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The first time Eren realizes it they are in Marley.
It is their first time beyond the sea, stepping foot unto new lands. For him, he has been before, in the times of his father and the times preceding that. Therefore, nothing is as new physically as it was from his memories. They were equally as tangible.
Under negotiation and alliance with anti-Marley Nations, they were to meet here to discuss the option of peace. The time for that would come soon but for right now the scouts, his friends, are like little children, gawking and choking at every different or new advancement in technology that they see. When Connie and Sasha try to feed the automobile he chuckles, laughs to himself from across the deck when at a clown offering Levi a balloon.
He expects the food to surprise them, Sasha and Connie the most. Their mouth waters at everything they can see at the stands and he can’t help but feel a hope in his chest that one day they would be so exposed to everything in the outside world that it things like automobiles, festivals, and food become less noteworthy than they are now. They deserve that much.
“Eren…! Come and try this…”
He looks to his left and there is Mikasa, standing in her suited skirt with a cone in her hand. He’ll have to compliment her on her outfit soon, realizing he didn’t do it before, it suits her well. Honestly there is nothing that she wears which contrasts with her beauty, he knows. But this is different, and he would want her to know that.
“Oh, it’s ice-cream” he remarks.
“You’ve tried this before?”
“I only remember it from my father’s memories, but it’s a sweet and cold dessert.”
“I-It is! It’s very cold!” She yelps in response.
They’ve been spending a lot more time with each other lately, not under the guise of a semi-familial bond or responsibility. But they’ve gotten to spend time, just talking- as friends, maybe more than friends. He doesn’t quite know yet. Things have still been turbulent since the battle for Trost, but it was that turbulence that has gotten them to where they were; him spending hours with her after training, them talking about the past with an air more of hope and less of grim, sparing glances and catching voices of each other when they weren’t fitted together in the same spaces.
Eren thinks that he has grown to like hearing her voice more and more. Like listening to the melody of a song from an instrument so distinguishable from all the rest. Sometimes he likes to put lyrics to the melody, and thinks about her singing other things, such as, “I would love if we could spend more time together” … “I love being with you…”
He is hopeful to hear these words one day, and is debating when and where he will act on how he feels. That isn’t his main concern right now, however. Right now, he is seeing a very rare sight. Mikasa is in front of him, flustered, with a skittish grin on messy-white and pink lips. The cone in her hand is beginning to cave and turn soggy.
“I-I didn’t know it would melt this quickly!” She moves to lick the cooling milk from her hands so that it doesn’t spill onto the material of her pleated skirt, and he watches her as she does.
His eyes are on her face, looking at the slight mess she has made with herself, remarking jokingly that even an Ackerman can have, this embarrassing, a lack of self-awareness. He watches the way her tongue comes out quickly and smoothly to suck and collect the cream on her right index finger before it can run down the rest of her knuckles. Eren notes how it does nothing to stop a line of spit mixed with ice-cream from collecting near the creases of her mouth. It is not that detectable, however.
For some reason he is just looking at her eating the ice-cream in the most careless way, face unassuming but eyes unmoving. When she looks up at him it is in shame and sheepishness, and he wonders if maybe he should smile at her to make it less awkward instead of just staring at her blankly. But he kind of likes seeing her like this; so bashful and slightly embarrassed.
“A-ah…haha….I was going to offer you some but I guess I can’t anymore… I’ll go get another one…”
“No, it’s fine you still can… Here let me taste it”
He doesn’t really know what compels him to take it perhaps it is the summer solstice that was making heat unbearable in his suit. But He takes the soggy mess from her, trying to cradle what is left of it from her frosty feeling palm. He is licking up what is left, licking around the circumference of the wafer, and sucking what slipped into the crevices. He pauses to speak, voice levelled.
“Usually when you eat ice-cream, you do it quick…”
“O-Oh, I didn’t realize! I have to try another one. I’ll get chocolate this time!’
She is off. And he continues to suck at the ice-cream only to feel his mouth against his fingers. On them are tiny nuts and fruit, seemingly placed at the bottom and he wonders how he didn’t see them before.
The morning goes by quickly, the group travelling through the outer section of Marley, exploring different things but not straying too far from each other.
At lunch later that day he licks the corners of his mouth and recalls the event to memory. And it is only then that he realizes that he never once looked at the cone while he was eating it.
For the rest of the day he decides he’s better off without his jacket due to the sweltering heat.
******
The second time it happens he swears it is not intentional.
They are back in Shiganshina, talks of diplomacy having gone better than they thought. Now it was just to wait a few months until Marley gave it’s final say on whether they would declare war or declare Paradis a freed State. And knowing that the former would be nation-suicide, considering that many of the countries Marley had wronged turned took the side of Paradis, the Scouts wait for the inevitable declaration of Eldian Independence.
Eren has a lot more time on his hands now and shares the majority of it with Mikasa.
On Monday they are in the fields, on Tuesday he is pricking his finger with a needle as she tries to teach him embroidery. Wednesday they spar and Eren much likes the decrease of Ackerman strength due to Ymir’s partial removal of the curse of titans,-
(partial, because although they knew they would be free, Marley still had two options; to free them or fight them, and until official word was announced, Paradis needed to keep their defenses)
-and on Thursday she offers to wash his hair with herbs she collected in one of Historia’s many gardens.
On Friday the afternoon sun is high and they are nestled under the shade of that tree on the hill. He is seated against the tree, Mikasa’s head in his lap as she fiddles with a flower in the soil.
She is playing that game of ‘He loves me he, loves me not’ the one little girls would play to determine their future with the boy of their dreams. Petal after petal ripped from the bud like hair from the head of a person. It was a cruel game, he thinks in hindsight, and not one with much value. But he looks down at Mikasa with a Capanula in her hand and his heart is filled with fondness.
Mikasa has always been kind and gentle, not the Ackerman devil the world painted her clan to create. In a presentation of that gentleness, she is lightly tapping the petals of the flower, but rather some nonsense of ‘He loves me, he loves me not’ it is instead other nonsense to do with whether Paradis will be freed or not.
And he wishes she would stop, would just let them have this moment, a pocket in the afternoon where they had all time and privacy to themselves, to enjoy and rest. He decides that he wants her to focus on something else, something positive. In that moment, he remembers! Something he wanted to give her earlier this morning while they were out in the town. In his vest he fishes for it and feels the wrapper.
“Hey, I got you something…”
When she looks up at him, the first thing she sees is a red ball, shiny and smooth on a brown thin stick. It looks so very similar to the treats they had in Marley and her eyes widen in realization as she thinks
“Oh Eren! Another Ice-cream Cone?! Thank you!! B-But I thought that-
Mikasa is interrupted by his loud laughter, feels it against the thighs she lays on. ‘What’s so funny?’ She asks.
“This isn’t an ice cream cone silly, it’s called a lollipop!” He chuckles.
“O-Oh…I see…” Her face reddens with light shame. “A-And I guess it makes sense cause the first thing I thought just now was how did you keep it in your pocket without it melting?”
And Eren has to say that he truly does love this side of her, when she is ignorant and clueless, yet curious and inquisitive. The way her eyes widen at the realization that something like this exists, that the outside world had so many unique and different treasures and revelations, that he could be the one to show it to her. And he is selfish enough to want to be the only person, the only man to show these things to her.
Then he thinks, he doesn’t even know how he could have thought of destroying 80% of humanity and leaving her behind to live without him…He scoffs now just at the thought.
In response to her question he says,
“Ice-cream and lollipops are very similar, but very different. For instance, you’d eat an ice-cream specifically on a hot day, and a lollipop you could eat at any time. Also, ice-cream is made more from milk and lollipops are made from beet sugar that is hardened and colored to make it attractive to kids.”
He watches her as she listens intently to his explanation, her eyes never leaving the treat in his hands, his eyes watching her keenly. “They taste the same in the end though, still very sweet.”
“…Can I try it?”
He scoffs light-heartedly at her question. “Of course you can. It’s for you.” And while he’s unwrapping it, she asks
“Hey…can you show me how to eat it first…I made a mess of the ice-cream before. I don’t want to look silly again…”
“…sure…”
For some reason he feels nervous as he takes the sweet to his lips and he opens his mouth wide enough for his tongue to slip out and lick at one of the sides. “It’s just like that, you can either suck it or lick it.”
“Can I try now?” She looks up to him.
He moves the sweet to her lips, glossy and wet with his saliva. She licks lightly at first, cautious of the new taste and texture, but then she sucks at it, and he can see the moment that her taste becomes acclimated to the candy. She sucks down on it with less gentleness this time around, eyes closing due to what he believes is sensory overload, only to open back up again quickly with a sound best described as an exclamatory moan.
“Eren…it’s hard!” She says between sucks.
It is only then that he realizes the implication of her licking it after him. She is not just sucking the lollipop, she is sucking his saliva off of it. And she is enjoying it.
He knows that it is innocent, harmless with no underlying motive, but something grows hot under his stomach at the thought of what she says. His hands are still to her lips feeding her the lollipop, and he wonders, speculates just for a moment, how far he wants to go with this, how far he could go without her knowing. He reaches for the itch.
“Mikasa, give it here..”
Her brows furrow lightly as he takes it from her lips.
“Be careful not to suck at it so hard, you’ll hurt the roof of your mouth. Here, let me show you”
He doesn’t even think there is a right way to eat a lollipop, but he doesn’t care, she would believe anything he tells her. In any case, his goal is not to demonstrate anything, it is more underhanded than that. In his sucking, Eren marbles his tongue around the lollipop, his spit catching every part of it. In his mouth, there is a collection of spit that he washes the candy in before popping it out lightly. He makes sure to give it one last suck just to ensure that it is not completely drenched in spit. Just enough for him to see that it adds another layer to the bright red dye. When it leaves his mouth, it is connected to a very thin thread of reddish pink that Mikasa can’t see.
“Here, suck”
somewhere in the back of his mind he feels like this is a command
Her mouth is on it again, sucking and collecting the juice that melts from it.
“Like this?” she asks between sucks, without sensuality, only wanting to know that she was doing the right thing, that she wasn’t embarrassing herself.
He’s looking at her, eyes half lidded as he responds “Yes…” He shifts in his pants as her head occasionally moves with her incessant sucking.
“It feels wetter than before…”
“Oh, m-my bad…it gets wetter the more you suck it I guess…” It is an excuse that comes out a bit breathy, but she won’t notice that either, not when her eyes are closing once more, and she’s sucking to take as much of the flavor that she could get.
“Take your time… suck it slowly… I don’t have another one…” He says, and she nods.
He holds it to her mouth and watches her eat it for close to 15 minutes, ignoring the way the space above his bladder feels.
*******
.
They are in a relationship now. Three months since their return from Marely, Paradis was declared a freed state. He thinks he is very glad to have told the others about the memories he receives, about his time travel, and how badly the future could have been for Marly, for Paradis, and for him. Because now they have a chance, he has a fighting chance for a long life, one he can spend with her.
But they know all too well that though time may be on their side, nobody fully knows what the future will hold, including him, not anymore. So immediately after the declaration he is quick to carry her somewhere private and confess to her how he has felt for such an agonizingly long damn time. After she responds in kind, he is even quicker to ask her for the opportunity to court.
Eren doesn’t do things half assed. He has all intention to marry this woman, to get her pregnant, start a family and raise children together. The two of them have known all along that that was where they were leading up to. So he doesn’t see the need for light kisses, and almost hugs- they could skip all of that.
When he kisses her nowadays, it is with opened mouth, breath hot on her neck, tongue running up and down the column of her throat. They live together now in a small house near Trost, one that grants them all the privacy they need from the outside world and those that would question the pace at which their relationship developed. Although, if their friends’ romantic relationships were also to be questioned, they wouldn’t be able to point fingers.
Besides, Eren has always been an intense person, he loves as he used to fight. It is dominating, frightful, passionate, dedicating his whole heart. He loves Mikasa so much and he wants to show her in every way possible.
They take things as slow as she would like them to in the beginning, her still being very delicate and cautious of this new development. And he willingly takes whatever she will allow him to take. Kissing, heavy petting, grinding against one another, these seem to be the things she is most comfortable with, so those are the things they do when they are in the privacy of their own home.
Eren likes it when he is on top of her, grinding deep and slow between her thighs. He likes pushing against them so they could lay as flat as possible against the wooden floor. Above all, he just likes being in her space, in her face, breathing down on it in harsh breaths, looking at her unravel from the way his erection rubs against her vagina.
They are together now, the war ended, Ymir removing the curse of titans along with her existence. But Eren has found that he still has that little piece of insanity mixed with strength.
The titans are gone, but there is still a beast lurking within him, one that he cannot quite call upon by name, but is now realizing how it lives in the pit of his stomach, but he has no control over it. This beast does not answer to him, no. It only answers to Mikasa.
When she moans, there is an incessant need to catch it with his mouth and use his tongue to keep her mouth pried open. He never lets her close it. Eren fills her mouth with so much of him that she has to draw away gasping and gulping. Even when she tries to pull away for breath, he turns her head back to his. When it really becomes too much for her that she has to beg him for breath, he settles on licking her face, her cheeks, the space below her nostrils and on her nose bridge.
And his licks are wet and sloppy, leaving saliva on her eyebrows, the crevices of her ear, and the slits of her eyes. It is so condensed that it makes her look close to tears. It makes his chest work up and down. He likes to make her cum with the sharp stab of his hips against hers, all the while licking and sucking at her face. It is only then, when he sees her glossy and smelling of his spit that the orgasm is ripped from his body and he can feel his sperm hot against his underwear.
****
Maybe, perhaps, he has always been some sort of beast. From they day he was born, a thing untamed, unapologetic in living life. That is the only way he can justify this feral need to have every and any part of him that he chooses inside of her.
It is a quiet, insidious thing. One he wants to tell her, but one he wants to hide at the same time. Not for shame, never for shame. But maybe it is because that is the one thing he can keep from her as his own sinful little secret. It was very similar to stealing her panties from the laundry putting them to his nose to inhale their scent.
Very close in act to taking her scarf in his hands every week. “You need to keep it cleaned otherwise the material will damage Mikasa” he would tell her, and in his laundry routine his hands would find their way into his trousers, fingers fitting nicely around his strained cock before his belt reached the floor. He would smell at her scarf, bite and nibble, groan her name in a sweet, begging way, spilling himself against the silk.
Post-orgasm, Eren would look down at hot searing white, against carmine red, and for his signature, he rolls his tongue around the corners of his mouth to layer his spit on top the semen. Only after that does he start the water and soap the bucket, and not before.
He can now put a name to it. – This need for spit. It is a mark of ownership, control. Like animals would pee on their territory to ward off their competition, he thinks of marking Mikasa with his spit- on her face, in her mouth. The thought makes him feel that more secured in keeping her safe from the hands of others.
This philosophy feels so opposed to everything they fought for, what they believed. But Eren has realized, over time that it took to memorize the lines in the roof of her mouth, that he doesn’t much care.
Mikasa is his property. She was not a slave of any sort. These two things could co-exist peacefully.
So he will continue to lick up and suck on her mouth, teeth and lips, while trying to contain the beast inside that wants to do so much more.
Eren has done even worse things he believes, in thought more than deed. But what difference is a thought to a deed, a philosophy he has come to live by after receiving Grisha’s memories.
Now, if Eren thinks something, he will do it. And he has been thinking of Mikasa receiving his spit for a grand long time, choking on it and for it like a parched woman rushing to a well. Too long to trace back in time. Maybe he has always wanted that.
One day she comes inside from their garden, drenched in sweat from the hot afternoon sun. She doesn’t have to ask before Eren is heading to the kitchen to fetch her something to drink.
He reaches for the bowl of berries he has had juicing since this morning and pours it in a glass, before getting a knife to chip off a piece of ice from the cooler. As he pours the ice into the cup and mixes the glass with a spoon, his mind wanders. A thought comes randomly and doesn’t leave.
Do it
He doesn’t know what but at the same time he knows all too well. It doesn’t take much to fight against the conscious moral thought rising to stop him. He looks over his head to make sure she is unaware of what he is doing in the kitchen. And she is, sitting on the floor of the living room, legs splayed out and head tilted back to catch her breath. Ignorant and unknowing.
It is quick and unnoticeable when he spits twice in the glass, once in daring and twice for surety that yes, he is spitting in a cup for Mikasa to drink. The froth of the berries blends with his saliva perfectly, and he mixes the fruit, water, and a piece of himself until the ice in the cup chips lightly from spinning. Possession is at the root of this gesture.
When he carries it to her it is with an eagerness that he tries to hide.
“Thank you, Eren.” She takes it with gratitude.
A smile so soft and sweetly unknowing graces her lips, before she tilts the glass and drinks what he has made for her, doesn’t stop drinking until the only thing left is a layer liquid trapped underneath the ice, like water trapped beneath non-permeable rock.
With every gulp he watched her throat, eyes blazed and unblinking. He listens to her voice her refreshment with a sigh.
“Thank you so much Eren, that tasted good.”
“…I made it just for you…”
His voice is raspier than he wants it to be.
He walks back to the kitchen, empty glass in hand. When he sets the glass down in the sink, he grips the counter till his hands turn white and his body shakes. He releases a shudder and a curse.
If Eren thinks something, he will do it.
He thinks maybe it is time to feed the beast inside of him.
***
His hips piston into her, the floorboards she lays on creaking high and low notes with every thrust. Her back is bleeding and she can feel it, can smell the faint copper and hopes that whatever bruise is left behind will only redden and swell, but won't scar.
It has been 2 hours since he's had her like this, fitted neatly and tightly around his cock, fucking her on the bed, lain on the counter in the kitchen, hoisted up against each wall of the house, and now on the floor of the living room.
Eren is relentless and unapologetic in the way that he is stuffing her, boastful in his stamina, irreverent in his proclamations to her
“I love being inside of you”
“I could fuck you forever”
“Gonna fill you with my cum”
And Mikasa could listen longer to his many songs and sighs, wouldn't tell him to be quiet if she could. But right now, she's sore, insides burning, and though she loves the way he has familiarized himself with her body, she really does want him to stop.
Mikasa looks up at him and pleads "Eren, can we stop?"
"What for?" He doesn't miss a beat, but his eyes search her face in concern.
"I'm.... it's beginning to hurt now"
She hears his breath hitch; it is hot on her cheeks. "...Y-yeah? ....Is it?" he asks still thrusting.
"Yes, you're really...big"
"Am I?"
It comes out more as a huff than a question, beneath it a hidden air of confidence.
"Yes..." she’s whimpering now, longing for him to stop swelling inside her.
"Say it again..."
"Eren p-please I'm not joking"-
"Say it again and I'll hurry up and finish....please..."
There is a look in his eyes, green and burning. His face is wrecked; a fixed pain furrowed in his brows. Apart from that, an urgency and feral gaze. This is him nearing the edge, she knows, and she thinks that she will do anything to get him there as soon as possible.
Mikasa opens her mouth in a moan. "Fuck... you're so big.... tearing me open..."
"...f-fuck...yeah?"
"I've never had anything this big before-"
There is a sudden stutter in the way he moves his hips and then it’s sharp and rough again, making her yelp high. He’s growling now, not like he did before, but almost in disgust…at what?-
"You've never had anything or anyone period." He calls her bluff.
And seeing how is anger flares quick and hot, she decides not to go down that line of talk again. He was right after all. He had been the only one to know her body in this way, to discover with her a part of herself she did not know. She hopes that he will also be the last, though that may be sooner than later by the way he handles her when they dance this heated dance.
"... you're gonna tear me open..." he doesn't stop looking at her
"Fucking-… shit...."
"Is that what you want?... for me to bleed?-
Something in him pulls and snaps. In an instant his hands are in her hair and his forehead against hers, wet and sweaty. He is growling more animalistic than before with hips forwarding in sharp rough slaps against hers. His forehead hovers just above. He raises it an inch or so above to look at her. The scream she lets out when he pulls her hair is enough to shock her and her hands are quick, reaching to cover her mouth. He grabs them and pins them to the side of her face, letting them graze the floor.
“k-keep your mouth opened” it is a shaky command
“EREN PLEASE-!!"
"Do not close it."
It is almost chilling, frightening how he could sound so composed, so in control when he was on the verge of spilling himself inside her, but she doesn’t have any time to ponder on why. Immediately after his command, she feels the hand moving up and down her clitoris disappear, ridding her of the relief she was getting from his incessant brushing and shoving against her folds.
She looks up at him, expression betrayed, then she sees his mouth opening, tongue gathering a thick layer of spit before it falls; viscous and slow.
Before she can feel it properly touch her lips, Mikasa realizes that she has already opened her mouth wider to accept it.
"Swallow it" he shudders.
With a sob and without complaint, her throat is working and she can feel his spit leave her tongue and follow the contracting and expanding flow of her oral muscles.
She is left in such a state of shock at what he just did to her, what she just allowed- what she just enjoyed, that she does not hear his wine above her-
"...What the fuck....M-Mikasa what the fuck... oh my God"
-doesn't feel the cum spill in her for a final time while he says her name over and over like a hope, a prayer. The only thing she feels is his tongue on her face and his hands on her clitoris once more before her orgasm takes her once again before her mind goes blank to her surroundings.
.
.
In the aftermath, Eren is kissing her lips as softly as he can. His fingers massage the lips on her vagina providing warmth against the soreness. He is in her ear, cooing soft affirmations to her, telling her how well she did, how much he loves her.
In her half groggy state she feels his tongue seeking purchase against her teeth, opening her mouth and finding her corresponding muscle.
When Eren kisses into Mikasa’s mouth, he thinks he is doing it to feel the remnants of spit that may be left behind, while simultaneously licking the walls of her teeth to make sure his trace is always there.
*****
It is at dinner where the two sit in silence and awkwardness two nights after that she asks him.
“Can you …what you did that night… can you spit in my mouth again?”
“….”
Whether it is him or the beast inside that reacts first, he doesn’t know. He is on her before he can verbally respond.