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Like turning over a fallen leaf to find the other face is crimson and gold and speckled, Euijoo watches a new side of Nicholas appear in Taiwan.
It’s impossible not to smile as they hear how joyfully Nicholas speaks in Mandarin with his family the moment they gather inside their home, no hesitation in his tone — only laughter with a sparkle in his eye that Euijoo has only ever seen on occasion. This part of Nicholas is one Euijoo has only witnessed in bits, thanks to the sporadic phone call or moment when one of the members says something right in Mandarin. Euijoo feels almost greedy and intrusive for seeing it up close, for wanting to see it more.
But he wants. Nicholas is so natural and comfortable here. He flowed through the streets like water and led the way to his home as though his feet had minds of their own.
Briefly, Euijoo thinks of Ilsandong-gu.
Then he catches some words he knows as Nicholas talks to his parents: the members’ names, of course, and “dinner,” “eat,” “tired.”
Jo, bless him, looks confused. Maki is clearly also listening for words he knows, as if he isn’t multilingual enough already.
Euijoo feels a wave of anger crash over himself. It’s so violent he stumbles against Taki and Yudai.
Why didn’t Euijoo practice more Mandarin before coming here? He’s seen Nicholas light up whenever one of them tries speaking to him in Mandarin, yet he never tried harder to see that more often. How is that okay?
They’re the only foreigners in the group. Euijoo has only ever wanted to make Nicholas feel at home, but he’d missed this part entirely.
“He’s so happy here,” Yuma murmurs.
“Yeah,” Harua says with a smile.
Yeah, Euijoo thinks, feeling a sharp pain appear in his chest. He is.
Maybe it’s selfish, but Euijoo can’t help himself. He wants Nicholas to be this happy, as happy as he can be. Yet he can’t stop the feeling of failure that this very happiness comes with.
How can Euijoo not think he’s failed a little as a friend, a leader, a partner, if he couldn’t make their dorm more of a home away from home? Be a familiar presence for Nicholas the way Maki is for so many of their international fans due to how many languages he knows?
“You can all put your stuff here,” Nicholas says after a few moments, gesturing towards a corner of the living room. “I know our apartment isn’t super big, but there’s definitely enough space for all of us to stay over tonight, before we all leave for the hotel.”
“Come on, Nico. Your place is lovely,” Yudai says with a genuine smile, nodding politely at Nicholas’ parents, who smile at him despite not understanding what he said. Nicholas laughs and translates, and they say a warm thank you in Japanese. Nicholas must’ve taught them that.
“It looks like a real home,” Euijoo says, meeting Nicholas’ eye, then his parents’, hoping he sounds as earnest as he feels and it gets across even without language.
Nicholas translates for Euijoo and his parents dip their head in thanks again. Euijoo feels his leader title weighing heavily on him here: the unspoken obligation and responsibility he has to take care of his members only grows tenfold under the eye of their families. A part of him wants to pull up a translation app on his phone just to ask Nicholas’ parents if they think he’s done a good job. Is their son healthy in their eyes? Do the clips of him online look happy?
Euijoo does none of that, though. He just nods back at Nicholas’ parents and glances around at the walls to distract himself. To his right, he spots a photo of Nicholas when he was younger, his hair in a slightly uneven bowl cut. So cute.
“We’re definitely asking your parents to tell us embarrassing stories of you later,” Taki grins, rolling his luggage towards the corner. Most of their luggage stayed in the cars their managers rented, but they brought some to stay the night. Euijoo feels a sudden burst of panic — did everyone bring their toothbrushes, an extra pair of socks? He doesn’t want to burden Nicholas’ parents by needing to borrow or wash anything.
Maki laughs, the sound contagious and capturing everyone in the room’s attention, effectively breaking any panic in Euijoo’s mind.
“That’s a great idea!” Maki says, nudging Taki’s arm. Maki meets Nicholas’ parents' eyes and nods enthusiastically, greeting them briefly in hesitant Mandarin as he walks towards the corner.
Nicholas’ mom smiles at Maki, then everyone, and says something.
“Maki, she said your Mandarin is pretty good.” Nicholas pauses as his mom says something else, then continues translating, “She also wants us all to hurry up and put our stuff down, then sit at the table and eat. Then you can all properly introduce yourselves to her and my dad.”
“Perfect,” Fuma says, his eyes lighting up. “I can’t wait for the meal they prepared for us.”
“I’m starving,” Jo admits, glancing around until his eyes land on the dining table. There’s a noticeable lack of rice and Euijoo spots Jo looking at the kitchen until he sees the rice cooker, a smile appearing on his face. Euijoo laughs to himself.
“I could eat,” Harua says, somewhat shyly, but earnest.
“Same,” Yuma says, smiling wide. “It smells so good.”
“This is going to be so chaotic,” Euijoo says to Nicholas, shaking his head. “All nine of us here, and you also need to translate for everyone.”
“Yeah…” Nicholas scratches the back of his neck. “My parents’ English is okay, but I know that some of us struggle with it.”
“Won’t you be tired, doing all of that translating?”
Nicholas offers a grateful smile. “I’ll be okay, Euijoo. Don’t worry too much about me.”
But how can’t I? Euijoo wonders, already nodding at Nicholas. “Okay. Just let me know.”
“Of course. Now, relax. Go tell the others to sit down, my parents are getting antsy about the food getting cold.”
Euijoo laughs and relays the information to everyone else, watching as they put their stuff down. Maki forgot to put away his backpack, still wearing it on his shoulders. Euijoo is about to remind him when Harua taps Maki’s arm and points to his backpack strap, causing Maki to laugh his brilliant laugh again. Something about it loosens the tension in Euijoo’s shoulders.
Fuma nudges Euijoo’s elbow. “How are you feeling? Not too hungry?”
Euijoo shakes his head as he takes his seat at the table. Then the smell of everything hits him, and he starts nodding. “Oh, we’re definitely finishing everything.”
Fuma laughs, patting Euijoo’s back. “We definitely are.”
Euijoo smiles at him, grateful. Fuma can always tell when he’s about to get too stuck in his head. There’s just so much to take in at the moment: all eight of his members, flittering about; the ever so soft look in Nicholas’ eye as he talks to his mom, his dad; the playfulness and light to his tone when he speaks his native language. Euijoo already knows that when he’s been introduced to his members’ families, it goes in an order of: his name, nationality, and position in the group. He’s said hi to them vaguely and occasionally if one of the members calls their families and he happens to be in the room, but this is different.
He can only hope that when Nicholas’ parents saw him today and welcomed them all into their home, they saw a version of their son that looked like he’d been loved. Even from afar.
“Let’s sit,” Fuma says, and Euijoo blinks, not realizing he’d been awkwardly standing and watching Nicholas.
“Right.” Euijoo follows Fuma and Yudai to the table. “Let’s eat.”
As it turns out, dinner goes by with lots of laughter and emptied plates.
The rice is eaten quickly. Too quickly. Nicholas’ dad has to get up halfway through their meal to make more. Euijoo knows the feeling.
Conversation is made up of tentative English, Nicholas translating, and lots of app translations that they play out loud with text-to-speech. The pauses they need to take for translations are often but short, and always met with understanding and smiles or giggling. Nicholas’ parents embarrass him plenty, and it’s amazing to see him being teased so much by other people who know him well.
Maki points at some things he knows the Mandarin word for, and Nicholas and his parents grin at the effort. They all try doing it at one point. “Water” and “bowl” and “thank you” are the most common ones each of them know how to say. Euijoo feels his resolve to learn hardening even more at the joy their simple vocabulary brought to the Mandarin speakers at the table.
At the end of it, though, Euijoo is able to put his mind mostly to rest. He feels full and warm from the inside and out. From across the table, Nicholas bumps his ankle against Euijoo’s, and Euijoo smiles at him in response.
They’ve been through a lot to get here.
It feels worth it.
Their fans might joke about them having separation anxiety, but Euijoo knows that they definitely do have it. It’s not the main reason they’re all sharing bedrooms, two to a bed and two or three other people on the floor. Nicholas’s home was just not built for this many people, but Nicholas’s parents had insisted they stay there for their first night instead of a hotel. Nicholas himself also suggested it’d be nice. So, who were the eight of them to protest?
Euijoo has a feeling that even if they did have more space, they probably would’ve chosen to stick together. Not to the same extent of four or five people to a room, but definitely at least two to a bed.
Either way, it’s comfortable and lovely, thanks to Nicholas’ family giving them all the necessary pillows and blankets. Taki, Harua, and Maki never complain about sleeping on the ground, and they look just fine in their cushions of fabric, all three of them fast asleep.
“You know you don’t have to stay with us at the hotel yet,” Euijoo says to Nicholas in a soft whisper as they get ready for bed, the low lamplight casting everything in faded gold. It makes Nicholas’ blond head of hair glow, emphasizing the contrast of his black highlights, making him look even prettier. “The concert isn’t until this weekend.”
“I know, I know, but my house is far away from the venue, and also you guys. We’re a bit outside of the city.” Nicholas sits down on their bed, looking at the empty space beside him, then up at Euijoo expectantly.
Euijoo plops onto the mattress. He meets Nicholas’ eye and finds, once again, that he has a hard time keeping eye contact and also looking away. “We wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to stay an extra night or two, though.”
Nicholas smiles, small and easy. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
Euijoo rolls his eyes.
“Ahh, you know I’m kidding. It’s fine, Juju, I promise. I want to explore Taiwan with you guys, and it’ll be so much easier if I’m staying at the same place as all of you — we can leave together, for one.”
“...I guess that makes sense.”
Nicholas pokes Euijoo’s shoulder twice, then his bicep, then his elbow, before his arm falls back to his side. “What’s up with you? You’re worrying about me more than usual.”
Was Euijoo really being that obvious? He almost rolls his eyes again, if only because he’s exasperated with himself. He shifts on the bed to be on his side, facing Nicholas even though he doesn’t want to, feeling embarrassed. “Nothing, I’m just… We all see how happy you are here, and I want to make sure you’re not wasting your time here.”
Nicholas’ smile stays on his lips, growing wider as he also adjusts his position to be on his side and fully facing Euijoo. “Walking around Taiwan and getting to show all of you why I love it here isn’t time wasted to me, even if I’m in a hotel. It’s not like we’ll be spending that much time in our hotel rooms, anyway. It won’t make a huge difference. Plus, we’re going to be meeting my family for lunch again on Wednesday, after we’ve settled all our stuff. I’ll definitely be seeing them even after we leave my house. They’ll be at our concert, too.”
“Alright,” Euijoo says, his gaze wandering towards the way Nicholas’ hair fans out on his pillow, Nicholas’ bangs falling into his face. He can’t lie and say he doesn’t find it sweet, just how much Nicholas is trying to convince him. “I suppose you’re right.”
“Mhmm. You should say that more, because I am.” Nicholas’ hand reaches for Euijoo again, this time to brush Euijoo’s hair out of his face, then to poke the corner of Euijoo’s mouth. “Smile,” he sing-songs, laughing softly under his breath when Euijoo shoots him a glare.
“Bleh,” Euijoo sticks his tongue out.
“Cute,” Nicholas whispers.
Euijoo feels his heart race to explode from his chest. Like any cat, Nicholas is clingy towards those he’s close to, and Euijoo is never an exception. Ever since the two of them decided to finally do something about the unspoken feelings they harbor for one another, Nicholas has been especially touchy with him.
“I just want you to be happy,” Euijoo confesses, knowing he has to say out loud what he’s feeling so Nicholas can see what’s going on in his head. Communication, and all that. His boyfriend can’t read his mind all the time.
“I’m the happiest I’ve been,” Nicholas says, and his finger moves to smooth over the knot of worry between Euijoo’s brow. “I’m happy now, and always, whenever I’m with all of you.” Nicholas cringes a little at his own softness, his face wrinkling, and Euijoo almost laughs loud enough to wake Maki up. They both pause and look over at their maknae, sighing in relief when he only shuffles and doesn’t say anything.
It’s the truth, though, and Euijoo knows it. He just needs to remember it. The grins Nicholas makes here are wide, but that doesn’t cancel out all the happiness Euijoo has seen from him over the years.
“So cheesy,” Euijoo teases, smiling when Nicholas brings them closer to each other with an arm around Euijoo’s waist.
“Just honest.”
“I know,” Euijoo says, raising his own arm to settle across Nicholas’ back.
“Stop worrying so much,” Nicholas mumbles, sleep in his tone, making his voice deep. It’s like he has a sixth sense for when Euijoo is fretting over something.
“Never,” Euijoo says, scooching forward to kiss Nicholas’ nose.
Nicholas crinkles his face in response. “I know every side of you, that you’re never going to fully turn off your leader mode, but you don’t have to do that with me. It’s okay.” Nicholas squeezes Euijoo’s waist as extra comfort, and the anxiety-made butterflies in Euijoo’s stomach go from being frenzied to settled.
“I know,” Euijoo says again, his eyes feeling heavier. He can rest here. Nicholas doesn’t hold any resentment towards him for not knowing more than six words of Mandarin, so perhaps he shouldn’t beat himself over it. Still, Euijoo feels the failure gnawing at him, but when Nicholas squeezes him again, he lets the teeth of it go.
The last thing Euijoo sees before his eyes fully close is Nicholas’ smile, that golden head of hair.
On the floor, the maknaes sleep peacefully. Nicholas smiles as he glances at them, then Euijoo’s face. In sleep, their leader looks much younger. It’s a comforting thought. He loves Taiwan, and he wants his members to love his home just as much. Especially Euijoo.
He falls asleep with his lips curved upwards, his hand still on Euijoo’s waist.
Unfortunately, the nerves of a concert approaching don’t go away even with their long flight and a tiring conversation on both sides: Nicholas, because he had to translate, Euijoo, because he wanted to make sure that everyone was on their best behavior and not messy at all throughout their meal.
It’s these sticky nerves that make Euijoo wake up at around five in the morning from a vague dream he can’t quite remember. His throat is dry. He really doesn’t want to get up, but he knows that he needs water, and he also needs to pee.
With a quiet sigh and a look at Nicholas’ sleeping form, he untangles their limbs and gets up to go to the bathroom, swinging his legs over the side of the mattress.
“Where are you going?” Nicholas murmurs.
Euijoo looks over his shoulder. “Sorry, did I wake you up?” he whispers, conscious of the younger members by the bed.
Nicholas shakes his head, wiping at his eyes. “Not really. I kind of needed to pee, but then I didn’t want to move.”
Euijoo tries not to feel too fond of that. “Me too.”
Nicholas scooches, then swings his legs over as well. He gets to his feet fast, yawning as he stretches his back, looking much like a cat. “I wanted to get some water, too. It’s humid here in the summer, but my throat is still super dry.”
Euijoo laughs under his breath. They’re so alike sometimes. He gets up, yawning. “You go pee, then I’ll pee, and then we can go get water from the kitchen together.”
Nicholas smiles up at him and throws up an OK sign with his fingers. Taki makes a little snore and they both struggle to keep in their laughter as they tiptoe around him.
After peeing, Euijoo spots Nicholas waiting for him right in front of the door, leaning right against the wall. He looks so at home in his home. Euijoo’s heart does a weird flip as Nicholas offers him his hand, and they traverse the hallways with their fingers intertwined, Nicholas knowing his way even in the dark.
Nicholas tells Euijoo to sit on his living room couch with a whisper. Euijoo pouts, but complies, letting Nicholas’ hand go and dutifully perching on the cushion. He watches as Nicholas takes the kettle from the counter and two mugs from a drawer, pouring them water with a content smile on his lips. He watches as Nicholas takes them and walks over, sitting right next to him. He catches himself watching, and again feels creepy and slightly alien in an environment that's unfamiliar to him but so intimate to Nicholas.
“How is it? Being back?” Euijoo whispers, accepting the mug gratefully and taking a big sip. His throat was dryer than he thought it was.
Nicholas takes a few sips of his own. His knee bumps against Euijoo’s as a sign that he heard him, and Euijoo feels slightly guilty for being so stuck in his head he didn’t bother to check in with Nicholas more.
“It’s a lot,” Nicholas says, raspy even though he just drank. He takes a deep breath and Euijoo watches the way his shoulders rise and fall.
Simply, Euijoo stares at Nicholas, half to drink in the sight of Nicholas’s side profile in the dim light, half to simply look and listen.
Nicholas lets out a breath and it crackles in his throat, the way it always does when it’s too thick with emotion and tears he won’t let fall.
“You guys are my home away from home,” Nicholas begins, eyes shiny.
Euijoo feels an indescribable weight lift from his chest at this.
“I missed Taiwan more than I thought I ever could, though.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Nicholas nudges him. “You know what it’s like, too.”
To be away from everything you know.
Euijoo nods and lets their bodies melt against one another just a bit more. “I do,” he whispers. He rests his hand over Nicholas’ so the warmth of his skin can say it all. I’m here. Keep talking. I’m here.
“But still, there’s nothing like being back to where you grew up, is there?”
“No. There really isn’t.” Euijoo taps Nicholas’ fingers. “But, I know how it can feel... complicated.”
At this, Nicholas nods, then stares out the window. Euijoo follows his gaze. The streets here are still a bit busy, even at the late hour. It reminds Euijoo of Korea, of his own hometown. Ilsandong-gu isn’t as large as Seoul, but it was big-city-like enough. Taipei is a huge city, of course, and the sea of people and the horizon of lights are familiar even if everything else about the city isn’t.
“Your living room view is nice,” Euijoo says, watching a line of cars rush by. He hopes his tone portrays the fact that he means it.
When Nicholas meets Euijoo’s eye, his own eyes are crinkled and shiny. “Yeah, right? I always liked it.” He smiles again, like the way he did when they landed in Taiwan. Euijoo wants to hold onto that youthful joy in Nicholas’s face for as long as possible. For the both of them. All of them.
Euijoo smiles back. “What else is on your mind?” he asks, because he’s insane and can’t just let them stay this happy. But mostly because he still sees the tinge of worry to Nicholas’ expression.
Nicholas shrugs. “It’s just…” He looks away again, this time at the photos of him and his family on the shelf and walls. Young and innocent. “I wonder all the time: what would my life be like if I had stayed in Korea? If I didn’t want to become an idol? If I didn’t end up debuting with the eight of you? Who would I be?”
Euijoo hums in understanding, feeling a deep ache pang between his lungs. “You’d be someone else. Still you, though.”
“Yeah… someone entirely different. But still me, somehow.”
“But you’ll never know,” Euijoo murmurs, feeling when Nicholas gives their intertwined hands a squeeze. “That version of you doesn’t exist. We lost him.”
“We lost him,” Nicholas echoes, wondering when the last time his mother could hug him without having to angle her chin up happened. When he started to associate family with people beyond his parents, and the boys he dances and sings and cries and laughs with, as well. If the old bakery he liked as a kid is still there. If his elementary school classmates ever see him on television or social media and recognize him. If he wants them to recognize him.
Euijoo wonders when the last time he could sleep in his bed at home without touching the end with his toes was. When the last time he ever rode the bus to school was. When he started to think about being an idol. When he realized just how much taller than his father he grew. When he started to dream in languages other than Korean. Then he stares at a photo of Nicholas as a toddler and hopes Nicholas can keep smiling that wide forever.
Nicholas grabs onto their hands tighter. Euijoo rests his head on Nicholas’s shoulder, and they both mourn the parts of themselves that never got to be in a comfortable silence.
“…Are you ready for Saturday?” Euijoo asks after a long moment.
“I’m ready.” As Nicholas smiles and talks, Euijoo feels it, Nicholas’s chin poking the crown of his head. “I might cry on stage, though.”
“Wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
“Mhmm. I can already picture all of the videos on social media.”
Euijoo laughs as he imagines it. “And the headlines would be great. ‘Nicholas from &Team Gets Super Emotional After Returning to His Hometown.’ Something like that.”
Nicholas lets out a huff. They both have to keep quiet because everyone else is still very much asleep, but it doesn’t stop them from chuckling underneath their breath. It reminds Nicholas of old times, when he and Euijoo would run into each other in the kitchen because of their anxiety keeping them up.
“We have to remember we still have a few days,” Nicholas says after their laughter dies down. “It gives us a lot of time for me to drag everyone around, show them everything they didn’t know they’ve been missing.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Euijoo says, sitting up straight so they can meet each other’s eye again.
Euijoo doesn’t have to say that he feels the same way about Korea. About how lucky he feels that all of his members know his native language, can understand him in a multitude of ways.
Nicholas only smiles at him and they both know.
Euijoo has so many things he wants to say. To do.
In the end, Nicholas beats him to it by yawning. “Let’s get some sleep. I have a lot planned for us tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Euijoo says, hoping they won’t wake up the other members when they crawl back to the bedrooms.
“Are you tired?” Nicholas whispers, pushing back Euijoo’s bangs.
Euijoo lets out his own yawn. “A little.”
“Let’s go,” Nicholas says, drinking the last of his water. Euijoo does the same.
They’re hand-in-hand again when they go back to their bedroom. Their maknaes are still fast asleep, and Euijoo sighs in relief once he sees that it’s not too early in the morning yet, the sun still not out.
Once they’re settled beneath the covers, Nicholas stares at Euijoo and leans in, his lips a breadth away from Euijoo’s own.
Anything Euijoo might have said is quickly muffled by Nicholas’ smile. Kissing his boyfriend still makes his palms sweaty and head spin, and Euijoo can’t help the soft noise he lets out when Nicholas’ hand finds its way to his waist.
Nicholas tastes like toothpaste and chapstick and maybe a vague hint of the homemade potstickers his parents made. Euijoo pulls away to breathe and tries not to blush too much when he feels Nicholas’ thumb poke his bottom lip.
“You’re so distracting,” Nicholas murmurs, his ears and cheeks pink. Lovely.
Euijoo brings his hand to Nicholas’ face, gently cradling Nicholas’ jaw and knowing he’s staring at his boyfriend like he’s the most beautiful person in the world. “What do you mean?”
“You kept laughing during dinner and it made me forget what I wanted to say.” Nicholas moves his hand from Euijoo’s lip to the back of Euijoo’s neck, pulling him closer. “It felt so right, seeing you in my home. I’m so glad you got to see my parents in person.”
Euijoo lets these words sink over him, slow and sweet. He kisses Nicholas’ cheek and smiles. “I’m glad. I really like it here, and it was fun to talk to them.”
“Yeah. They like you. And you haven’t even seen much of Taiwan yet,” Nicholas says, his smile all teeth. “I can’t wait to show you guys the night market near here, and have you try all the food.”
Euijoo yawns. “I’m excited to go.”
“Hmm.” Nicholas tangles their legs together beneath the sheets. “Okay, sleep for real. We need our energy for all the walking we’re going to do.”
“Alright,” Euijoo agrees, feeling the chaos of the day starting to catch up to him again. The nerves are still there, but only a whisper of it. He focuses on the warmth of Nicholas’ knees between his and the palm on his head, the fond way Nicholas looks at him.
This is everything.
“Goodnight,” Euijoo whispers in Mandarin, because he knows that much. “I love you.”
Nicholas’ gaze grows ever fonder. “I love you,” he whispers back in Mandarin, and Euijoo lets his eyes close. “Sweet dreams,” he says after a few moments in Korean, but judging by the way Euijoo’s exhales slow, he thinks it might’ve gone left unheard.
No matter. Nicholas knows there will be many more chances for him to say it, for Euijoo to hear it. He closes his eyes and dreams he’s in elementary school again, running around the playground near his apartment.
When they go to the night market, it’s crowded and Nicholas feels too many eyes on them. It doesn’t help that their entire group towers over most of the people here, and that they have to communicate to the street vendors via him, app translating, or lots of pointing and nodding.
Nicholas feels a mix of dread grow, but then he sees the way the street lights reflect in Euijoo’s eyes, and Yuma’s giant smile, and Harua’s bouncy head of hair.
He translates for Yudai and Fuma when they want to buy stuff, the two of them usually so stingy but unafraid to spend their money here. He points out a street food he thinks Maki would like and feels a smug satisfaction when Maki practically inhales the braised pork belly bun whole, buying two more to share with Taki and Jo.
Nicholas’ worlds are colliding.
He might never get used to being photographed. He might hate that he can’t walk through his hometown without paparazzi following him. He might never know what it’s like to live a normal life, to have never walked down the idol path, to mourn a version of himself lost to time and tears and sweat.
But it’s worth it, for this.
He walks forward and nudges Euijoo’s arm.
“What is it?” Euijoo asks, turning around with an open smile, his cheeks rosy from the steam flowing from the stall nearby.
Nicholas holds out a basket of sweet potato balls, warm and just as chewy as he remembers. “Have one,” Nicholas says, and when he watches Euijoo’s entire face light up as he pops one into his mouth and chews, Nicholas knows that all his choices led here.
And he wouldn’t take any of them back.
I’m home, Nicholas thinks as he stands on stage and squints, seeing his family in the crowd, the other hundreds of strangers who love him, who he loves too.
I’m home, Nicholas knows, as he glances at his members, the spotlight shining down on them. As Yudai and Euijoo give their mentions and talk about how honored they are to perform here. A shimmering dream they shared as trainees that seemed far away and too glossy to be real.
He can’t stop the tears that flow, his voice from breaking as he gives thanks to the fans that made it happen, as he sings a song in Mandarin and feels memory after memory flashing behind his eyes.
Somewhere inside, he imagines his ten year old self in the audience, gawking up at him and his group. He knows he’s done him proud.
“‘Welcome Home Nicholas,’” Fuma says, pointing to an article headline on Yudai’s phone.
Nicholas looks at the picture beneath it, of him looking teary-eyed on stage.
Everyone crowds around to stare and shares a laugh.
“Told you,” Euijoo says, placing his arm around Nicholas’ shoulders and giving him a soft pat.
And Nicholas laughs.