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Genghis Khan

Summary:

In an escalating prank war between the God of Mischief and the Man of Iron, who wins? (Hint: Not Aeslin). Also: In which Parker makes some calls, and it's all fun and games until someone loses a finger.

Notes:

In order to fully appreciate the opening scene, please *please* listen to "Genghis Khan" by Miike Snow, because in my head, that's what's playing. Here's the link to the official video because reading the lyrics does it absolutely no justice.

Headcanon: Stark Industries in Malibu is really big; it's a complex that covers several square miles, not including employee parking. Hence, Tony's gone all Tomorrowland and has a tram that goes between areas so you're not spending thirty minutes plus walking to a meeting.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Finished with his impromptu tour, Loki caught the tram at the stop near the propulsion labs. There was only one other person on the platform, and he nodded in greeting.

“Colonel Rhodes. Here for a checkup?”

A grin. “Rhodey,” he replied. “How many times do I have to tell you?”

“At least once more than you have already, it would seem,” Loki answered as they stepped into the car. They rode in companionable silence for a moment, a relaxing melody streaming from the speakers recessed in the roof. The car slowed, then came to a smooth halt as the doors opened at the stop for the biological sciences complex.

“Mornin’, Doc,” Rhodes said, and Aeslin smiled as she entered the car.

“Hey, Rhodey.” She nodded to him in turn. “Loki.” To her credit, Loki was barely able to see the hesitation in her steps as she took a position on the other side of Rhodes. He smiled at her, hand on the safety rail, and then bowed his head and waited for the inevitable.

The doors closed, and a second later, the music was replaced by another melody, this one slower and with a gentle, pulsing beat. The lights dimmed a little, taking on a warmer and richer tone, and the tram began moving again at a leisurely, agonizing pace.

Her eyes were glued to the LED readout above the door, the one that announced the next stop; her hands were in her pockets, and Loki brought his own gaze straight ahead. Rhodes looked up at the speakers, at Loki, at Aeslin, and then to the display.

Aeslin cleared her throat. “Knew I should have walked. Sorry, gentlemen.”

Silent, matching shrugs from the two men, and the music swelled dramatically. She closed her eyes with a look of long-suffering until interminable moments later when the tram slowed further, finally easing to a gentle halt.

“Gentlemen,” she said again, not waiting for a response for either of them before scooting out, clearly not bothering to check where she’d ended up.

The doors closed behind her, and the song stopped as if snipped with scissors, instantly replaced by the original soothing piece. The lights returned to normal, and the tram sped rapidly through the next stations, collecting stragglers here and there.

Rhodes spoke quietly to the LED display. “That happen every time?”

“Every time.”

“What if it’s just you two?”

A sigh. “You don’t want to know.”

The other man laughed. “Maybe I do.”

“No,” Loki said. “You really don’t.”

***

That particular trick lasted less than a fortnight, and Loki had never been more grateful for generic elevator music in his life. He had to hand it to the man. Stark certainly didn’t lack commitment to a cause, though Loki was sure his prank with the heat-activated ballistics gel powder and Stark's hot tub had more than a little to do with the latest round.

He was working his way through another contract when his computer signaled an incoming phone call. Loki tapped a key to answer and was surprised to see Parker’s face.

“Hey,” greeted the young man.

“Hey yourself,” Loki responded, noticing that Parker seemed to be looking past him into Loki’s office. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Is Aeslin with you? She’s not answering her phone.”

Loki checked his clock. “She won’t be. Trig’s a pickpocket.”

Parker blinked. “What now?”

“She’s at World’s Edge,” Loki explained, leaning back a little in his chair, “and Trig’s a pickpocket.”

That earned him a stare. “It’s like you’re trying to speak English, but you’re about a half quart low. Are we having the same conversation?”

“Trig. Short for Bathoanosiotrigonometriophobia. Greek. A profound and unholy fear of trigonometry, so named because his previous owner failed that section of math not once, but six times and ended up going for a degree in Classics instead. I’m not sure if the linguistics are precisely correct; it seems a little forced to me, but since I seem to have missed the Hellenic period, we’ll never know. He’s a horse down at the stables where she’s working in her spare time. He’s big, brilliant, sharp-eared and an incredibly jealous bastard who knows exactly what it sounds like when she gets a phone call or a text message or anything that might remotely take her attention from him, so he’s got a habit of taking matters into his own hands. Mouth, rather.”

“Certainly doesn’t sound the least bit like anyone else I know,” Parker replied, rolling his eyes.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Loki retorted smoothly. “He and I get along very well, thank you very much, provided I’ve got enough mints and he’s got nothing better to do. He destroyed four phones in three weeks before she figured out what was going on, so now she just leaves it in the car. I can give you the main number to the stables, though; they’d be more than happy to track her down for you. Is everything all right?”

“Yes? I think so. Maybe. I’ll just leave her a message.” He smirked. “Another message.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am,” said Parker. “I’ll talk to you later.”

***

Aeslin dropped her duffel bag into the passenger’s seat, leaning back briefly and closing her eyes as she searched her pocket for the keys. She noticed the blinking light on her phone as she started the car, and she idly checked it before pulling from the parking space. A text from Tony, another from Loki, and two messages from Parker. She played the last ones as she headed back to the house, listening thoughtfully, then tapped the button to call him back.

Finally,” he said after less than a ring. “I’d almost had myself convinced that damn horse ate you, and I was just about to get on the next plane out so I could kick his little thoroughbred ass.”

“Not a carnivore,” she replied. “Well, maybe a social carnivore. I think he took a piece out of Loki’s finger last time he was here. Neither one of them will talk about it, but stitches don’t lie. What’s got you so worried? Are you okay?”

“No. I am most definitely not okay; in fact, I’m straight up ready to punch somebody in the jumblies if I don’t get an honest answer, so be warned. My dad’s got an obscene amount of frequent flyer miles, and I’m not ashamed to use them.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“I don’t hit girls, Sparkles,” he said, “so you might want to give your lesser half a heads-up.”

She grinned as she merged into traffic. “Well, or we could actually talk and keep the violence out of it, though he’d probably be willing. When he’s not out pranking Tony, he’s trolling Rhodes for sparring matches. Guy needs an outlet. I should get Steve out here again; I’m still kicking myself for not recording their last throwdown. But you. Talk.”

There was a long silence, and Aeslin briefly thought that they’d been disconnected until Parker let out his breath in a whoosh.

“I heard a rumor. I need to know if it’s true.”

A tiny chill nestled at the bottom of her spine.

“What kind of rumor?”

“An ugly one. About you.”

Now it was her turn to sigh. “Give me ten minutes to get home,” she told him, “and I’ll call you back.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

***

-I need a favor.-

Loki looked down at the text in his hand from Parker, answering as he went.

Such as?

-You at work?-

Yes. I’ll be in my office in a minute or two if you prefer to talk via laptop.

-That works.-

A moment later, he came to his office. Swiping his badge, he pushed open the heavy door and stopped dead.

Parker sat in Loki's chair, leaned back as far as he could go and with his feet on Loki's desk. He tucked his phone away. “I need you to proofread my resume. I’ve got an interview at three.” He gave Loki an appraising look. “I’ll also need to borrow your tie.”

“An interview? Don’t you already have a job?”

“Yeah,” Parker said slowly, a bit of a wicked smile spreading across his lips. “About that. Pull up a chair, son. We’re gonna be here a while.”

 

Notes:

Also fun fact: "Genghis Khan" was actually a huge part of my writing process in _The Spaces In Between_'s Warehouse chapters. I cannot tell you how many times I've listened to that damn song and I still love it.

Also also: I, too, would be kicking myself for not recording a bare-knuckle sparring match between Steve and Loki. Talk about beautiful.

Feedback appreciated! This one is not beta-read, but I do like it quite a bit. And yes, the Greek is probably wrong, but just let it happen. :D Quite a bit of headcanon attached to this one, as well.

Love you guys! <3

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