Chapter Text
2025 had been a weird year for Chovy it was as if he had repeated the 2024 again, GenG had had the same results as 2024
Flawless regular season into easy qualification to msi, winning msi
Winning the lck title
There was a small hiccup along the way
A shocking 2-3 defeat at the hands of kt rolster…..always had to be KT didn't it, but that didn't deter them as they went on to win from the lower bracket anyway defeating KT 3-0 when they met again
Then came worlds……
Where chovy had lost, again
In the semifinals, again
With the exact score of 3-1, again
And T1 had one the whole thing, again.
He didn't really care about who won if it wasn't him to be honest, it wasn't him that's all he knew and that's all he took away.
But this time was different, this time it wasn't just some random pro he was vaguely familiar with who had won.
Choi hyunjoon, his doran hyung had won worlds. And contrary to what people on the internet might think, jihoon was genuinely happy for him. He was happy to see him gain confidence, own up to his mistakes without regret and learn to trust his instincts.
Jihoon was at home watching the finals on his tv when they won, this was actually the first finals he was watching in years since he became a pro player, at least while it was live.
“Congratulations hyung, I knew you would do it one day. I'm so happy for you!”
His fingers typed, and then pressed backspace
Again and again
In the end he didn't send it, he couldn't. Was it fear that hyunjoon wouldn't respond? Or did he think they weren't close enough anymore?
Jung jihoon, 1:03am
“Im sorry hyung you can call me anytime you want, pls call me, i dont want this for be to how we end,i feel horrible i didnt mean any of it. Please just talk to me i dont know how i can apologize”
Choi hyunjoon, 1:05am
“I think it's best if we delete each other's number”
Jung jihoon, 1:05
“Hyung i love you, i’ll always be here for you…”
seen.
20th November 2023, the last time they had spoken
‘He's probably celebrating with his teammates right now, and his phone is probably blowing up with messages anyway
I'll -ill do it later’
He convinces himself.
“DORAN IS OUT OF THIS WORLD, COUNTERSTRIKE FINDING 3 OF THEM AND WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SHOCKWAVE FROM CHOVY-
YOU MAY TRY TO BURY IT INTO THE GROUND BUT THE CHURCH PREVAILS,
GENG ARE YOUR 202# WORLD CHAMPIONS”
Jihoon leaps out of his chair, the face of his jungler glitching between peanut and canyon,he looks over beside the jungler and sees him, his hyeonjun hyung, looking at jihoon, ecstatic as he runs into his arms
No, this is-
He feels the strong hands of his bot lane enveloping the both of them, their coaches running from the booth and joining in on the hugs
No, stop-
They lift the summoners cup, the beautiful summoners cup, his hands on top of hyunjoon’s as they hoist the trophy, doran looking into him his eyes bright as stars
“Jihoon-ah we did it!” He whispers low enough so only they can hear
STOP IT!
jihoon wakes up screaming, his forehead beaded with sweat, tears stinging his eyes, his breathing uneven
He is sitting up but immediately falls back down on the bed, curling up in a fetal position
He keeps his eyes wide open so he doesn't fall asleep and slip back into that horrible horrible dream.
It was jihoons biggest dream yet worst nightmare.
His mind wandered to their days on griffin, siwoo hyung and dohyeon hyung joking about who's gonna win worlds first and doran would always say “noooo we're gonna win together, no you or me first we're gonna win together" he would say looking directly at jihoon, giving him a soft smile that jihoon couldn't help but blush because of
He remembered the night before the 22 semifinals, them lying in each other's arms after a tiring day of scrims, joking about how they were gonna crush the top-mid couple in their enemy team and discussing what skins they'll pick
He remembered hyunjoon hyung complaining about worlds being in korea in 23 because it meant they couldn't travel and visit new places, and jihoon saying “hyuuuung but isnt it good, our parents can come watch us and we wont have to deal with jetlag” and hyunjoon would roll his eyes at jihoon’s practicality
Jihoon didn't know when he started crying or if he even stopped since he woke up. He felt a familiar pain in his chest, no, he can't feel like this, he can't have ridiculous dreams like this.
Jihoon tried to go about his day normally, he even tried queuing up for a game of solo queue but got annoyed by how long the queue time was. He lounged around, played mario kart, texted kiin-hyung asking if he wanted to arena but gave up when he found out he was with his family.
jihoon didn't really go back to his family, he was still at the geng dorms. It's not like he didnt love his mom, he loved her dearly. He had visited her right as they came to korea and had come back to their dorms 3 days later. That was enough for him. He just wanted to be alone for a while before everyone came back and their busy lives started again
He texted the same message from before over and over again, never sending it through various points of the day
“Congratulations on winning hyung! I knew you could do it, wanna get a drink together sometime later?”
He scoffed at how ridiculous the last part was, hyunjoon wouldn't want that and jihoon didn't think his heart could take more rejection or worse ignorance
10pm
He was hungry, he didn't know he got so hungry, he dragged himself to the kitchen, sleep already half way to his eyes despite him doing nothing the whole day.
There was nothing in the kitchen, well nothing Jihoon wanted to eat anyway, some vegetables in the fridge and a jar of milk. He contemplated just drinking milk and going to bed but the voice of youngjae hyung kept ringing in his head about how unhealthy that is
Off to the convenience store we go!
Jihoon had regressed back into his 18yr old lifestyle where all he ate was ramen and soda, now at his big age of 24 with the addition of vitamin supplements to it
The convenience store was barely a 5 minute walk, it was just around the corner across the street from the GenG dorm
He silently entered the store bowing to the cashier ajhussi who knew him by now and started making his way to the drinks and icecream section at the back
He felt like his heart had stopped beating, the world around him had come to a pause, suddenly very conscious of his breaths
Choi hyunjoon was standing in front of him,
Contemplating between banana milk and strawberry milk……
No no no
No, jihoon is not sane enough to deal with this right now, he wants to look away, turn around run away, pretend this was all a dream but his feet didn't move, his eyes didn't leave the man in front of him
He finally made up his mind, got the strength to move and hyunjoon spotted him, they locked eyes.
This was different than all the times they saw each other at lol park, jihoon with his team, hyunjoon with his, their interactions not needing to be more than required fist bumps after the match or greeting each other in the lobbies
It was just the 2 of them, in a completely non-professional setting.
It was almost as if the universe hated jihoon
Its almost as if
“Oh? Hello, didnt expect to see you here”
Jihoon snapped back into reality “huh?”
“I mean i thought u would be back home in incheon right now” hyunjoon said with a soft smile, as if this was a normal encounter
“Ah- what? I- um no no i did go home, but uh yea im back” it was like jihoon had forgotten how to speak, hyunjoon did not comment
“Are…you just gonna stand there?” hyunjoon asked after 5 seconds of silence
“Wh- oh no” jihoon started moving towards the freezers where hyunjoon was standing, his brain was completely on auto pilot
He should say something, he cant throw away this shot, he could have a normal conversation, he can congratulate him in person like he wanted to, he could-
“What are you doing here?” he blurted out
“Oh uhm?” he lifted the 2 bottles of flavoured milk he was holding as if that was a good enough answer
Jihoon blinked a few times, “no i meant like, why havent you gone home too?”
“Oh OH ah well we got back today morning and there are some content obligations in the next week and after than im gonna go home for a break” hyunjoon said sheepishly at misunderstanding the original question
Content obligations, hyunjoon hyung was working so hard, he has worked so hard all of this year
“You've worked so hard hyung, I so happy for you…..” he has to say it, he couldn't hold it in he never knew when they'll get to talk like this again
“Thankyou jihoon-ah, that means a lot coming from you” there was guardedness in hyunjoons voice that broke jihoon's heart. He wanted them to be normal with each other, he wanted them to be friends atleast
“Hyung do u wanna gr-”
“Ah I'll just take both jjunie can have the other, oh I'm sorry were u saying something?” Doran looked at him apologetically
Jjuni, moon hyeonjun, Oner…
Were the rumors true? Jihoon suspected it, he hated looking across from him and seeing them giggling but he just chalked it down to moon hyeonjun being an extrovert
Had hyunjoon truly moved on? Had he lost his hyunjoon hyung for good? Is this the price for what he said back then, for how he acted?
“Jihoon-ah?” Hyunjoon interrupted his trainwrecks of thought
“Ah nothing hyung, i hope you have a nice break” there was understanding in hyunjoon’s eyes that their time was up, this is the friendliest conversation they could have
Jihoon immediately turned away and started walking the other direction grabbing some random ramen packs not even looking at them
When he stepped out of the store
He RAN
As fast as he could, away from whatever that interaction was, away from his fears, away from the pain
He didn't care if he looked like a psycho to the people on the streets
Things were never gonna be the same, him and hyunjoon were never gonna be the same
And he has to live with that, live with that hurt, live with the hope that maybe a trophy is what will one day soothe all oh pain.