Chapter Text
A black shadow darted across the pure white sky.
Dozens of floating targets drifted lazily over the clouds—crude drawings of demons and imps scrawled on them by someone whose artistic talent had long since been sacrificed in favor of a bloated ego. Lute didn’t care about that, though she did note the “I’m stupid” speech bubble with a faint twitch of amusement. One slash down, then another, her movements so fast the watching exorcists could barely track her.
“LUTE, KICK THEIR ASSES!”
Adam’s voice thundered from below—chaotic, loud, but somehow actually motivational.
Her strikes got sharper. Faster. Fiercer. If he was watching, she’d give him a show.
Last target. Several kilometers away.
But one eye was enough.
She focused, breathed in, and threw her weapon.
The celestial steel whistled through the air and cleanly severed the target’s head.
Done.
Lute hovered for a moment, watching the shredded targets sink beneath the cloud‑sea, then descended to the group.
“FUCK YEAH!” Adam roared at the platoon. “Have you sluts SEEN THAT? She just destroyed all your time—do you feel bad? Because you should.”
Lute could hear the exorcists’ tired groans.
She removed her mask, letting the cold wind hit her sweat‑slick hair. She headed toward her boss, who was already waving the platoon off. They shuffled through a large shimmering portal back to the main city of Heaven.
When they were gone, only the endless expanse of cloud and sky remained.
Her favorite place to be: standing at Adam’s side.
Her place.
And a perfect opportunity.
“Sir.”
Adam looked down at her.
“Absolute fucking amazing, Lute,” he said immediately. “With that time, you’ve improved those losers’ shitty average. Now Sera’ll be off my back for a few decades.” Their achievements were his achievements at the end of the day, their failures were obviously their fault though. “And why in the absolute fuck do we need to do our training in bump of fucking nowhere anyway.” He extended his arms to empathize with the endless sea of clouds surrounding them, it was the Heaven version of a desolated wasteland.
“We can’t let the people know we are training to kill demons sir.”
Adam shrugged. Not really caring about anything aside from the fact that it was over. “Let’s bounce and get some celestial delicacy to eat.” He meant chicken nuggets. Stretching his golden wings he began flying out, not bothering to watch for Lute, she always was behind him anyway, it would be like checking if your shadow is still there.
Except this time she wasn’t.
He stopped mid‑air, turned, and squinted. “Lute, the fuck?”
She stood rooted to the cloud‑ground, hair sticking to her face from sweat, mask held at her side. Her real face—serious, focused—was pointed straight at him. Adam knew her two modes: serious and serious with a murder‑boner. He was unfortunately the only possible target at this moment.
With a groan, he descended.
Lute took a deep breath.
Fighting demons was easy.
This was not.
“Sir… I need to ask something.”
Adam raised an eyebrow, a mischievous smile slowly spreading across his face.
“I think I know what you want to say.” Lute froze for a moment.
“And why did you want us to be alone when saying it…” This was it, did he finally figured it out, did he really—
“You want a reward for breaking the record!” he guessed, laughing. Never mind.
“Bitch, don’t worry about anything. I’ve worked literal miracles just to impress some club sluts,” he said, rolling up his sleeve and cracking his fingers. “But for you, Lute? I can go even beyond that. Just ask, baby. I can summon things that can make an archangel weep.” And she knew it was true, most of the time Sera really looked like she was going to cry out of stress when Adam went wild with magic.
But Lute couldn’t bring herself to look at his masked eyes.
“That’s not it, sir…”
“Oooooh, I got you, Lute, you sneaky little slut.” He leaned closer. “You were always pretending to be straitlaced, but I knew deep down you were into… the weird stuff.” He glanced around before lowering his voice to a whisper—close enough that her heart skipped a beat. “You want some contraband hell-stuff.”
“What?! Sir, no!”
“Hey, hey, don’t panic. Hell it’s an absolute shithole, but I’m not lying when I told that blonde bimbo that it has some bangers. What you want? Music? Porn? A weird mixture of both?”. Adam opened up his coat, showing up a rather interesting collection that made Lute’s eye twitch. If he had been carrying that all along or if he had conjured with magic right now was something she couldn’t answer. “Listen, no kinkshame, any other and I would broadcast their fetish to the entire heaven, but for you Lute my man, I’m zipping it . So what you want, you look like a pegging type , maybe fisting?.”
“Adam!”
Her voice rang out across the vast cloudscape. Adam froze, slowly fastening his coat, a puzzled expression overtaking his usual smugness. Dropping the formalities wasn’t unusual between them, but it still caught him off guard. For once, he waited for her to speak first.
“Sir… may I ask a question about your life?”
And just like that, his mask shifted into a deeply smug expression. Finally—his favorite topic: himself. “Oh? So you want to learn about the main man,” he said, trying to make it seem like boosting wasn’t his favourite activity.
A table with two chairs materialized out of the clouds, and before Lute could protest, she found herself seated across from Adam.
“Go on,” he said, lounging back. “Ask anything. My life is an open book. Literally, it is called The Bible, maybe you have heard about it, well, at least the first act anyway.”
Lute took her daily life like she took her training and slaughtering demons. Direct. Cut throat. The only way she knew how to do things.
“Sir… why haven’t you had sex with anyone from the Exorcism Squad?”
…
Suddenly the empty cloudy wasteland got a little bit quieter.
Adam froze. For a few long seconds, he simply sat there, silent—a rare feat in itself—trying to process what she had just asked.
“…Is this some kind of prank, Lute? Did Sera’s happy-go-lucky mutt put you up to this? Michael, you shitbag! I know you’re watching! Not funny!” he screamed into the empty clouds, voice cracking with outrage.
Lute steeled herself. There it was—the telltale moment: when the enemy is stunned, the only option is to push forward.
“I asked around” Lute began, her voice calm but unyielding. “You haven’t slept with anyone in our units. Man, woman… Everyone said the same thing: you just aren’t interested. And Adam… I..we—” She emphasized the we, and he flinched slightly at the quiet authority behind it. “We’d be willing, if you asked. We admire you that much.”
She didn’t mention how this line of questioning began—a boastful new recruit had bragged about a one-night stand with Adam, and after a bit of convincing, the truth had come out… along with a few teeth. That small revelation had led her down a rabbit hole, one that revealed something striking: not a single member of the team, no matter how long they have been with him, had ever been close to him in that way.
Adam shifted nervously. “Oh… right, sorry for not—wait, what in the absolute fuck? Why the hell am I apologizing for this? Why in the hell fuck are you even mentioning any of this.” He leapt from his chair as Lute went up from hers and advanced with deliberate calm.
“Oh yeah I guess, SORRY for not having sex with my employees.” He shouted, trying to backpedal. For every step he took back, she moved two forward.
“What? Planning to report to Sera that your boss doesn’t sexually harass you?” He said, Lute standing next to him. Her normal face was sharper, more intimidating than any mask she’d worn.
“But why sir? You specially ask for the new recruits to not be ugly, and you are…”
“Yeah, because I want girls with style. I represent Heaven, bitch—looks matter.” He fiddled with his mask in that strange way. Lute found herself wishing she had more chances to see his real face. “I’m not building some fucking harem.”
“Then still why, sir,” Lute pressed, stepping closer, “You have power, influence—half of heaven thinks of you as a hero. And you’re not shy about breaking rules in any and all other areas” He couldn’t deny this.
Adam shifted uncomfortably. “Well… uh…”
“And not only that, I asked around the club you frequent, bars, neighbors, Sera...” She had found out the same in every single case, no matter how much Adam flirted or boosted he never invited anyone to his home or even really suggested for it go beyond talking and drinking.
She also found out that he used her as an excuse a lot saying she was looking for him or that he had to meet her. Which made Lute weirdly proud of it.
“YOU ASKED FUCKING SERA.” Maybe asking was a bit too big of a word, it would be far more correct to say Insinuated and quickly shut down. But the conversation wasn’t about that.
Adam lost his self imposed staring competition with Lute.“Yes, bitch, I would absolutely love to keep answering your insanely invasive questions about my life,” he said, backing up. Before she could react, he snapped open a portal. “But… I’ve got things to do.”
“Sir, I’ve got your schedule memorized. From now until two days, it says, and I quote: ‘Doing jack shit because I got nothing to do. Fuck, I love Heaven.’”
Adam pretended to ponder. “Nope… doesn’t sound like me. I need to… oh! Right, that thing Sera asked me to do earlier.”
“...you mean the paperwork you’ve been putting off for three centuries?”
“You know it!” He laughed nervously. “Have you seen what’s going on on Earth right now? Michael’s blowing his trumpet any day now—better safe than sorry, like I always say.”
“Adam, pl—”
“Bye bitch!”
And just like that, he vanished through the portal, leaving Lute blinking at the empty clouds.
A few hours later...
“That many-eyed bitch.”
An empty hall in Heaven. Light crept lazily through the stained-glass windows—on Earth, it could have been considered an example of beauty and masterful architectural capacity, but the only person who could appreciate it in the moment was too busy swearing under his breath.
“The audacity of Sera, making me actually do my work.” She ignored the excuse of ‘I was only joking.’ when he teleported right to her office. Cracking his back, Adam surveyed the hall. The place had been meticulously designed to elevate chants and praise to the Lord, yet here it was, amplifying his incisive string of insults instead.
“This is Heaven. Why the fuck is there paperwork here? The guy who invented it is literally down there.” He glanced around. Not a single soul in sight—divine or mortal.
Well… except for the figure waiting for him.
Dark angelic exorcist armor, his original design for the Exorcists armor was way cooler, but Sera had complained about it with some nerd stuff of it being “impractical” and “non-Euclidean.” But he had had to admit that Lute wore it well, like a statue at attention, mask on, wings extended—intimidating, silent, and probably the reason the hall remained empty.
Adam lazily raised a hand in greeting. “Sup.”
He continued walking, ignoring the question of whether Lute was following. Though small relief washed over him when he heard the soft echo of her footsteps matching his own.
“About before sir…” She started but Adam quickly shut down the apology.
“Don’t.” His voice was sharp, though not angry—more… tense. “Listen, Lute, I don’t know what shit you were on earlier today, but let’s just chill for now.” He raised a finger at her, casual but deadly serious. “And let something be extremely clear: if anyone else had asked me those questions, I would’ve cut their wings off myself.” And they both knew it was not empty statement, no matter how much skill she had, the difference in raw power between the two of them was staggering.
“...yes sir”
They kept walking. Adam wasn’t in the mood to fly; right now, he felt too—annoyingly—human for that.
The hall seemed to respond to their silence. Their footsteps echoed endlessly, bouncing off the marble floors and stained-glass walls, amplifying every step. Adam felt it too—the air itself seemed heavier, like this place itself was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen.
He stole a glance at her. Lute wasn’t angry or depressed, not really… but she wasn’t herself either. The sharp, probing energy that had rattled him earlier was muted, replaced by something quieter, heavier, almost disappointed. That hit him harder than he expected.
He took a deep breath. “Okay fuck it.” Adam stopped on his track and turned around, he wasn’t going to let this retard situation take over his day.
“Want to hear a story, Lute?” He didn’t wait for her to answer. “A lot of people know it. It’s about me—which makes it great—and then an absolute bitch of a woman called Lilith.” The emphasis he put on her name made it reverberate through the hall. Neither Lute nor Adam liked talking about his ex.
“Imagine being alone in the world. Beating my meat when I wanted to, sleeping on grass, just enjoying my time… quite literally paradise. And then some angel comes down and goes, ‘Congratulations! You now have a girlfriend.’ And you’re like… what in the absolute fuck is a girl?”
“Well, anyway—spoiler alert—it didn’t work out. Lilith was a MAJOR bitch. Honestly, I almost pity the fallen angel who took her in. Then Heaven apologized and created Eve instead.”
His voice softened slightly at the mention of her name, a rare note of sentimentality, but it quickly faded. “And…she was cool, don’t get me wrong. A nice time… before she condemned me—and the rest of humanity outside paradise—for a fucking fruit. Then things got even more sour between us with the whole children begin-to-die-or-kill-each-other thing. Kinda a bummer.”
Adam paused and turned to look at Lute, maybe for confirmation she was listening, or maybe just to gauge her reaction. Even he couldn’t tell.
“You get what I’m saying?”
He slowly removed his mask—much to Lute’s surprise. A tired expression stared back at her, one his mask could never convey.
It was the first time she had ever seen the Father of Humanity look so… human.
“I had two wives, Lute” he said quietly. “But they were… given to me. I didn’t choose shit. I… haven’t found one for myself. That’s why”
“...what?”
“Shit Lute, I’m saying I’m waiting for marriage to fuck someone okay.”
…
Adam waited.
And waited. Lute still looked like she had just watched Heaven physically rip open.
“Why do you look so shocked?” he asked. “I’m literally the first man ever. Excuse me for being on the traditional side.”
She was too stunned to process. “Sir—you haven’t found the one, but that means… are you a vir—”
“Holy fucking shit, girl, you can’t be this dense.” He slapped a hand over his face. “I’m Adam. Of course I’m not a virgin.”
He paused—thinking it through— He definitely hadn’t done anything in his current angelic form so… yeah, he slammed the brakes on that uncool train of thought real fast.
“Abel’s literally only good quality is being living proof that I do, in fact, fuck. It’s just that… ever since Eve, I haven’t done it. Haven’t found the right girl you know.”
Great.
Now Lute looked like she was slowly reevaluating every single interaction Adam had with other girls.
“What—why?” Lute sputtered. “Sir, you—you are very popular with the human souls, and I—I mean anyone from the exorcists could— I mean—you’re always talking about fucking and pussies and—”
“Yeah, no shit, because it’s funny.” Adam threw his arms out, exasperated. “And I still love tits and vaginas—amazing inventions. But listen: if I want to jack off, I jack off. But sex is… you know… for someone you actually…”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “…love.”
Lute was too stunned to speak.
She’d been with him since… Well, basically forever. By her own choice, she’d become his second-in-command, his personal assistant, his handler when needed. She knew he loved attention. She knew he flirted shamelessly—often with women so far beneath his station it made her want to scream into a pillow.
But she had never once considered that behind all that noise, he was… waiting for someone.
“Well,” Adam said, throwing his hands up, “there’s my big fucking secret. You can laugh ONCE, because if someone ever told me shit like that, I would’ve made fun of them for the entire etern—”
“I’m a virgin,” Lute blurted.
And Adam froze mid‑sentence.
Once again the halls became quieter waiting for someone to speak again, he was really considering razing this place to the ground because there must have been some fucked up curse here.
“…You?” He arched an eyebrow. She still looked like her brain had blue‑screened. “I thought you were scissoring half the platoon.”
“WHAT—no, sir! I… I like men. Well, at least one of them.”
“Oh. …Shit.”
For a solid three seconds, the echoing cathedral was dead silent, the stained‑glass saints staring down at them like they too were waiting for more of the drama.
Adam blinked.
Lute blinked.
Somewhere in the high arch of the ceiling, a pigeon might have blinked.
“Well,” Adam said at last, scratching his cheek, “this is… new. Holy crap. Lute the Head of Heaven's exorcist army is a—”
“Don’t say it,” she muttered.
“A cherry girl,” he declared proudly.
She groaned.
Adam clapped once, loudly, the sound bouncing off marble like a gunshot. “Okay! This has been a deeply enlightening and extremely uncomfortable therapy session for both of us.” He put his mask back on. “Let’s get the fuck out of this sanctified pressure cooker before I start confessing my taxes too.”
He turned toward the cathedral doors, wings half‑unfurled—
And then paused.
Lute hadn’t moved.
Not a step.
She was just… looking at him. Helmet off, white hair down like the rest of her expression. Vulnerable, even. For someone who dismembered demons recreationally, it was a surprisingly fragile moment.
Adam stared back, and for once, they said nothing stupid.
“…Come on,” he finally muttered. Not teasing. Not smug. Just… gentle. “Let’s get some fresh air.”
She nodded.
He pushed open the cathedral doors, and they stepped out just as a massive cluster of clouds drifted overhead, smothering the sun. Heaven dimmed—only slightly, but enough to make the air feel cooler, softer, almost like dusk.
Adam inhaled dramatically.
“Smells like puppies and rainbows,” he announced. “Quite literally. Disgusting.”
He started down the marble steps, wings lazily tucked in, but something felt… off.
Or rather—closer.
Lute had always hovered near him, but now she was practically glued to his side. A perfect soldier’s stride, sure, but… definitely closer. Enough for him to side‑eye her. Though she didn’t acknowledge it. And honestly he really also didn’t give it too much of a fuck.
“Hey, Lute,” Adam said, stretching his shoulders, “let’s make a pact right now. If anyone finds out about literally anything we talked about today, we straight up murder them.”
He said it jokingly.
Well… maybe twenty‑five percent jokingly.
Her mood brightened instantly. “Yeah.” Murder always put her back in her element. Then, quieter, “...you know, you never actually told me what kind of girl you’re looking for in a wife.”
Adam stopped mid‑step, turning to stare at her like really, after all that?
“Lute, after the emotional tsunami you put me through in there, this is easy mode.”
He snapped his fingers.
With a soft poof, a pen and sheet of paper materialized in front of him. Adam caught them like a magician who demanded applause anyway, then immediately hunched over and started scribbling.
He handed the paper to Lute with all the smugness of a man who thought he had just solved the mysteries of the universe.
She looked at it.
Aside from a tiny doodle of a buff miniature Adam flexing at the bottom, the page was covered in chaotic scribbles—words crossed out, half-erased, rewritten, then crossed out again. Only a short list remained untouched at the top.
She read it aloud.
“Not ugly… cool… a woman (maybe)… fun to be with…”
And that was it.
For a moment, she genuinely thought she was about to learn something meaningful about his type. She had even—once or twice—considered dyeing her hair blonde and letting it grow longer, since that was the only consistent hint she’d ever found about his preferences.
But this…?
This was worthless.
She looked up at him, checking if this was a joke. It wasn’t. He looked ridiculously proud.
She couldn’t help it—the smile that broke across her face was pure, brighter than anything she’d worn in ages.
This list was useless, yes.
But somehow, so were her worries.
“Sir,” she said, “half of Heaven meets all of these.”
He shrugged, unfazed. He genuinely hadn’t thought about his type at all.
“Better that way,” Adam said. “More options to see who’s the luckier winner who gets this prize. Like fuck, a nice good woman is bound to come to this place sooner or later right?.”
He stretched his golden wings with theatrical confidence.
She put on her mask. The sadistic smile on her face was back. Adam was hers from the time being and that was enough.“Sir you said something about a reward for breaking the record..”
“Lute, you sneaky bitch,” he laughed. “Nah, just tell me whatever lame shit you want after we finish the next extermination on that shitty hotel.”As he said it, he began to unfurl his wings fully, preparing to take off.
“We’re gonna be together for another boring-as-fuck eternity, so what’s the hurry? Now let’s get some nuggets.”
Lute went back to his side. “Yes..Adam.”