Chapter Text
"You get under my skin
More than anyone's ever been
But when we lay in bed
You hold me harder till I forget."
"We'll be okay."
All she could vividly remember was the feeling of someone's lips being planted on her forehead. An act that no one has ever done, an act that she would definitely not approve of - unless that person was Clint... But in this case, he wasn't. She was sure of it.
The man's voice was familiar, even if there was a tinge of questioning concern from his tone as he said these words. Natasha was experiencing a massive headache as she struggled for the words to say. Her vision was hazy but based from the texture of the type of clothing she wore, she could easily tell she was in the hospital (for God knows why).
She grimaced as she squirmed uncomfortably on the bed. Migraine was simply taking over her system and she couldn't figure out where exactly it triggered from. The safest case scenario was that she had just gotten out from an exhausting mission (and now she remembered, she did) but honestly - a migraine from a battle was least of her worries. It was nothing that she couldn't endure, certainly such pain is not much reason of trip to a hospital. But she had to admit, she seriously wasn't feeling well. Her heart was palpitating and there was a surging uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach. She was seriously hoping there was a nearest restroom she could use, well that is - if she even had enough strength to get out of bed.
"We'll be okay, Nat."
She froze. She recognized that voice - it had to be Steve's.
It had to be Steve, and he seriously had to stop.
Obviously, he knew nothing about what she was going through at the moment.
"Our baby, Nat. Our baby - could you imagine that?"
Fuck, no.
She abruptly opened her eyes, trying to ease her senses as she heard his words. Her vision cleared and the headache she was currently suffering from became tolerable even for a short while. Her eyes widened, having a decent glimpse of the main front of her.
Steve was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, with these blue eyes piercing through her soul and a leaping grin across his face. It was the first time she'd seen him this happy. He was all smiles and carefree, as if the problems they've had was already long gone and forgotten along the way. She found that hard to imagine.
"What the hell are you talking about Rogers?" She blurted, as she rubbed her eyes. Natasha wasn't expecting her tone would come out harsh and extremely rude, but she honestly had no time to apologize for his own behavior. She wasn't in the mood for jokes, but she should know that Steve was not fond of making jokes either. Especially if these came from no other than Tony Stark, himself.
He furrowed, somehow taken aback from her question. He didn't take any offense as he began to feel worried of her instead. "Nat - are you okay? You seemed rattled -"
"Are you?" She stammered. Natasha pushed her upper body forward as she sat up. The pressure in her head getting heavier and heavier with every move she made. Steve helped her up, but she pulled back - insisted that she could perfectly get along just fine without him.
He watched her intently and rubbed the back of his neck, managing a short laugh. "I'm more than okay, Nat. I mean - who... who would have thought we created a life along the way?" He stretched his palm as he gently placed them on her midsection, his thumb caressing the smooth patch of skin through the hospital gown she wore. Before she could even allow herself to enjoy the feeling of his touch on hers, a lump formed her throat, almost willing herself not to throw up for she was uncertain if it's because he was just joking or a big part of what he said was actually true... that she's pregnant. That she's having a baby, and most importantly, it was his, too.
Well shit.
"Steve. Enough with the awful, unnecessary jokes please?" She pinched the bridge of her nose, she closed her eyes for a moment, letting the pain from her head subside. "I've had a long day from Ireland and I need to take a shower -"
"Ireland?" He asked.
"We just got back from a mission, after two weeks." She eyed him carefully, stating the most obvious reason. "We infiltrated another Hydra base who tried to replicate the serum you've had. How can you possibly forget -"
"Nat, that was three years ago..." He trailed off for a moment, with a pointed look and quivered brows. Steve slipped his hand on hers, she resisted his touch as she straightened 'her posture, barely holding it together. Okay, it made sense. Natasha was a hundred percent sure there used to be a deep cut on the side of his face from the mission, but he looked completely fine and unharmed now, right in front of her. But how.
"Three years ago? No, that was just yesterday - you were there, so was Sam -"
How the hell had he even manage to get her knocked up, the first place? Wasn't he with Sharon?
He cuts her off, "Hon, whatever that is - that was long gone already. Maybe this had something to do with the meds you've been taking..."
Okay... no more Sharon then.
"I'm fine. I'm more than okay, Steve... and don't call me that." Natasha's eyebrows shot up, she murmured slowly in her expressionless way.
"You've always liked me calling you that for two years now, what even changed your mind?" Steve crossed his arms on his chest, cocking his head to the side.
"Two years? How in the world did we even end up together?!" The thought of her and Steve together brought a chuckle out of her.
"Because of the simple fact that we love each other. And that we've been stubborn all along before we finally got our act together, as Tony liked to put it. He spurted out. As if he was simply used of repeating the same statement to her over and over again.
"Love is for children." She looked away as she said it, trying to contemplate if even years from now if this was still a mad saying she liked to consider to live with. Deep inside, she'd always thought Steve Rogers was an exception to this.
"Love gave us a child... or maybe even more in the future." He tried to reason with her. A small smile covered his lips, obviously - he didn't think she was actually serious.
"Stop it." She warned him, voice was sharp and jagged.
"Natasha - "
"I'm suppose you know by now that I was sterilized..." Natasha began to explain, she eased to control the uncomfortable thumping of her heart to a steady pace. Her words alone was suffocating enough, and as much as she hated the thought of repeating it again and again - she still found the strength to answer. Her head still couldn't keep up with the pace, but Steve deserved to know. She hated the thought of Steve claiming that he was responsible of building a life somewhere in her, because honestly, Natasha didn't want to keep his hopes up.
Setting her curiosity aide, she patiently waited for his answer.
Steve studied her for a moment, he didn't even flinch from her answer. As if he knew all along, as if he knew more than she does. Which was quite ironic, come to think. "My serum - my serum was behind all of this. For some reason, it made you capable of having a baby. Our baby. He emphasized, before she could open her mouth to protest.
She heard him sigh audibly as he took a seat on the side of her bed. Their eyes met for a moment, his eyes so gentle yet fierce - he held a steady and calm look despite the words she's thrown away. "We've never really planned having one. Settling down wasn't exactly a thing in our line of work. And we were totally okay with that..." He trailed off, running a hand on the side of her jaw. "I love you, Nat. I have and I'll always will, even before then - when it was just us... But when I found out about this -" He placed his free hand back on her midsection again, he glanced down - his fingers stroking her gently, as if it was the most precious thing in the world, placing a mark as a sign that a part of hers, was now his. "The moment I felt this tiny heartbeat in you... the moment when the doctors spoke the impossible, I realized - with this love we have, wouldn't it be beyond amazing to have this love turn into something more than just for the two of us? Extending what we have - to another person, who is half me and you?"
"I realized, that I do want a family. If we are able, then why not give it a try, right? Even if that too having to give up my shield - so be it. There's nothing more I would want, but this - us... and James."
Tears threatened to fall from her eyes. It was still hard to believe, but his words honestly weren't that hard to swallow either. As a matter of fact, she wouldn't mind having to hear him say that to her everyday. If that was all it took for her to finally dismiss the crazy thought that she doesn't deserve to have any of this. A new perspective in life, something different from what she was taught, how she was raised. A new love, with Steve (for some reason), and a child. Then let it be. Cut yourself some slack.
Everything still didn't make any sense, but she couldn't deny how everything falls perfectly into place. She hated the thought of ruining the moment. She did wanted to be happy for once.
She pressed her lips together as her chin jutted forward, "Wait, how the hell is Barnes part of our so called 'us'?" She asked.
Steve suppress a laugh and shook his head. He curled his fingers around hers, and Natasha didn't pull back, for once... finally. He fits her lips to his in a soft and chaste kiss. A blush tinted her cheeks in surprise, Natasha had always been the one to initiate things - this kiss, (technically, may not be the first) felt familiar and new at the same time. He pulled back with their foreheads still pressed together, Steve's thumb slowly stroking over her cheekbone.
"I figured if it's a boy, we would name him James... only if that's okay with you." He replied.
A smile formed in her lips. She wrapped her arms around her neck to pull him closer. James Rogers. Definitely a good name, a little too perfect - which is actually perfect at the same time.
She kissed him again, longer this time and he jerked his head up in surprise. "I take that as a yes?" He smirked.
She rolled her eyes in amusement. And for a moment there, it was honestly a spectacular view seeing Captain America squealing in enthusiasm over the name they've chosen for their baby. Their baby. It felt like a dream, only this time she could feel everything, from the feeling of his lips down to the small, beating heart inside of her.
Before she could even reply.
Her heart sank, as she then realized...
This was technically a dream... Or a vision as Wanda like to put it.
Wanda.
She heaved a sigh. Of course, this was all her doing.
"Well that was fast." Wanda spoke casually, her arm propped on the back of the couch. She replied without even looking at her, somehow caught up fixing her own manicure.
Natasha jolted up, taking a deep breath as she got up from the couch, a small towel now covered on her face, trying to wipe the beads of sweat off of her. She felt her whole body trembled slightly, with so many words forming in her head - she was only left with three. It was real. Well it almost felt real. And - and honestly, there was a pain of knowing that it wasn't at some point.
"Wanda -" She groaned.
"You could have stayed a little longer, you know." She arched a brow, finally looking at her intently. Obviously, Wanda had seen what Natasha saw herself and there was a slight feeling of awkwardness, not knowing how to reply to that. Because she did want to stay a little longer.
"Wanda, I told you before that you didn't have to do any of this." She remarked.
"But I insist, Natasha..." She smiled, tugging her hand to hers. "I wanted to make up for what I've done to you and the others back then... I figured if I've showed you the past, then it would be fair to show you your future."
"That was Ultron. We're totally way past that now." She frowned. Natasha couldn't shake off the vision Wanda shown to her a year ago. And a major part of it wasn't Wanda's fault, but because of the simple fact that it was actually true and that was exactly how she spent her days in the Red Room. It was still a nightmare, crawling into her veins - but she had to reprimand herself from bringing that up. She didn't want Wanda to take part of blaming herself once again. She knew she didn't deserve it.
"What did you see?" Wanda changed the subject, she eyed her carefully and even without her hex controlling Natasha, she couldn't help but be intimidated by her.
"You saw it too." Natasha stifled a laugh, shrugging her shoulders. "What was that?"
"That was your vision." She simply said. Before she could allow Natasha to roll her eyes at her for stating the obvious, she tilted her head in amusement. "And before you could even ask if it was real, it was indeed real... the realest thing you're gonna get." She mused.
Natasha's smile faltered, lips pressed together tightly. She ran a hand on her hair as a warm and uncomfortable feeling settled in her chest. It was real. She would have been a terrible liar if she tried to deny that she was relieved at that thought, but then again - she somehow found it hard to believe. Between the problems they have ahead, between Sharon and Bruce - it was impossible to think there's still a bit of space to squeeze in for her and Steve to build a life together. "Natasha, you've always felt this way for him... How come you've never talked to him about this?" She stated.
She clasped his jaw tightly. Because she was stubborn, and she was unworthy of someone as good as Steve in her life, perhaps.
Oh right - most importantly cause she had no idea if Steve ever felt the same way about her.
Natasha spun her head to her direction, Wanda pulled back and braced herself for the anger that will spark in Natasha for meddling too much in her personal life. Instead, something came out - her eyes softened as she shook her head. "If you knew about this all along, then why did you even bother showing that to me?"
"You needed the push." Her lips curled into a smirk. Her eyes were filled with wary at first, but within a snap of a finger - Natasha felt Wanda enveloped her arms around her. Before Natasha could reciprocate the hug, Wanda pulled back. She was too precious for this world, sometimes Natasha wanted to remind her that it was okay to be too close to her. That there aren't any boundaries between them anymore. "And you need to stop being stubborn." She added with a glare.
She couldn't sleep.
Not because of the nightmares she often had, no.
She kept thinking of that dream. The words of Wanda prodding her thoughts. Steve. His words, that kiss - God, James Rogers. Their baby. She could only imagine how James would have looked like. His fiery red hair from his mother and these marveling pair of ocean blue eyes from his father - Natasha wanted to be humble but damn - James would have been a looker. He would be the most beautiful thing. With the strength of Natasha and the virtue of Steve, he would have had it all.
She lied to Bruce. She did wanted to have that life, more so being part of Steve's life. She wanted James to be real - to have him bundled up in her arms, to feel Steve's kisses on her forehead, to make breakfast for them everyday, bring him to school.... A domestic life, to be a mother, a wife - along with Steve, she would be willing to give up everything she had for James, for them.
James was still far from happening, and yet she carried a strong will to give up everything for him just to have a normal life. She lied again, for the nth time of the night. She definitely needed Wanda to show that to her.
"I don't mean to pry, but are we certain that - that is going to be my future?"
"Unfortunately, no." Wanda replied, rubbing the back of her head in discomfort.
Natasha looked down, unable to meet her eyes. She pressed her lips together, nodding her head - masking the disappointment as she said it.
"That's why I'm telling you stop being stubborn, Nat." She trailed off, she tilted her chin as their eyes met again. Natasha wasn't even in the right position to be acting this way, and yet she blinked hard, fighting her tears away. She had never been more desperate for something she wanted to have ever before. "The future is still in your hands. You and Steve... you need to figure out if this is what you really want. And if yes, then do something about it... for a change." Wanda rolled her eyes as she added that last phase.
'For a change' She would have taken offense as she said it but she had no right, cause Wanda indeed had a point. All she ever did was set him up with other women, only to be then be amazingly upset when Steve finally started seeing Sharon. Which was technically her fault.
"I don't mean to pry as well... but Steve's currently with Sharon - or as we both like to assume they are actually dating and all - but c'mon, who are we kidding? Steve's in love with you."
Her lips pursed, "Technically, that is also an assumption." Natasha pointed out.
"So if you want to stop with all these assumptions then do as I say." Wanda defended
Right. There was still a possibility (and by that, meaning the biggest possibility that could happen) that James wouldn't be real. That what she and Steve had wouldn't be real as well. He could end up with Sharon in his future and she could end up being alone and that was a delusional thought Natasha couldn't live with.
She couldn't barge in his room and proclaim like a mad person she was, 'Hey, I had this dream and you were there and we were together and we had a baby. This sweet precious baby you named after your best friend. And I wanted it to be real so can we kiss and let's see where that could lead us to?'
She can't be too overly demanding to him because as much as she loved him, she did want him to be happy. And if happy meant being with someone not her, then that was something she had to accept. Hard. Excruciating truth - but she was left with no choices.
She was with Bruce. She saw Steve right from her very eyes standing in front of Bruce in the bar. "You both deserved a win." That's what he said. And at some point she wished he wasn't completely okay with it, but he was - and he was smiling as he spoke. He wasn't even close to Bruce, nor did he have the right to leave him an advice but he did. That moment, she then realized maybe he didn't love her. But it all seemed pointless now to look back at that night, when what she and Bruce had now is completely over.
And she's alone, but Steve is with Sharon now and she had never seen him this happy before. Even with her vision, who was she to take that away from him?
As much as she didn't like the idea of Steve and Sharon together, maybe that was something she had to live with in the end.