’t yet come to that conclusion and she’d just accelerated the thought process by bringing it up? Control wouldn’t have made that mistake. Makima would have been more level headed than that.
That same primal fear flooded her. She barely managed to keep herself on her feet as the silence stretched like a cruel executioner and her knees weakened. She couldn’t see anything but the floor directly under her feet. And even that seemed blurry. Why was it blurry?
“Is this about me wanting to have sex?” Denji finally exclaimed after a while “That’s not- I’m not leaving you because of that! I told you, we’re family! I may be a shit guy to be tied to, but I’m not abandoning you for a girlfriend!”
There were arms around her. Denji’s arms. He was hugging her.
“But you need them! You don’t need me, you needed Control!” She yelled again.
“I DON’T!” Denji exclaimed, hugging her tighter “I don’t. I need you, not- not any girlfriends. Not Makima. Just you. We’re family, that means we’re stuck to each other, alright?”
Tentatively, Nayuta hugged him back softly. She felt some of the dogs rub against her leg.
Oh.
Oh.
He was serious. He actually…
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Just us? Forever”
“Mhm”
He wanted her. He actually wanted Nayuta. Not… not what he’d been after with Control. Her, just… Just her.
“So you won’t ever need a girlfriend, right?”
“Huh-?”
“You love me! You don’t need them!” She cried out, burying her head on his shoulder “No one can steal you from me! I won’t let them! I’ll- I’ll kill them if they try!”
“W-wait a second now-”
“Do you love me?” She asked again, hands still trembling a bit.
“Of course I do!”
“Then it’s decided!” She nodded, bringing her hands to dry her eyes (when had they gotten wet) and trying to compose herself and force a small smile. Her breathing was still shallow and she felt a bit nauseous. But Denji loved her. So long as she could keep thieves from coming for him, he wouldn’t leave her. And he would choose her. Always. He had to. And this way she wouldn’t need to look at Control every time in the mirror. She could… She could be herself, because she was who he loved.
“Sure, whatever you say” Denji sighed “Now let’s get you changed and go out to eat something. Dinner’s a bust, but we should have enough money for something okay”
“I want ice cream!” Nayuta demanded.
“You need to actually eat something healthy” He protested.
“But we’re going out” She whined “You usually let me pick…”
He glared at her for all of a second before relenting with a sigh and just telling her to get changed. She smiled, a big smile that she hadn’t for what felt like forever, and ran to change. It wasn’t hard to get into more comfortable clothes, considering how low on the scale the current ones were, but she hesitated for a moment before undoing her hair. She didn’t like the way the braid fell on her back, however, it was… nice, to not have her hair down. Plus, if she let her bangs grow again, she’d look just like a manga character. Maybe she could just… change it enough that she would still see herself in the mirror.
“Denji!” Nayuta called as she ran towards him with a hair comb “I want a side braid!”
“Sure, you can do it” He said, laying on the couch.
“But I want you to do it” She asked, holding the comb in his direction.
Denji seemed to hesitate for a second before grabbing the comb with a sigh.
“I have no idea what I’m doing” He warned her, but still got to work with minimal mumbled complaints.
As she sat there, waiting for him to be done, Nayuta decided everything would be okay. She just had to make sure everything would be okay, and they’d both stay okay with their family. She could protect them all from thieves and Denji could protect them from demons and humans and they’d stay in their little happy heaven. Forever and ever.