Chapter Text
Mari walked home from school with her younger brother, gripping a paper in her hand, it wrinkling in her grip. She tried to push the thoughts down, but they would resurface... And every time she would hold the paper tighter.
She walked in the door, sliding her shoes off and placing them on the low wooden shelf, then walking to the kitchen as quietly as possible. She placed the crumpled paper into the trash before going to practice her piano. Thirty minutes or so in, her mother tapped her on the shoulder.
"Honey, come to the kitchen. Your father and I have to talk to you."
Mari walked silently, carefully, collected, planned, before she sat at the kitchen table, the light seeming artificial and condescending.
Her father had a stern expression, "Mari, darling, I saw the paper you put in the trash..." Mari winced. "An eighty-six percent on your essay? You're in eighth grade, you're far too old for this nonsense. You were supposed to be the good role model, an example for your little brother, but you're only showing him what not to be. I'm disappointed in you... I thought you were more intelligent than this... As you should've known, your mother and I will be going on business again, and I'd just hate for you to be the reason we won't come back..."
Her mother reached out to hold his arm, "Don't say that..."
"No, I know what I sai-"
"I understand, father." Mari robotically got up and pushed in the chair perfectly, walking into her bedroom. She picked up her journal, writing passages about her day, her thoughts... Sunny was on the bed across from hers, playing Harvest Moon on his Gameboy. Hours seemed to pass as they were biding their time, then went to an awkwardly silent family dinner, then back to wasting their time once more.
"Mari?"
"Yes?" Mari looked over to her little brother, who was going to plug in his console.
"Can you tuck me in?"
"Sure," she walked over and made the bed around the boy, then hugged him, "Good night, Sun."
She grabbed the white nail polish off the table beside her bed and applied a coat as she slid under the covers. She looked over at her brother every so often until she was sure he was asleep. When she was sure he was sleeping, she brought her legs up and rested her face on her knees, hands right beside. The nail polish got messed up, but Mari didn't particularly care then, she could always put more on.
"Why," she sobbed silently, "Why can't I be enough?" She gripped her legs tighter, wishing someone could be there to hold her, that someone could tuck her in or even just give a reassuring word. But, in reality, she was alone.
She took a sharp breath in before going back to her whispers, "I'm gonna be alone forever, huh. I'm insane for thinking he'll like me back. My father was right, I'm fucking unlovable." Her nails stuck to the sheet as she pulled it over her head, trying to sleep. She managed to be lulled into sleep, but never finding the peace of knowing it will all turn out alright. Because, it likely wouldn't. Nothing turns out alright when you're alone.