Chapter Text
Finally; as the sun rose on Kiyoomi’s first day in college, many thoughts fought for his attention, but only one dominated among the cacophony, he would finally get to be normal. Even better yet, if he played his cards right he could spend the next three years completely unnoticed, like a brick perfectly placed in a masonry, or the song of a bird, so mundane, basically silent to jaded ears.
How wonderful that would be.
The man yearned for normalcy more than he did privacy, during his first year in high school he soon understood that people took his blunt personality as plain indifference towards them, like disdain pointed to all whom dared ask about his life, or what he did on weekends.
The truth was simple, yet he could never bring himself to explain it fully. He despised the idea of being perceived, dissected and then analyzed by people, strangers above all. The mere thought of having someone else see all his quirks and oddities and then make their mind about who he was, whether it was positive or negative, made his stomach churn and his palms sweat all the same. And so, out of pure decency, he treated others like he’d rather be, never asking questions or taking interest in anything outside of schoolwork and projects.
Safe to say he didn’t make many friends, or any, and by his second year he could feel himself standing out from the chattering groups of teenagers, with his black face mask and headphones over his ears, always early and obsessively organized.
He knew people didn’t regard him the same way as the other students. It was as if in his attempt to disappear, cleaning and scrubbing his entire being into an unnamed person, he left a bright, sterile spot in the middle of a forest. One that would immediately catch the eye of even a passerby.
But now, it would be different. College was nothing like high school, there were many more students, all with different schedules and fields of study. And they were adults. Gone was the pressure of socializing with people he’d rather die than to know, they all came there to study, get diplomas and move on. It would be simple really.
Sakusa Kiyoomi was going to be a normal student.
He would be normal. Banal even.
And so he got ready for his day, getting out of bed almost as soon as he woke, turning the lights on and methodically making his bed, tucking the sheets, fluffing pillows. When he was satisfied with his room, he grabbed the outfit he had prepared yesterday and went to shower.
As he peeled off his night clothes and threw them in the basket, he thought once again about what he’d chosen to wear for the day. A black t-shirt, with a pair of dark blue jeans and a brown leather belt. It was simple enough, yet Sakusa couldn’t help but dwell over all the small things that could catch people’s attention.
This was the first day, maybe he was meant to dress fancy.
Or maybe the school had sent an email telling everyone to wear the school merchandise, but somehow he hadn’t read said message and Kiyoomi would be the only student standing out, like a fool.
Or maybe...
With these incessant questions plaguing his mind, he proceeded to shower, brush his teeth, wash his face, style and dry his hair and, finally, get dressed. Once his mirror was no longer foggy from his hot shower and he could see himself reflected clearly, he moved on to shaving. His day-old stubble already crawling its way through his skin, forming itchy bumps and patches across his chin, cheeks and jaw. In quick, efficient moves he’d repeated countless times since puberty he got rid of the offensive hairs, rinsed off the excess cream and washed his face once again. To finish it all he applied a soft and expensive moisturizer, and closed the lights.
Once out of the bathroom he checked his phone for the first time this morning. Going over his school emails, then his schedule, then his emails again making sure he hadn’t missed something about a dress code or any other important information that could make this day a disaster, and ended this by opening his chatting app.
He had two unopened messages from his cousin.
Motoya (yesterday 22h48) :
Heyy!! u start college tomorrow right? ૮ ・ﻌ・ა
I’ll assume ur already sleeping and not ignoring me, so GOOD LUCK and most important HAVE FUN ILY KIYOOOOO (￣▽￣)ノ
You (6h32) :
Yes, it’s today.
I appreciate the message.
<3
Once his answer was sent he closed his phone, knowing that at this time Motoya would still be hours from waking up.
He went into his small kitchen and mindlessly started boiling water and making himself some breakfast. Despite his nerves tying his stomach and making him nauseous he knew he had to eat, his class started at 8 o’clock and the next time he’d get to have a meal would be after it ended around 11 o’clock. And he doubted he would be able to consume any of the cafeteria food especially on his first day. So he forced himself to swallow down some scrambled eggs with plain toasts and slowly sipped on his tea.
It was a little past 7 when Kiyoomi finished eating, he quickly washed his few dishes, brushed his teeth and made sure his school bag was fully packed for the day: keys, phone, wallet, headphones, laptop, pens, notebooks, sanitizer, a few spare masks and his agenda were all in there place.
Everything was ready, in perfect order, his clothes were clean and appropriate, he was ready to leave with time to spare, he was fed, felt strong, and yet, despite sitting on a chair he couldn’t stop his breath from coming out short and his mind from reeling away from him.
In an attempt to calm himself down he went back to the bathroom to wash his hands, once, then twice.
He put on a light jacket, then his shoes and walked out of his apartment.