Work Text:
Sutures
Having a loud quirk, he has become desensitized to many unnecessary noises around him. The chatter of classmates, chaos in the field or during internships, Kirishima’s bulldozer snoring.
But there is one sound he will never forget.
A light gush of accumulated wind, before the metal of his gauntlet slapped against Izuku’s skin. A sharp impact against a delicate surface. The sound of two things that should have never connected.
He thinks the sound will follow him for the rest of his life.
_
"That scar on your lip…Can I touch it?"
His hands are trembling but deliberate when they move to Izuku’s lips, and even before he touches them, he can feel the tremble of the boy in front of him. It has been two years since the war, but there are times when Midoriya still trembles under his touch.
Of course he’s still scared, why wouldn’t he be ?, the wretched part of his mind supplies. But when he looks up at Izuku, his eyes searching for approval, for permission, what he sees isn’t fear.
It’s not like that expression before, when he put the scar there in the first place. It is nervousness, but with trust. It tells him that this is okay. Before they were side by side on Izuku's bed, but now as they face each other, his eyes fall where his fingers touch. In the right corner of Izuku's lip rests a small but visible vertical line of scar tissue.
Izuku's scars are a reminder of how he has grown into the hero he now is.
But this one in particular, will always be a reminder of the kind of person Katsuki was.
Years of bullying, of torment.
Hiding under tables and behind school buildings.
Uniforms with uneven sewing to cover burns and holes that Katsuki put in purposeful locations.
A limp that could have been permanent.
And now a scar that actually is.
The tears come on their own, and with every light touch against Izuku’s lip he feels himself shatter with disgust and coming apart with remorse.
Why did I do this?
How could I do this
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Izuku I am so sorry
The words repeat in his mind until there is no more space to fill.
"I-I....sorry.... -m sorry Izuku..."
They slip out one after the other.
"Im sorry...im s-sorry.... s-sorry....m’ sorry....I am s-so—..fucking sorry.... sorry....I'm sorry...I'm sorry"
He goes on with a mantra of apologies for every flashback his mind supplies, and it takes the feeling of the loss of breath for Katsuki to recognize that a panic attack is on the rise, one that he has no way of stopping.
But Midoriya is always there, is always his savior from himself. When the room starts to blur and that familiar scent of his sweat starts to fill the air, he concentrates on warm hands on the sides of his face, the weight of a forehead against his, long curls tickling his eyebrows, the breath from a nose nudging against his own runny one.
His continued sobs fill the room as Izuku whispers assurance and forgiveness into his ears, until his heartbeat starts to slow, and he can properly recognize the space he is in again.
The comedown is like this, his face in the crook of Izuku’s neck, his hands gripping into the back of his shirt partly for fear of Izuku leaving and mainly for the fact that the closer he is to him the more grounded he feels. Izuku hums what sounds like a familiar tune from an All Might cartoon they watched together as children. The vibrations seep into underneath his skin. He hopes that one day this is the sound that will replace the other, as he breathes in Izuku's scent.
On nights like this he holds on to the boy he has hurt, tears in his eyes,
with a heart too heavy, and a hope that one day he can entirely forgive the person that he was.
This, Katsuki thinks, is part of that process.
_
The instructions on removing sutures are as follows;
"Using the clean tweezers, grasp the stiches and gently pull up on each knot.
Slip the tip of the scissors into the loop, and snip the stitch.
Gently pull on the thread to slip the suture out through the skin.
A slight pressure may be felt during the removal, but it should not result in pain."
.
"A scar will often remain from the cut or wound, which is a sign that the body has healed itself."