Chapter Text
"..I'm sorry.. not now."
"Not now.. or not ever?"
Jeonghan opens his eyes at the first ring of his alarm. He has always been a light sleeper, never missing his alarms. Call it cautiousness, diligence, discipline and so on but simply put, it's because no sleep of his has been deep enough for him to not wake up.
He stretches for a bit before getting up, making sure his lithe body stays flexible for the day. Once he's finished warming up, he makes his way to the bathroom.
In the mirror, reflects a beautiful, perfectly sculpted face. Huge brown hazy eyes, kissable nose and soft, supple lips. This face of his is adored and appreciated by thousands of people worldwide due to his profession as a model. People stare at him, ogle him, observe him, but strangely he doesn't hate it now.
"I like staring at you. The more I gaze, the lovelier you become."
His mind snapped out of it as he tries to dismiss that deep, fond voice complimenting him in his memory. He doesn't need that voice anymore. It distracts him.
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
It was that summer when he first heard the voice, the summer when he was 17.
He just moved to an apartment with his uncle because of a job transfer.. or something, he didn't care enough to find out more. Even though his uncle is his only family member, they weren't close. Both of them are just waiting for him to turn 18 and move out to live independently, with whatever inheritence money he was left with.
He was at home, waiting for the security company to install the alarm. His ears perked up at the sound of footsteps outside the house, he moved to open the door at the first knock.
In front of him was a boy, around his age, wearing a teal shirt. Short hair, big gooey cow eyes, long lashes and a silly, silly gummy smile with deep dimples.
There was a slight tug in Jeonghan's chest.
"Is this the Yoon Residence?" asked the boy, his clear gaze staring straight at Jeonghan's eyes.
Jeonghan ran away from those eyes, he looked down on the floor and nodded slowly.
The boy immediately kneeled down— determined to chase his sight, "I'm from Choi Securities, your dad set an appointment for us to setup the alarm system here." His voice was naturally deep, but it was obvious that he was raising his pitch a little to sound friendly and non-threatening.
This dissonance baffled Jeonghan, he didn't know how to react, but the boy waited. Silently. With that stupid cheerful smile of his.
There it was again, the slight tug.
Jeonghan opened his mouth, "He's my uncle.. not my dad." He hesitated before making way for the boy to go in, "Get up.. don't stay on the floor. It's dirty."
That was the longest sentence he's ever spoken to anyone that week.
The boy stood up and made his way in, "I'm Choi Seungcheol, the other workers will be up with the equipments soon, I'm here to inspect the house first." Jeonghan noticed the boy, Seungcheol, did not comment on his statement clarifying his relationship with his uncle.
Seungcheol extended his hand towards Jeonghan, seemingly no intention to move forward. Jeonghan was stuck in the narrow hallway with no way out. He stayed silent, the only sounds accompanying his thoughts were Seungcheol's breaths and the ticking clock.
He had no choice but to reach out and slowly shake Seungcheol's hand.
'He's warm', thought Jeonghan, 'too warm for summer.' He felt the tug again in the left side of his chest now, a bit more prominent than before. Like he was being pulled by something. A string? A thread?
This scared Jeonghan so he quickly took back his hand and muttered, "I'll be waiting at the park downstairs, do what you want here."
"Hey, wait-"
He rushed out of the door and climbed down the stairs in a hurry, hell-bent on escaping that voice. After four floors down, he reached the lobby. He stopped in his tracks, trying to process his actions.
He wanted to go back upstairs, but he gave up. His body moved quicker than his thoughts. So he just made his way to the park in front of the apartment.
He sat down on the bench and touched his left rib, the tug was still there. He didn't know how much time had passed until he heard the voice again.
"You know, you really shouldn't trust a stranger with access to your house," this time, the boy didn't bother raising his pitch.
Jeonghan looked up, blinded by the sun behind the boy. He wasn't sure whether it was the sun ray, or if he was hallucinating, but he seemed to see a stripe of light coming from the boy.. connecting to his chest. Like a gold thread.
'Yeah.. I'm definitely hallucinating,' thought Jeonghan. He squinted to see if he could remove that thread from his sight.
"Oh sorry," the boy knelt down on the green grass, "now you don't have to squint."
"You're kneeling down again," commented Jeonghan.
"Hmm? Well how else am I supposed to make eye contact with your pretty face?" he smiled slightly.
Jeonghan blinked rapidly and freezed hearing that compliment. He didn't know how to respond, so he kept opening and closing his mouth. Not a sound came out.
"Anyway, we finished setting up the alarm system and the intercom. Come, let's go back so I can teach you how to use it, ummm, what's your name again?" asked Seungcheol.
"...Jeonghan. Yoon Jeonghan."
"Yoon Jeonghan," whispered Seungcheol, "well then, let's go back, Yoon Jeonghan."
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
"Yoon Jeonghan-ssi! Look over here!" shouts a journalist among the crowd.
The flashes of the cameras blind his eyes, but he neither squints nor freezes. Instead, he smiles prettily and makes his way to the car after signing a few more autographs.
"Jeonghan! You're so beautiful! I'm your biggest fan! I've been following your works for years!" Screams a girl at the barricade, almost pushing the bodyguards.
Jeonghan turns around and smiles cheerily, "Thank you for your support. Please look forward to my next project, it's coming soon." He waves goodbye and gets in the car.
His agent, Taewoong, looks at him from the front seat, "You do realize we still haven't officially signed with LY Cosmetics, right?"
Jeonghan grins, "We will today, because they want me."
"..You and your confidence," Taewoong fishes out his phone to show Jeonghan a message, "Anyway, the boss wants to know the update on those silent calls you received this past week."
Jeonghan glances at the phone, "It's fine. They're nothing serious, they'll stop soon when they're bored."
Taewoong stares at him and sighs, "I hope so. But the boss has already contacted a security company in case anything happens."
Jeonghan pauses for a bit when he hears 'security company', but he pushes it down and answers his agent with a hum.
The car continues its journey for another half an hour before it stops in the basement parking lot of LY Group.
Both Jeonghan and Taewoong steps out of the car and enters the building, leaving the driver behind to find a parking spot.
Taewoong pushes the button of the elevator, "Oh, did you take your iron supplement? We don't want you passing out during the contract discussion."
"I don't pass out," Jeonghan steps into the elevator as the door opens, "I just.. get dizzy sometimes."
Jeonghan looks at his reflection on the elevator door as it closes.
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
The bathroom mirror reflected his pale face. The school bell rang, but he had no intention of getting out any time soon. He knew he had to make a good impression, it was his first week in this new school. He knew. But he was so dizzy and lethargic.
A little time passed, then he straightened up his shoulders, fixed his hair and walked out of the bathroom. He jogged to the field as it was time for the PE class.
"The new kid, you are late," said the teacher sternly, "Get in line, we're starting the sprint."
"I'm sorry, teacher," Jeonghan bowed his head and stood in line, waiting for his row's turn. He spotted a familiar boy two rows in front of him.
'..Huh? Seungcheol? He's in-'
"READY! SET!"
Jeonghan's line of thought was interrupted by the teacher's yell. He saw Seungcheol getting down, ready to sprint.
'He's kneeling again..'
"GO!"
The students began cheering as the five boys started their 100 meter race. And there he was, the boy, dashing through the field, at a speed Jeonghan wasn't sure if it's humanly possible, but he's probably just hallucinating this time too.
The boy took over the other runners and reached the finish line easily. He turned around with a huge smile on his face, laughing at his other classmates who was behind him as they whined and scolded him for running too seriously.
He looked at the next row and spotted Jeonghan standing there. He was surprised to see him, and soon that surprised face turned to a delighted expression.
Jeonghan stared at that face in the distance and felt the string tugging again.
It was like the gold thread was calling him to journey through that 100 meters in the sweltering sun while Seungcheol stood at the finish line. 'Run here. Cross this line. Take the chance.'
"NEXT GROUP, STAND BY!" the teacher pointed at Jeonghan's row. He knelt down, he could see drips of his sweat falling on the track. 'This is bad,' thought Jeonghan.
His ears started ringing. All the sounds around him were buzzing through his eardrums.
"GO!"
Jeonghan stood up quickly and started running. The wind passing through him felt suffocating, but he kept his focus on that face in the distance.
He felt his heart beating fast and eager to move forward towards the tugging. One step, two steps, his visions blurred. The next thing he knew he was facing the blue sky.
"Yoon Jeonghan!" The boy screamed his name.
He was about to close his eyes because it was too bright, but soon the boy came and casted a shadow over him.
"Yoon Jeonghan, are you alright?" a little tremble in the voice.
The boy had a worried face, his thick eyebrows were frowning, his cheeks were pink, flushed by the heat. Jeonghan's whole vision was the blue sky, and the pink cheeks. Together, the colours blended into purple in his blurry eyes.
He might not be able to reach the sky, but he sure as hell could reach those cheeks. So he raised his hand and patted them.
"I'm fine, silly." The words came out of Jeonghan's mouth akin to soft whispers as that was the loudest he could muster.
Seungcheol smiled in a relief, "Well get up. Don't stay on the floor, it's dirty."
This time what pulled Jeonghan was no longer the string or thread, but instead it was Seungcheol's arms, wrapping his entire existence and picking him up from the dirty ground. Carrying him, a little bit closer to the sky than he was just now.
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
"Alright, and that's all settled. We're looking forward to working with you, Jeonghan-ssi," says the man across the table.
Jeonghan and Taewoong stand up from their chairs and move towards the other parties to shake their hands as a gesture for a smooth cooperation in the future.
The LY Cosmetics director calls out to man to introduce him to Jeonghan and his agent. "This is our fashion coordinator, he will be responsible for the photoshoots and ad filming during our campaign."
The man in grey suit and silver glasses reaches out his hand to Jeonghan, "I'm Park Jaehee, I believe you are the perfect model for this campaign of ours."
Jeonghan is about to shake his hand but his other hand suddenly loses strength and his clutch falls down, scattering his stuff on the floor.
"I'm sorry, I'll pick it up," apologizes Jeonghan.
"No no, it's fine, I'll help you. You must've been starving, I heard you came here straight from another schedule." Jaehee bends down to pick up all the items.
He spots a keycard and passes over everything to Jeonghan, "Oh, you live in Rose apartment? My brother used to live there too. The environment is peaceful, but I don't think the security is good enough for a celebrity like you," he says with a concerned face.
Jeonghan puts all of his stuff back in his clutch, "No, I'm not that huge of a celebrity. I'm just a model," smiles Jeonghan shyly.
Taewoong rolls his eyes and scoffs, "Oh so now you're humble."
Jeonghan ignores Taewoong snarky remark. He continues, "I'm fond of that place, it may be a bit old, but it's perfect for me." He smiles longingly.
"Well, I guess it is up to you." Jaehee nods in understanding, "Anyway, I have a meeting so I need to leave first, I'll ask the team to send you a gift basket later so you could get to know our products." He hands over his card before leaving.
Jeonghan greets him goodbye as Taewoong calls his name to introduce him to other people.
Time passes by, Jeonghan is getting more exhausted and hungrier, only then they're finished with all the introduction and small talks. He drags his tired body to the lobby and down to the parking lot.
"Urghh, I'm so tired, I just wan-" Jeonghan abruptly stops talking and turns around to look at the parking lot. His eyes wander to every corner he can see.
Taewoong tilts his head, "What's wrong?"
"I feel like.. someone is watching me." Jeonghan mutters under his breath.
Taewoong copies him and looks around the area, "Hmm maybe someone was resting in their car, and they saw you? I mean, you are famous, after all."
Jeonghan takes one last glance and gets in the car, "Maybe."
He closes his eyes, and slumps his body with exhaustion. Taewoong lowers down the volume of the radio and lets Jeonghan rest. He knows Jeonghan isn't asleep. In fact, he has never seen him truly sleeping in the car, or anywhere else.
The 40-minute car ride ends sooner than expected as the driver pulls up to Jeonghan's apartment.
"I need to use the bathroom," Taewoong looks at him pleadingly.
"Sure, let's go up." Jeonghan steps out of the car and says his thanks to the driver. He taps his keycard and enters the lobby with his agent following behind him.
"Yoon-ssi!" the security guard calls Jeonghan, "there is a parcel for you, it arrived just now."
Jeonghan takes note of the large pink box with a ribbon on top of the table. He takes the greetings card on the ribbon and opens it.
*Congratulations on your collaboration with LY Cosmetics*
"Well, that was fast." He fishes out the card Jaehee gave him and dials the number on his phone, the call is answered after three rings, "Hello?"
"Hi, Jaehee-ssi, this is Jeonghan. Thank you for the gift box you sent, I appreciate it." Jeonghan says with a smile.
"Oh Jeonghan-ssi, did you get it already? My subordinate said it would arrive at the company later in the evening. I guess the courier's faster than usual. I'm glad you like the basket. I handpicked it."
"...T-the company?" Jeonghan's smile falters.
"Yes, we sent the gift basket to your agency's address. Is something the matter?"
Jeonghan's hand loses strength again for the second time today. He slowly unties the ribbon of the pink box in front if him.
"What's wrong?" asks Taewoong behind him.
Jeonghan is startled and accidentally pulls the ribbon too hard. The box falls to the ground, opened. The contents of the box are pictures. Pictures of him. Scattered on the lobby floor.
Not just any pictures, they are sneak shots. Him at the restaurant, at the park, at the bookstore, at the supermarket and so on. All of them were taken from a distance. ALL.
Jeonghan's palms begin to sweat as he scrutinizes each and every picture on the floor. Taewoong starts panicking and gathers all the pictures into the box while he calls someone on the phone.
Jeonghan looks at Taewoong's moving mouth blearily, he could make out the words, it seems like Taewoong is asking if he's okay. But all he could hear is buzzing. So he doesn't answer.
Jeonghan sees his agent picking up the box and pulling him into the elevator. His eyes are unfocused, he does not know what is happening, he lets himself be dragged to the couch on his apartment.
Taewoong is pacing around the apartment, waiting for a call. When it comes, he makes a relieved face as if help is here. Jeonghan takes in the sight but nothing is processed in his mind.
His ears are still buzzing, his visions are dull, he doesn't want to move a single muscle in his body. He wants to let his body sink in the couch and stay hidden so that nobody could see him at all.
He doesn't know how much time has passed, but he can pick up some sounds now, such as the steady footsteps outside his apartment, walking in a rhythm, and the sound of his door being opened by Taewoong.
"I'm from Choi Securities, I received a call just now," the deep voice travels from the hallway to Jeonghan's eardrums, "where is the package?"
In a flash, all of the buzzing sound disappears. The atmosphere is quiet, all he could hear is that voice. That damned voice.
He slowly moves his gaze towards the door. And there he is, Choi Seungcheol. That boy with the gummy smile is now looking straight at him, expressionless.
If there was still a gold thread or string or whatever it was that's pulling him towards the man at the door, Jeonghan definitely couldn't see it now. How would he see it when he was the one who cut the string?