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The air was clear and clean, and the moon hung low in the sky. Another sanctuary night in Liyue made possible by the vigilant yaksha.
The clouds seemed to thank him as they gleamed back at him from underneath his feet, bathed in purple light. The Qinxing flowers at the tops of the Minlin mountains bent back and forth in the gentle breeze; they brushed up against his fingers as if to hold him when nobody else could.
He sat on the edge of a grassy mountain, gazing out at the peaceful scene. Every breath he took was crisp and healing to his lungs.
These moments at the end of the day were what kept him going. Despite the immense pain in his body, he still managed to find some kind of peace as long as he sat amongst the Qinxing flowers.
Every day was the same, fight hard, suffer, then come to the haven of the mountain tops.
Today was different, though. He first felt it when the wind blew differently around him, as if one of the nearby updrafts were carrying something precious on its wings. Moments later, he heard the sound of grass crunching beneath careful feet and almost immediately recognized the presence as belonging to Lumine. He could hear her attempts to be quiet as she landed softly behind him, but they both knew he was aware whenever she was near.
What could have made her decide to visit him on this night? How had she found his hiding place? Her behavior would never make sense to him.
“Lumine?” he asked without turning his head.
If this disturbance had come from anyone else, he would’ve up and left without another word. People were not those he wished to grow close to.
But.... Lumine was different.
“Xiao! I thought I might find you here,” she said, walking up to the edge of the cliff. “Do you mind if I join?”
“Is Paimon with you?” Xiao asked cryptically.
The girl let out that terribly lovely laugh he enjoyed so much. “No, I left her sleeping at Wangshu inn. She falls asleep way too quickly after she’s eaten.”
Xiao allowed himself to relax a little. The times when he could speak to the traveler without her talkative fairy were extremely few and far between. He cherished the precious seconds where the only thing he could hear was her voice.
He cleared his frivolous thoughts. “Good. She would have ruined the silence.”
Lumine covered her mouth quickly, as if suddenly self conscious. She tucked her hair behind her ear, a look of worry on her face.
The yaksha hesitated for a second or two, then patted the grass beside him in a gesture for her to join him.
Lumine obeyed wordlessly, carefully lowering herself to the ground beside him. She drew her knees up to her chest, looking almost somber as she perched herself above the majestic midnight view.
She wasn’t talking... why did she come if she didn’t intend to speak?
He finally forced himself to glance at her.
He felt a degree of fear when it came to looking at Lumine. It was mysteriously difficult to gaze on her for any short length of time.
Her silky blonde hair was always shining and flowing like a river of gold, and the urge to run his fingers through it was uncanny. Her eyes never stopped glittering like the wings of a crystalfly, and he found himself thinking he’d like to study them longer. Her skin was like soft powder, and when it was blemished with a wound, he wanted to press his hands to it and heal her with his own willpower.
He hated these feelings he’d been harboring for years on end. He knew it was what the humans called “love”, but he didn’t understand the stirring of his heart when she walked into the room, or the way he lost all focus when he spoke to her. He was supposed to be the vigilant yaksha, but when she was around he was exactly the opposite.
“Why do you remain so quiet?” he muttered huskily.
“... you said speaking would ruin the silence,” she replied.
Xiao mentally berated himself. He’d spoken carelessly about Paimon and her excessive noise. What he said about Paimon wasn’t intended to be applied to Lumine...
He shifted slightly, resting an arm on his knee. There was no rush to respond, but somehow his mind felt the urgent need to quell her fears. His heart was a terrible demon, racing against his ribcage-- an enemy to his calm.
“When you speak it is silence,“ Xiao told her, studying her face for a negative or positive response. “Your voice gives me the same peace that quiet offers me.”
Lumine’s drew her knees closer to her chest, throwing him a shy, sideways glance. “That makes me glad. I came here to ask you something,” she said, her spirits obviously boosted.
Xiao grunted wordlessly. There was no need for his voice to fill space she could be using.
“When we left the chasm, you mentioned destiny... and maybe that’s how our group came together and helped you learn what happened to Bosacius. Do you also believe that maybe it was destiny I came here? I’ve traveled every corner of Teyvat and my brother doesn’t want to see me, so now I’m trying to figure out why I’m still here and what my purpose is. Was I supposed to come here? Why?” her words were soaked in sadness, and her eyes seemed to droop with a tiredness he’d only seen in her after a long battle.
Xiao swallowed hard. To be perfectly honest he wasn’t sure why she was here. To him, she had appeared at first as a foreigner searching for her brother-- a mortal who was not worth his time. Now that he’d known her, helped her, and watched her struggle with her trials, he felt so drastically different about her.
There was much more to Lumine than her desire to be with her brother. There was strength, kindness, sadness, fear, worry, anger, all of which were mortal emotions in which he struggled to comprehend. He’d never wanted to understand them more than he did now.
“I used to feel the same,” he said quietly. “But ever since I fought with Bosacius, I think I am coming to learn why I survived. I... believe he would be satisfied to know I am here to protect the people of Liyue in his stead.”
He paused, forcing himself to look directly into the amber eyes that peered so kindly back at him. He felt a foreign sense of calm settle over him as he looked at her, the gentle night winds tugging at both their clothes. “The memory of your brother you carry with you-- I’m sure he would be satisfied with how well you have done.”
It was rare of Xiao to hand out praise (extremely rare) but he did it now for the one he admired the most. He knew that out of all the people he had met since his siblings died that Lumine would be the one they would have liked the most. She was hardworking, charitable, and gentle. Not only those things, but funny as well.
“You really think?” she mused, a tinge of sorrow in her voice as she pulled up some of the grass beside her. “I hope so, because when I think about the reason I started this whole journey and think about the way it’s ended...? It all feels pointless.”
“It wasn’t pointless,” Xiao blurted ungracefully.
You saved hundreds of thousands of people and spread good to every continent. You found your brother. It’s not your fault he didn’t want to be with you. That’s his loss.
He grabbed her shoulder with a strong hand, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. “Nothing you did was pointless. Do you hear me?” he berated sharply.
Lumine regarded him with startled eyes, a little gasp escaping her.
He pulled her closer upon instinct. “Just because your brother didn’t come back with you doesn’t make everything you did useless. Was helping me worthless?” The last question slipped out of his mouth without thought.
He quickly released her arm and looked away with embarrassment. “Forget it. If you would like to think everything you have done is without use, then be that way.” He said with less gentleness than he’d intended.
For some reason he felt hurt.
Lumine took in a shaky breath and remained silent. He could feel her emotions wavering in the uncomfortable silence that fell between them. Normally, he would have simply vanished back to Wangshu Inn, but this time he felt almost obligated to sit beside the traveler. Again, he felt... hurt. It was the same kind of hurt that plagued him each time he watched her leave to another region-- the same one that left him wondering: why doesn’t she stay?
He shook himself, angered by the confusing thoughts in his head.
“I shouldn’t have spoken so harshly,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I...”
She was covering her face with her hands again. He felt a strong negative aura from her body.
“Why are you covering your face?” he asked in a gentler tone, carefully reaching toward her.
He scooted closer, gently pulling her hands away from her face.
He was shocked to see that she was crying, tears streaming down her pretty cheeks, and her eyes twinkling with moisture.
Xiao himself had never cried before, but he’d seen others do it countless times throughout his lifetime. Crying was something mortals often did when they were distraught and hopeless.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like meeting you was pointless,” Lumine choked, sniffling miserably. “I didn’t mean that at all! I... I just meant that I didn’t bring my brother home and that’s what made it pointless-- but now I see that I was wrong. I’m sorry, Xiao.”
She stared up at him with a pitiful expression. “I didn’t know that I helped you.”
Xiao’s throat suddenly closed up a little. He had no idea what to say, he didn’t know what he was feeling. Seeing the way her lips quivered with sadness and her body shook with the same reflected feeling. He knew she was genuinely distraught and grief stricken. The way he’d spoken to her felt terribly wrong.
Guilt spread like a wildfire. He didn’t know how to talk or relate to humans. He didn’t know how to be caring or empathetic! He didn’t know how to help her with something he struggled with every day of his life: grief. Her soul didn’t deserve such a punishment.
“Xiao, you’re crying,” Lumine whispered, tentatively reaching up for a moment before touching his face.
His brows furrowed with confusion. Crying? But I’ve never done that.
She brushed her thumb against his cheek, and sure enough: there were tears, and a lot of them.
Her hands were freezing.
“Your hands... they’re so cold,” he said absently, catching her fingers as she started to pull them away.
She peered at him in surprise as he took both her hands in his own, caressing them in an attempt to warm her. “You should tell me when you’re cold.”
“But...”
“Just let me help you,” he said, again, his voice coming harsher than intended.
“I’m okay,” she argued, throwing him that stubborn tone once again.
Lumine tried to pull her hands away, but Xiao pulled her toward him instead. “No, let me--“
“I’m fine, Xiao!” she yanked against him once again, as if the contact were making her uncomfortable.
The wind started to whistle around them harshly. A storm was certainly blowing in.
He forgot his strength as frustration boiled up inside. He pulled her forward, and she came crashing into his chest-- both of them teetering toward the edge of the cliff. He instinctively embraced her and tensed in order to keep her from falling over the edge.
“This is why you should be more careful!” he scolded furiously over the rising wind. “I’m dangerous! I could’ve killed you just now! If you don’t even want my help then just go away!”
“NO!” she screamed, anguish escaping with the sound of her voice. “You feel like the closest thing I have to home!”
He scoffed bitterly, dry karma bleeding into his demeanor. “Me? Home? I’m a monster, Lumine.”
She clutched at the back of his shirt and took in a deep breath. Just as he began to wonder if maybe she’d given in, he felt her teeth suddenly clamp down on his shoulder.
Xiao cried out in alarm, tightening his grip on her. “What the he--“
She bit him harder, the groves of her teeth sinking deeper into skin. She dug her nails into his back and refused to let go, even as he tried to pry her away.
“Lumine! What are you doing!?” he struggled, eyes shut in pain as he sucked air through his grit teeth.
She finally released him from her iron bite, raising her head to look up at him with tear stained defiance. Pure determination was practically seeping out of her red faced expression. She looked like she’d been running on two hours of sleep, but somehow that made her more beautiful to him.
“Do regular people do that?” she demanded, her lip quivering. “I’m a monster, too, Xiao. We’re both monsters, see?”
She lunged forward to try and attack him again, but he threw up a hand to forestall her. “Stop! Stop! Wh-one second,” he gasped, grimacing with the shock of his burning shoulder.
He looked down, balking at the sheer size of the mark she’d left. It was actually bleeding... and extremely visible. The marks left by her teeth were pressed deep into his skin, overlapping with his green tattoo that flashed with adeptal energy. It was trying to alert him he was injured.
He glanced back down at Lumine who was still embracing him, tears falling down her face like a waterfall. She looked harmless, which was obviously wrong.
Confusion boggled his mind for several moments-- and then he finally understood. It clicked in his mind, and it felt as if the secrets of the girl were revealed to him.
“Listen,” he murmured, using the softest tone he could possibly muster. “I see what you’re trying to do-- but it won’t work. No matter how many times you bite me or yell at me, you will never be a monster like me.”
A fire lit up in her eyes, as if she’d silently accepted an unspoken challenge. Her lips fell into a deeper frown, and her gaze narrowed significantly.
He saw the look and hurriedly raised a silencing finger to her lips. They made eye contact, and slowly the flames of her resolution fizzled into cold embers.
“You didn’t want me to see your weaknesses earlier because you didn’t want me to feel you were incompetent? Is that correct?”
blushed hard, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “Yes... I just... I thought if you saw how weak I really am, you wouldn’t let me stay with you,” she said in a barely audible pitch.
Her words tingled in his heart like the vibrations of a lire string. “Stay.” “Stay with you” Had he heard that right? The wish of his since he’d met her all those years ago... could it truly be that she shared the same one? No. It couldn’t be. It didn’t make sense...
“You don’t have to prove yourself to me,” he told her, thoughts racing alongside his heart.
Lumine bit her lip with frustration, shaking from the cold and high emotions. “I don’t want you to think I’m a deadweight.”
“You have never been a deadweight,” Xiao argued, tightening his jaw with frustration.
“Yes, I have!”
“When?”
“When I was falling to my death and I couldn’t save myself!”
“You still saved Liyue...”
“Well there was the other time I tricked you into thinking I drown.”
“That doesn’t count.”
“But--“
“You have defended and saved Teyvat, Lumine. Why do you care about my opinion?”
She was stubborn-- always so stubborn.
Lumine huffed, her eyes brimming with tears again.
He had no idea how to handle her in such an emotional state. Being unfamiliar with emotions was a cosmically large disadvantage in this exact moment. His mind fumbled for ideas, something, anything to make her calm down. Her emotions were high, she was obviously tired, and her mood swings were becoming a little too difficult to handle.
He opened his mouth in an attempt to forestall her outburst. “I--“
“Why don’t you see? I just want you to love me!” she shouted, voice breaking alongside her fractured heart.
The words echoed off the sides of the mountain sides, reverberating around in his skull, through his bones and down into his heart.
He stared blankly as she pushed herself away and covered her eyes, sobbing into her hands like a lost child. This side of Lumine was so volatile, shy, sad, and filled with anguish. It had always been there, hidden behind her polished exterior-- but here in the quiet land of the yaksha had emerged her insides, cut loose from losing her brother. The world had crashed down for her.
“I’ve spent so long just feeling this way from a distance,” she cried, words muffled. “Every time I left the inn, I always regretted not just telling you how I felt! I thought about quitting my journey so many times so I could stay there in the treehouse. But I chose to keep going only to be abandoned by my brother! Now my journey is over, and Paimon is leaving to go far away. I came here to ask you if I could stay at the inn, but my emotions got the better of me. I always hoped you felt the same, but I know that you don’t and you never did. I’m so stupid! I’m so stupid!”
She was so wrong. She was so wrong.
Lumine stood up, angrily dashing the tears from her eyes. “Bye, Xiao.”
She started to turn around, but the yaksha caught her by the wrist. She looked down at him with exhausted eyes, and he stared up at her with fresh ones.
The clouds hovered around them like guardian angels, stars twinkling as if whispering to one another. The wind died like the last note on a violin. All was quiet as he squeezed her hand and caught his breath.
“I love you,” he admitted, voice ringing clear through the silent mountains.
The three words were so simple, so short, like all his other sentences... but so different from anything he had ever said before. They felt so right, clean, clear--gentle.
His nerves were high, vision unsteady, karma shaking, heart pounding, cheeks flushing. How did just her presence do this to him?
Lumine suddenly gasped and her knees gave out underneath her. Xiao leapt to his feet, grabbing onto her shoulders and carefully guiding her to the ground.
Both of them were trembling as they clung to each other.
They sat down on the grass again, Xiao carefully sliding his hands down her elbows as he knelt in front of her. “There... just sit still,” he breathed heavily, nerves high from his confession.
She looked at him with wide, star struck eyes. She looked so beautiful with that tired auburn gaze, mouth slightly ajar in shock.
“You do...?” she finally asked, her line of sight darting all over his face-- as if searching to find if this were a dream or not.
Xiao nodded, swallowing hard with embarrassment as he adjusted himself to sit criss cross. A lump rose up in his throat, and it had never been so hard to breathe. “I always have.” It felt surreal to speak those words.
Lumine’s hands rested limply on the grass, her breath escaping in little bursts of cold plumes, her cheeks shining with blush and tears.
She had never looked so beautiful.
The traveler reached forward hesitantly, her arms outstretched in a feeble attempt to embrace him.
Without needing a second hint, Xiao immediately took her up in his arms and cradled her in his lap. Her head came against his chest, and his strong arms supported her cold, delicate frame.
It felt terribly indulgent to hold her at such a close proximity. He knew it was wrong to allow her so close to his karma inflicted vessel, but it felt so unequivocally right at the same time. Her presence took away his pain, and her touch eased his turmoil. She had never shown signs of being affected by his darkness before, and finally, in this moment, he allowed himself to believe she would be alright to be this close to him.
Her hand pressed up against his chest, causing a shiver to run down his spine as he found himself enjoying the foreign close contact
She stared up at him with those eyes again, and now--even if he wanted to-- he wouldn’t be able to look away.
“I love you, Xiao,” she whispered.
The words leaving her mouth sent a tidal wave of emotions cascading through his body. He felt himself shudder as the weight of her words crashed into him again. He already knew she loved him from her earlier outburst, but hearing it so clearly directed at him sent his mind reeling.
“Why?” was all he could ask. Why would you set your heart on someone like me?
She stayed silent for a long while, struggling with her emotions for a little.
“You’re gentle with me, and you never want me to be in danger. Everywhere else I go, they put me straight into the fight. You’re the only one I feel like I can relax around. Even though your attitude is distant on the outside, when I talk with you I see how much you really care. I know you tell yourself lies to make things easier, but I see how much you love Liyue and the people in it,” she explained. “You’re selfless, and you’re protective like how my brother used to be. I can defend myself, but... I want to be taken care of again, like how I used to be taken care of.”
Her eyes welled up with tears again, and she turned her gaze away from him. “I guess... those are a few reasons I feel the way I do.”
Xiao gently touched her face, carefully turning her head back toward him. The thought of being someone’s safe place was foreign idea, but not an unwelcome one.
“You should have said that from the start,” he said, a rare smirk ghosting at his lips as he glanced pointedly at his bleeding shoulder. “You have no respect for the adepti.”
Lumine blushed profusely, smacking him with the back of her hand. “Don’t say that!”
To both of their surprise, he actually allowed a little chuckle to escape him--eyes twinkling with amusement at her mood swings. “It’s fine.... I don’t need respect from you, anyway.”
Lumine hurriedly wiped the shocked expression off her face, crossing her arms across her chest stubbornly.
“You are... so difficult to comprehend,” he said hesitantly, shaking his head. “But I would be lying to say I didn’t want to accept your request.”
“I can stay with you?” she asked a little doubtfully, obviously worried to get her hopes up.
Xiao nodded calmly, his eyes lingering on her as he took in her features. The air grew silent around them as he formulated his next words. What could he say to her? This was new territory for him.
“It’s... already too late to sever the connection I have to you. So, as long as you live, you are welcome to stay at Wangshu Inn with me.”
Lumine expression relaxed into pure relief. She let out a huge sigh, tension releasing from her body as she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and embraced him.
Xiao hugged her back, still partially shocked by his decision to let her stay. Hadn’t this been his wish all along? The wish for her to never leave? Why was it so shocking to see his desire fulfilled?
“Will you leave after a while?” he asked hesitantly, his arms tightening around her slim form.
The thought of watching her leave him again as he stood on the balcony of the inn burned a hole inside him. The reminder of his heart aching as he watched her disappear over the horizon-- wondering if she would live till their next meeting; the feeling of worry when he saw her new battle scars each time she returned-- loathing the fact that she hadn’t called his name. He remembered the ever present dread that she would find her brother and leave for good. He had been dangerously attached to her for far too long.
“No.” Her answer came without hesitation. “I want to stay with you forever.”
Xiao’s chest constricted, and those strange tears formed in his eyes once more. His voice choked inside his throat, and for a moment, he found himself unable to speak.
He took in a weak breath, allowing himself to close his eyes for a moment. Just for a few minutes... maybe he didn’t have to be the vigilant yaksha. He brought himself closer to her, the contact healing wounds he didn’t know he had. The pain of being alone for so long felt as if it were slowly being cured by her close proximity.
He took in a quiet breath, then pressed his lips against her soft, bare shoulder. It was warm, like the presence of fire on a winter’s night. His own shoulder dripped with hot blood from earlier, but in that moment, he was completely unaware. Nothing else mattered, not the demons, the pain of the past, or anxieties about the future-- only her arms around him and her words on his soul. He didn’t have to vigilant anymore, not right now.
He carefully drew his lips away from her skin, turning his head inward to rest. He still didn’t know why he was the only survivor out of all his siblings, or why Lumine was unable to save her brother-- but he knew this was where he wanted to be for the rest of his life.
Soft wind, cold air and a warm embrace. He nuzzled closer, whispering the words he vowed to eternally live by:
“I will be here forever... if that’s as long as you wish.”