Chapter Text
Wednesday went over the note one more time, as if willing to change its contents by re-reading it.
Dear Wednesday,
Sorry, I got caught! They have a better security system than we anticipated. But don't stop to rescue me. You are so close to where Enid was last sighted. I will find you after I break out of prison.
Love,
Uncle FesterPS: Leave the TWN, take the Cadillac. Thing will give you the keys.
She looked at Thing, who delivered the note along with a set of car keys. He looked unscathed from the escape - that was good. Too bad Fester couldn't make it.
Wednesday cursed herself for allowing Fester to take a short break to rob a bank. He'd learned that the bank was expecting a load of gold bullion today, and since they were in the area, he couldn't resist the temptation. Wednesday only agreed because Fester had been so patient with the glacial progress of her search for Enid.
If Fester was taken, there was no time to dawdle around waiting in the sidecar. Wednesday took the luggage and walked to the parking lot. She did not have to walk far to spot the stolen car. His bank-robbing scheme may have gone awry, but Fester had outdone himself in grand theft auto. The Cadillac in question was a modified Sovereign Regal Landaulet. Wednesday knew her funeral coaches - Grandmama had a veritable fleet of them.
This was great. A hearse was the perfect vehicle to transport an alpha werewolf until she figured out a way to turn her back to human form. Wednesday placed her luggage inside the car and got into the driver's seat.
"Don't rush, or they will be onto you," said a voice to her right.
She turned around startled, to find Donovan Galpin sitting next to her in the passenger seat. In his Sheriff's uniform. Both eyes fully intact.
Wednesday blinked, not believing her eyes. When blinking a few more times didn't make the apparition go away, she realized that this was no momentary hallucination.
"You're dead," she said. "I found your body. I attended your funeral." I have your eyeball preserved in a vial. She didn't think it a good idea to share that last bit of detail with him.
"Yes, thank you," Galpin said.
Wednesday looked at Thing, who looked back in confusion. He couldn't see anything unusual, other than Wednesday speaking to an empty space.
"And now you've come back to haunt me, is that it? It was an Avian Raven who killed you, I'm only a psychic Raven," she told the ghost.
"I know, that is exactly why you can see me. I'm your new spirit guide," Galpin replied.
It was a good thing she hadn't started the car yet. "What?" Wednesday asked in horror. "You're not related to me in any way. You're not even an outcast!" First Weems, now Galpin. Why did she have the worst luck in spirit guides?
"Sorry to break it you, Addams, but no outcast spirits were interested in guiding you. Your treatment of your previous two spirit guides does not exactly sound encouraging for anyone to take up the job. Guiding you is one of the worst assignments a spirit can get, and all your ancestral spirits take a vacation in Valhalla or whatever exotic netherworld they can find when the time of choosing comes," Galpin did not sound sorry at all when he said this.
"And you took the chance to torture me from beyond the grave? I did not know you enjoyed my company so much," Wednesday scowled. "What are you, my 24th cousin ten times removed or something like that?" she asked Galpin.
If the spirits went all the way back to the origin of humans, anyone could be her spirit guide, Wednesday knew. But surely she deserved someone better than Galpin?! He had no powers. Except knowledge of police work. Which, granted, might be useful to her, but that was otherwise accessible information! And too high a price to pay for suffering the constant nagging from the late Sheriff.
"If they looked family trees that far enough, I could be related to you in some way like that, I guess," Galpin said, echoing her thoughts. Then he dropped the bombshell. "But I was assigned to you for being your father-in-law. From the future. You see, time is non-linear, and-"
Wednesday did not let him finish. "My WHAT?"
"You heard me." Galpin sighed. "Don't make me repeat it. I'm not thrilled either. In fact, that is the reason I took on this assignment. Futures can be altered, and I want to guide you away from marrying my son."
"I don't need your guidance to not marry a serial killing psychopath who tried to kill me and my friends multiple times!" she said, starting the car. She wanted to get away from this place. What she wanted was to get away from Galpin, but that was impossible for now, she knew.
Am I going to be your uncle-in-law? Thing signed from the dashboard. Even with following just one side of the conversation, he was able to deduce what was happening.
"Not if I had a choice," she told the hand.
"You say that now, but from what I heard, my son is just your type," Galpin told her. "And I don't want his future to be entwined with yours. I would have guided him if that was possible, but since you're the psychic, you're my only way to help him."
"In case it failed your notice, I am not in a relationship with your son, I don't even want to see him any more." Wednesday told him.
"Well, you are going to run into him soon - that's why I am here." Galpin informed her.
Worse and worse. After the events of Iago Tower, Wednesday did not think Tyler wanted to kill her anymore, but a long-dreaded reunion with a feral Hyde was the last thing she needed while she was this close to finding Enid. Yet somehow, she felt she'd rather meet with Tyler than have his father whispering in her ears all the time.
"How exactly do you plan to ensure that your son and I don't marry each other? Are you planning to set me up with someone else? Good luck with that." Wednesday scoffed.
The far easier option would be to set Tyler up with someone else, but Wednesday didn't see how Galpin Sr. could achieve that without being able to communicate with Tyler in any way other than via her. And if Tyler or his father thought that she was going to help Tyler find happiness in a relationship after how thoroughly he betrayed her trust, they didn't know the first thing about Wednesday Addams.
Another horrible thought occurred to her. "Wait, are you going to remain as my spirit guide until one of us gets married to someone else?" she asked.
"Oh no, that won't be required. I just need to change the past events - your present that is, because for me this is the past - enough that the future is altered. If it works, I will no longer be able to act as your spirit guide," he answered.
That was some relief. "So if I help you drive your son away from me, you will stop haunting me?" she asked Galpin.
"Not the turn of phrase I would have used, but yes, that's the idea." Galpin confirmed. "It's like an inverse Back to the Future," he added.
"An inverse what?" Wednesday was confused.
"Back to the Future, the movie," Donovan answered. How could she not know Back to the Future? Kids these days. "It's an '80s classic. Marty McFly travels back in time and makes sure his parents get together so he would exist," he gave the rough plotline relevant to their situation. "And I'm doing the opposite - making sure my son doesn't marry you," he explained. "And I'll disappear from your life if I succeed, thus inverse Back to the Future, see?"
Wednesday continued to drive and did not say anything in response. Their situation reminded her of a very different movie than Back to the Future, but she kept her thoughts to herself.
Donovan was disappointed at her lack of reaction. "Ty would have appreciated the reference. What kind of movies did he show to you on your dates?" he asked Wednesday.
"There was only one date, the one you interrupted," Wednesday said through gritted teeth. If he hadn't interrupted and Tyler had kissed her then, maybe he could have been captured before more people were killed. "And he showed me a scary movie called Legally Blonde," she answered the Sheriff.
"There is a horror movie called Legally Blonde?" Donovan was surprised. "I know there's a romantic comedy by that name, but-" Fran liked to rewatch that movie, he recalled. He fell silent.
"I was horrified enough," Wednesday told him.
Donovan frowned, but then he understood. All the pink in that movie had given a headache to him, and he didn't dress in monochrome, unlike Addams. Made sense that the goth girl would find it horrifying.
But he didn't get why Tyler thought it was a good idea to show her that movie. He never understood what the girl saw in his son, before she found out he was a Hyde. Ty was just an average boy, wasn't rich or anything, and didn't even know how to choose a movie she'll like, it turns out. An outcast girl showing interest in him only meant an ulterior motive to use him for some dark scheme and then break his heart.
"Didn't look like you hated the movie that much, judging by the state you were in when I found you two in the crypt," he commented, hoping to get an explanation behind her original motives regarding his son.
Wednesday frowned and gave him an annoyed side-eye. "The state we were in? We were about to kiss. You make it sound like you caught us in flagrante delicto," she said. "Anyway, I don't owe you any explanation for my actions," she said.
"This is exactly the sort of conflict between words and actions that I'm worried about." Donovan said. "You said you hated the movie, then proceeded to kiss him. You call him a murderous psychopath now, and all I know is you marry him in the future. If I am to stop it happening, I need some insight from your part."
"The movie was torture. I like torture. Can you leave me alone for a while now? Just because you're my spirit guide, you don't have to be around me all the time." Wednesday said.
The girl's tone was cynical as ever, but something about her voice made Donovan feel like he touched a nerve somewhere. He decided to let her be for the time being. He didn't know when or how she was going to meet with Tyler, only that it will happen soon. He could wait till then to reappear next to her.