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"We give everything for this job, everything,
and what does it cost us?
A family?
A normal life?"
What was the cost of this job in his life?
When he began his military career, like any other young man, he really had no idea what he was about to experience. Although he was accustomed to tough treatment and tense situations, this was entirely new to him.
He knew brotherhood, loyalty, and commitment as well as the depths of human evil. He experienced triumph and defeat, celebrated the return of his comrades alive, and carried their coffins when they died.
At the FBI, his life changed in a certain way. He was no longer in survival mode all the time; he had a relatively stable team, and he had found a partner he could trust.
He remembers the process of building the trust they have today. When they first met, they lived in an awkward silence, each trying to solve the case assigned to them while avoiding the reality that overwhelmed them the moment they got home.
Finally, they began to take small steps. He let her know that he knew about her husband's death, and she had asked him to be honest when he tried to deny the pain he still felt as a result of his time in the military.
And little by little, the walls they had both built began to come down. They learned to trust each other, when to push and when to back off, when something affected the other more than usual, and when something was wrong. Over time, they became able to read each other without any problems.
And right now, he knew she was scared; her response to situations like this was to become defensive, but he could hear the terror in her voice. He could blame her; he understood her perfectly. She had already suffered the consequences of this type of weapon firsthand. She had put her life on hold for months and then struggled to recover physically and mentally.
“We are gonna be all right,” he said, in an attempt to reassure her
“You don't know that.” No, he didn't know it, but at times like this, he couldn't show negativity, much less fear, even though he felt it in every bone.
In different rooms, separated by a glass wall, he can watch her. She didn't speak during the entire trip to the hospital, remaining thoughtful, but he could see the concern in her features. Even now, he could notice her posture.
Maggie's words kept running through his head: the cost was high, their own lives. Not only the fact that they could die, but also the fact that they had to live with everything they witnessed every day at work. He still remembers a night when he felt sad, overwhelmed, and tired after a difficult case where they couldn't save a little girl. He felt like he was drowning in helplessness.
“You okay?” He was waiting for her in front of her house, just as he always did when he felt it was too much for him to handle alone.
“I don't think so,” he replied without looking at her.
He felt her sit down beside him and smiled sadly.
“That little girl had honey-colored eyes, just like yours”, he said as he finally looked at her.
He sighed as he brought his hands to his face and then shook his head.
“I don't know what the hell we're doing.” The last few months had been an emotional roller coaster, and he was emotionally exhausted.
“I feel like for every case we close, five more pop up, and it never ends.”
He felt Maggie's hand on his shoulder. He felt a little bad knowing that she had also had her difficulties lately; she had almost died being burned alive, but he really needed to talk, or he was going to go crazy.
“You've had some tough days lately,” he listened to her speak.
“You too,” he replied.
“Yes,” she replied as she clasped her hands together. “You know, after a while in this job, I also had a moment where I felt quite unmotivated, I don't know, almost depressed,” she confessed.
“But after a while, I was able to understand something important,” this time she looked him straight in the eyes.
“For every case that was closed, a family was able to get the answers they needed to move on, just as I did with Jason. For every case that was solved, people can return to their homes, have a life, be seen, and even be loved. And for those who did not make it, I believe that solving their case is at least a sign of humanity, that is, I care about you, and I will do what is necessary to bring you the justice you need.”
She smiled sadly at him, “Perhaps many don't see it that way, but I cling to this. Maybe it can help you.”
When he emerged from his memories, he saw the doctor approaching with a tablet. Now they would know the results.
The good news? They were okay.
The bad news? A dirty bomb was about to go off.
“You are not serious.”
Escaping an explosion with only 25 seconds to spare was crazy, but the bomb technician didn't know he was talking to two crazy people capable of driving a vehicle loaded with explosives and escaping with only seconds to spare.
“We have to get out of this alive.” That's what OA was thinking as he removed the container with the toxin. He really hated these things. “How many more times do you think you can run from death?” He really hoped they would make it this time.
The shockwave knocks them to the ground. OA is confused, and his ears are ringing. He looks around and sees only dust. “Maggie?” He feels intense relief when he sees her standing in front of him.
“The container is secure,” he reports as they both breathe a sigh of relief.
He feels her hand on his chest, in an attempt to comfort each other, so he places his hand on hers and squeezes it. They have managed to survive twice in one day, together.
“Are you okay?” she asks him.
“Yes,” he says as he gets up.
“Everything okay?” he asks as he helps her to her feet.
“Yes, but we could use a medical checkup,” she replies as she looks at the mess around her.
“A medical checkup and a shower,” he replies, trying to lighten the mood.
He hears her giggle as they listen to the sirens in the background. It was a really long day.
While a paramedic examines him, he thinks about his day. It could have ended tragically, but it didn't, and he feels truly grateful for that. The only thing that worries him right now is Maggie. She seems calm, but he knows that deep down, this has affected her. Today, she mentioned Ella, and he knows that she still feels disappointed that she was unable to keep custody of the girl.
When he got the go-ahead, he approached her.
“Did they give you the go-ahead?” she asked, smiling.
“They did,” he replied with a smile, “I did eat the vegetables my mother cooked,” he added jokingly.
And it worked because he heard her laugh.
“The bomb squad is gonna be celebrated as national heroes for this.”
"Yeah, I know, and you're the one who deserved it
"What does it cost us?"
Just as she had once encouraged him when he felt that this job was dragging him down, he wanted to do the same for her. He had already told her how important she was in his life and had shown her, but for him, it was never too much to remind her. He would do so whenever possible. He wanted to believe that he was a pillar in her life, just as she was in his.
“You know what’s funny?”
“We do this job to save the lives of perfect strangers.”
He had lost count of how many people he had met, so many different realities and stories. Every day, he woke up and added one more to the endless list, strangers for whom he risked his life, turning their pain into his own in order to help them.
“People we like”
He also remembered the times when some of his own had been in imminent danger, the adrenaline rushing through his body as he gave his all to save them, no matter the cost.
“People we don’t like.”
He had to protect a man he despised when he needed a new heart. He protected someone whose rhetoric discriminated against him and his people, and he did so because it was the task assigned to him, and he always fulfilled his duty.
“Sometimes people who don’t even wanna be saved.”
The times they encountered someone about to commit suicide were still fresh in their memory. The parents who refused their help because they were too afraid that something might happen to their kidnapped children replayed like a movie in their dreams, and those victims who refused to speak out for fear of the consequences, still haunted their minds.
“But when you’re standing next to the person, you can’t imagine losing the most”
Humans are social beings by nature; his science teacher used to repeat that when he was a child. Later, when everyone pointed at him and said the most hurtful things a child should ever hear, he wondered if he would ever be able to find someone who could understand and accept him for who he was. And now he had finally found her, someone he could trust, lean on, and let into his life without hesitation, someone who wouldn't run away when things got terribly painful, and someone for whom he would absolutely give his life.
“I would make that sacrifice any day.”
This time, he looked at her, trying to show how serious he was about those words. He had already been through situations where she almost died, and only he knew how desperate he felt trying to save her until she finally returned to his side.
He would rather die than see her die, because he could endure any other situation in which he was in trouble, but he would not be able to live happily for a single day knowing that she was no longer in this world. Sometimes he wondered if he was being selfish and sometimes even a little foolish. He had grown fond of a person who, like him, was capable of sacrificing herself for others without a second thought.
They say that “while you're alive, you should love as much as you can,” so he would do that and go as far as humanly possible, and if letting her know that he was willing to sacrifice himself for her would bring her comfort, he would tell her and always show her, and he hoped that would be the rock that kept her stable, just as she did for him.
She nodded and smiled, and he finally let out a sigh. They almost died twice today.
He felt her rest her head on his shoulder and smiled as he gazed distractedly at the floor. He just hoped that life would give them enough time to see each other happy.
But life takes unexpected turns, doesn't it?