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Daryl heard her before he saw her. Quiet, deliberate steps, approaching his camp.
He freed the rabbit from the snare and rose to his feet.
Her hair had gotten longer. It was at a slightly awkward length, not really short anymore, not in Carol-terms at least, but also not long enough to really do something with it. Messy little wavy strands framed her face, making her look like she had just woken up. It was cute.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey," he gave back.
Her gaze dropped to the rabbit in his hands.
"Breakfast?" she asked.
He hummed.
"Care if I join?" she wanted to know and reached into her bag, pulling out a package of bread and some berries.
They ate in silence, wordlessly sharing their food. He had missed this, had missed her. He had never liked being inside, always feeling caged and trapped with walls too close around him. Out here in the woods, it felt easier. No one bothered him. He could blend in with the trees, be alone with his thoughts. He knew where the others were at. It wasn't like they were gone. He was alone, but never lonely. Unless Carol came by. It wasn't often. He knew she couldn't stay. She had Henry, she had Ezekiel. She had the Kingdom. She had built something for herself. A good life. And she deserved every bit of it. Still. When she left, it was always shit.
"Wanna tell me why you're here?" he muttered. She usually had a reason. Trying to convince him to come back, bringing him food he didn't need or asking him for help with something.
"Just wanted to make sure you're okay," she said, eyes scanning his face. He scoffed. She raised an eyebrow.
"We’re having a little . . . festivity tomorrow and I want you to come," she said.
"Festivity? What, like a party?" he asked.
She squinted, pursing her lips. "I wouldn’t call it that. The harvest was good this year. We have more food than we need for a change, even after sending portions to the others and we just want to have a nice evening with everyone," she explained.
"Everyone?" he echoed.
"Everyone at the Kingdom."
"I ain't at the Kingdom."
"You could be."
He looked at her again. She was still staring at him, pinning him in place with her gaze. He sighed.
"I'll think about it," he muttered.
She smiled. It was a genuine one. He could tell all her smiles apart. The freaky ones she had pulled when they first got to Alexandria. The teasing ones that annoyed the shit out of him. The sad ones that always felt like a stab to his gut. And the rare happy ones, that usually faded away too soon.
When he arrived, so-called 'everyone' was already there. He was overwhelmed by the voices and laughter, not used to being around so many people anymore. He stood a bit further away, hiding in the shadows until he felt ready to join. Which would probably be never. If it weren't for Carol. She was standing with Ezekiel and Jerry, talking and smiling, looking beautiful. He knew he was staring, and it was embarrassing, but he couldn't look away. When she noticed him, it felt like a strike of lightning.
"Almost thought you wouldn’t come," she greeted him.
"Me too," he muttered, causing her to chuckle.
"How was the ride?" she asked.
"Good, uh, it was good," he said. Since when were they so awkward with each other? "How's the king?" he asked, instantly wanting to punch himself.
"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Carol smiled.
"Uh"- luckily, they were interrupted by Henry. The boy had grown since the last time he saw him. Still a baby face, but much taller.
"Mom!" He came running over. That was new. The last time Daryl could recall, the kid had still called her by her name.
"There’s something you need to see!"
"Can it wait for a few more minutes?" Carol asked. "Look who's here." Henry spared him half a glance.
"No, you have to see it now!" he insisted.
Carol looked at Daryl, excusingly.
"I'll be right back, yeah? Don't run away."
She said it like a joke, but he knew she would give him hell if he did. He looked after her, watched her take Henry's hand and let herself be pulled along by him.
He managed a few words with Ezekiel and Jerry, ate something and then found a quiet little spot next to the stables. He sat down on the ground, leaning against the wall, staring out at the nightly meadow, inhaling the scent of horses and grass. What was he even doing here?
"There you are!"
He looked up, when he heard her voice. She sat down next to him.
"You okay?" she asked.
He nodded.
"I'm glad you came," she said.
He nodded again.
She linked her arm with his and leaned her head on his shoulder. He couldn't remember the last time she had been this close to him. The realization sank into his stomach like a stone and made his chest ache. He leaned his head against hers. Her body felt warm and she smelled like bonfire and soap. He closed his eyes and told himself just for a moment. Just for a moment, he would allow himself to have this. To forget that she was with someone else and pretend it was just them and the world was okay.
"How much longer do you want to stay out there?" she asked.
He didn't know what to reply. She didn't push it. Instead, she squeezed his arm before pulling back to look at him, her eyes wide and filled with moonlight.
He shrugged.
"I don't know, until I find something," he murmured.
"What if you never find something?" Carol asked.
He dropped his gaze, fumbling with his hands. He usually pushed that question to the furthest corner in his mind. He knew she didn't expect an answer, so he just looked up at her again, which was a mistake. She looked worried. He hated it.
"I'm okay," he assured her.
"I know," she whispered and smiled. It was a sad one though, and he couldn't bear it.
"Come here", he murmured and pulled her into a hug. She slid her arms around him and buried her face against his shoulder. He could feel her tremble ever so slightly and hugged her tighter. He wanted to engrave this feeling in his soul. She in his arms, her body fitting so perfectly against his, her scent all around him. When she pulled back, it felt like a part of him was ripped away.
"You'll sleep here tonight?" Carol asked.
He nodded.
"You know we have guest rooms in the theatre," she said with a tone bordering on scolding.
"Yeah, I know," he said.
A faint smile spread on her lips. She nudged his shoulder and then leaned against him again. He wrapped an arm around her.
Just for a moment longer.
The next morning, he was up before sunrise. Everything was still quiet as he made his way to the gate.
“Hey!”
He stopped in his tracks. He really could have seen this one coming. She was already dressed, but it seemed like she had quickly thrown on something rather than properly gotten ready. He should have known. She never slept long and she knew him and wouldn’t let him go just like that.
“Hey,” he said.
“You’re leaving?” she asked.
“Hm-hm.”
“You know you don’t have to.”
He didn’t want to. Well, he wanted to leave the Kingdom, but he didn’t want to leave her.
“I should head back, check on the camp,” he murmured.
She nodded.
“Daryl?”
Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper.
“Hm?” he managed and before he could think of something else to say, she pulled him into a hug. He let her, went all pliant in her arms, burying his nose in her hair, breathing her in. Holding her felt like home. She felt like home. She was home. The only home he had ever known. She let out a little noise, something between a sigh and a sob, causing him to press her even closer. His heart was beating so fast, she had to feel it through his chest. He pulled away too soon, but he didn’t know how much longer he could take this before breaking down.
Her eyes were a bit glassy when she looked at him, smiling. He gently took her face and brushed his thumb over her cheek, forcing himself to smile back. Her skin was soft and warm under his touch.
“Watch out for yourself, yeah?” she said.
He nodded and squeezed her shoulder before he turned around. He didn’t look back at her. If he did, he would consider staying, and that would lead nowhere. So, he just got on his bike and took off, hoping the feeling and scent of her would linger just a moment longer before the wind would take it away.