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He thought it would be funny to see Julian in drag, that’s why Randy went to the drag show. That’s why he and Theresa got front row seats to the show. “This will be so bruce.” He said as he sat down next to Theresa. “I didn’t think you would be into this sort of thing. On account of you being well straight.” He playfully rolled his eyes at her comment and she responded by giggling. “I’m just here for Debbie.” “Debbie?” Randy was surprised that she would be into this sort of thing, she never struck him as the type to enjoy cross-dressing. Especially in public.
“She’s been doing it for a while.” She said as the show began. The first person on stage was Bucky. He was wearing a big curly blonde wig with tips that were dyed purple. He had a pearl necklace and black flare jeans. Lastly, he wore a purple shirt with an exposed stomach. Next was Debbie with a classic black suit, white shirt and red tie. She also had on a fake mustache. Lastly, there was Julian. The goth had black, fishnet leggings, and a white shirt dress and a purple cape. Julian walked around and high black heels like there was no problem. And his makeup was stunning. His burgundy eyeshadow contrasted greatly with his dark blue eyes. And his black lipstick was but Randy could only describe as fabulous. Especially with the way they contrasted with his pale skin.
Randy felt something stirring with him, his heart began to race and his palms became sweaty. Was he feeling attracted to Julian? ‘No!’ He thought to himself. He wasn’t into men. He took a deep breath and just tried to enjoy the show. Which, fortunately for him was entertaining. The three on stage did some sketch comedy routine with Julian pretending to be the Victorian house wife of Debbie who he caught cheating on him with Bucky. “I’m sorry Julia. It will never happen again.” The man’s voice that Debbie was speaking in was terrible. But that only made it more endearing and entertaining. “Daniel this is the fifth time I’ve seen this.” Julian’s girl voice was far superior to Debbie‘s attempted male voice. “I never wanted to see you again!”
Even though the show was only halfway through. Randy felt like he needed to step out and run to the washroom. He tapped on Theresa’s shoulder and whispered into her ear before he ran to the washroom. “It’s just a drag show. Why am I so worked up about it.” He looked at his reflection closely in the mirror. It looked like he was burning up, his cheeks were a bright fiery red and sweat ran down his forehead. Not to mention that feeling still hadn’t gone away. By now he began to understand that the sensation he was feeling was arousal. “I’m not a fag,” he said it under his breath as he wiped down his forehead, “I’m straight.” After a few more minutes of trying to calm down he just sucked it up and went back to his seat and just tried to enjoy the rest of the show.
“So how was the show?” The voice of Theresa startled Randy. “It was good.” He pulled out his phone and noticed that half an hour had passed since he sat back down. “I was just show engrossed by the show that I tuned everything out.” She knew he was lying. Randy had always been a terrible liar. “Well I’m glad you had a good time.” She stood up. “We should get going.” Randy followed her through the building towards the exit. As they walked Debbie approached them still dressed in drag. “I hope you enjoyed the show.” Randy kept walking as Theresa stayed to speak with her friend.
“So how did Randy feel about the show?” Theresa sighed softly before she answered her friend’s question. “He says that he liked it, but I think it… I don’t know how to explain it.” She paused and smiled awkwardly. “I think it made him start talking about something.” “You think it caused a queer panic?” Debbie asked. “Maybe, but he doesn’t seem mad. I should go talk to him.” She waved to Debbie before she left to go see Randy. He was standing by the car waiting for her to arrive. “I’m just psyching myself out over nothing.” He told himself. “Sorry about the wait.” Theresa unlocked the car doors and the two sat inside.
The driver back to the dorms was quiet. She didn’t know how to ask the question organically or whether if she should ask it. By the time she made it to his dorm, he just calmly stepped out and walked up to the building. When he entered his little apartment, he immediately sat down on the couch and began talking to himself. “Why am I feeling this way! I’m not fag!” He covered his face with his hands and yelled into them. “I’m straight! I like girls, Julian and his faggot outfit isn’t going to change that!” A renewed sense of confidence took over Randy. “Yeah, his dumb little outfit. The outfit that emphasized his best features.” He smiled as he pictured the outfit in his mind. “Like the makeup that brings out his beautiful eyes and the leggings that emphasize his thighs… what am I saying!” He shook his head violently trying desperately to read himself of the images that were now overtaking his mind.
Eventually, he calmed himself down and just played a few games to distract himself from the constant creeping thought of Julian in drag. When Howard got back from class, the two of them cooked up some hamburger helper, and just sat down to enjoy their dinner. “Howard, am I a fag if I find a man in drag attractive?” The red head just looked up from his food and stared and bewilderment at Randy. “Cunningham, who starts a dinner conversation like that.” Randy just pointed at himself. “Touché Cunningham, but to answer your question,” Howard leaned over the table, “it probably does.” When the two of them finish their meal, Randy headed it straight for his room and crawled into bed. ‘I just need some rest.’ He thought to himself as he crawled beneath the blankets.
His eyes grew heavy as his breathing slowed. Soon his consciousness was in dream land. He found himself sitting at a cafe, the sent of fresh coffee was in the air. “Good day Randall.” He turned to see Julian wearing a feminine barista‘s outfit with the same makeup up he wore when at the drag show. Randy looked down at the menu he had been given, he desperately tried avoiding eye contact with Julian. ‘Those stupid sexy eyes are going to put a spell on me.’ The thought of that happened kept crawling into his mind. “I’ll take the kiss, with extra tongue.” ‘Why the heck did I say that!’ Randy wanted to stream, but he couldn’t move his mouth. “Oh my, feeling adventurous today, aren’t we?” Julian giggled before he leaned in for a kiss.
Their lips touched and Randy’s heart skipped a beat. It was the greatest sensation he could ever imagine. They fell backwards onto the ground, not letting go of one another. For a moment they broke apart their kiss to inhale fresh air, a trait of saliva between their lips hung in the air. “Julian.” Randy struggled to speak his mind, overwhelmed by emotions. “Don’t speak Randall,” Julian rubbed the saliva office lips, “just enjoy being a…”
“Faggot!” Randy screamed as he woke up from his dream. “I’m not a honkin' faggot!” He cover his face of a pillow and began to scream. “Cunningham! What the juice has gotten into you!” Howard kicked open Randy’s door. “I have class in an hour!” His friend didn’t respond to his statement. “What did you even see at that show to wonk you up so much?” “Julian in drag.” Howard’s eye twitch. “You’re acting like this because you saw Julian a dress.” He pulled out his phone. “I’m calling Theresa!” Randy went pale with embarrassment. “Hey Fowler, Cunningham has been a total shoob ever since he came back from that show.” He paused for a moment. “I think some exposure therapy is in order.” He went silent again, this time for longer than before. “Good, thanks.” He hung up. “Fowler’s taking you to out. Go make yourself look presentable.” He closed the door. Randy got up and got dressed. He stepped out side and waited for Theresa to arrive.
“So, what happened?” Was the first thing she asked him when she arrived. He remain quiet as he got in the car. “Look, it’s ok to question your sexual.” She tried to comfort him. “Where are we going.” He said meekly. “A gay bar.” “But you’re a girl and I’m straight.” “Yes, I am a girl, but Julian has brought me there many times and he’s performing today.” Randy’s stomach sunk. “We don’t have to do…” “Yes we do.” Theresa was stern about her commitment to making Randy go through what amounted to exposer therapy. “You might have some internalized homophobia or just need to get something out of your system.” He didn’t understand what she was saying. “What does any of that mean?” She sighed. “Internalized homophobia is when a person’s negative belief about homosexuality are turned inwards.”
Randy began to get defensive. “But you know that I’m not homophobic, I was one of the first people to accept that Julian was gay!” His tone harshened on the last word. “I know that’s why I said might. It’s unlikely but it’s still a possibility.” She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, allowing the tension generated by the conversation to flow out of her body. “You’re mostly just a little confused about being aroused by Julian in drag.” The use of the term aroused struck a nerve in Randy. “I wasn’t aroused by Julian!” His defence made her start to laugh. “I would believe you if you didn’t wear those tights pants.” The implication of her comment caused Randy to blush. “You saw that I had…” “Yes.” With a single word of confirmation Randy began to blush with the intensity of a red dwarf star.
The rest of the drive was in near complete silence aside from the occasional chuckle from Theresa. “Ok, we are here.” She parked the car and escorted Randy towards the front door. “ID please.” The man at the front of the door said. “Both of them flashed their cards for the man. “Yep these are good.” He opened the door. “Enjoy your time.” The bar was not too crowded. Julian was on stage in drag, sing a song about love and death. His voice was like that of an angel in the ears of Randy. “Would you like a bit of liquid courage?” She asked. “Yeah, a beer would be nice.” The two of them sat down at a table and slowly drank their drinks. “So Theresa,” Randy spoke slowly, “do you come here often?” His attempt at small talk, made her chuckle. “Yeah, when I said Julian has brought here many times before that was not the full story. We come here about every other week.” Randy was a bit surprised by how often Theresa drank. “You don’t strike me as the kind of person who would drink.” “Well looks can be deceiving.”
Julian’s song soon came to an end and with an applause from the audience. “Thank you for being here today.” The goth drag queen oozed charisma when he was on stage. “It’s so nice that I can get my moneys worth out of this hundred dollar outfit.” He was wearing the same stunning outfit from the drag show. “But the sunk cost fallacy only goes so far.” He giggled softly. “I do love being on stage, it’s wonderful being able to preform for everyone.” He turned to look at Theresa and Randy. “And it’s even better when I see some familiar faces in the crowd.” He blow them a kiss and Randy turned as red as a lobster.
“Theresa this is embarrassing!” He said in that fake whisper people often do when they’re pissed at someone. “I don’t feel comfortable here!” She groaned and rubbed her forehead. “We’ll talk with him when he’s done with the show.” Randy tried to stay calm. He took deep and slow breaths as he watched Julian sing on stage. There were only so many ways that Randy could describe how beautiful Julian was to him in this moment. So he stopped thinking about how to rationalize and describe the beauty instead he decided to just enjoy it.
When the show ended Julian came down to speak with him and Theresa. “It’s so lovely to see you here with Randall. I didn’t realize he was…” she hushed him. “I don’t want to be rude but, Randy was having a bit of a gay panic episode today.” “Oh my, Randall would you like to speak with me?” Randy nodded his head and followed Julian to the back room. They sat down on the couch in the dressing room, each one waiting for the other to speak first. “Julian,” Randy began to feel like there were butterflies in his stomach, “I think that I may have a crush on you.” He placed his chin between his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs. “It’s ok, lots of guys say they have a crush on me.” He moved closer to Randy and lightly brushed his cheek. “Please look at me darling.” He didn’t as Julian asked, it felt like he had placed a spell on Randall.
The goth’s makeup looked even better up close than when he was on stage. Randy now see all the fine details that distance obscured. The subtle colour gradient that formed when two colours were blended together to create a more organic transition from one colour to another. And the sparkles in the eyeshadow were just two examples. “It’s ok to question your sexuality when you’re twenty.” He giggled. “In fact, you’re never too old to discover who you really are.” Randy unwrapped his legs and placed them on the floor. “I… I under…” Randy kept stumbling over his own words. “I get what you’re saying. But it just feels weird for me to be a, you know.” Randy tried his best to nonverbally communicate his feelings. “A faggot,” Randy flinched when Julian said it. “Yeah, I just don’t know if I should say it.” His heart skipped a beat. “I mean I don’t know if I can say it!” Randy gave an incredibly focused smile. “Hahaha. Oh Randall, you can say it.” Julian squeezed Randy’s hands. “Really? Well I guess I just don’t know how it feels to be a faggot. Shit,” he sighed, “it felt too good saying that.”
“Since you don’t know how to feel,” Julian pulled Randy in closer, “is it ok if I show you what being a faggot feels like?” Randy eagerly nodded his head and Julian just smiled and leaned in for a kiss. They could feel one another’s breath on their lips before they even kissed. The moment their lips may contact, Randy’s heart nearly popped out of his chest as he felt Julian wrap his arms around him. His lips were softer than silk and they had a slight blueberry taste. “Feeling better, darling.” Said Julian when he broke the kiss apart. “Can we kiss again?” Randy smiled like a dork. “I think I like being a fag.” Julian giggled again. “Anything for you, my darling.”
A few hours would go by before Julian would leave the dressing room. When they finally did leave, Theresa was surprised to see the state Randy was in. His neck and face were covered in lipstick from kisses. “You look like you had a good time.” He nodded his head. “It was nice,” his heart and soul felt like their had melted from love, “I think I’ll join Julian the next time he’s on stage.” Her jaw dropped. “You’re serious?” He nodded his head. We’re going to go get some outfits. So see you later.” Randy and Julian left the building and waved by Theresa.
She smiled. “Well at least he’s happy.”