Work Text:
The cheerful rhythm of the MiraMagi opening played in Mizuki’s ears as she worked away at the latest MV. She’d decided was a good day to catch-up on her work, considering there wasn’t a meeting with the rest of the girls at 25:00 tonight. Mafuyu wasn’t able to make it because she had an important test at school tomorrow and Kanade, strangely enough, also had something important to do the next morning.
That did, however, mean that Ena was probably still available to provide art for the MV. Seeing as it was 25:00, Mizuki decided to fill the void left by their called off meeting by calling on her favorite person. Pausing her comfy working music, Mizuki hit the call button on Nightcord next to Enanan's name.
Without letting the Nightcord jingle reach its second loop, Ena picked up the call. There was a hint of agitation in her voice as she opened the conversation with a blunt grunt. “What?”
“Woah, sorry! I’ll hang up if I’m bothering you,” Mizuki said.
The placating words came naturally from her lips, but Mizuki knew Ena only picked up if she wanted to. Ena wasn’t shy about turning down Mizuki’s calls whenever she wasn’t in the mood.
“No, it’s fine. It’s not you I'm mad at, it’s this drawing!” Ena ranted. Her voice near the end sounded like a shout through the Nightcord filter, despite how late it already was.
“Well, I’m glad you’re not mad at me for interrupting you or something.” Mizuki laughed.
Mizuki refrained from asking about the sketch she originally called about and closed her video editing software for the night. She couldn't work on the MV any further without at least a rough sketch from Ena.
There was no hurry to finish the MV today, considering no one else was even working tonight. It wasn't like she was behind or anything. Plus, Ena probably wouldn’t appreciate being pushed to finish her art, especially when she was already actively struggling with it. Ena was her own biggest critic, after all.
“Oh, did you hear they’re opening this really cool gimmick restaurant near the Scramble Crossing?” Mizuki said, trying to find something else to talk about. “It’s going to be a theme restaurant! Doesn’t that sound cool?”
“A theme restaurant? Like what kind of theme?” Ena replied. She sounded less angry already.
The immediate shift in tone meant that she was probably searching for an out from her battle with her art when Mizuki had called. Mizuki couldn’t help but smile at how she had inadvertently given Ena exactly what she wanted by distracting her.
“I don’t know, but it sounds cool to me! I do know it’s going to be called ‘Utsuroiya,’ though. Any idea what kind of theme would go with a name like that?” Mizuki answered.
“Probably something to do with change? That's what the name means, right?” Ena pondered. “But I’m not sure how that could be a theme.”
A slight frown slipped onto Mizuki’s face. Change, huh. Hearing that word from Ena was a sudden reminder of how much things had changed for her since middle school. And things were probably going to change again, as much as she didn't want to think about it. Change was inevitable.
Someday she would have to tell the girls on Nightcord.
She shook her head, trying to stay focused on the topic at hand and not on her darker thoughts. This wasn't the time for that. Ena needed to be cheered up right now!
“Maybe the theme, like, changes every once in a while?” Mizuki suggested. “That sounds really cool, right?! Like maybe sometimes it’s a maid cafe and other times it’s a cat cafe! We should definitely check it out when it opens!”
"Okay. I don't see why not. That sounds like it could be a fun place to visit some time.”
Mizuki could sense the smile on Ena’s lips as she answered. The simple fact that she was actually happy to spend time with Mizuki filled her with warmth. With the thoughts of life ahead changing lurking in the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but to let all of her happy feelings burst out.
“Yay! Oh Ena, that makes me so happy!”
“Jeez, calm down! It’s nothing special... We go to restaurants all the time,” Ena mumbled.
“Sorry, I couldn’t hold myself back,” Mizuki said. “I’m just so happy I get to finally go out with friends again. I haven’t been able to do that since I was in middle school! It’s a little nostalgic...”
A lie. A simple, harmless stretch of the truth. Mizuki’d never gotten to experience going out with friends after class in middle school. Why would she want to? Running off to the comforts of her home after class was over, away from the jeers and jabs of her classmates, was what made her happy back then.
But why was she lying to Ena? All she had to do was say she was happy to spend time with her. That was the truth. She didn’t need to create an elaborate past, but she did. Out of habit, she’d already created an entire backstory in her mind to use in this conversation.
“Hmm?” Ena seemed interested. “You’ve never said anything about how middle school was for you. What were your friends like back then?”
“Well, I only really had one friend back then...” Mizuki laughed nervously as she actually told a speck of the truth. “She was really thoughtful and I could always rely on her to be there for me when things were rough! We were really close! That is... until she graduated...”
Why was she even lying about Rui’s gender? Girls and boys could be friends just fine. It wasn’t like saying “he” instead of “she” would out her secret or anything. There was no reason to lie about something as simple as that!
Mizuki’s fingers clenched hard onto her mouse. As much as she didn't like it, she had lied anyway. The white lie in a sea of truth had come out so naturally over something so small that she'd even surprised herself.
But it hurt.
It hurt lying, even if it was done out of habit.
The habit was useful, back when she was trying to protect herself. Her harmless lies had shielded her from the harsh truth of her reality. If she got used to lying about the small stuff, it wouldn’t hurt so much to talk about herself in a way she didn’t want to. She had to lie to survive, even if it hurt to do.
And now when she was finally trying to be herself, she was still lying. Why was she still lying so much, even when she finally wanted to tell the truth? Why couldn’t she break free from her own web of lies?
This wasn’t the first time this had happened either. Even people who already knew about her secret, people like An or Rui who she was able to be herself fully with, she effortlessly lied to. She would lie about how she felt or lie about what she'd been doing, even if those things didn't matter.
She wanted so badly to stop lying. She was already on a journey to live her truth instead of lying about herself. In a way, being able to finally tell the truth over something so small was a victory in that war.
But telling the truth was hard to do.
She needed to apologize to Ena. Now. She needed to tell her the truth, for once, instead of always lying.
“Mizuki?” Ena broke in. “Hello? Are you still there?”
“I’m sorry, Ena,” Mizuki apologized solemnly. “I’m really sorry.”
“What? Why?”
Mizuki started to respond, but her voice caught in her throat. The words couldn’t come out. Why wouldn’t they come out? Tell her why. Tell her how much of a liar you are.
But she couldn’t.
“Ahahaha, it’s nothing. Sorry I spaced out like that!” Mizuki laughed it off. Like always.
Another lie.
Why did she always lie...
Before Ena could respond, or maybe even call out her lie, Mizuki continued. “I’m feeling tired now, I think I’m going to go to bed a little early. Good luck with your art!”
“Ah... Okay. Goodnight, Mizuki.” Ena said. She sounded so disappointed, but she didn't try to argue.
With Ena’s blessing to leave, Mizuki closed the Nightcord call and turned off her computer in a hurry. Her head quickly met her pillow soon after.
She had left with another lie, she wasn’t tired at all.
She wanted to cry, and, sure enough, tears began to fall.
As Mizuki lay in bed, clutching her hands to her pillow, she began to wonder if she would ever be able to tell the truth. Instead of sleeping like she wanted to, her mind wandered to all of the darkest parts of her mind. Did she really deserve all of the friends she constantly lied to? Did she really deserve Ena’s kindness?
Even when she was trying, she still wasn’t who she wanted to be at all.
All she ever was was a liar.