Work Text:
I woke up one fateful morning to see some strange man standing in my kitchen.
"RAHHHHH! dad who is this?"
my dad: "Howdy my feminine beautiful she/her ahh daughter. This is God, your new stepdad"
???
GOD?
my dad isnt gay tho...
"ARE YOU SAYING GOD IS MY STEP DAD?"
My dad: "yes, I know its shocking but, its not gay if I'm a loyal devoted christian man."
God: "Hello girl or boy. My new step child."
My dad: "thats a girl!"
"nuh uh..."
My dad: !??!?!?!??!!?
God: "Well, if it doesnt want to be a girl, who am I to judge."
My dad: "WHAT ? BUT UR GOD! U HATE GAYS AND TRANS PEOPLE DONT YOU?"
God: "Nah. my son Jesus went to school with one and they were chill."
Jesus enters the room.
Jesus: "Whats up fam."
God: "this is Jesus, im sure you have heard A LOT about him!"
"I have..."
My dad was having a panic attack because he couldnt understand why God would go against his own bible.
God, knowing everything, decided to address the allegations.
God: "I did not write the bible. its a fanfic."
My dad screamed.
Suddenly, Jesus started cranking 90s in fortnite. I was confused by everything that was going on.
"Is this some sort of weird dream?"
God: "No tbh its real."
All over the news people were screaming, going "GOD CONFIRMED!? NOT CLICKBAIT!"
I guess I'll have to get used to God being my stepdad now huh?