Work Text:
Gray.
Everything in Eddie’s life seemed gray nowadays. His chest also felt hollow, like he was missing a vital part of himself, but he didn’t know what it was (he did know, but he wasn’t ready to face that yet; he probably never would be). Some things were a lighter shade than others, so light that they almost seemed bright, but at the end of the day it was still gray, he was still hollow.
His sisters were the brightest parts of his life, they always had been. But now they felt more like a lifeline than just support. He relied on them a lot more than he thought he should, especially now that he is 20 years old and in the army. He felt bad for it too, he felt like he should rely on Shannon, his wife, a lot more than he did. But it was hard. He never wanted to marry her, he wasn’t sure if he even really loved her the way he claimed he did, but he couldn’t back out now. That was fine. Eddie was nothing if not loyal (to everyone but himself it seems these days).
Then there was Christopher. Eddie loves Chris, he does, but he wasn’t ready to be a husband let alone a dad. Chris is beautiful and perfect, but also a mistake. Shannon was never supposed to get pregnant, he was never supposed to have a child, not so soon anyway. He still feels like a kid himself (in many ways he still is). All of that’s not even mentioning the fact that his son has cerebral palsy, as if having an infant to take care of wasn’t bad enough, now he has to pay all those medical bills on top of it. Eddie feels horrible every time he has this thought, feels like throwing up or crying, maybe even a mixture of both (he’s a terrible father, he knows he is but he doesn’t know what to do, how to be better). The worst part is that Chris didn’t ask to be born, he didn’t ask to be the son of two 20-year-olds who have no idea what they’re doing or how to take care of a child. Eddie thinks maybe it would have been better if they had just given Chris up for adoption, at least then he could go to people who could love and support him, who could give him the life he deserves. They’re stuck with him now though (and isn’t that a horrible thought, to think that you’re stuck with your own child? Eddie never should have been a dad, he wasn’t made for it. Maybe that’s why he ran. Why he decided to join the army, leaving his wife and kid behind).
At least he has his parents, although Eddie's still not quite sure how to feel about that. Sometimes it feels like they love Chris more than they ever could have loved Eddie (they probably do, and he can’t really blame them). Other times he thinks that he should just give his son to them, live his life, and let them have the do-over they so clearly want with Christopher. But then Chris will smile or laugh at Eddie and he knows, deep down, he could never give this kid up, that he would fight tooth and nail for him, take on the entire world for him if he needed to. He loves Chris, plain and simple. He may not have wanted kids, especially not right now, but he’ll be damned if he lets anything happen to his son or lets anyone take him away.
Eddie’s relationship with his parents has always been more of a dark spot in his life, and the older he got the darker it got. He loves his parents but he’s not always sure that they actually love him, they sure as hell don’t show it, let alone say it. He’s always had a rocky relationship with them, no matter how hard he tries to fix it or how much he loves them, he knows love can’t fix this. He knows that the only way to fix his relationship with his parents is if they put in the effort as well. This is a two-way street, but endless construction seems to be blocking their side of the road.
Eddie hoped that being in the army would help, that distance truly would make the heart grow fonder. It did, but only for Christopher, he missed his son dearly. He missed Shannon too, but not as much as he should have missed his wife, not as much as he saw other people missing their significant others. (He feels awful, he hates that he doesn’t love her like he should, like she deserves. Shannon is his best friend, and he would have beat up any man who treated her like this, and now he’s the one causing her pain).
He became a medic so he could help people instead of hurting them. And yet, when it comes to the people who truly matter, he can do nothing but cause them suffering. How pathetic.
(He wishes that his life weren’t so gray, that his chest didn’t feel empty, that he actually liked himself and who he was. But he knows that he’s not ready to confront the thing that will truly make him happy and make this ache go away, and he never will be).
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie returned from Afghanistan for good almost a year ago. During that time a few major things happened. One, his wife left him, and he can’t find himself to be too upset about it (or blame her, really) except that it now means that Christopher has lost his mother, the one parent who has been constant his entire life. Two, he decided that he wants to become a firefighter, he just finished the fire academy and he thinks he’s really going to like this job. The third and final major life event is that Eddie finally decided to leave El Paso. He should have left sooner, he should have gone to California with Shannon when she asked, but he was a coward. Maybe now they can both finally be happy though, or at least maybe she can.
He’s grown tired of his parents as well. Not only do they insist on dragging Shannon’s name through the mud (even though she left to take care of her mother and she wasn’t the only one in their relationship who left) but they are now demanding that he give them Chris. Over his dead body. Eddie is finally an active part in his son’s life and they want him to give that up? Hell no. Christopher is his son, and while he may not be the perfect dad—maybe not even a good one—he’s still a dad, and Chris is still his, no matter what his parents seem to think.
So, he and Chris are going to LA and Eddie is going to be a part of the 118 firehouse, working under Captain Robert Nash, and he is going to keep his son damnit, no matter what objections his parents may have.
----------------------------------------------------
Both Eddie and Chris love it out in LA, and Eddie likes the people he’s working with. Even though he and Buck started off on the wrong foot, after pulling a bomb out of a guy’s leg together the two of them have become inseparable. Pretty much attached at the hip (but Eddie isn’t giving too much thought to Buck or their newfound relationship, he’s just going to shove it into a box and hopefully never have to think about it again).
(He knows that that is incredibly wishful thinking, just let a man live in his own delusions okay?)
Another great thing about LA is Carla, who is literally a godsend. Without her, Eddie’s pretty sure his parents would have sued him for custody of Christopher by now. She is a huge help around the house and with Christopher and of course, Eddie has Buck to thank for this. Buck is the one who introduced them, he’s the reason that he has Carla now and is able to keep his son. Eddie doesn’t know what he would do without him and he hasn’t even known him that long, maybe a few weeks at most. And isn’t that terrifying, that one person has become so deeply ingrained in his life in such a short amount of time?
Slowly, Eddie sees light and color seeping back into his life.
Color can be found in the time he gets to spend with Chris, in the times he hangs out with his coworkers after shifts or on their days off, in Carla and her magical ability to actually make Chris go to bed on time (he seriously needs to ask her how she does it). But the most important bright spot, maybe the brightest of them all, can be found in one Evan Buckley.
Buck is sunshine personified. His smile, his laugh, and even his rants about random facts that he spent all night researching all manage to make Eddie feel warm and fuzzy inside. The simple fact that Buck exists and is Eddie’s best friend, that he cares for Eddie and chooses to be with him fills that hollowness that has existed inside Eddie’s chest for as long as he can remember.
Buck makes Eddie feel like life is actually worth living again, and he hates it.
He doesn’t want to confront what this all means. What Buck is doing to him. He downright refuses to. But he can’t help but let himself indulge in Buck. In staring just a little too long, or leaving touches that linger more than they should for two best friends. He lets himself get lost in the tenor of his voice, the melody of his laughter, and the beauty of his eyes. He has memorized every part of Buck’s face just by staring at it for so long. And he hasn’t even known him that long, what is this man doing to him? It’s almost as if Buck took a wrecking ball to every single wall and defense Eddie has spent his entire life building and yet he can’t even find it within himself to pull away. To distance himself from Buck and hope all of these feelings go away.
He is a weak and selfish man.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie didn’t feel much of anything anymore.
He had finally gotten Shannon back and then he went and made all the same mistakes as before. He refused to let her go. Why couldn’t he just let her go?
They were both so unhappy when they were married, it's part of why she left in the first place, but Edmundo Diaz was nothing if not stubborn, and he couldn’t seem to learn his lesson.
Now, she’s sitting across from him, asking for a divorce. A real, proper divorce. And Eddie, he doesn’t know what to think. He knows he doesn’t love her the way a man should love his wife, knows that he never can, but he also can’t stand the thought of letting her go. No matter what, Shannon is still his friend, he still loves her, she’s still the one who’s been there for him since they were teenagers. But when it comes to giving her the one thing that would actually make her happy, he can’t do it.
He is a weak and selfish man, and he hates himself for it.
All the color that seems to have slipped into his world is gone the moment she places the papers in front of him.
And then there’s Christopher, God, Christopher. Chris who is going to have to go through the pain of losing his mother again after just getting her back. Christopher whose heart will shatter once he learns that his mom plans on leaving again. Christopher who has known nothing but at least one of his parents abandoning him at all times.
Eddie might cry.
----------------------------------------------------
In the end, Eddie doesn’t cry, he doesn’t even get a divorce.
No. Instead, he becomes a widow.
Instead, he watches as his wife, his friend, dies in his arms. He can’t do anything to save her and a piece of him dies with her that day. He grieves and he mourns, but he does not cry, because he has a son to think about. A son who will be brokenhearted and devastated with the news that his mother is dead.
Eddie hopes that Shannon has found peace, that she is finally happy and free, wherever her soul is now.
He goes home and tells Chris what happens. He holds his son as he mourns the loss of his mother for the second and final time. He tries not to break at the sounds of Chris’s broken sobs and gut-wrenching screams of pain and agony.
(He fails miserably).
The world gets considerably grayer again after that.
----------------------------------------------------
Buck is trapped.
Buck is sitting in the middle of the road, surrounded by fire, with a vengeful maniac holding him hostage, and he’s trapped under a fire truck.
Eddie wants nothing more than to run to him, but he knows he can’t, knows he might be killed if he takes even one step toward Buck and the bomber. But he doesn’t particularly care right now. The only thing holding him back is Hen and the idea of Christopher being left all alone if he were to die right there.
It still takes all of his strength and willpower to not go to Buck. He can’t stand the thought of losing Buck too. Not this soon after losing Shannon (not that he would ever be able to stand losing Buck, but especially not now).
He only hopes that Chris isn’t watching this. Isn’t watching as his Buck lays in the middle of the road, screaming and crying in pain, with a firetruck on his leg. He only hopes that his son is spared the view because Eddie himself can barely handle it, and he was a combat medic in the army.
When they finally get the guy, Eddie is one of the first to immediately run to Buck’s side. He and the rest of the firefighters who went out to respond to the call try in vain to lift the truck off of Buck’s leg. Nothing is working and Eddie is trying so hard not to scream or cry in frustration when suddenly people start flooding into the street.
Every single person who was there watching Bobby try and talk the bomber down runs to help the firefighters. Together they lift the engine and manage to pull Buck out from underneath.
Not Eddie though, no, Eddie held Buck’s hand the entire time. He couldn’t bear to let him go, thought he might die the second Eddie’s hand left Buck’s. For his own peace of mind, Eddie held onto him for dear life and continued to hold him until they got him onto a gurney and into an ambulance.
When they learn that Buck is going to make a full recovery, Eddie almost cries tears of relief and joy. He knows that it would have broken Buck to not be able to be a firefighter anymore, he only hopes that Buck takes his time to heal, to get back to full health before trying to go back to work.
He should know better by now, especially when it comes to Evan Buckley.
----------------------------------------------------
Buck had a blood clot.
He almost died. Again. And if he hadn’t been at a party, surrounded by friends and family, he would have.
Eddie lies awake at night, haunted by that very thought.
He knows that Buck is upset at not being able to go back to work, so he gives him the next best thing. An entire day to hang out with his favorite Diaz: Christopher (Eddie tries not to take too much offense to that).
Eddie hopes that spending the day with Chris will not only cheer Buck up but also remind him that he has to keep going, no matter what. Chris has been through so much, much more than any human, let alone any child, should have to go through. That kid has faced challenge after challenge and yet he still faces each day with a smile and a positive attitude. He hopes that Buck can learn from him.
He leaves his two favorite people behind and leaves to go to work.
The world is starting to have a bit more color in it again.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie’s ears are ringing.
His entire world feels like it’s caving in. Like the floor opened out from under him and is going to swallow him whole.
There was a tsunami. It hit the pier and the 118 were called out to help. He thought that Buck and Chris were far, far away from all of it. He had no idea that the two of them had gone to the pier that day, that they were right there when the tsunami hit.
Not until he saw Buck at one of the temporary hospitals, covered in blood (his own, Eddie’s brain hazily processes) and wearing Christopher’s glasses around his neck. He’s apologizing, saying that one moment he had Chris, and the next thing he knew, he was gone, just like that. All it took was one moment, a few seconds maybe, and Eddie’s entire world was gone. His son was gone and Buck kept saying that it was his fault, which is complete bullshit.
Eddie would have told him so, would have told him that it wasn’t his fault, that by the looks of him, he spent all day looking for Chris and refused to give up on him. He would have told him that he doesn’t blame him and that Chris wouldn’t either if Eddie could do anything but stare at the glasses in his hands and think about the fact that his son, his world, the light of his life, was gone.
The world had gotten so dark it was almost pitch black now.
Then a bright light shone through the darkness. A light in the form of his son’s voice calling out to him. Eddie looked up and saw a random woman holding Chris in her arms. Eddie ran to them and she asked if he was Buck. Said Chris had been asking for Buck all day, ever since they got separated. He told her that he was his father, and she handed him his son.
Eddie had never felt so relieved before (except maybe when Buck was finally pulled out from under the firetruck).
All Eddie could do was hold Chris as tight and close as humanly possible, kiss his head, and tell him he was so fucking happy that he was okay.
In that moment, everything else faded away, all that mattered was that Chris was alive and safe and back in Eddie’s arms once more.
----------------------------------------------------
Once Eddie went back to work, he dropped Chris off at Buck’s once more. Buck was confused as to why and kept blaming himself for what happened during the tsunami, for losing Christopher.
Eddie put a stop to that train of thought immediately. Told him that if it weren’t for Buck, Chris wouldn’t have been alive and that the way Chris sees it, Buck’s his hero (although, Buck has always been his hero). He tells him that he trusts him with his son’s life and that there is no reason for Buck to feel guilty.
As Eddie leaves, he looks back to see Buck and Christopher talking and laughing together. He knows that they both have a long way to go and that it was deeply traumatic for both of them, but he knows they’ll be okay as long as they have each other.
Eddie leaves with a smile on his face and the color surrounding him seeming just that bit brighter with the knowledge that his boys are going to be okay.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie was angry.
More specifically, he was angry at Buck, who had decided to sue the department. Who had aired out all their dirty laundry to his lawyer. Who thought that he could pull this shit and be accepted back with open arms.
He was angry at the world, at the bomber, at himself, at everything really. The fight club Lena got him into did seem to help though.
He knew it wasn’t healthy, and he knew that it was not only illegal but bad for his health. Knew that he was a single father with a son at home that depended on him, but he couldn’t help himself. He had felt a pulsing, burning anger deep inside him ever since he and Shannon were married, ever since Christopher was a baby and he was still in the army.
The fighting helped, it helped him release that anger and tension and almost left him in a sense of calm. It stopped him from marching right up to Buck, his best friend, the man he loved, and punching him right in the face.
Buck was back at work now, and he couldn’t find it in himself to forgive him, let alone even look at him. He felt a little bit more vindicated in this course of action with the fact that it didn’t seem like Bobby was ready to forgive him either. Good. He didn’t deserve forgiveness (he did, Buck deserved the entire world, but he was blinded by his anger and it only strengthened its grip on him every time he thought about the whole situation).
He saw how hard Buck was trying, saw how he was trying to earn forgiveness, was going above and beyond, doing everything that was asked of him to try and return to both Bobby and Eddie’s good graces again. Unfortunately for Buck, they were both stubborn assholes determined to stay mad at him for a little while longer, no matter what efforts he made to dissuade them of that notion.
The color was a lot duller, and gray was starting to seep back into everything once more.
Eddie kinda hoped it would stay this time.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie did eventually forgive Buck, there was no world, no universe, in which he didn’t.
He missed Buck, right down to the marrow in his bones. He was so happy to have him back in his life, Chris was too, and he was very vocal about that. He even made both Buck and Eddie promise him that Buck would never leave again. They were both too weak to say no to the kid.
It was after they had made up, though, that Eddie found out the real reason that Buck had sued the department, and what Buck said made him see red.
Buck told him that Bobby was the one who was stopping him from returning to work. That, despite Buck having been recertified and going through the tsunami, while on blood thinners, Bobby still wouldn’t let him return to work. Suddenly, the lawsuit makes a lot more sense, and Eddie can’t find that he really blames him anymore.
While it was a bit extreme and he shouldn’t have given all their personal information to that lawyer, it makes sense. Buck has always had problems with abandonment, stuff that goes back to way before Abby, things that Eddie himself doesn’t even fully know about. So to find out that the man who is like a father to him was the one stopping him from returning to work and doing the thing he loves, it must have hurt. With this knowledge, Eddie feels for Buck, and he feels ashamed at most of the anger he displayed towards Buck, although he still feels like some of it was justified.
The thing he feels the worst about, though, is what he said in the supermarket that day.
‘You’re exhausting, Buck’
He had called him exhausting. His best friend, the light of his life, the man who taught him how bright and colorful the world could be, taught him how to feel again, the kindest, sweetest, most generous person he knows, and he called him exhausting. He said this despite knowing about Buck’s self-worth issues, despite knowing that the man himself already feels like a burden most of the time. If anyone else had said that to Buck he would have beat the shit out of them, and yet here he was, being the one to hurt yet another important person in his life.
Eddie was a piece of shit and the fact that Buck still wanted to be in his life astonished him.
But he wasn’t about to take it for granted.
He apologized as soon as he got the chance. He went to Buck and told him how sorry he was, how awful, wrong, and horrible what he said was. He told him that he wasn’t exhausting, that he wasn’t a burden, that he was the furthest thing from either of those. He held Buck close and told him that he didn’t mean it, that he wanted nothing more than to take the words and the damage they had done back. Eddie held Buck as he cried, telling him how terrible he felt after that whole interaction, and Eddie almost started crying with him.
He knew that they both fucked up big time and that there was still a long way to go before they would fully be able to heal their relationship, but for the first time in a long time, Eddie felt like he was on the right track.
The colors looked a little bit duller now, but they were still, surprisingly, a welcome change from the gray he had gotten used to in Buck’s absence.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie couldn’t sleep. No matter how hard he tried, how many sheep he counted, he just couldn’t get his mind to turn off. To get himself to settle down enough to actually go to bed.
He and Chris had gotten home from dinner at Buck’s a few hours ago. Chris had gone to sleep almost immediately, tuckered out from a fun day of hanging out with his Buck. Sadly, Buck didn’t have the same effect on Eddie as he did the kid.
In fact, he was the whole reason Eddie was still up. It was that stupid comment he had made when they were talking in the kitchen earlier, when he asked Eddie if he ‘wanted to go for the title?’ For some stupid reason that question had attached itself to his brain like a parasite, refusing to let go, to let him sleep.
Eddie was reading too much into it, he knows he is, yet he still can’t help but replay the moment in his mind. How Buck stepped closer when he said it, the voice he used, the way that every fiber of Eddie’s being was telling him to grab Buck by the waist and kiss him senseless. To wipe that smug smile off his face himself. But just because Eddie feels that way doesn’t mean it’s how Buck intended him to take that little comment, he was clearly just making a harmless joke.
He needed to stop. He didn’t want Buck like that, he couldn’t want Buck like that. It’s not proper, not what a real man should want. Buck is just his friend and that’s all he will ever be (all he could ever be).
Eddie forced his thoughts away from Buck, thought of his parents’ reaction to if they ever found out about the kinds of thoughts he’s been having, thought about the disgust that was sure to be on Buck’s face if he ever found out. Thought of how disgusted he was with himself.
As he closed his eyes, Eddie fell into a fitful sleep.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie was trapped.
He was trapped and he was going to die 40 feet underground, buried in mud, and there was nothing he could do about it.
At least he got the kid out safely. He doesn’t know what he would do if that kid were stuck down here too, if he hadn’t gotten to him in time.
He had tried calling for help, but his radio stopped working once the well collapsed. They probably all thought he was dead by now. It would be true soon enough.
As he laid there, surrounded by mud and water, with his impending doom looming over his head, Eddie thought of Christopher. What would happen to him once Eddie died? With Shannon gone, would he go back to Texas? Back with Eddie’s parents? He hated that thought more than anything. He also thought of how horrible it would be for Chris to lose both of his parents; he should never have become a firefighter.
He also thought of Buck, of his best friend, the man with the brightest smile he had ever seen and the biggest heart. He thought of what would happen to him, how he would react to Eddie’s death. Would he isolate himself? Would the others be able to pull him out of his depression, save him from himself?
Eddie didn’t know, didn’t know what would happen to Chris or Buck, he hated not knowing.
With the two most important people on his mind, Eddie made a decision. He was not going to die down here. This would not be the end. He refused to leave his son, making him grow up in a world without either of his parents. With this thought, Eddie started to swim. He couldn’t find anything, couldn’t find a way out, until he remembered what that guy said about intersecting pipes and drainage tunnels. Eddie had a plan, and he wasn’t going to fail now, not when his son was waiting for him to come home.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie almost didn’t make it.
He almost drowned, almost stopped fighting. But he didn’t. He made it back to the surface and back to the 118. Thank God. He was exhausted though, and cold, like really fucking cold. He managed to get some of his gear off, and Hen got him a blanket. Buck barely left his side. Even now, Buck was sitting right next to him as they rode to the hospital in the ambulance. Carla had promised to meet them there with Chris. Eddie was glad; he really needed to see his son right now. However, there was something else Eddie needed to do, but that could wait until he had been released from the hospital. For now, he just wanted to sleep.
Buck stayed by his side the entire night. Even after everyone else had gone home, Buck stayed. Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever been more grateful for the man sitting beside him than he is right now— except maybe for when he drove him to go pick up Chris after the earthquake. Eddie was glad Buck was here; he really didn’t want to be alone. It also helps cement the idea that has been festering in his head ever since he got out of the well.
Buck would make an incredible dad, especially to Christopher.
But that was a thought for another day, for now, Eddie was content to just go to sleep with his son in his arms and his best friend by his side.
----------------------------------------------------
About a week after the well incident, Eddie went to talk to his lawyer. He had a few updates he wanted to make to his will.
Eddie decided he wanted Buck to be Christopher’s godfather. Should anything ever happen to him (which, with their jobs, was highly likely), Chris wouldn’t go live with his grandparents in El Paso. Instead, he would stay here in LA, with Buck. Maybe Eddie should have talked to Buck about this beforehand, but he felt like it might be a little much. They had only known each other for barely two years now. He didn’t want Buck to think he was weird or read too much into it (he didn’t want to admit what it really meant to him)
His attorney said that Buck could refuse, that he really should have talked to the man beforehand. But Eddie knew Buck. Sometimes better than he knew himself. He knew Buck wouldn’t refuse, knew he would do everything in his power to fight and provide for Christopher. Evan Buckley would never let anything happen to his kid, which was why he was changing his will in the first place. He didn’t want his parents to raise Chris two years ago, and he sure as hell doesn’t want them to now.
Besides, he’s seen how Buck is with kids, especially Christopher. That man deserves to be a father. And he knows that he would do a great job of raising Chris. Hell, he’d probably do a better job than Eddie is doing now. Buck would never refuse to raise Chris, especially if something happened to Eddie; it's a fundamental truth of the universe.
With the threat of his parents taking Chris out of the way, Eddie feels lighter than he has in a while. He walks out of his attorney’s office with a smile on his face and a warmth in his chest at just the idea of Buck being a father to Christopher. At that realization, however, Eddie’s smile quickly falls, and he shoves that thought in the box with the rest of his unwanted thoughts and feelings (most of which just so happen to be about Buck).
Eddie isn’t sure how to feel anymore.
----------------------------------------------------
Abby is so much worse than Eddie previously believed.
She’s honestly downright horrible. First, she up and leaves Buck with false hopes of her coming back. Then, she doesn’t even have the courtesy to actually end things with him and just strings him along until he finally cuts her loose himself. And now? Now she’s asking Buck to risk his life to go and save her fiancé. Like, come on. She’s seriously asking her ex-boyfriend to go and save the man she’s going to marry? What the fuck is her problem. Worst of all is the fact that Buck is actually doing it, because of course he is. He’s Buck.
Buck is the kindest person Eddie has ever met, and all the stories Eddie has heard about Abby are just of her taking advantage of that kindness and never giving anything in return. He hates her with a burning passion, but right now his anger is directed at Buck. Buck, who is trying to pull off a dangerous maneuver just to save the life of his ex’s fiancé. If Buck dies, he’s going down there and killing Abby himself, consequences be damned.
Luckily for Abby, Buck doesn’t die, and both he and Abby’s fiancé (he wasn’t really listening when she said his name, he was more worried about being angry at her on Buck’s behalf) make it out alive. Eddie has to physically stop himself from holding onto Buck and never letting go again. He does, however, invite him to stay over that night, especially because he can see how much of a toll this whole ordeal has taken on Buck, both mentally and physically. He accepts Eddie’s offer and the two of them drive back to Eddie’s house in a comfortable silence. When they get there, Eddie hugs Buck as he cries, as he lets out all his confusing thoughts and emotions towards Abby.
The next day, Eddie is right there when Buck goes to talk to Abby. Obviously, he wasn’t right there, but he was waiting in the car with a hug and comforting smile at the ready for whenever Buck was done talking to her. When he came back to the car, he almost had a sense of calm and peace about him. Buck told him what they had talked about and that the whole conversation gave him a sense of closure. He said that he was finally ready to close out this chapter of his life and to leave Abby and their relationship in the past. There were obviously going to be some lingering issues, mostly about her abandoning him, but Buck seemed a lot better now, like a weight had lifted off his shoulders, now that he finally got to talk to her. Eddie’s happy for him, although he still really doesn’t like Abby and was going to be mad at her for what would most likely be the rest of his life.
The two of them go and get lunch together afterwards, and with Buck’s bright smile and enthusiastic rant on sea otters, Eddie can’t help but notice how bright and colorful everything looks, how much Buck just seems to be glowing. He smiles as Buck continues talking and soaks up all the information he can, enjoying just listening to the sound of his voice.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie has come to a conclusion which he believes is pretty reasonable, sadly, the two people this revelation affects the most refuse to accept it. This conclusion being, obviously, that the Buckley parents fucking suck.
This concept started floating around in his brain after Buck came into work angry and needing nothing more than to punch stuff after having dinner with his parents. But what truly cemented the idea for Eddie was when Buck told them all about his brother, Daniel, and the truth of Buck’s entire existence. He was a savior child, conceived simply to save his brother, not because his parents actually wanted him. It explains a lot about Buck, his abandonment issues, his savior complex, and his constant need to run headfirst into danger. The only way his parents ever paid attention to him was if he was sick or injured.
Eddie wanted to punch something, or more specifically, two someones.
He wished that Buck and Maddie would acknowledge the fact that their parents were terrible. Even Eddie had accepted that about his parents. At least he, Hen, Chim, and Bobby seemed to all be in agreement on this matter, even as the Buckley siblings are living in a state of denial.
Sadly, before any of them are able to really talk about it, while Buck is downstairs talking with Maddie, the bell rings.
Oh well, they’ll have time to debrief after the call.
----------------------------------------------------
Buck was trapped.
He was trapped inside a blazing factory, and the sprinklers weren’t turning on. Buck was going to die, and there was nothing Eddie could do about it. All Eddie could see was fire, his entire future going up in flames along with the factory. He felt like his knees were gonna give out, and Eddie wasn’t sure if he would be able to get back up again if he did.
Right as Eddie was about to pass out, two miracles happened simultaneously. First, they were finally able to get the sprinklers back on. Second, Bobby came over and told them that they were all going in to get Buck and the final victim. Eddie could cry purely from relief.
When they all finally get in the building, they see Buck trying to lift a vat off a guy's leg. He was giving it all, but the vat just wasn’t budging. Luckily, the 118 was there to help, and with their combined effort, they were able to lift the vat and free the guy Buck was saving (because, despite what Buck says, he did save the dude). Eddie felt like he could finally breathe again when he saw Buck sitting outside in the ambulance, completely fine (minus the smoke inhalation), and it almost made him do something stupid like confess his undying love for Buck. How ridiculous would that be? Well, maybe not that ridiculous. Maybe he’ll put that thought back into the box and never, ever, think about it again.
Eddie thinks that this night was gonna visit him in his nightmares for a long time after this, but at least Buck made it out alive and well. Eddie could live with the nightmares as long as Buck was still breathing; that was all that mattered.
----------------------------------------------------
It seemed in all the…….excitement, of their call, everyone forgot about what happened with Buck and what he told them about his parents. That was, until said parents showed up at the firehouse demanding to talk to Buck.
Luckily, Bobby had taken Buck to the hospital to make sure everything was okay, unluckily the Buckleys refused to leave even after they all informed them of this fact. This led to a very awkward and stilted conversation up in the loft where Eddie, Chimney, and Hen were all trying their best to be civil and not tell Philip and Margaret what they truly think about them and their “parenting style”. Finally, they saw Bobby’s truck pull into its spot, so Eddie went down to go and greet them, thankful to get away from the Buckleys before he said, or did, something he would regret.
He told Buck that he had someone waiting for him upstairs and watched as he went up to go confront his parents, wishing more than anything that he could stand by Buck’s side, holding his hand and letting him know that Eddie was there for him. But that would be a weird thing for Eddie to do for his totally platonic male best friend, so he stood back and watched him go, hoping and praying that this ended well for Buck.
In the end, Buck’s parents ended up promising to do better in the future, and Buck forgave them. Because of course he did. He was Buck. Eddie decided that as his best friend, he would be angry at them on his behalf and let Buck rebuild his relationship with them, Hen and Chim seemed to be on the same page as him when he talked to them about the whole situation later on. Eddie was happy that even though his parents didn’t love Buck like they should have, Buck had people in his life now that would always love and support him.
Maybe one day he’d be brave enough to confront his parents too. If only Buck could lend him just a fraction of his strength.
----------------------------------------------------
The universe doesn’t scream. It just doesn’t. Despite what Buck and the others all seem to think this day was not a jinx or a hex or a curse, it was just a bad day. And the universe was not screaming.
For some reason Eddie still can’t seem to get that one sentence out of his head. Maybe because it was Buck saying it, or maybe Eddie’s only trying to convince himself that it doesn’t mean anything. No. Wait. That’s ridiculous, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just Buck trying to get him to subscribe to his point of view and admit that they were jinxed. Well, not gonna happen, because the universe doesn’t scream.
(for some reason, no matter how much Eddie reassures himself of this fact, the words won’t leave his head for the rest of the day)
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie doesn’t remember much about being shot. He remembers the pain, he remembers the feeling of fear, but he doesn’t remember the actual event. He’s just glad that no one else got hurt, especially Buck. Although Hen and Chim told him that he was apparently trying his best to change that fact. Who came into his room talking about how it would have been better if he had gotten shot. Reckless idiot, doesn’t he know how much the team needs him, how much Chris needs him? How much Eddie needs him?
Eddie just couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation, about how expendable Buck seemed to think he was. He couldn’t stand it. He had to make Buck understand how much he meant to people, to his family. So when Buck came to pick him up from the hospital, he told him about his will, about how he was Chris’s godfather. He told Buck that he didn’t trust anyone else with his kid, not his sisters, not Anna, and certainly not his parents. Buck loved Chris like he was his own, and if anything happened to Eddie no one would take better care of him than Buck. He told Buck all of this. He made sure the message of how much Buck means to them finally got through this time and hopefully it would stick.
The disbelief on Buck’s face when he told him he wasn’t expendable would probably haunt Eddie for a while. He made a note to himself after that to tell Buck how much he meant to him more often, he deserved it.
After they left the hospital, as Buck was driving him home, all Eddie could think about was what would have happened if Buck was shot, if he had died. That world seemed so gray and dull, so much darker than the life he had. Eddie shelved the thought after that, not wanting to think about any sort of outcome where Buck isn’t a part of his life anymore.
Instead, he thought of his son, he thought of getting home and giving Christopher the biggest hug imaginable and not letting go. He missed his kid while he was in the hospital, he’s just glad that he had Buck taking care of him, that the two of them had each other to lean on. For not the first time, Eddie was incredibly grateful for the life he and Chris had created for themselves.
Feeling safe in the car beside his best friend, Eddie closed his eyes and dozed off for the rest of the drive home.
----------------------------------------------------
Chimney and Maddie are both gone.
Apparently Chim and Buck had a confrontation in Buck’s apartment yesterday before Chim went after Maddie considering he shows up to work with a pretty nasty bruise on his face. Eddie goes absolutely livid when he sees it, even more so when Buck tells him where it came from.
They are at work though and Buck doesn’t need him to be angry on his behalf right now so Eddie shelves it away for now, focusing on making sure Buck is okay. He says he’s fine but Eddie’s already making plans in his head for dropping by the loft later with Chris. Sometimes it feels like he knows Buck better than he knows himself, and he knows that both the loss of his sister and the fight with Chimney are going to be hitting him hard, especially once he goes home and doesn’t have work to keep him busy anymore.
With a plan set firmly in his head they go about the rest of their shift, which is weird without Chim there. Despite how mad he is at him, Eddie still feels his loss like a limb. What makes it worse is that it means he has to help out Hen in the ambulance and can’t work alongside Buck. Not that he has anything against Hen, it’s just that Buck's his partner and they already have such a good rapport and…..and he really needs to stop reasoning this with himself.
Despite how off he felt the whole day, going to Buck’s after work to hangout with him and Christopher makes Eddie feel a lot better. Being around those two never fails to make his day better. The same could be said for Buck if the bright smile on his face when he answers the door is anything to go by. Chris is really happy too, everything just feels right in that moment, like that’s exactly where he’s supposed to be. Eddie smiles to himself as he walks in, Buck and Chris already deep into a conversation that Eddie couldn’t follow or contribute to in any meaningful way if he tried. Instead, he’s content to go and grab a beer from Buck’s fridge and just watch the two of them interact.
Watching them makes Eddie feel lighter, the world look brighter, and he feels a peace settle over him. Eddie hasn’t felt this content without feeling guilty about it in a long time.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie hates his new job at the call center.
Yes, the extra time in the mornings with Christopher is great. And yeah, it’s nice having a consistent schedule. And sure, Eddie’s finally learning to cook more than pasta and pre-prepared meals, but he’s bored. All he does is sit at a computer all day and hear about what other people are doing to help in emergencies instead of being there to help himself. Plus, as much as he likes the people at the call center, he misses his old team. He misses Buck. He’s losing his mind at this job. After constant action over the years, between being in the military and being a firefighter, Eddie isn’t used to a calm, mundane job like this. It’s just not what he’s built for. But the job switch wasn’t for him, it was for Chris. He just needs to stick it out, he’ll adjust eventually.
Hopefully.
It doesn’t help that Buck has a new partner and the two of them seem to be hitting it off well. He knows he was probably over reacting when he walked out of the bar but seeing Buck sitting there with her, laughing, and thinking about how much he misses being at the 118 was all too much for him.
So, Eddie walked out, went to his car and tried not to cry. Why did he even want to cry? His life wasn’t constantly in danger, he was getting more time with Chris, and he still talked to his friends from the 118 regularly. Yet here he was, a grown man sitting in his car trying to hold back tears all because his best friend had a new partner at work.
If anything he should be glad that Buck had someone as capable as Lucy Denato looking out for him since he no longer could. And yet all Eddie could feel was a sense of sadness and emptiness and something else that he didn’t entirely want to acknowledge.
Eventually, Eddie pulled himself together and drove back home. Since Chris was out for the night (the whole reason he agreed to go to the bar in the first place) Eddie had the place to himself. With nothing better to do Eddie sat down on the couch, turned on the TV, and ignored all the calls and texts blowing up his phone. He’d tell his friends that he just wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t make it in the morning. Right now Eddie kinda wanted to just wallow in his self pity.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie hated himself more than usual right now.
Because of him Chris was scared out of his mind and Buck had to come running over from his place to take care of Eddie. All because he wasn’t strong enough. All because he couldn’t save those people, hell he could barely save himself.
Eddie just sat on his couch unmoving, thinking about the people he lost, the people he pulled out of that helicopter. Thinking about how awful it must have been for Chris to witness his meltdown, how terrifying it was for him.
Stuck in his thoughts he didn’t notice Buck approaching with a cup of tea until he sat down next to him, not close enough to touch but enough to where he felt the coach dip down next to him. He looked over, startled, and Buck just silently handed over the steaming mug. Eddie whispered his thanks as he held the mug in his hands, looking down into the hot liquid.
Buck moved to where he had his arm wrapped around Eddie, just holding him, reminding him that he was there. Eddie slowly leaned into Buck’s side letting his eyes slip shut.
Before he knew it, Buck was taking the mug from his hands and setting it on the coffee table before settling Eddie down to where he was laying down on the couch. He then moved to go and sleep somewhere else. Eddie mourned the loss of not only Buck’s touch but his presence as well, but he was too tired and hated himself too much to ask him to stay. To ask Buck to take all the broken pieces of himself and hold them together in a way only he could. In a way Eddie only wanted him to.
But asking that of Buck when he’d already done so much for him and Chris was selfish. It was wrong to want the touch of another man anyway, but especially from Buck. He’d already taken too much, taken advantage of his kind heart and willingness to help anyone, whether they deserve it or not. So Eddie laid there and let Buck go, he laid there and let the nightmares take him. That’s what he deserved.
----------------------------------------------------
Buck was incredible. Like probably the most amazing person to step foot on the Earth. Scratch that, Eddie was pretty sure that Buck was an angel sent down from Heaven to make the world, specifically Eddie’s world, a better place.
Buck had called Eddie and told him to bring Chris somewhere. Only to find out once they got there that they were at an equestrian therapy program. Chris absolutely loved it, went off to go and meet all the horses and learn how to take care of him. That’s when Buck pointed out Charlie to him.
Charlie, the kid whose mom was poisoning him. The kid that he saved the day he got shot. The kid that was sitting up on a horse’s back with a smile on his face.
Buck told him about how he’s living with his aunt and uncle, how he’s doing a lot better now. Told him that it was because of Eddie. That him being there for that kid, getting him away from his mom, saved his life. Eddie didn’t quite know what to do with that information, but it helped, a lot. Buck helped.
Eddie looked over at Buck, and smiled at him. He truly doesn’t know what he’d do without him, what he’d have done if he and Chris never moved to LA. He’s so incredibly grateful for the man standing in front of him that he doesn’t even know how to put all of it into words. How do you tell someone that they saved you, saved your son, more times than you can count? How do you tell them that they’ve become such an integral part of your life in such a short amount of time that sometimes you wonder if you haven’t always known each other, haven’t always been by each other’s sides? How do you look your best friend in the eyes and tell him you need him like you need oxygen, that he’s as vital to your survival as food and water, without scaring him off, without coming off as a complete and total psycho?
Instead, Eddie settles for just telling him ‘thank you’ and going with him to go and find Chris.
No matter what, Buck always seems to brighten Eddie’s world.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie’s not sure how to feel.
He finally confronted his father on missing out on his childhood, on being too hard on him far too young, but he also feels hollow, cause that’s not all he wants to say. But it’s a start. It’s better than things have been between them for probably Eddie’s entire life. So, for now, he’ll take it. It’s also nice to know that Christopher will be able to have a better relationship with his grandparents as well, he knows how important that is. As long as they both keep putting in effort, they can salvage the bond they broke when Eddie was a kid. It won’t be the same, it never will be, but it’ll be better than it has been, and that’s really all Eddie wants.
It isn’t until Eddie is sitting down and talking with his family that the rug is pulled out from under him. His Abuela is in the middle of a story about his parents when his phone rings. He gives everyone a sheepish look as they all turn to him and is about to simply turn it off when he sees that Buck’s calling him. He knows Buck, knows that he wouldn’t call for anything less than an emergency while he’s out here visiting his family. Without any further hesitation he answers the phone and listens as Buck tells him that Hen and Chimney were kidnapped, that Chimney had been killed and brought back to life multiple times by another paramedic. He listens as he feels something squeeze his heart and tells Buck he’ll be back as soon as possible.
Buck tries to tell him that it’s unnecessary, that they’re both okay now and Chim’s expected to make a full recovery, that Eddie can finish the trip with his family but Eddie’s already hung up the phone. He immediately goes to find the earliest flight out to LA. His family is all questioning him about what’s going on but he’s not listening to them. His mind is miles away in Los Angeles with Hen and Chimney, too preoccupied with trying to get back to them to quell his family’s curiosity and concern.
The earliest flight he could find was early the next morning, Eddie books the tickets without another thought. He then turns to go to Chris’s room and tells him that something happened and they’re going home earlier than expected. Chris is confused but doesn’t ask any further questions, just starts packing up his stuff so they can leave early the next morning. Eddie’s grateful for this, he doesn’t have it in him to explain what’s going on right now, too wrapped up in his own terror and fear.
He’ll have time to feel guilty over that later. For now, Eddie simply kisses Christopher on the head and goes to his own room to finish packing. A while later he hears a knock at the door and looks up to see his Abuela opening the door. She takes one look at his packed bag and the distressed look on his face before she’s walking over to him, taking a seat on the bed beside him, and pulling him into her side.
She doesn’t ask what happened, simply holds her grandson close. Holds him tight enough to physically stop him from falling apart herself. Eddie can think of few times where he was more thankful for his abuela than in that moment. He lets himself be consumed by her warmth and comfort, letting her carry the weight on his shoulders right alongside him.
For the first time in a long time Eddie falls asleep in his Abuela’s arms, safe and sound.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie’s walls break down in Frank’s office on a random Tuesday.
After a few months of seeing him, Frank finally got Eddie to admit his feelings for Buck. It’s something he’s been hinting at almost since they started their sessions but Eddie never truly admitted it until that day. Once Eddie finally spat out the words, telling Frank how he was in love with his best friend, how ashamed he was of himself, how unnatural it was for him to feel that way, Frank simply asked why? Why was it okay for other people to love whoever they wanted, for people like Hen and Karen to be together, but not him? Why was he the exception? What was so different about Eddie that he had to hide in shame while others got to live their lives out loud?
That took Eddie off guard. He sat in silence for a long time, and when Frank realized he wasn’t going to say anything he looked at him and told him that it was okay. That him loving Buck doesn’t make him less of a man, doesn’t make him any less worthy of love, and isn’t something for him to be ashamed of. No one had ever told Eddie that before and hearing those words made tears well in his eyes as decades of repression and self-hatred sprung to the surface. He cried and cried, feeling lighter by the time he was done, like a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Over their next few sessions most of what Eddie and Frank talked about was his sexuality and his internalized homophobia (as Frank put it). Eventually, Eddie came to finally accept his feelings towards Buck, let himself be okay with feeling them.
There was still a long way to go before Eddie truly started accepting himself and who he is, but it was a start.
Everything seemed a little bit more colorful as time went on, as he learned to hate himself a little less.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie couldn’t breathe.
He couldn’t think, he couldn’t feel, he couldn’t hear anything. All Eddie could think about was the feeling of Buck’s chest unmoving beneath his hands. No heart beat, no breaths making it rise and fall, it was still. He could still feel the bones cracking underneath him, conforming to the pressure of Eddie performing CPR. He remembers seeing the nurses take him away, Buck’s life no longer in his hands. Eddie wasn’t sure if that was relieving or unsettling for him.
They were all waiting at the hospital, none of them even going home to change out of their uniforms, or return the ambulance to the firehouse. Eddie was restless, he wanted nothing more than to go in there and wake Buck up somehow, but he knew that’s not how it worked.
It wasn’t until they were there for hours with no news that Bobby finally sent them all home to get changed and get some rest. But Eddie couldn’t sleep, especially not after he got home and had to tell Christopher that Buck was in the hospital, that he was in a coma and the doctors weren’t sure if he was going to make it.
Carla stayed at the house with him that night and Christopher refused to let go, even in his sleep. Although Eddie wasn’t too inclined to let go himself. He and Carla sat in the living room with a sleeping Chris as Eddie told her everything that happened. How they were on a call when Buck was suddenly hit by lightning, how his heart stopped and he was legally dead for 3 minutes and 16 seconds. Eddie was full on sobbing by the end of it. Carla told him that he’d had a long day, that he needed rest too. Told him that they would go back to the hospital in the morning but for now he and Chris needed each other and told him to just rest for a few hours.
Eddie reluctantly complied as he felt the exhaustion from the day hit him full force. He wished Carla a goodnight and took Chris with him to his room. When he finally fell asleep it was with his son cradled in his arms and the sight of Buck’s body dangling from the ladder.
----------------------------------------------------
Buck was having problems with breathing. Eddie found that out when he showed up to the hospital the next day, having left Chris in Carla’s care. Hen told him that he was okay now, but that he had a pulmonary contusion, that he was in respiratory failure. Eddie’s knees gave out when she said that and she had to catch him and lower him into a chair so he didn’t hurt himself.
Eddie hated this part, waiting to see what would happen. The not knowing if he would make it or not, or what the consequences would be if he did make it. The doctors wouldn’t actually know anything until they tried to take him off the sedation, which meant that until Buck could breathe on his own they would have no solid answers, and God only knew how long that would take.
After a few hours of waiting Eddie got a call from Carla, telling him to come to the front immediately. Once he got there he saw Chris and Carla sitting there, the latter telling him that Christopher had insisted on coming. He then insisted that he needed to go see Buck, to talk to him, and, well, how could Eddie deny him that?
They were able to sneak him into the ICU to see Buck, and hearing him talk to Buck as he lay there, connected to all those machines, almost broke Eddie. He wanted to break down again but he wasn’t sure if he would find the strength to pull himself back together again if he tried. He couldn’t do that Chris, not again, so Eddie used every ounce of will power to keep from falling apart. After a few minutes they had to get Chris back to the waiting room, they didn’t want a nurse to come in and find him there.
He said goodbye to Chris after that, promising to be home for dinner and that he would bring him back to the hospital the next day if he wanted. Chris immediately agreed and gave Eddie a hug before he left. He and Carla said their goodbyes as well and then he was watching them leave.
After they got back in the car Eddie went back into Buck’s room. It was empty now, Hen probably having gone to get herself some coffee or food. Eddie used the opportunity to sit down and just try and process everything. How close he’d come to losing Buck, how close he still was to losing him. The world felt so dark and gray without Buck’s jubilant laughter or dazzling smile to lighten everything up.
Eddie was so close to losing the man he loves, and without ever telling him that he loves him. That alone made Eddie tear up. Buck may never get to know how much he truly means to Eddie, how much he loves and cares about him. He may never get to tell him that the sound of his voice is enough to make even the shittiest day better. That the sparkle in his eyes whenever he talks about something new he’s learned or that he’s interested in is one of Eddie’s favorite sights in the world. That Eddie could look at Buck for the rest of his life and it still might never be enough, that he wanted Buck, body and soul, more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life.
At that moment, Eddie prayed for the first time in a long time. He prayed for God to save the life of the man he loved. To look upon their love, however wrong or twisted he may deem it to be, and find something worth saving there. He prayed to a God that he wasn’t sure he even believed in anymore because there was nothing that Eddie could do. Buck needed a miracle, divine intervention, and Eddie was no god, he was just a man.
----------------------------------------------------
Buck had made it.
After the doctors took him off the ventilator he was able to breathe on his own, and after a while he woke up. Eddie felt relief flood through his veins, all the tension in his body that he’d been carrying for the past few days bleeding out at the doctor’s words. It took a while for anyone to be able to see him, but Eddie didn’t care. He didn’t care how long it took for him to hold Buck in his arms again as long as it meant he was alive.
Seeing his smile again, hearing him laughing and cracking jokes even after everything he’d been through, lit a fire inside Eddie, a resolve. He was so close to losing everything and he wasn’t going to make that same mistake again. Eddie was going to tell Buck how he felt, no matter what the outcome may be.
With his mind made up, Eddie pushed the thought aside for the moment, basking in the sunlight Evan Buckley provided and watching the color radiate from him, seeping back into his world with Buck as the focal point.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie was nervous. More nervous than he ever remembers being before.
Here he was, standing in front of Buck’s door with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He had picked out flowers with specific meanings to them, symbolizing love and confession, knowing Buck had gone on a deep dive one time on the language of flowers. He had to search up what most of them meant but he knew Buck would get it, he just hoped he reciprocated.
Finally working up the courage, Eddie knocked on the door and forced himself to stay rooted in place as he waited for Buck to answer. When Buck got to the door he immediately smiled upon seeing Eddie, then his eyes widened in surprise as he looked at the flowers in Eddie’s hands. Eddie could tell the exact moment the meanings of the flowers registered to Buck as his head whipped up to look Eddie in the eyes.
Wordlessly Buck opened up his door and moved out the way, too surprised to actually say anything apparently. At least it would make it easier for Eddie to say what he needed to. While Buck was stunned into silence Eddie took a deep breath and told him how he felt.
He told Buck that he loved him, as more than a friend, and that it took a while to finally accept that fact. Told him that he’s pretty sure he’s felt like this since they met. That Buck is the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up and his last thought every night before he goes to sleep. He looked Buck in the eyes and told him that if he could, he would spend the rest of his life by Buck’s side. Holding his hand, kissing him, cuddling up together on the couch, and falling asleep in one another’s arms.
He stood there, in the middle of Buck’s apartment, with his bleeding and damaged heart in his hand, offering it to Buck. He stood there and asked Buck to be his boyfriend.
After a long, excruciating moment, Buck’s eyes lit up as they welled with tears. He practically jumped on Eddie when he hugged him and said that he would be his boyfriend. This time, it was Eddie’s turn to stand there stunned as Buck rambled on about how much he loved Eddie but was too afraid to say anything, afraid he would ruin what they already had.
It was then that Eddie’s brain finally rebooted and he brought his arms up around Buck, his boyfriend. That was definitely going to take some getting used to, but Eddie didn’t mind one bit. Not when he got to hold Buck like this, not when his world had never looked as bright.
----------------------------------------------------
Eddie was nervous, but more than that he was excited.
Today was the day. Today, he was finally going to marry the love of his life. After dating for a year, Eddie had finally asked Buck to marry him, and to absolutely no one’s surprise his answer was a resounding yes.
They spent the last 6 months planning out this wedding, and today he was finally going to get to stand at that altar and marry Evan Buckley. Something he never thought would happen. Sadly, neither of their parents would be there. The Diaz’s had openly stated their opinions of how their union was wrong and sinful and the Buckley’s, while supportive of their relationship, apparently had other plans that they just couldn’t miss to come watch something as trivial as their son getting married. It was hard on both of them, not having their parents there, especially after they had started working towards fixing their relationships with them. However, they still had their real family with them. Everyone who truly mattered would be there with them.
They had managed to find the perfect outdoor venue. It was in a beautiful opening within a forest with a mansion nearby for the reception. It had been surprisingly affordable and it helped that Bobby and Athena were willing to pitch in and help pay for everything. They’re probably the main reason that Buck and Eddie get to have the wedding of their dreams. They made this whole day possible and Eddie couldn’t be more thankful for them. After making sure he looks presentable, Eddie looks at his watch and realizes the ceremony is supposed to start soon.
Eddie soon made his way to the end of the aisle, standing in front of it as Athena joined him. She gave him a bright smile that he returned while hooking his arm through hers. Soon everyone in attendance quieted down and turned to look at them as Athena walked Eddie down the aisle, giving him a kiss on the cheek as she deposited him at the altar. Once she had taken her seat all attention returned to the front, and there Eddie saw Buck, standing with his arm looped through Bobby’s.
Buck looked absolutely perfect. He had left his hair curly for the occasion, knowing how much Eddie liked it when he didn’t gel them back. He was wearing a dark, navy blue suit with a black tie and button up and there was a white gardenia attached to it, symbolizing faithful love, honor, and trust. Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off of him as he walked down the aisle, he never wanted to stop looking at him.
Buck and Bobby soon ended up standing right before Eddie and Bobby gave Buck’s hand to Eddie with the request that he look after him, one that Eddie easily and happily agreed to as he gave Bobby a smile. As Eddie looked back into Buck’s eyes he lifted his hand up to his mouth and gave it a kiss, not able to resist when Buck looked as good as he did. Buck giggled a little at the action and gave Eddie the sweetest smile he’d ever seen.
They then took their places up on the altar, Christopher beside Eddie and Maddie beside Buck with Hen in between them to officiate. As soon as they were ready Hen started the ceremony. Eddie could barely pay attention to what she was saying, too preoccupied with looking at Buck, at his soon to be husband, and memorising exactly what he looked like in that moment. It wasn’t until Hen asked them to recite their vows that Eddie was knocked out of his reverie.
Buck went first, taking a moment to collect himself before looking directly at Eddie, giving him a small, shy smile before he started. “Eddie, if you had told me a few years ago that I would be standing here today, about to marry someone who loved me wholly and unconditionally, I would have asked you what the catch was. Until you, I never felt like I was enough. My whole life love and affection felt like something that needed to be earned, sought after, not something that people just gave you for free. I thought that unless I was doing something worthy of being noticed that I would fade into the background, that people would stop caring about me. But then we met and you gave your love to me so freely. You took me in as part of your family, treated me like I was something precious, something special. You look at me like I created the universe and like you would give it all to me if only I asked. You showed me what true love looks like Eddie, and I feel so blessed to have both you and Christopher as part of my life, my family. I love you so much, and I can’t wait till I can call you my husband, till we can spend the rest of our lives together,” Buck finished as tears started streaming down his face.
Eddie gave Buck a tender, affectionate smile as he let go of one of Buck’s hands to reach up and wipe the tears off his face. Buck smiled at him in return and Eddie grabbed his hand once more.
After taking a deep breath and giving Buck’s hands a squeeze, Eddie started his own vows, “Evan, before we met, my life looked so much more somber and dull. I never thought I would be able to marry someone that I truly loved, I believed that I didn’t deserve to. I spent my whole life trying to fix this part of myself that everyone seemed to think was broken. It wasn’t until I met you, until you inspired me, that I realized I didn’t need fixing. I was never broken. You’ve given me so much that I never thought I would have. You’ve given me love, light, and happiness and you’ve always been by my side, supporting me through anything. I love you, Evan Buckley, and I can’t wait to get to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t wait to grow old together, to watch Christopher grow up, to spend every day loving you, proudly and openly. You saved me, you brought color into my world, who needs the sun when all I have to do is look at your smile and the whole place lights up? You’re my sunshine, my heart, and my soul Evan, I love you so much”.
By the time Eddie was done with his vows both him and Buck were teary eyed again. Looking at Hen showed that they weren’t the only ones. In fact, if he had to guess, there probably wasn’t a dry eye in the audience. But Eddie didn’t care about that, the only thing he cared about were Hen’s next words.
Once she pulled herself together enough to speak, Hen turned her attention to Buck. “Evan Buckley, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
“I do,” Buck responded with the brightest smile on his face, looking at Eddie with all the love in his heart. He then took the ring that Maddie handed him, a simple gold band with ‘118’ inscribed on the inside, and slid it onto Eddie’s finger. Eddie then squeezed his hand again as he returned to holding it once the ring was on.
Hen smiled at them as she then turned to look at Eddie, “and do you, Edmundo Diaz, take this man to be your lawfully wedded Husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
“I do,” Eddie answered her, though all his attention was on Buck when he said it. This time he meant it, he was doing this for real, and he needed Buck to understand that he was all in. He then turned to grab Buck’s ring from Christopher and slid the gold band onto his ring finger.
After they finished exchanging their rings Hen started speaking again. “I now pronounce you husbands, you may kiss the groom”. Eddie didn’t even wait for Hen to finish speaking before he grabbed Buck’s face, his husband's face, and pulled him in for a kiss. Buck’s arms soon settled around his neck and his hands slid into his hair. Eddie then swept one hand down to Buck’s waist and pulled him in even further as he heard cheers erupt from their family and friends in the audience.
Eventually the two of them broke apart and Eddie rested his forehead against Buck’s, closing his eyes as he took it all in.
This was real, they were actually married. Evan Buckley was now his husband and Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever been happier. He opened his eyes to look at Buck, admiring his beauty. As if he felt him staring, Buck opened his eyes too and the two of them stared at each other for a moment. Buck then leant in and gave him a peck on the lips before he pulled away again, smiling. Eddie smiled back as he reluctantly untangled himself from his husband, grabbed his hand, and started pulling him back down the aisle. Buck soon caught back up and they walked down hand in hand as their friends continued cheering for them as they left.
Eddie doesn’t think the world has ever looked this bright or colorful before.