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Danny leaned on the wall; he needed to change his clothes. He couldn’t remember the last time he changed his shirt. The smell was starting to offend even him. There wasn’t anyone he could ask to bring him a change, and he couldn’t bear to even leave the corridor let alone the hospital. So now here he stood, rumpled clothes, dirty hair, scruffy beard, he looked like a homeless person, not a member of an elite taskforce.
He knew he had no right to feel sorry for himself. He’d been an absolute asshole to everyone that was important to him. He’d chased people away; he’d barely spoken to his closest friends. He’d placed blame at the feet of innocent people, even when they hadn’t deserved it. One thing was true above all others. Chin had been right, he was scared.
Shit scared.
There were only two people who tethered him to this rock. He couldn’t lose both of them at once. He couldn’t bear to be without either of them. His life would cease to exist as he knew it, and not just Grace, there was so much of himself tethered to Steve that he wasn’t sure he could survive without him. So he did what was easiest. Not consciously. It was what his heart did when it was hurting too much. His entire focus became his precious little monkey, nothing and no one else mattered. In doing so he had lashed out at the one man that had been trying to help his monkey.
Again, Chin had been right. After their ‘discussion’ yesterday he had downloaded a copy of the initial report and read it while Rachel and Stan had gone to the cafeteria to eat. Witnesses reported that Steve had done everything to avoid contact with the car that had been travelling in the wrong lane, including driving at full speed off the edge of a cliff. Grace’s little friend Alohi Kehaki, a beautiful little brown skinned girl with a smile like sunshine had been killed when both girls had been thrown out of the back of the truck. Grace had been thrown clear and landed in soft shrubbery on the edge of the cliff side. Aside from a goose egg on her head, she had no visible injuries, she just wouldn’t wake up.
So in respect for Rachel and Stan, who had flown back the same night of the accident from Vegas, Danny was now waiting in the corridor, glaring at Steve’s room. Waiting impatiently for Chin to leave and allow him time to apologize to the one man who really understood him. The only problem? Chin was more loyal than a Rottweiler, he hadn’t left the room in more than six hours. Danny couldn’t help but think that surely soon his bladder was going to explode. Sighing deeply, Danny did the only thing that was left to him. He squared his shoulders and scrubbed a hand across the rough stubble on his chin that was rapidly becoming a beard and walked into Steve’s room.
“Can I have a moment?” He asked Chin.
“Sure I’ll be out in a minute.” Chin answered, his eyes not leaving Steve’s face.
“Not with you. With Steve.” Danny clarified firmly.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Williams.” Chin spoke indifferently, his eyes regarded Danny coldly like flints of steel.
“I’m not going to ask again, Chin, and I’m not taking no for an answer.” Danny’s voice was firm and sure. “I need to apologize and I’d rather not do it in front of you.” Danny shrugged, “in front of anyone really.”
Chin stood, and walked around the foot of the bed and past Danny. “You hurt him and you’ll answer to me.”
Danny was again reminded of a Rottweiler as he watched Chin leave. Danny walked around the bottom of the bed; letting his fingers trail gently across skin that he could reach as he moved, trying not to touch the bruises and abrasions. The last time he had been in this room he hadn’t paid any attention to the injuries of the man in the bed; he had been in such a blind fiery rage he hadn’t seen anything but the image of his little girl in a hospital bed. He knew that he was so, so wrong but at the time he hadn’t been able to rein in the hostility that his anger released.
He had needed his boss, his partner, his lover awake to keep him focused and on track to stop him from flying off the handle as he was wont to do. He hadn’t realized just how much he needed that calm, sensible presence beside him, until he had snapped, taking his anger out on the only person who didn’t deserve it.
Turning the plastic chair around, Danny let the back rest against the bed and straddled the chair. He let his hands rest on the mattress, his pinky rubbing gently back and forth against Steve’s arm, the tip barely skimming the bottom of the intricate tattoo, as he just sat there and watched. He wasn’t sure how long he just sat there, watching Steve’s chest barely inflating with each breath, his fingers trembling, and involuntary tremors in his legs, content to sit and watch his lover as he formed the words he needed to say in his head.
Danny was intimately familiar with every inch of the body in this bed and he could barely recognize it as Steve. Unable to help himself, Danny stood and pressed a gentle kiss against Steve’s forehead and then leaned down closer, his lips brushing as softly as the fluttering of butterfly wings against Steve’s cracked and swollen mouth.
“I’m here, babe.” Danny murmured, his breath moist against Steve’s skin, watching Steve’s eyelids twitch, the flesh too bruised and swollen to open even if they could. “I won’t leave you to fight alone again.”
Danny let his thumb brush softly against the row of tidy stitches that ran across Steve’s hairline. His fingertips sifted gently through Steve’s hair, plucking a piece of safety glass from the short locks.
“They’re not looking after you properly are they babe?” Danny held the glass up as if showing Steve. “It’s okay though, I’m here now, I’ll look out for you.”
Danny sat back on the chair, straddling it, one hand resting on the edge of the bed, his fingertips brushing back and forward across bruised knuckles.
“I’m sorry about what I said before. You know what I’m like. I’m so fucking sorry, babe. I know it wasn’t your fault. I should have known then. You and your code of fucking honor and all that army shit.”
“Nabe.” A hoarse, garbled sound came from Steve, startling Danny so badly that he stood knocking the chair to the floor.
“Navy?” Danny asked, “I know that you great big stubborn SEAL. I was just trying to wake you up.” Danny leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead again.
“Gacy?” Steve’s hand weakly tried to find Danny’s as he was unable to withhold the whimper of pain caused by the movement.
“She’s going to be fine.” Danny murmured, his own hands moving to press Steve back against the bed. “Now that she knows her superSEAL is awake to keep her world safe, she can wake up again.”
“Sowwy.” Steve struggled to make the words, his head falling limply back to the bed.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Not one thing. You were trying to keep our little girl safe. You nearly died doing it. Nothing to be sorry for, don’t even think about it.” Danny murmured.
“Oo Sed.” Steve’s voice was little more than a whisper as he struggled to keep up with the conversation.
“When have you ever listened to me before babe, generally anything I divulge, it literally goes in one SEAL ear and out the other.”
“Sed.” Steve’s voice was barely audible.
“I know what I said. Alright?” Danny pressed a hand gently against Steve’s heart, feeling the slow but regular thump under his palm. “I was wrong. You need to forget that I said anything other than I love you and I need you to get well so we can find the bastard that did this to the two of you.”
Steve was already unconscious again. Danny gently ruffled his hair, absently looking for more forgotten glass.
“Thank you.”
Danny eyes shot up to look into Chin’s face.
“I thought I asked for privacy?” Danny asked, his brow furrowed, his face flushing with embarrassment.
“I thought I heard Steve speak.” Chin shrugged unapologetically.
“You did, has he been awake much?” Danny let his fingertips trail across Steve’s bruised skin.
“I don’t know, he’s only spoken once before then, if he’s been awake he hasn’t shown any signs.” Chin responded a tiny smile on his lips as he watched Danny’s tactile gestures and Steve’s unconscious responses to them.
“I guess I owe you an apology.” Danny murmured, his eyes watching Steve.
“You don’t owe me anything.” Chin shrugged, “Just don’t hurt him like that again.”