Work Text:
Robby is bone deep tired. No, it’s beyond bone deep tired. What’s more than bone deep tired? Whatever it is, Robby is that.
They are in the midst of complete chaos at work. The waiting room is packed. Rooms are full. Children are screaming. People are arguing. Some are moaning and groaning in pain.
Robby hasn’t had a break all day and it’s catching up to him. He’s hungry. He needs to use the bathroom.
His thoughts are interrupted by a patient walking up to him, pulling down her mask, and saying “Excuse me…” before promptly projectile vomiting all over the floor in front of him. Luckily, despite how tired he is, his reflexes are still quick enough that he’s able to jump back to avoid the splatter; and he’s not in full PPE, but it’s close enough that he’s protected.
“I’m so sorry,” the lady says before retching and throwing up again.
Robby calls for one of the nurses to come get the patient and then tells someone to call for clean up.
He’s about to go see one of his patients when his phone rings.
When he pulls it out of his pocket, he sees the name of the boys’ school crawling across the top of the screen which is unusual because Jack is listed as first contact since he’s typically off during the day and Robby is listed as second contact since he’s usually working. So if they’re calling him, that means Jack didn’t answer his phone.
When he answers, the school nurse says she has Milo in her office complaining of a stomach ache.
“Everything else seems to be fine,” she explains. “No fever. But it’s unusual for him to come to me, so I wanted to touch base.”
“Sure. Can I talk to him?”
She confirms he can and there’s shuffling sounds of the phone being switched from one person to another before Milo says “Hey Papa.”
“Hey Goose. What’s going on?”
“My stomach just hurts.”
“Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No.”
“Okay… Are you hungry?” Robby tries as one last ditch effort.
“No.”
“Are you worried about something?”
There’s silence on the other side of the phone.
“Milo?”
A small, teary “My tummy just hurts” comes through.
Robby rubs his hand over his hair.
“Okay. I can’t leave work right now. Let me see if I can get in touch with Daddy.”
He talks to the nurse again and lets her know he’ll try to reach his husband to see if he can come get him.
He presses Jack’s name in his phone and puts the phone back to his ear, listening to it ring and scanning the chaos of the ED around him.
When Jack doesn’t answer, he hangs up and immediately tries again.
He starts to panic a little when Jack still doesn’t answer so he tries one more time to hang up and call again.
Jack finally picks up half asleep, hoarse and congested sounding “Hello?”
“Hey, you okay?” Robby asks.
“Started running a damn fever and got a sore throat and cough and runny nose just out of nowhere.”
“Think it’s Covid?”
“Hell if I know. I’ll have to get tested. I’m just drained.”
“The nurse from Milo’s school called and said his stomach hurts. I think it’s probably anxiety, but I said I’d try to get in touch with you.”
Jack coughs on the other end and says “I can run to urgent care and get tested. If it’s not Covid I’ll run and grab him. If it is, we may have to get Sarah.”
“Okay. I’ll call the nurse back and let her know what’s going on since it might be a while.”
Once he’s gotten all of that situated, he finally makes it to his patient’s room.
“How are you feeling, Mr. Thomas?”
The man on the bed groans in pain before his eyes roll back and his monitor starts beeping.
“Whoa!” Robby runs over and digs his knuckles into Mr. Thomas’ chest with no response. “Mr. Thomas!”
People start running in after alarms start blaring.
They work on him for a solid 45 minutes before calling it.
Robby clicks his tongue in disappointment and shakes his head before pushing the door open and walking out.
He takes a second to check his phone. Jack has texted saying he does not have Covid and he’s on his way to get ‘Goose.’ He sends a thumbs up emoji in response and runs to the next blaring alarm that just started going off.
This one is a medically complex teenage girl with Covid. She came in struggling and they’d gotten her stabilized but she was going downhill again.
They worked on her for close to an hour. They thought they’d gotten her stabilized again at one point and then it all unraveled and they started over. When they’d done all they could do and then some, Robby sighs and calls it.
By the time he leaves, he’s one more small inconvenience, much less something big like losing someone, away from a nervous breakdown.
He gets in the car and takes some deep breaths. He does some deep breathing the whole way home, trying to calm himself before he goes inside to his family.
When he walks in the door, the kids are at the table having their evening snack.
Robby’s whole body feels drawn and tight.
Jack is at the counter and smiles weakly, not feeling well. “Hey babe.”
Robby gives him a smile, but he knows it looks fake because he can feel it on his face.
Clark hops up to hug him and the girls screech and hop around in their chairs in excitement.
Milo is looking at a paper on the table and nervously picking at his lip, a new anxious habit he’s picked up that Robby and Jack are trying to break.
“Milo,” Robby says gently, trying to get his attention.
Milo’s head snaps up and his eyes meet Robby’s for a moment before his lip trembles and he starts crying.
Robby is taken aback and glances at Jack.
Milo gets up and walks over to Jack and says through his tears “I’m tired. I want to go to bed.”
“Okay, buddy. That’s fine.” Jack hugs him and tells him he loves him and to get him if he needs him.
Milo gives Robby a side hug and mumbles that he loves him before going to his room.
Jack looks at Robby and says “He’s very anxious today. He’s had a really hard time. Lots of stomach ache complaints and tears. I’ve tried finding out if there’s something in particular bothering him but he’s not giving me anything.”
Robby’s stomach clenches as he thinks about Milo having such a hard time. He thinks back to the anxious look Milo gave him when he said his name. The side hug.
And Robby’s brain immediately decides that Milo’s anxiety has something to do with him. Why was he reacting so strangely to Robby? He knows he’s been having a hard time lately. Maybe it’s getting to Milo.
His chest tightens thinking that he might be causing anxiety and worry for his sweet boy.
He helps with the evening routine and bedtime. He snuggles with Clark for a bit before putting him to bed.
When he comes out, Jack is snoring on the couch. Robby walks over and feels his forehead which is warm but not overly hot. He’s sure Jack took something to help him get through the afternoon and evening with the kids.
Robby runs his fingers through his curls and whispers “Hey baby. Why don’t you go to bed so you’ll be more comfortable?”
Jack groans and says “Carry me.”
And Robby doesn’t even question it, starts to scoop him up and Jack half shouts, voice hoarse “I’m kidding! I was kidding!”
“I’d carry you, baby.”
“You’re sweet. I know you would. Thank you. If you’ll just help me up and hand me my crutches, that’ll be a big help.”
Jack crutches to their bedroom and falls onto his side of the bed, snuggling in and yawning before whispering “Night, babe.”
Robby leans down to kiss his head and says “Goodnight. Feel better.”
He goes back out and forces himself to pick up the evening’s chaos around the house. Socks that were hastily thrown off. Toys that were left out. Dishes that have piled up more than they usually let them.
Once that’s done, he crawls into bed beside Jack, already half asleep when his body hits the mattress.
He wakes at some point in the middle of the night with Jack’s full body pressed against his back, and he is burning up. Robby is sweating from being trapped under the blanket with the heat from his fever. He throws the blanket off and gently pulls himself away from Jack.
The cooler air feels amazing against his overheated skin, and he gets up to use the bathroom.
When he returns from the bathroom, he sees Milo trying to shake Jack awake.
“Milo,” Robby whispers, and Milo’s whole body jerks in surprise.
He looks at Robby and glances down before he whispers “I had a bad dream. I didn’t know you were in the bathroom. I thought maybe you went to work. I just… needed Daddy.”
Robby takes that to mean he didn’t need Robby.
“Oh, yeah. I get it.” He tries not to sound hurt. “But listen, Daddy’s not feeling good so we need to try to let him sleep.”
Milo picks at his lip nervously and glances at Jack again before saying “Okay.” Then he walks back out of the room. And Robby lets him because Milo doesn’t want him.
Somewhere along the way he has truly fucked up.
He lays back down but he doesn’t go back to sleep. He frets all night about how badly he’s messed up. His kid is going through it with anxiety and he doesn’t even want him. Honestly, as fucked up as his mental health has been, he doesn’t blame Milo.
It’s probably best he lets Jack guide him through this anyway. He can barely hang on himself these days. Who is he to try to help his kid when he can’t even help himself?
When it gets close to time to get up and start getting the kids ready, he decides to go ahead and get up. He gets dressed in his black scrubs with a darker olive green long sleeve shirt layered under it for warmth.
He gets Clark up first and dresses him in jeans and a striped knit sweater. He puts his socks on him and shoves his feet in the brown boots he’s obsessed with wearing lately. His curls are wild. He needs a haircut.
“Come on, Clark Kent.”
Clark groans and rolls over.
“Don’t want to,” he grumbles.
“Have to,” Robby argues back.
Clark peeks an eye open slyly before tooting loudly and breaking down in giggles.
“Well, obviously you’re awake now, Mr. Gassy.”
Clark laughs uproariously and hops off the bed, running out of the room. He goes to the couch and turns on the TV while Robby makes his way to the girls’ room.
He wakes Nell first, dressing her in a cozy little pink matching hoodie and pant set that has ballerina slippers on the chest.
After he’s done dressing Nell, he puts her on the couch with Clark. She crawls over and snuggles her upper body into his lap and he absentmindedly pats her as he watches TV.
Junie comes next with a similar pink hoodie and pant set, but hers has a picture of a big white bow on the chest rather than ballerina slippers.
He deposits her on the couch with the other two and she leans up against Clark’s shoulder sleepily. He leans his curly head against her matching curls, and he has his hand resting on Nell’s body that’s still in his lap.
He saves Milo for last to try to let him get a little more sleep after being up with his nightmare.
When he wakes him and tells him to get dressed, Milo immediately tears up and says “I don’t feel good.”
Robby sighs.
“Milo, I don’t think you’re sick. I think you’re just feeling worried about something. You can’t miss school if you’re not sick.”
His lip trembles and he says “I want Daddy.”
“Daddy’s sleeping. He’s sick, remember?”
“Just please ask him if I can stay home with him. My stomach hurts. It really does,” he says frantically.
Robby sighs again and stands there, unsure what to do. He doesn’t want to wake Jack. But he also knows Milo is about to have a complete meltdown and maybe Jack can talk him out of it.
He walks to the bedroom and wakes his poor sick husband.
Jack looks up at him with confusion on his face.
“Sorry, baby,” Robby says gently. “Milo insists he doesn’t feel good and wants to know if he can stay home with you. I don’t think he’s sick. I think it’s anxiety. Maybe you can talk him down.”
Jack says in his sleep roughened, hoarse voice, “Send him in here.”
Robby goes back to Milo and says “Go talk to Daddy.”
Milo goes in there, and Robby stands at the door listening.
“What’s wrong, Goose?”
“I don’t feel good. I want to stay with you.”
“What doesn’t feel good?”
“My stomach.”
“Listen. I think it’s a worried tummy ache instead of a real one. Do you know what you might be worrying about?”
Milo starts sniffling and shaking his head and says “I just don’t feel good, Daddy. Please.”
“Milo, if we start letting you stay home because your stomach hurts and it’s anxiety, that’s going to make you think you can stay home every time and we can’t let this become a habit.”
“I promise I won’t! Just this one time. Please!”
“Do you have a test or something?”
“No!”
“Is somebody being mean to you?”
“No! I just don’t feel good,” Milo cries.
Jack finally says he can stay home but he has to stay in bed and take it easy all day.
Milo nods and returns to his room. Robby gives him a hug and a kiss before he goes then gives Jack a hug and kiss goodbye.
He wrangles up the other three and gets them situated in the car before taking off. He drops the girls off first then he drops
Clark off.
Robby’s day at work is slightly less chaotic than the day before, but not by much and he loses just as many people.
He feels like he can’t catch a break.
Around lunch time Jack texts him: Milo’s anxiety is out of control. I’m not sure what to do. He says he feels like he can’t breathe but everything I’ve checked doesn’t suggest asthma. He just keeps crying and saying he doesn’t feel good. I think he’s having a panic attack.
Robby doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know how to help. So he just lamely sends a sad face emoji.
When he returns home that evening, the sisters are in a knock down drag out screaming match on the floor. Junie (he thinks from afar) has Nell pinned under her. Clark is standing on the kitchen counter going through the cabinets.
Jack and Milo are nowhere to be found.
“Clark, not safe,” Robby says as he lifts him off the counter.
“I was looking for my Sonic cup!” Clark protests. “He’s the fastest and I need it!” He takes off running to remind Robby of how fast Sonic is, in case he’d forgotten.
“Okay, Clark. I get it. Let me get your sisters to stop killing each other and then I’ll help you find it.”
He pulls Junie off of Nell and picks her up. “What’s going on, little miss feisty?”
“Das my baby!”
Robby looks at the little doll Nell is holding protectively against herself.
“Are you sure, June Bug? I’m pretty sure that one is Nell’s.”
“It is mine!” Nell confirms.
“No, my baby!” Junie tells and tries to get out of Robby’s arms.
“Whoa, Rocky Balboa. Settle down.”
June stops her struggling and glances at him in confusion at being called Rocky Balboa.
“I Junie,” she corrects.
Robby laughs and says “I know, honey. Let’s find your doll so we don’t have to fight over sister’s. Clark, where’s Daddy?”
“He’s in Milo’s room because Milo is sad.”
Robby’s heart sinks.
He runs into the girls’ room to grab a baby for Junie and brings it back out to her. She glares unhappily at Robby’s choice and snatches it out of his hand.
He finds Clark’s Sonic cup in the dishwasher and hands it to him so he can do the water from the fridge himself.
Jack and a splotchy faced, red eyed Milo walk out of his bedroom and Robby glances at Milo then Jack before saying “Okay?”
Jack says “Milo’s having a hard time, huh, bud?”
Milo shrugs, and Robby says “Ah…” before rubbing the back of his neck and saying “I better go change.”
The next couple of days go very similarly except that Jack and Robby push the issue of Milo going back to school. Robby defers to Jack when Milo is anxious and upset. Milo acts even stranger around Robby as time goes on.
After several days of this, Jack says he thinks Milo needs to go to therapy, whether it’s talk therapy or play therapy. Jack doesn’t know how to help him feel okay and he hates seeing him this way.
But when Jack brings it up to Milo, Milo starts sobbing.
“I don’t want to!” He cries.
“Buddy… why? All you do is go and talk or play with somebody and they give you strategies of things you can do when you’re upset or worried about something.”
Milo looks panicked as he begs Jack, “Please don’t make me.”
“Milo…” Jack looks helplessly at Robby. “Michael…”
Robby rubs his hand anxiously over his head.
Then Milo sobs again and asks Robby “Are you mad at me?”
Robby, genuinely confused, says “What? No? Why would I be?”
Milo is crying so hard he can’t talk. He finally sucks in a breath and says “You… you aren’t trying to help me. You’re barely even talking to me. Is it… is it making you mad that I’m upset?”
And Robby realizes he hadn’t messed up before. But he has messed up now. Milo hadn’t been anxious because of him. And Robby’s been pushing him away for days. He had all of this so backwards that he’s afraid he won’t be able to fix it now.
“No. No, Milo. I’m not mad you. I’m so sorry I made you think that.” Robby puts his hands on Milo’s shoulders and bends down to his eye level. “This is all my fault, baby boy. You know what? Papa’s… been having a hard time too and I thought maybe I was upsetting you. So I was trying to give you some space.”
Milo shakes his head and says “I didn’t want space.”
Robby pulls him to him and holds his head against his chest.
“I’m so sorry, Goose. I messed up.”
Milo looks up at him with the most pitiful pleading eyes, like his own big brown eyes reflected back at him, and says “Please don’t make me go to therapy, Papa. Please? I don’t want to.”
And, fuck. Fuck.
The fight he’s been giving Jack about this for months now.
He sighs. He knows what he has to do.
“I’ll tell you what. It’s a little scary to think about, isn’t it? Talking to someone about all these big feelings you’re having. Someone you don’t even know. Is it scary?” Robby asks Milo. And Milo hesitates before he nods.
“I get that. Did you know…” Robby has to force himself to admit this, taking a deep breath to prepare himself. “Did you know that Daddy’s been trying to get me to go to therapy and I’ve been refusing to do it?”
Milo looks shocked.
“Maybe…. Maybe I’ve been scared too.” He looks at Jack when he says it.
He looks back at Milo. “It’s okay to be scared. But we have to be brave and face our fears, right? So how about this? We’ll both try therapy. We can even do our first session together to help it not be so scary. How about that?”
Milo thinks about it for a moment before he nods hesitantly.
“Okay,” he whispers.
“Okay,” Robby confirms and hugs him again.
They get him situated in bed and Robby lays with him until he falls asleep.
While they’re lying there, he asks him if he knows what’s been bothering him lately and Milo shakes his head.
“I don’t know why but everything is worrying me. I’m nervous and scared all the time.”
“Oh, buddy. It’s hard to feel worried and scared all the time. No wonder you’ve been having such a hard time.” He kisses his head reassuringly.
Once he’s asleep, Robby gets up and goes into the living room.
Jack has already gotten the other three to bed and is sitting on the couch. Robby plops down beside him and they look at each other.
“Proud of you, babe.” Jack tells him.
Robby sighs and presses his head against Jack’s affectionately.
“You’ve both got this,” Jack says and kisses his cheek, and Robby appreciates his confidence because Robby’s anxiety wants to spike just thinking about it. But he also knows Milo needs this and he would do anything to help his boy. Even if it is a little scary.